Going thru a divorce and it sucksssssssss

[Camelot]

We've skid until our tires blew out and kept rolling along until we couldn't go anymore.
Poor analogy but so what.
I really don't know how my poor wife feels I don't know where her heart or mind is what her spirit is dealing with because we haven't spoken in two weeks, but I know where I am and I'm suffering like I've never gone through before. Men are supposed to be strong and crap but with everything I've dealt with the last two weeks I find myself bursting out in tears uncontrollably.
What started out as a small disagreement on a matter with me having to leave town a few days for work turned into my wife getting me arrested claiming that I was being "very violent."
Two weeks ago today I stayed 25 hours in a jail and because I never have been arrested it was thee most horrible experience of my life.
I had just moved out of the state with my wife back to her hometown and put everything into it leaving me with nothing left so I needed work to provide for my family in the meantime.
Anyways she didn't like this idea so she decided to tell her mom who later called police on me after my wife got really irate and upset but I ended up getting arrested. I did not touch my wife. I did not even as much raise my voice at her. In fact I ignored her and she kept following me around even until I walked to my room and shut the door on her and I guess that really got to her.
So now I've been kicked out of my home. Away from my family and there's no pain like losing your family when that's what you are all about..family.
My wife doesn't check on me, I have no one here and none of her family has even as much called me and it just sucks because I've never treated my wife this way, I just don't understand how I ended up in this place or how a person can be so spiteful.
I'm completely broken. I don't know if I will ever recover. So I'm dealing with these charges because I won't say I did something that I did not do and then it sucks and hurts but I see no other option but to seek a divorce. This woman doesn't want me, she had me come all the way out here to get me kicked out of my own home. Like I don't get it. Anyways I'm going to cut this off now because I don't wanna rant.
I'm trying to find a peaceful place in this, I'm trying to stop thinking about her, I'm trying to now figure out a different plan because I was the man two weeks ago who took care of his family and today I'm completely bummed and broken with no hope for tomorrow because I can't see past this pain and void in my soul. It's like everything I worked so hard for was taken from me in a matter of minutes.
Well that's it.

 

[MessageOfTheCross]

We've skid until our tires blew out and kept rolling along until we couldn't go anymore.
Poor analogy but so what.
I really don't know how my poor wife feels I don't know where her heart or mind is what her spirit is dealing with because we haven't spoken in two weeks, but I know where I am and I'm suffering like I've never gone through before. Men are supposed to be strong and crap but with everything I've dealt with the last two weeks I find myself bursting out in tears uncontrollably.
What started out as a small disagreement on a matter with me having to leave town a few days for work turned into my wife getting me arrested claiming that I was being "very violent."
Two weeks ago today I stayed 25 hours in a jail and because I never have been arrested it was thee most horrible experience of my life.
I had just moved out of the state with my wife back to her hometown and put everything into it leaving me with nothing left so I needed work to provide for my family in the meantime.
Anyways she didn't like this idea so she decided to tell her mom who later called police on me after my wife got really irate and upset but I ended up getting arrested. I did not touch my wife. I did not even as much raise my voice at her. In fact I ignored her and she kept following me around even until I walked to my room and shut the door on her and I guess that really got to her.
So now I've been kicked out of my home. Away from my family and there's no pain like losing your family when that's what you are all about..family.
My wife doesn't check on me, I have no one here and none of her family has even as much called me and it just sucks because I've never treated my wife this way, I just don't understand how I ended up in this place or how a person can be so spiteful.
I'm completely broken. I don't know if I will ever recover. So I'm dealing with these charges because I won't say I did something that I did not do and then it sucks and hurts but I see no other option but to seek a divorce. This woman doesn't want me, she had me come all the way out here to get me kicked out of my own home. Like I don't get it. Anyways I'm going to cut this off now because I don't wanna rant.
I'm trying to find a peaceful place in this, I'm trying to stop thinking about her, I'm trying to now figure out a different plan because I was the man two weeks ago who took care of his family and today I'm completely bummed and broken with no hope for tomorrow because I can't see past this pain and void in my soul. It's like everything I worked so hard for was taken from me in a matter of minutes.
Well that's it.

God expose's what needs to be corrected (sin) 1 John 1:5-10 NIV. He only reveals it so it can be fixed.

Heavenly Father I ask in the name of Jesus, that you give Brother Camelot detail instructions how to solve every problem in his life. Encamp your mighty Angels over his roof of his home, flapping their wings with the benefits that comes from the Cross of Christ. In the name of Jesus, I pray and ask - Amen.

 

[Dan58]

Your usually not arrested on someones allegation that your violent, there's needs to be some physical evidence to substantiate the claim that you were physically abusive. If no one was injured, I doubt they have a case?

Your wife is a mean woman.. Your not losing a wife, your losing a monster. Don't be in love with the idea of being married, logic must prevail, you need to follow through on the divorce.. I think I wrote in another thread that it was a bad idea for you to quit your job and move in with your mother-in-law. They really sound like space cadets. I suspect the "being very violent" charge was really meant to set a precedence, it will help her secure full custody in a divorce, or at least secure no unsupervised visits.

There is no peaceful place in divorce, its sad because you really seem to care and wanted to make it work, but just from what you've written about your wife, its difficult to understand what you ever saw in a witch like that in the first place. Hang tough and good luck.

 

[Sirk]

There are no shortcuts. You gotta plow straight thru it.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

I will pray for God to give you peace and acceptance over this situation. Your wife does not seem to care for you in the same way you care, she doesn't seek a solution or even to check you are OK.

Ask God to guide you and direct your next move, there is no need to rush divorce, take things slowly asking God for wisdom, most of all you need to be at peace with yourself and the situation in hand. God bless you my brother.

 

[Miri]

Hi cam, I had a look at your other threads and to be honest it sounds as if
you both have problems and you both married too early and didn't fully
explore the expectations each of you had.

You mention in other threads that you married after 7 months and your wife
already had a child from a previous marriage. Honestly 7 months is no time
at all to get to know a woman and her child, hopes, dreams, fears, habits, expectations,
lifestyle.

You also sound a bit controlling from your other threads. You said you didn't mind if
she had one or two drinks every once in a while, you were proud of your ability to
look after your family without extra financial help and when she moved out and tried to
claim welfare, you rang up the welfare state to tell them. To be honest it sounds
like you expected her to be a stay at home mum dependent on you for everything.

But you have to understand that a single parent bringing up a child will have their own ideas
of the way they want to live and bring up children. People still need their own friends, their
own finances and their own space even in a relationship. You sounded as if you begrudged
her that on your other threads and disapprove of her going out.

Unless you can both come together and work through what went wrong, your expectations
of marriage and find common ground, then it's not going to work.
I don't just mean where you compromise. Compromise ie I will do this if you do that isn't the
best foundation for a relationship. It has to be based on mutual respect and trust and understanding
for each other's needs.

It sounds like you expect your wife to be the good little stay at home wife relying on you.
But clearly she's wants more. Whether what she wants is good or bad I don't know, but she
clearly feels stifled and unhappy. That's what I got from your other threads only you seem to
see that as a slight against yourself.

The thing about the police, either it was very vindictive of her or there was a genuine
threat. I wouldn't like to comment on that either way as it would need both sides
of the story. I only know that in the UK you wouldn't have been arrested unless
you were drunk, there was an obvious threat, a restraining order had been broken,
or you were uncooperative and abusive to the police. If none of these were apparent
you would have been told to leave and go home.

I don't know if there might be differences in the way the US police deal with matters.

 

[Dino246]

We've skid until our tires blew out and kept rolling along until we couldn't go anymore.
Poor analogy but so what.
...
Well that's it.

Hello Camelot,
Sorry to hear that you're going through this. Separation and divorce are no fun, and I wouldn't wish them on anyone... not even my ex. I'll pray for you, and I suggest that you pray for two specific things: that God would bring His loving conviction on you, that you would know for what actions and attitudes He is calling you to repent; and that He would work in your wife to bring conviction on her as well. Put the relationship in His hands and leave it there. Only God can sort this out in a way that will be lasting.
On YouTube, find a series of videos with Patrick Doyle. He is a Christian counselor in Oregon with a solid approach to relational conflict and resolution. Also sign up for the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org. It will likely give you some biblical wisdom along the way. Also, if you can afford it, get a lawyer... not to fight, but to understand your legal position accurately.

 

[Deepdistress21]

The saddest part is this sounds all pre mediated on her end. She convinced you to move knowing she would end it then she would have a place to live and kick you out. That'd be my guess

 

[tourist]

I hope that there were no children involved in this marriage. I won't offer advice on what to do because I believe that you already know what needs to be done to restore the peace in your life that is missing. Continue to stay close to God and do the best that you can to move forward with your life in a positive way.

 

[azlightsout]

Anyways she didn't like this idea so she decided to tell her mom who later called police on me after my wife got really irate and upset but I ended up getting arrested. I did not touch my wife. I did not even as much raise my voice at her. In fact I ignored her and she kept following me around even until I walked to my room and shut the door on her and I guess that really got to her.

Honestly it sounds premeditated . Sounds like a setup - Maybe there is an ex boyfriend , that the mother and daughter are planning on replacing u with . Just play along and move along . Like the other poster said your not losing a wife your losing a 'Monster' . Let the next guy deal with her .

 

[blue_ladybug]

Your wife sounds like a psychotic, manipulative, cruel gameplayer. You will be better off without her..

 

[Camelot]

Hi cam, I had a look at your other threads and to be honest it sounds as if
you both have problems and you both married too early and didn't fully
explore the expectations each of you had.

You mention in other threads that you married after 7 months and your wife
already had a child from a previous marriage. Honestly 7 months is no time
at all to get to know a woman and her child, hopes, dreams, fears, habits, expectations,
lifestyle.

You also sound a bit controlling from your other threads. You said you didn't mind if
she had one or two drinks every once in a while, you were proud of your ability to
look after your family without extra financial help and when she moved out and tried to
claim welfare, you rang up the welfare state to tell them. To be honest it sounds
like you expected her to be a stay at home mum dependent on you for everything.

But you have to understand that a single parent bringing up a child will have their own ideas
of the way they want to live and bring up children. People still need their own friends, their
own finances and their own space even in a relationship. You sounded as if you begrudged
her that on your other threads and disapprove of her going out.

Unless you can both come together and work through what went wrong, your expectations
of marriage and find common ground, then it's not going to work.
I don't just mean where you compromise. Compromise ie I will do this if you do that isn't the
best foundation for a relationship. It has to be based on mutual respect and trust and understanding
for each other's needs.

It sounds like you expect your wife to be the good little stay at home wife relying on you.
But clearly she's wants more. Whether what she wants is good or bad I don't know, but she
clearly feels stifled and unhappy. That's what I got from your other threads only you seem to
see that as a slight against yourself.

The thing about the police, either it was very vindictive of her or there was a genuine
threat. I wouldn't like to comment on that either way as it would need both sides
of the story. I only know that in the UK you wouldn't have been arrested unless
you were drunk, there was an obvious threat, a restraining order had been broken,
or you were uncooperative and abusive to the police. If none of these were apparent
you would have been told to leave and go home.

I don't know if there might be differences in the way the US police deal with matters.

I van assure you I did absolutely nothing against the law. I was very cooperative I was too in shock and in tears while they escorted me to fight back. Even the officer who arrested me after driving me said that I was the "classiest" man he's ever arrested. I didn't know how to take that being that he'd just arrested me but I did nothing at all to my wife but ignore her entire rant.

 

[Camelot]

Its been almost a month now since the initial day and my wife has not once reached out to me nor her family. As angry as I feel inside against her I still somehow hope my marriage works and I feel so foolish for feeling this way. I hate that I am struggling to let my wife go. I can't explain how deep this hole in my heart is but I am very weak right now and I wish not to be. If I hooked up with a new woman each night it wouldn't heal my heart or help me get over this loss.
I'm praying God will strengthen me but I feel nothing in return.

 

[chickwithsticks]

Camelot, those of us who have unfortunately gone through divorce have all gotten through it using different methods. One thing though that most agree is immersion in scriptures. Personally I sang amazing grace every night for probably 3 months during my time to help occupt my mind and calm me down to just sleep. It helped me. I also listened to several ministries on you tube constantly. You tube sermons / lectures were on while driving, cleaning house, in bathroom while showering literally. Immersion in Gods promises, grace, and truths got me through.

Bring it all to Him and accept this is a marathon not a sprint.

 

[Camelot]

Camelot, those of us who have unfortunately gone through divorce have all gotten through it using different methods. One thing though that most agree is immersion in scriptures. Personally I sang amazing grace every night for probably 3 months during my time to help occupt my mind and calm me down to just sleep. It helped me. I also listened to several ministries on you tube constantly. You tube sermons / lectures were on while driving, cleaning house, in bathroom while showering literally. Immersion in Gods promises, grace, and truths got me through.

Bring it all to Him and accept this is a marathon not a sprint.

Thank you...it's unfortunate to know others deal with this because I'd not wish this on no one, at the same time it's strengthening to know others have felt the anger, the hurt the anxiety even, the knots in the stomach that I feel alllll day long but have gotten through. Bless u.
Thing is I feel once I get through the void of her absence I'll be cool because I loved her but she has never contributed anything beneficial to our home and I'm beginning to think perhaps God is ripping us apart or allowing this to happen for the betterment.
Anyhow thanks and sorry to rant.

 

[Bethohio1]

Prayers for you. I just went through a divorce after being married only 6 months. God will lift you up.

 

[Bethohio1]

Meant to say my brother just went through a divorce after being married only 6 months ^^

 

[friendinpeace]

Sounds like you shouldn't have contact with your wife. Some women get like this, and to no fault of their husbands. For an abuse charge there has to be evidence, was she able to show evidence of a scar on her body or a mark you left from hitting you, which she can prove is from the time she claims she hit you, tangible evidence or you confessing is the only way they can make a charge stick, because the burden of proof has to be on the accusing party so people who are innocent don't go to jail.

It sucks losing a time of effort built, it sucks having a person in your life who is so fragile simple disagreements can cause this response. I think where I could suggest to look for peace though is in what you can't control. Taken away from every device and influence you have, you are a person with two arms, legs and a mouth. This is all you were given and if you can't use these to change a situation, there must have been wisdom in making you unable to do so. Take comfort you were not given full ability and full control, and have faith if He is watching over you, doing so much you can is all your able to do, and he understood this when he made you, and you are under no command to do any more. Yes pursuing what you had could be a worthwhile endeavor but if you are increasingly and increasing unable to reattain what you had, perhaps there is something more keeping you from it, and it is better if you walk away. Suddenly a happy home turns to police and false charges within two weeks? perhaps this is the time for you to leave, if the woman is gonna show she will do this on the drop of a nickel at any time, perhaps this is your message you did not have what you thought you had, and it is not worth being with what you found out you had.

Only you can decide what is right for you, it seems having contact with your wife is going to get a false charge brought against you, so you can try to talk to her, but you would be risking a lot to do so. If you can't even talk to your wife without being accused of criminally hurting her, perhaps it is time to move on and leave her alone going forward with her decisions.

May see it in the thread, but what charge could you be given for moving into the same state, disputing this charge unless it had grounds might be your way of convincing the court of the other charges being fraudulent, if you can prove she made a fraudulent charge once, fight each charge on the surrounding facts, though remember if you can convince them of her character to falsely file these charges, you have more of a chance of having them see what your seeing and side with you. Also remember, even if you are in jail, you have the right to meet with lawyers and request court cases from jail.

 

[Camelot]

Meant to say my brother just went through a divorce after being married only 6 months ^^

Sounds like you shouldn't have contact with your wife. Some women get like this, and to no fault of their husbands. For an abuse charge there has to be evidence, was she able to show evidence of a scar on her body or a mark you left from hitting you, which she can prove is from the time she claims she hit you, tangible evidence or you confessing is the only way they can make a charge stick, because the burden of proof has to be on the accusing party so people who are innocent don't go to jail.

It sucks losing a time of effort built, it sucks having a person in your life who is so fragile simple disagreements can cause this response. I think where I could suggest to look for peace though is in what you can't control. Taken away from every device and influence you have, you are a person with two arms, legs and a mouth. This is all you were given and if you can't use these to change a situation, there must have been wisdom in making you unable to do so. Take comfort you were not given full ability and full control, and have faith if He is watching over you, doing so much you can is all your able to do, and he understood this when he made you, and you are under no command to do any more. Yes pursuing what you had could be a worthwhile endeavor but if you are increasingly and increasing unable to reattain what you had, perhaps there is something more keeping you from it, and it is better if you walk away. Suddenly a happy home turns to police and false charges within two weeks? perhaps this is the time for you to leave, if the woman is gonna show she will do this on the drop of a nickel at any time, perhaps this is your message you did not have what you thought you had, and it is not worth being with what you found out you had.

Only you can decide what is right for you, it seems having contact with your wife is going to get a false charge brought against you, so you can try to talk to her, but you would be risking a lot to do so. If you can't even talk to your wife without being accused of criminally hurting her, perhaps it is time to move on and leave her alone going forward with her decisions.

May see it in the thread, but what charge could you be given for moving into the same state, disputing this charge unless it had grounds might be your way of convincing the court of the other charges being fraudulent, if you can prove she made a fraudulent charge once, fight each charge on the surrounding facts, though remember if you can convince them of her character to falsely file these charges, you have more of a chance of having them see what your seeing and side with you. Also remember, even if you are in jail, you have the right to meet with lawyers and request court cases from jail.

Yes helpful advice. She has absolutely no scars or anything from me. In fact when I asked the officer "why I was being arrested" he replied "because she felt afraid enough to call police" as he seemingly reluctant to handcuff me, but what do I know. She also later told my brother that she called police because she was afraid I would take our kid from her, and she told my sister just the other day that "it was a small issue, I was just so over it."
I'm at a loss, how do you get your husband, your "lover" your provider arrested based off of you being "tired" of me? Here's the thing, I expressed to her several times before the move that if she didn't really want it I would stay behind and send them so that I'd not ruin what I had that was already solid.
So I agree. At this point I have absolutely no trust for her and believe there must be someone else in her life, there's nothing I can do about but move on.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Camelot, I usually get yelled at for saying this, lol, but God ALWAYS uses divorce to bring something better into people's lives.. I won't express what I think about your wife, or I'll get banned.. lol.. Just try to be patient and wait on God.