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L
I'm very sorry for your trouble. I hope you and your husband do not get divorced. If you both love each other Jesus can help you both love each other enough to treasure your marriage and remember you made a covenant with each other before God.
Divorce is a terrible thing., so terrible you both won't know what hit you until it's already happened and done it's damage. You both have built your lives together. There is so much to lose. It is much better to be the older and wiser ones who didn't fall into the trap of divorce the enemy has caught many believers in. God hates divorce because of the terrible toll it takes on us and how much pain it brings into everyone's lives.
Take it from someone who knows. Stand your ground as believers and get Christian counsel and commit to one another in the Lord Jesus.
L
Wanted to share this with you about love and grace. It was posted by another Christian on one of the threads I also posted on. It's really a well written post by JGIG 
Re: SOMETHING GREATER THAN LOVING GOD
Re: SOMETHING GREATER THAN LOVING GOD
Here is a beautiful post from JGIG that describes love as being descriptive of a Christian's life- not something we do to "become a Christian".
God does not demand what He does not provide. John is talking, in context, about LOVE. As you noted in an earlier passage, LOVE is the Fruit of the Spirit. I wrote this elsewhere:
A commenter at JGIG’s Facebook page asked this excellent question out of frustration:
Andrea wrote,
“But I can’t love because it is a command – Because I am under grace [and not under law]. Do see how you guys make absolutely NO SENSE?!”
Andrea was referring to the quoting of this passage:
1 John 3:21-24
21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22 and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 23 And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. 24 Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
It’s a great question! If we’re not under Law, but after the Cross God commands us to love – sometimes referred to as the Law of Christ – what’s up with that?!
Here’s the really cool thing:
Love is a Fruit of the Spirit as well as a command. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Though love is a command, it’s also a fruit.
Do fruit-producing plants strive to produce fruit? No . . . the branches bear fruit because they are attached to the vine/tree/plant which nourishes them. Fruit is the by-product of LIFE, and it takes time for fruit to be produced. If you are in Christ and are led by His Spirit, love will be a fruit produced in you. If you are alive in Christ, abiding in Him, allowing His Holy Spirit to live through you, love is an unavoidable by-product of that relationship, fulfilling God’s command to love!
Commanding the one in Christ to love is like commanding a person who has life in them to breathe because it’s a law. If a person has life in them, they automatically breathe – it’s something that we just DO.If we are in Christ, loving others is something that we just DO.
To command those in Christ to love is a ridiculously-unfair-in-our-favor-win-win-deal!
Here’s the other really cool thing:
We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)
By resting in the love of Christ and letting Him live His Life through us, bearing His Fruits, God’s command to love is obeyed (John 15:12, 1 John 3:23) and the Law is fulfilled (Romans 13:8-10, Galatians 5:14).
That is Grace.
And because of Grace and being led by the Spirit, when we love, we are not murdering, stealing, committing adultery, worshipping other gods, bearing false witness . . . do you see where this is going?
Can you begin to see how Jesus is our Sabbath Rest?
Note that fruit does not come out fully formed and completely ripe.
Good fruit takes time.
Don’t judge the blossom because it’s not yet a strawberry.
Love is the Fruit and gift of God, not a work that we produce through commandment-keeping.
-JGIG
God does not demand what He does not provide. John is talking, in context, about LOVE. As you noted in an earlier passage, LOVE is the Fruit of the Spirit. I wrote this elsewhere:
A commenter at JGIG’s Facebook page asked this excellent question out of frustration:
Andrea wrote,
“But I can’t love because it is a command – Because I am under grace [and not under law]. Do see how you guys make absolutely NO SENSE?!”
Andrea was referring to the quoting of this passage:
1 John 3:21-24
21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God 22 and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. 23 And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. 24 Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.
It’s a great question! If we’re not under Law, but after the Cross God commands us to love – sometimes referred to as the Law of Christ – what’s up with that?!
Here’s the really cool thing:
Love is a Fruit of the Spirit as well as a command. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Though love is a command, it’s also a fruit.
Do fruit-producing plants strive to produce fruit? No . . . the branches bear fruit because they are attached to the vine/tree/plant which nourishes them. Fruit is the by-product of LIFE, and it takes time for fruit to be produced. If you are in Christ and are led by His Spirit, love will be a fruit produced in you. If you are alive in Christ, abiding in Him, allowing His Holy Spirit to live through you, love is an unavoidable by-product of that relationship, fulfilling God’s command to love!
Commanding the one in Christ to love is like commanding a person who has life in them to breathe because it’s a law. If a person has life in them, they automatically breathe – it’s something that we just DO.If we are in Christ, loving others is something that we just DO.
To command those in Christ to love is a ridiculously-unfair-in-our-favor-win-win-deal!
Here’s the other really cool thing:
We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)
By resting in the love of Christ and letting Him live His Life through us, bearing His Fruits, God’s command to love is obeyed (John 15:12, 1 John 3:23) and the Law is fulfilled (Romans 13:8-10, Galatians 5:14).
That is Grace.
And because of Grace and being led by the Spirit, when we love, we are not murdering, stealing, committing adultery, worshipping other gods, bearing false witness . . . do you see where this is going?
Can you begin to see how Jesus is our Sabbath Rest?
Note that fruit does not come out fully formed and completely ripe.
Good fruit takes time.
Don’t judge the blossom because it’s not yet a strawberry.
Love is the Fruit and gift of God, not a work that we produce through commandment-keeping.
-JGIG
L
that's a bit of a tough one for sure and very sorry this is your current situation
so why are you separated? I would think that might play into a decision on your part and certainly the congregations
and yes, you are held to a higher standard
against the flow here, I would suggest you take time out of your office and deal with your personal troubles...I think the Bible is plain on how leadership should be above reproach
having said that, again, why are you separated?
do you have a co-pastor or elders that can deal with the congregation while you take time off?
A
You should get Christian counseling from another pastor from another sister church or call one of the Christian hotlines to talk to someone.
Perhaps a Stephen ministry church who will link you with someone to pray with you one on one and they might be willing to go with you to doctors appointments too.
( saw your thread on the prayer forum)
I know the Stephen ministers in our church would take you to the,doctor if needed and pray with you as you wait.
Perhaps a Stephen ministry church who will link you with someone to pray with you one on one and they might be willing to go with you to doctors appointments too.
( saw your thread on the prayer forum)
I know the Stephen ministers in our church would take you to the,doctor if needed and pray with you as you wait.
N
Since, I don't know you personally, I can't say. Divorce/separation in itself probably wouldn't keep me from learning from you. It would depend upon the individual. Teaching others about the nature of God (Love) isn't about being perfect necessarily, but more about building relationships. Pray over this entire situation continually!! Make sure preaching is truly where you feel called to be at this time in your life. Talk to other pastors within your denomination. Talk to congregation members, from whom you receive counsel. Talk to other trusted congregation members if you need to. Most importantly do all this in Love, and not in fear.
Peace
Peace
There are two issues here.
First, I attend my church because I love my church. It has nothing to do with the pastor.
The other issue is whether or not you should file for divorce. I think the only time divorce is permitted is if your husband has been engaged in unchaste behavior:
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery. Matt 19:9 RSV
If there are laws in your state that make your responsible for your husband’s debts, it might be okay to divorce him, but I think it would be a sin to take up with another man.
First, I attend my church because I love my church. It has nothing to do with the pastor.
The other issue is whether or not you should file for divorce. I think the only time divorce is permitted is if your husband has been engaged in unchaste behavior:
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery. Matt 19:9 RSV
If there are laws in your state that make your responsible for your husband’s debts, it might be okay to divorce him, but I think it would be a sin to take up with another man.
L
Thank you for all of the advice and yes I did feel funny going here but the site was suggested by a sweet friend who she and her husband have both told me they love this site and glean much from it. So here I am. I have set yo counsel with a Pastor for tomorrow. Someone asked why we separated. I will give a little history,my husband came from a large family,poor, a lot of drinking.By the time he was born his Mom had stayed pregnant since she was 14,he was the last one so there was not the normal baby of the family attention. My husband left his small hometown in Fl and moved up North, he was 17 and married a much older woman. He had two children in the 20 yrs he spent up North. We met 12 years ago and married in 2006.By the time I met him he had been married 6 times. He was not saved.He was a charmer,wheeler dealer,party guy. All the red flags. But I saw something more than that.Our first two years were tough but things smoothed out,he became a believer and attented Church with me, we both became Pastors and 2 yrs ago started the Church. This past Jan we found out his 30 yr old son had serious drug issues up North. They have never been close as his son has deep anger issues about his Dad leaving his Mom.(THE EXACT SAME WAY HE LEFT ME BUT THIS YOUNG MAN WAS ONLY 9 THEN) My husband tried and tried to get his son to come here but he would not for the drug help. I was actually cleaning the church and doing Church copies in town the day he left. He actually came by the Library and told me what he wanted for dinner before he left! I got home and a coat hanger was in the yard,when I walked in the closet was clear of his clothes.
I hit the floor. We never fought, we got along, everyone to this day says the way he looked at me was with so much love and spoke of me.He even stood in front of our congregation 6 days prior and went on about I was the best thing that ever happened to him and how deeply he loved me and thanked me for leading him to Christ!
He was a very good Pastor.
He wants to stay up North with his son, he wants a marriage where I commute back and forth. I want my husband home, He had always said he could not stand it up there, the cold, the snow and would not even visit.
Right after he left I found out he is in trouble legally. Bingo. He is running.
I feel as a Christian he needs to come back to FL, Face it and do what is right.
My grown children and Grandson are here. I saved our home all on my own. I CAN NOT BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THIS AND DO IT THE WAY HE DID IT w/ no warning but then again at the time I was in the dark about the legal issue. He never told me.
I have an awesome congregation, I truly do. We lost 3 whan he left, two are back now.They and Jesus are my rock and have been through it all with me. My concern is new folks. I do not want a divorce, in spite of it all, I love him but do not feel I am wrong in standing my ground. However some believers have said with his track record and the way he did this and his legal mess, I should divorce him.
All I know is I am having a hard time with it all. We have spoken a ton of times a day, as if he were in the office and I am at home but my Pastor friend said to me last week, you are not letting him miss you, you need to quit communicating.'
He has a facebook page and it is obvious he is talking to all kinds of women which is not good yet he denies wrongdoing and claims he loves me.
I hit the floor. We never fought, we got along, everyone to this day says the way he looked at me was with so much love and spoke of me.He even stood in front of our congregation 6 days prior and went on about I was the best thing that ever happened to him and how deeply he loved me and thanked me for leading him to Christ!
He was a very good Pastor.
He wants to stay up North with his son, he wants a marriage where I commute back and forth. I want my husband home, He had always said he could not stand it up there, the cold, the snow and would not even visit.
Right after he left I found out he is in trouble legally. Bingo. He is running.
I feel as a Christian he needs to come back to FL, Face it and do what is right.
My grown children and Grandson are here. I saved our home all on my own. I CAN NOT BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THIS AND DO IT THE WAY HE DID IT w/ no warning but then again at the time I was in the dark about the legal issue. He never told me.
I have an awesome congregation, I truly do. We lost 3 whan he left, two are back now.They and Jesus are my rock and have been through it all with me. My concern is new folks. I do not want a divorce, in spite of it all, I love him but do not feel I am wrong in standing my ground. However some believers have said with his track record and the way he did this and his legal mess, I should divorce him.
All I know is I am having a hard time with it all. We have spoken a ton of times a day, as if he were in the office and I am at home but my Pastor friend said to me last week, you are not letting him miss you, you need to quit communicating.'
He has a facebook page and it is obvious he is talking to all kinds of women which is not good yet he denies wrongdoing and claims he loves me.
Y
I don't feel that a divorce means anything more than a marriage ended. I don't feel that it has any other deeper meaning and I don't feel that it says anything about the character of a person. Sometimes things just happen. If I was a church-going person, the pastor having a divorce in their past wouldn't bother me in the least.
K
Oh wow there is a lot here. So he was married 6 times and was unsaved when you married? Or did he get saved before you married? You said you saw "red flags" do you know the success rate of marriages after six divorces? Not very high and Im not trying to be sarcastic. On top of all that there is nothing harder on marriages than being in the ministry. Add to that his family issues with his son. Thats a lot of problems to work through. Have you asked him to go to counseling? If he's talking to all kinds of women then its time you made it clear he needs to make a choice,counseling or divorce. Its time to get serious or get gone.
As far as ministry, God cares more about the minister than the ministry. I think it would do you well to take some time off and get things in order. Some people may agree with your divorcing,some may not but thats the chance you have to take. I would do all that was in my power to get help,I would take counseling whether he agrees to or not. Do all within your power to save the marriage and if he will not relent then it will be his decision to walk away. But it seems there are a lot of ripples in the pond here, a lot of issues to be dealt with. I hope that he will change his mind and things will turn out for the best. But give it your best before you decide to divorce.