I need help

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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#1
Dec 7, 2013
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#1
I have an idea as to why behavior was not the best on this website.

I have become involved in a co-dependent relationship with a couple, who are now friends, my husband has known since the 1990's. I have posted about them on this site.

I realized this due to their behavior. The most recent incident was this past Sunday while going out for lunch with them.

This scares me.

My husband wants me to love on them and to give them unconditional love.

My heart it beating fast. My mind is racing.

What do I do?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#2
spunkycat08 said:
I have an idea as to why behavior was not the best on this website.

I have become involved in a co-dependent relationship with a couple, who are now friends, my husband has known since the 1990's. I have posted about them on this site.

I realized this due to their behavior. The most recent incident was this past Sunday while going out for lunch with them.

This scares me.

My husband wants me to love on them and to give them unconditional love.

My heart it beating fast. My mind is racing.

What do I do?
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Co-dependent. Says it all. They depend on each other, and they depend on YOU. Obviously if their behavior is having an adverse effect on YOU, and it IS, then you need to just try and distance yourself somewhat from them. JMO
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#3
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
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#3
have you shared with your husband how you are feeling about this? if so, other than loving on them, what does he say?
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#4
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#4
blue_ladybug said:
Co-dependent. Says it all. They depend on each other, and they depend on YOU. Obviously if their behavior is having an adverse effect on YOU, and it IS, then you need to just try and distance yourself somewhat from them. JMO
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I told my husband that I need to take a break from them until further notice.

This is affecting my emotional well-being.

It is also affecting my physically.

I would rather have him deal with them until further notice.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#5
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#5
melita916 said:
have you shared with your husband how you are feeling about this? if so, other than loving on them, what does he say?
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No, I have not. He is currently at work. He works from 2 p.m. to 10:30 p.m.

I am off work today.

I will share this link with him.
 
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SoldierFollower

Guest
#6
#6
Read the Bible and pray for guidance. Talk to them about the issue and do not be anxious. Your problem will not last for long as long as you follow God's guidance and give it your best to solve it. Peace be with you
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#7
Aug 20, 2016
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Two thoughts, unconditional love is always accompanied by truth or its not really love. 1 Corinthians13. That will just make you an enabler. You can't truly support someone and ignore the pink elephant in the room.

You can only help someone who's in motion,working out their own problem. Otherwise you're doing they're walk, rather than them. If you are going to help do the dishes, it's only help if they're already doing them.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#8
Nov 13, 2013
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#8
Codependency feeds on unconditional love, be careful... There's a huge difference in lending a helping hand and having your compassion exploited. There's a saying that God provides the bricks and mortar, but we must do the work. Make sure this dependent couple doesn't burden you with their work. A Christian needs to discern the difference between helping a poor widow and being sucked dry by free loaders :)
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#9
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#9
lv2ski said:
Two thoughts, unconditional love is always accompanied by truth or its not really love. 1 Corinthians13. That will just make you an enabler. You can't truly support someone and ignore the pink elephant in the room.

You can only help someone who's in motion,working out their own problem. Otherwise you're doing they're walk, rather than them. If you are going to help do the dishes, it's only help if they're already doing them.
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According to my husband the female half of the couple will not make the first move regarding rekindling the friendship. I would have to do that.

My husband read me 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 today. Some of the words that what love is not describe her.
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#10
Aug 20, 2016
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#10
That's too bad. But you cant do it for her. It's a shame when someone hardens their heart.

However, the man should make the first move. Again, you can only help someone who wants and believes that they need it. How frustrating...
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#11
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#11
lv2ski said:
That's too bad. But you cant do it for her. It's a shame when someone hardens their heart.

However, the man should make the first move. Again, you can only help someone who wants and believes that they need it. How frustrating...
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I am going to let my husband and his male friend be the leaders in this situation and to show all of us what the real meaning of love is according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#12
Aug 20, 2016
542
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#12
spunkycat08 said:
I am going to let my husband and his male friend be the leaders in this situation and to show all of us what the real meaning of love is according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
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I hope they come thru. But seriously, life is a one on one with God. We are required to be obedient and responsible for our part. We're taking about the sanctity of a family and a serious covenant with God. The woman is responsiblefor her part, regardless of what he does or 5 does not do. Just as he is, but you mentioned that she won't make the first move. That's not an option for Christians. She's wrong there. I don't know if she's really that hurt, or just that big of a brat. But in our faith either way, it's unexceptable. That's bitterness and I assume they have children, so once again they take the fall bc of childish parents.

Don't give her your ear for her indifference or support in rebellion, bc your commitment is to the Lord first. I always make that clear to people,even friends and family. I've had to, recently, be very tough with one of my daughters, bc of the selfish decisions she's making that's having a negative effect on my grandson. We are Christians first. Then parents or whatever, that's your security in things like this.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#13
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#13
lv2ski said:
I hope they come thru. But seriously, life is a one on one with God. We are required to be obedient and responsible for our part. We're taking about the sanctity of a family and a serious covenant with God. The woman is responsiblefor her part, regardless of what he does or 5 does not do. Just as he is, but you mentioned that she won't make the first move. That's not an option for Christians. She's wrong there. I don't know if she's really that hurt, or just that big of a brat. But in our faith either way, it's unexceptable. That's bitterness and I assume they have children, so once again they take the fall bc of childish parents.

Don't give her your ear for her indifference or support in rebellion, bc your commitment is to the Lord first. I always make that clear to people,even friends and family. I've had to, recently, be very tough with one of my daughters, bc of the selfish decisions she's making that's having a negative effect on my grandson. We are Christians first. Then parents or whatever, that's your security in things like this.
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I like the advice you give.

But, no, they do not have children together.

The 2 of them never married.
 
lv2ski

lv2ski

Senior Member
#14
Aug 20, 2016
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#14
spunkycat08 said:
I like the advice you give.

But, no, they do not have children together.

The 2 of them never married.
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They're already here? Maybe they should just cut their losses and call it good. Be bold!
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#15
Dec 7, 2013
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#15
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LaurenTM

Guest
#16
#16
spunkycat08 said:
This was shared on my Facebook page by the female half of the couple mentioned in this post, who is now just friends with the guy mentioned in this post.

https://www.facebook.com/PutaSmileo...9272.185276654935241/1625153067614252/?type=3

https://www.facebook.com/crzychicks...41842.260401207644504/277558839262074/?type=3

What is a Christian supposed to do about this?
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1. delete the posts
2. block the woman
3. stop obsessing over it
4. PRAY before and after
6. Christians do not run their lives by fb pots
7. don't become involved with junk like this in the first place

I really don't know what the drama is all about, but you are 47...not 17!
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#17
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#17
LaurenTM said:
1. delete the posts
2. block the woman
3. stop obsessing over it
4. PRAY before and after
6. Christians do not run their lives by fb pots
7. don't become involved with junk like this in the first place

I really don't know what the drama is all about, but you are 47...not 17!
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​This ^ right here. :)
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#18
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#18
The Facebook posts from her say a lot about what she is like on the inside.

And she complains about people not wanting anything to do with her.

I un-followed her on Facebook so I do not have to see what she posts.
 
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LaurenTM

Guest
#19
#19
spunkycat08 said:
The Facebook posts from her say a lot about what she is like on the inside.

And she complains about people not wanting anything to do with her.

I un-followed her on Facebook so I do not have to see what she posts.
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oh good grief

sounds like you are fascinated with her

what are YOU like on the inside?

that's your REAL concern
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#20
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#20
LaurenTM said:
oh good grief

sounds like you are fascinated with her

what are YOU like on the inside?

that's your REAL concern
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Frustrated.

Conflicted.

Trying to find the right way to go about this given her attitude.

And the reason why is because her male friend asked me last week when will the 2 of us resume our friendship.
 
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