I need help with my marriage

[laura_charlotte]

However, if the professional counselor doesn't obey the Lord's commandments, his, or her, advice isn't of much value, I don't think.

Exactly. In Scripture we are told to encourage each other with the word and stir each other up to good works. Never outside of God's Word. Many believers have been messed up royal with professional counseling.

Having completed my undergrad in psychology with experience in the field, what you've claimed can't be understated. So called worldly professionals can do a significant amount of damage or be of no benefit whatsoever, billions can attest to this. It's up to God whom He designates as licensed and competent for any task according to His will. That could mean any person on any path in any walk of life that God has specifically ordained to help the person in question. What the world sees as formal eligibility and competence is totally secondary to who and what God ordains as fit for the job.

Anytime a person faces any challenge in life, the first thing they should do is pray. Developing that close relationship with the Lord is essential to leading our lives successfully because we're in no way smart enough to do it on our own. Well done on coming to a christian forum soliciting advice, the best place I can advise you to start is in your bible and meditation with God to give you the next step in the right direction.

 

[lv2ski]

Having completed my undergrad in psychology with experience in the field, what you've claimed can't be understated. So called worldly professionals can do a significant amount of damage or be of no benefit whatsoever, billions can attest to this. It's up to God whom He designates as licensed and competent for any task according to His will. That could mean any person on any path in any walk of life that God has specifically ordained to help the person in question. What the world sees as formal eligibility and competence is totally secondary to who and what God ordains as fit for the job.

Anytime a person faces any challenge in life, the first thing they should do is pray. Developing that close relationship with the Lord is essential to leading our lives successfully because we're in no way smart enough to do it on our own. Well done on coming to a christian forum soliciting advice, the best place I can advise you to start is in your bible and meditation with God to give you the next step in the right direction.

Bam! That's a good word right there!

 

[WeightedWords]

Why do you mind so much that he talks to someone of the opposite sex? Is it out of biblical conviction or out of jealousy and fear? If you don't have biblical grounds then it is your husband's decision to avoid appearances or evil or not.

 

[lv2ski]

Why do you mind so much that he talks to someone of the opposite sex? Is it out of biblical conviction or out of jealousy and fear? If you don't have biblical grounds then it is your husband's decision to avoid appearances or evil or not.

I think appearing evil to your spouse counts. Especially in this case where there seems to be an underlying issue that hasbeen simmering for a while.

 

[resurrection33]

Why do you mind so much that he talks to someone of the opposite sex? Is it out of biblical conviction or out of jealousy and fear? If you don't have biblical grounds then it is your husband's decision to avoid appearances or evil or not.

When a man is married to a woman, he's not supposed to spend an inordinate amount of time with another.

 

[Sum]

My husband has told me. He has never been with another women but that he wanted to before he died. It makes me feel like he is still looking for someone eles. He said he's not but after telling me that. I don't feel good enough like I'm not making him happy. He tells me I making him happy.he has said other stuff to. I can't help wondering what's up. He never in our 34 yrs of marriage needed to talk to other wemon.everyday and night n bed n bathroom I'm worried.

 

[lv2ski]

My husband has told me. He has never been with another women but that he wanted to before he died. It makes me feel like he is still looking for someone eles. He said he's not but after telling me that. I don't feel good enough like I'm not making him happy. He tells me I making him happy.he has said other stuff to. I can't help wondering what's up. He never in our 34 yrs of marriage needed to talk to other wemon.everyday and night n bed n bathroom I'm worried.

You should be. That is very suspicious, obsessing behavior. That's the kind of stuff new love does. Is he a believer?

 

[Sum]

He says he believes. But man wrote the bible and he thinks it has been miss interpreted. That it's not what God mint in places.

 

[Ariel82]

You can't control other people's thoughts or actions...pray, read your Bible and pray some more. Ask God what to do and say. Ask Him for the truth even if it hurts. Them ask Him for His solution.

Sometimes all we can pray is "Thy will be done" and ask for faith to weather the storm.

 

[cinder]

Bottom line Sum. You're right to be worried because whether he intends to go that route or not, this is exactly how affairs and cheating start. But I imagine it would probably be best if there were a guy who he respects to sound the warning bells to him; it doesn't sound like your concerns and warnings are impacting him.

One thing you can do, when he does something good or something you approve of, make a big deal out of it and tell him how much you appreciate it.

 

[lv2ski]

My husband has told me. He has never been with another women but that he wanted to before he died. It makes me feel like he is still looking for someone eles. He said he's not but after telling me that. I don't feel good enough like I'm not making him happy. He tells me I making him happy.he has said other stuff to. I can't help wondering what's up. He never in our 34 yrs of marriage needed to talk to other wemon.everyday and night n bed n bathroom I'm worried.

This is why God gave us Matthew18.

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”
Mt 18:15*-‬20 NKJV
http://bible.com/114/mat.18.15-20.NKJV

Hopefully he respects a pastor friend or someone who's a leader or some authority figure. Sometimes people get mad if you tell someone, but when they're doing stupid stuff like this, too bad. You Need to rattle his cage somehow.

 

[Ariel82]

Hi Sum,

There are always deeper issues and I can only comment based on your words.

His excuse to taking to another woman is that you get angry when he talks to you about things.

I don't know what these things are or if you are justified in your anger or not.

However, I have always found that taking a minute to listen and pray before speaking or saying anything helps a lot. The Bible says a gentle answer turns away wrath and that it's better to live in a desert than with a nagging wife.

We can't change other people but God changes us and our hearts.

I don't know you, so it might not apply but God has convicted me of when I want to nag or complain or criticise my husband.

Instead... I wait a few days and pray. I ask myself...can it wait? Can I do it myself? Does it really matter enough to confront and address? Why do I want my husband to do it? Is it pride? Control? Or does it really just need to be done and I can't do it?

I know my husband works a lot and is tired. We have a toilet that handle is broken so you have to manually flush by having the back lid off.

So many things need fixing, but spending time with the kids and each other takes priority to those things.

Try just spending time doing something you both love.

Board games, movies, walk in the park, just having tea as the sunsets.,.

I don't know...what did you used to do before you were married that made you think...I want to spend the rest of my life with this person.

Will keep you in prayer.

Don't let jealousy and insecurity guide your actions. pray for the will to love him as God loves you, unconditionally.

 

[laura_charlotte]

Bam! That's a good word right there!

Thanks, it's all from God, the truth needed to be spoken.

 

[Miri]

Sum, it does look as if your husband has no respect or regard for you. Nor does
it appear that he is a Christian from what you say (at least not one who as any
sort of relationship with Jesus)

The only person who can change your husband is Jesus, the bottom line is
your husband has got to want to change. Maybe you also need to exam yourself
and ask why he finds it hard to talk to you, maybe you both need to change?



Lord i pray for sum and her husband that you will bring about a different mindset
in their lives and home. Remind them both what each saw in the other and bring
that love back to the home again.

Where conviction, repentance and forgiveness is needed I pray you would bring
that about and soften hearts of stone.

Also I pray for this other woman that she would tire of being left unfulfilled
and dangling and instead that she would find someone of her own, a single man
to love and care for her.

 

[Vane78]

Very well said,I'm actually going through something similar w|my husband, I was checking our cellphone records(we both have a family plan w/a cellphone company )& as I scrolled down I kept on seeing this particular phone number on his line,so from Mon-Fri (while he's @work) he would call this number before work,@lunch,and after work,plus a few texts throughout the day. I had caught him hiding in the basement talking on his phone twice in one week,and it seemed very weird,so after reminiscing on those 2 instances,I knew it had to be another woman,I blocked my number &dialed that number,and an answering service allowed me to hear a lady's voice,and her name. I didn't tell my husband I had gone thru our phone records,I just asked I'd the 2 instances he was talking in the basement was a woman he was talking to,to which he said nf course I know he's hiding something,and since this is very recent,I'm just praying for wisdom,and I'm waiting to see how far he takes this (you know,if is just that they're "just friends"& I eventually find out who she is,or if he comes clean and after I come out with my findings he tells me that they're more than friends.But, definitely, a "married man",or "married woman " should not be calling nor texting another woman/man that's not her spouse,specially
1)morning,lunch time,after wor
2)and worse,not hiding in the basement,so one hears your conversation while you're talking to a person of the opposite sex,that isn't your spouse!!!!!!!PERIOD.

 

[Vane78]

I posted about my situation under "prayers"
"Cheated Again",for during my 10 year Marriage my husband has DISRESPECTED me by having a profile on a dating site,has constantly communicated with exes,and ever since he stopped going to church (almost 2 years now)he is living a mundane life:going to play pool 'till 2-3am,going to night clubs (not often,for he can't really dance),and he stopped living for Christ ever since he decided not to congregate,stating he didn't need the church to be a Christian.

 

[lv2ski]

Very well said,I'm actually going through something similar w|my husband, I was checking our cellphone records(we both have a family plan w/a cellphone company )& as I scrolled down I kept on seeing this particular phone number on his line,so from Mon-Fri (while he's @work) he would call this number before work,@lunch,and after work,plus a few texts throughout the day. I had caught him hiding in the basement talking on his phone twice in one week,and it seemed very weird,so after reminiscing on those 2 instances,I knew it had to be another woman,I blocked my number &dialed that number,and an answering service allowed me to hear a lady's voice,and her name. I didn't tell my husband I had gone thru our phone records,I just asked I'd the 2 instances he was talking in the basement was a woman he was talking to,to which he said nf course I know he's hiding something,and since this is very recent,I'm just praying for wisdom,and I'm waiting to see how far he takes this (you know,if is just that they're "just friends"& I eventually find out who she is,or if he comes clean and after I come out with my findings he tells me that they're more than friends.But, definitely, a "married man",or "married woman " should not be calling nor texting another woman/man that's not her spouse,specially
1)morning,lunch time,after wor
2)and worse,not hiding in the basement,so one hears your conversation while you're talking to a person of the opposite sex,that isn't your spouse!!!!!!!PERIOD.

Uh yeah! Unless he' planning a surprise party for you, talking with anyone while hiding in the basement is weird.

I'm sorry, but I've been thru the suspicious activity and then checking the phone only to find out the4 suspicious numbers were drug contacts. I'll pray for you. Beware your sin will find you out!

 

[lv2ski]

I posted about my situation under "prayers"
"Cheated Again",for during my 10 year Marriage my husband has DISRESPECTED me by having a profile on a dating site,has constantly communicated with exes,and ever since he stopped going to church (almost 2 years now)he is living a mundane life:going to play pool 'till 2-3am,going to night clubs (not often,for he can't really dance),and he stopped living for Christ ever since he decided not to congregate,stating he didn't need the church to be a Christian.

I'm sorry. I'll pray for you

 

[Vane78]

Unlike you,my husband of 10 years has had an on line dating site Profile in the past (to which he repented for,while he was still a believer),has communicated with his ex girlfriends,and I forgave him because I believed him that he was sorry, and would change his ways,and he did.However,he's been astrayed for almost 2 years now,and we've had problems because of so many sexy women he has as friends on Facebook,because he's now going out 'till 2-3am(he says he's just staying up late with friends playing pool,but recently told me he went to a night club),we fought,but he promised not to go night clubbing anymore. I've been praying for him,to turn his life around,and go back to Jesus.Now this week I found out through cellphone records that he's been calling-texting another woman: Mon-Fri he calls her before work,then at lunch time,&after work.
Weekends (when at home),he calls her while "running errands",or while he's fixing cars in our garage(I know this because I searched for the exact time he calls her on weekends, and I know where he's been during the calls.
Sum,I'll remember you in my prayers,for I know exactly how you feel. I'll suggest Marriage Counseling, but unfortunately I tried it,we both went,but for him it was so hard to open up,so he got frustrated, said it wasn't helping us,and after about 8 sessions he quit going.
Let's then pray for each other,may God give us the wisdom we need,but ENOUGH,IS ENOUGH....I'M planning on separating,and hopefully if he changes....maybe in the future we can have a working,mended marriage.....

 

[Vane78]

Thank you,your prayers are appreciated.God bless you.