Specifically excluded

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RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#1
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#1
One of my wife's uncles, who she thought she was always close to, is having a 90th birthday party this weekend. All of her siblings were invited to the party, but she wasn't. Her sisters talk freely about going in front of her, but it's been made clear that she's not invited. Neither is their mother, because "she's too much work" (she's disabled due to a stroke).

Keeping in mind that these sisters are all part of a heartless, self centered clique that we really don't care to associate with anyway...

How do you respond to the uncle?
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#2
#2
Maybe he doesn't know she doesn't have an invitation and just assumes she will be there?

At 90, I doubt he is planning his own bday...most guys don't write and sent bday party invites...I know my husband doesn't.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#3
#3
As he is 90 I wouldn't worry about, time is short he might have forgotten, he might
be ill, he might have sent an invite and it got lost in the post, he might not have
your address etc.

Whatever the reason he is too old to bare a grudge against.
Sometimes we just have to be the bigger person and say forget it, it doesn't matter.


PS if every time someone ignored me, I took umbridge against them, I would have fallen
out with my family a long time ago.

I have a brother who hardly replies to emails, he is just like that with everyone and it
never occurs to him that people might get annoyed!

I have another brother who never sends birthday cards or Christmas cards or presents.
The thought just never occurs to him!
 
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RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#4
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
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#4
The party is being planned by the uncle's wife (a couple years younger), and they both know our address in CA which we've had for the last 30 years and which they've been to. The sisters have known for 2 weeks that my wife was 'overlooked' and have made no attempt to have that corrected (my opinion is that they don't want her there). And it's one thing to overlook us, but to not invite their mom (the uncle's sister in law) because she's too much work? I'm just not buying that this was an oversight.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#5
#5
I would take the mom and your wife and crash the party. The uncle will probably be thrilled to see both and it's HIS birthday not whoever is planning it....but I guess the polite thing is to contact his wife and ask her about it...
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#6
#6
I'd kill him with kindness. I'd have a gift or card delivered to him, with a very sincere note wishing him the best for his birthday. I'm quirky that way though.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#7
#7
Reminds me of the following

Proverbs 25:21-22 NLT
[21] If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give
them water to drink. [22] You will heap burning coals of shame on their heads,
and the LORD will reward you.


Romans 12:19-21 NLT
[19] Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.
For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the LORD.
[20] Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them
something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their
heads." [21] Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#8
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
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#8
If a Christian is excluded because of Christ it is only reasonable to receive the rejection in humility. If those rejecting are professing Christians then the situation is more complex.

A person who has a testimony for Christ can expect to be excluded from the rain deer games the world plays.

1Pe 4:14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#9
Sep 17, 2016
8,784
4,452
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#9
RickyZ said:
One of my wife's uncles, who she thought she was always close to, is having a 90th birthday party this weekend. All of her siblings were invited to the party, but she wasn't. Her sisters talk freely about going in front of her, but it's been made clear that she's not invited. Neither is their mother, because "she's too much work" (she's disabled due to a stroke).

Keeping in mind that these sisters are all part of a heartless, self centered clique that we really don't care to associate with anyway...

How do you respond to the uncle?
Click to expand...
Who sent the invites out? If it wasnt the Uncle then the Uncle may have mutual feelings of closeness still. I would show up anyways.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#10
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
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#10
The party is 300 miles away. Not really 'just drop in' convenient.

My wife's sisters all booked flights and hotel rooms for themselves. Her brother (there's only one) was invited but will have to drive and stay alone since the sisters couldn't be bothered to ask him if he wanted to go with them. (He's not on their good list either, since he and my wife are the only ones who'll call the sisters out on their constant bs).

This gaggle of hens spends every day stoking the fires of hell with their selfish, self-righteous attitudes. While I understand the concept of repaying evil with kindness, I'm not sure they would notice more coals heaped upon their heads since they voluntarily wallow in them every day.

My guess is that the gaggle of hens asked/told the aunt not to invite my wife or their mother. And since no one in the west coast family is brave enough to confront them, the aunt went along.

We're not really looking for revenge... just to let the uncle/aunt know my wife is very hurt by being excluded.
 
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M

Miri

Guest
#11
#11
They say you can chose your friends but not your family.

Sometimes it would be nice if we could chose family.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#13
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
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#13
RickyZ said:
The party is 300 miles away. Not really 'just drop in' convenient.

My wife's sisters all booked flights and hotel rooms for themselves. Her brother (there's only one) was invited but will have to drive and stay alone since the sisters couldn't be bothered to ask him if he wanted to go with them. (He's not on their good list either, since he and my wife are the only ones who'll call the sisters out on their constant bs).

This gaggle of hens spends every day stoking the fires of hell with their selfish, self-righteous attitudes. While I understand the concept of repaying evil with kindness, I'm not sure they would notice more coals heaped upon their heads since they voluntarily wallow in them every day.

My guess is that the gaggle of hens asked/told the aunt not to invite my wife or their mother. And since no one in the west coast family is brave enough to confront them, the aunt went along.

We're not really looking for revenge... just to let the uncle/aunt know my wife is very hurt by being excluded.
Click to expand...
Well I guess that your loving, kind and compassionate feelings toward them is going unnoticed.

You seem to have a great deal of hostility toward your family. That is really unhealthy in many ways.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#14
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
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#14
it's a very sad situation, and not un-common...
but we know that Jesus bears and feels all of our pain -
let Him RickyZ, He's invited you both to a much better
place anyway...
 
longtrekker

longtrekker

Senior Member
#15
Sep 23, 2014
396
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#15
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I don't know if the party would be enjoyable much anyway with a nasty vibe in the air...i wouldn't hold it against your uncle in any case as like u were saying perhaps he's been manipulated...give him the benefit of the doubt.

90 is a special day - U could perhaps visit a day or two before or after and just pre-empt the whole party thing.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#16
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
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#16
It's funny... there's one sister who's a psychotic control freak who has the rest of the west coast family bullied and yielding to her whims. The mid-west family, however, thinks they're all crazy and seriously bent. Those people love us. Which is why we are moving there :)
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#17
May 29, 2013
9,082
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#17
I agree that a man at that age is unlikely to send out the invitations to his own party. Why don't you guys just have dinner with him some time around his birthday (cook for him or take him out if he is able) to celebrate his birthday. The important thing about his birthday is that you honor him.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#18
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
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#18
Haven't you had issues with your wife's family and family gatherings before? I doubt they are going to change. I feel very sad for your wife, but I agree with another poster, who said go early, take presents and maybe take him out for dinner.

It should be about the uncle. I will bet he knows nothing about this family feud, and if he is of sound mind, he will wonder why the both of you were not there.

Birth families can be such a pain, sometimes!
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#19
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
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#19
Clearly there are issues between your wife and her sisters. They probably have just as many kind words about you and your wife as you did about them. I mean two sides to every story but I doubt you two are innocent angels in this. Just be the bigger person and mail a present or don't and be done with it.
 
RickyZ

RickyZ

Senior Member
#20
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#20
Angela53510 said:
Haven't you had issues with your wife's family and family gatherings before? I doubt they are going to change. I feel very sad for your wife, but I agree with another poster, who said go early, take presents and maybe take him out for dinner.

It should be about the uncle. I will bet he knows nothing about this family feud, and if he is of sound mind, he will wonder why the both of you were not there.

Birth families can be such a pain, sometimes!
Click to expand...
Yes, this is an ongoing thing. It is an issue that will only be resolved by permanent separation.

It has come to light that the uncle's son did the planning and inviting. He only invited the control freak, asking her to pass the invitation along to the others. You can guess where it did and did not go from there.

And again, the uncle is 300 miles away. Not exactly 'go early take him to dinner' convenient. But now we know where the fault lies... and it's not with the uncle and aunt.
 
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