Newbie here; Going thru a tough time

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
T

Teeter0329

Guest
#1
#1
Hello everyone. This is my first time on christianchat.com. I am currently going through a tough time in my marriage and just need good Christian people to talk to.

My best friend of 21 yrs, who is also my husband of 13 years told me 2 weeks ago he has feelings for someone at work and left me and our 8 yr old. He's struggling because he wants to be with us but can't get this girl out of his head. I'm so confused and conflicted because it was a total shock. We hardly ever fight and had an amazing marriage. People even said they envied what we had. That's y this is so upsetting. Y throw everything away when you know it's not real, it's just Satan tempting him?!?

A part of me wants to be mad and hurt and unforgiving but another part knows it's ain't nothing but the devil and I just want to help him thru it. We are very active in our church, that's y it's so hard on him to think this could happen to him. Something he knew for sure (us) know has him questioning because of this harlot.

He's tried to come home twice and make it work but I can tell he's still thinking of her. He's working long hours on an important job where he's the boss and can't go to counseling or seek medical attention b/c I also wonder if it's a chemical imbalance thing. (His family suffers from bi-polarism and manic depressants). Side note: his father passed away 8 months ago.

Any help, advice, encouragement, scriptures, etc would be very helpful.

Thanks in advance!
 
Roughsoul1991

Roughsoul1991

Senior Member
#2
Sep 17, 2016
8,784
4,453
113
#2
Teeter0329 said:
Hello everyone. This is my first time on christianchat.com. I am currently going through a tough time in my marriage and just need good Christian people to talk to.

My best friend of 21 yrs, who is also my husband of 13 years told me 2 weeks ago he has feelings for someone at work and left me and our 8 yr old. He's struggling because he wants to be with us but can't get this girl out of his head. I'm so confused and conflicted because it was a total shock. We hardly ever fight and had an amazing marriage. People even said they envied what we had. That's y this is so upsetting. Y throw everything away when you know it's not real, it's just Satan tempting him?!?

A part of me wants to be mad and hurt and unforgiving but another part knows it's ain't nothing but the devil and I just want to help him thru it. We are very active in our church, that's y it's so hard on him to think this could happen to him. Something he knew for sure (us) know has him questioning because of this harlot.

He's tried to come home twice and make it work but I can tell he's still thinking of her. He's working long hours on an important job where he's the boss and can't go to counseling or seek medical attention b/c I also wonder if it's a chemical imbalance thing. (His family suffers from bi-polarism and manic depressants). Side note: his father passed away 8 months ago.

Any help, advice, encouragement, scriptures, etc would be very helpful.

Thanks in advance!
Click to expand...

If you his wife and his child are not important enough to seek counseling or medical help then you got a bigger problem. His wife and child should be a top priority. Obviously, God and prayer will be your best weapon. And then professional help is a great idea. He could be experiencing some deep emotional baggage that he don't know how to leave behind so he lives with it. This could be his way to find meaning to his raw emotions but he is expressing them in a bad way. Remember you can only do so much and can't force him. So it would probably be good for you to talk to someone professional too. This way you can also prepare yourself mentally for what it's going to take to save the marriage or lose the marriage. I will pray your husband will do what's right in eyes of the Lord. Since he is a church goer he knows what's right but willingly denying his covenant between you, God, and witnesses. If that's not enough to do what's right then hopefully God will intervene and turn his heart back to you.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#3
As long as he hasn't had a physical relationship with her there is a chance that the marriage can be salvaged. You need to know if he still truly loves you and wants to stay married to you. If he does he needs to break all contact with the woman at work. Right now he probably feels that this person is understanding to him but that certainly is not a basis to destroy his marriage. If he is not willing to do this then you must start moving forward with your life without him.

Glad to have you as a member of our family. Hopefully, you will find understanding and support on this site. Your situation is not unique as there are many members facing the same thing. God bless you and your family. Welcome to CC.
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#4
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#4
I would find out if others at his office have the same problem with desiring her. She could be a gold digger trying to move up in the company. Long hours away from His honey can cause him to daydream about a substitute that is always around. His dad's death may have triggered a midlife crisis, even if he's in his thirties. She could be wearing pheromone spray.

There's waay too many variables to get a focus on the problem. IMO, the first thing I would have done was visit his job to size up the situation. She could be just a young & hot homewrecker that needs to be fired.:)
 
Grace777x70

Grace777x70

Banned
#5
Nov 22, 2015
20,436
1,430
0
#5
Teeter0329 said:
Hello everyone. This is my first time on christianchat.com. I am currently going through a tough time in my marriage and just need good Christian people to talk to.

My best friend of 21 yrs, who is also my husband of 13 years told me 2 weeks ago he has feelings for someone at work and left me and our 8 yr old. He's struggling because he wants to be with us but can't get this girl out of his head. I'm so confused and conflicted because it was a total shock. We hardly ever fight and had an amazing marriage. People even said they envied what we had. That's y this is so upsetting. Y throw everything away when you know it's not real, it's just Satan tempting him?!?

A part of me wants to be mad and hurt and unforgiving but another part knows it's ain't nothing but the devil and I just want to help him thru it. We are very active in our church, that's y it's so hard on him to think this could happen to him. Something he knew for sure (us) know has him questioning because of this harlot.

He's tried to come home twice and make it work but I can tell he's still thinking of her. He's working long hours on an important job where he's the boss and can't go to counseling or seek medical attention b/c I also wonder if it's a chemical imbalance thing. (His family suffers from bi-polarism and manic depressants). Side note: his father passed away 8 months ago.

Any help, advice, encouragement, scriptures, etc would be very helpful.

Thanks in advance!
Click to expand...
Hello....and welcome to CC. The Lord will lead you in the way that you should go.

Here is an excellent website that speaks to marital problems and about trusting God in these situations. I don't agree with all of their theology but I can follow their faith in God - which is what really counts in the end.

https://www.rejoiceministries.org/

The Lord will not forsake you but will be faithful to be with you to help you in this time. He loves you and your family dearly and has great plans for them.
 
F

FLGal

Guest
#6
#6
Hi Teeter0329,

I am so sorry you are going through this with your husband. It sounds as if he is being tempted to be unfaithful to you. Pray for him and ask others in your church, pastors and prayer team members to pray for him. He is in a spiritual battle. God is able to open his eyes and keep him from sinning. You should continue to be kind to him but draw a boundary as to what you will tolerate. If you have not, ask him if he would be willing to go to a christian counselor with you. I am praying for you and for your family to be restored.
 
S

SunshineFlwrPtl

Guest
#7
#7
First of all, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It sounds like the problem may have many layers. I wonder if your husband has fully grieved the loss of his father. If not, he may be still suffering and possibly turning away from all that is familiar - you and your son.

Have you and he seen the movies "Fireproof" and "Courageous"? We've made it an annual event.

He may be working long hours on this project, but he needs to find time somewhere somehow for the two of you to seek good Christian counseling. Maybe meeting with your pastor after service on Sunday if that's the only time?

BibleGateway.com is a great resource for verse subjects. Also, the National Alliance on Mental Illness might help identify if this is a chemical imbalance or just a matter of choice. Just a couple of suggestions. :)
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#8
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#8
FLGal said:
Hi Teeter0329,

I am so sorry you are going through this with your husband. It sounds as if he is being tempted to be unfaithful to you. Pray for him and ask others in your church, pastors and prayer team members to pray for him. He is in a spiritual battle. God is able to open his eyes and keep him from sinning. You should continue to be kind to him but draw a boundary as to what you will tolerate. If you have not, ask him if he would be willing to go to a christian counselor with you. I am praying for you and for your family to be restored.
Click to expand...
You offered wise counsel to this bad situation. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#9
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#9
SunshineFlwrPtl said:
First of all, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It sounds like the problem may have many layers. I wonder if your husband has fully grieved the loss of his father. If not, he may be still suffering and possibly turning away from all that is familiar - you and your son.

Have you and he seen the movies "Fireproof" and "Courageous"? We've made it an annual event.

He may be working long hours on this project, but he needs to find time somewhere somehow for the two of you to seek good Christian counseling. Maybe meeting with your pastor after service on Sunday if that's the only time?

BibleGateway.com is a great resource for verse subjects. Also, the National Alliance on Mental Illness might help identify if this is a chemical imbalance or just a matter of choice. Just a couple of suggestions. :)
Click to expand...
You offered some good suggestions. Welcome to CC.
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#10
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#10
the Holy Spirit doesn't 'teeter-tot' between aiding and abetting a husband or wife in becoming
the best 'help-mate-spouse, especially when it comes to honoring one's Holy Vows, God's first
and then our own...
something is definitely amiss here, and it is definitely not Godly or of Jesus...

a Christian's first Love is Christ, and their actions should be accordingly to His principles...
a REAL marriage should always reflect Christ's rules to one another...yes we do fail, but always,
of we Love Christ and our marriage is a real and true marriage, then we can only desire to follow
His commands concerning such a sacred thing and seek His guidance in each and every matter that
will uphold and prove to each that the marriage is an Holy Union...

try, and it can be difficult, but try to find a 'Christian-Counselor' whose heart belongs to Jesus,
and you will find the answers you are seeking, IF you are willing to follow what you both professed
as Holy commitments...else, ultimately one must face the TRUTH...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.