Do you think that domestic discipline is useful in a Godly marriage?

[resurrection33]

Originally Posted by Nalu

I find it disturbing that people would even consider assault/spouse abuse a viable option.

In the state of Hawaii and the state of Washington, this is illegal. A person arrested for and found guilty of spouse abuse is a criminal.

As Christians we are to be in compliance with the law. Titus chapter 3 verses 1 through 7.

More importantly, it is wrong to hit someone, unless it is done in self-defense, or defense of someone else.

[MrHonest]

I used to hit my little sisters, just as siblings fight, it was never excessive. The last time I did it I immediately realised I was 100% wrong because its childish. Except she didn't, I still couldn't bring myself to hit her even though she couldn't stop hitting me... I just let her finish, I was really sad for her & I think I helped her overcome her violent behavior.

I don't believe that "physical correction" would do anything but belittle & possibly destroy a person and it would show the attackers' selfishness, & lack of self control.

Especially in marriage a husband should never hit his wife & the wife should never hit her husband.

[sjask]

Call it like it is: physical abuse of a wife keeps her in a position of subservience and restricts her from being the woman God wants her to be. It only benefits the man, not God not her, or the family. So any man who thinks he is doing God's will deserves to be "disciplined" strongly by someone who actually knows what the Bible has to say about husband/wife relationships.

[Blessed222]

What if you are married to a man that takes excellent care of you financially and allows you to spend freely without questioning you. Also gives gifts to you for birthdays, holidays, etc. The only downside is this man has problems with being totally transparent. He does things like goes on business trip and brings back gifts for the wife and doesnt mention that he also has purchased a gift for His Secretary. Its a box of cookies and you happen to notice the bag in the briefcase and have to ask what it is befoe he tells you what he has purchased. His response is, well, I didnt want to say anything because I was afraid of your response then on top of that he becomes defensive when the wife express that she is disappointed that he would withhold this type of thing and its not so much the gift that angers her but the principle that he was being dishonest. This couple has had a history of of adulterous affair the husband has had over 15 years ago, and has been trying very hard to trust, but the husband does things that causes the wife to be suspicoius of his behavior. The reason is because eventhough the affair happen many years ago, there has been many other situations pertaining to the opposite sex in regard to He seeming to enjoy the attention of other women. IF they are in a room and theres an attractive women there, he can very easily act distant toward his wife and again when confronted he becomes defensive. He never suggests dates, the wife has to be the initiator unless its something he wants to do. THe wife has to initiate movies, unless its something he wants to see. He shows no interest in things that she likes to watch on television, but she sits with him and watches things with him with no problem. This man also has NO male friends. People think hes wonderful because hes reserved and he is respectful of others and he really seem to have it all together, but behind the smile the quiet demeanor is a man that gets very defensive when confronted about things he doesnt agree with or something that he does not want to deal with. He not only gets defensive but becomes very angry and has broken things, pushed, spit, screamed, called names. This has been going on for 18 years now.. He goes from being an exceptional, wonderful care giver to a monster. He doesnt hit with fists, but pushing, shoving is just as bad. To me, hes a coward. But what do you do. You are dependent upon the person, you really have no where to go and all the blame is on you for his behavior. He intially admits to the abuse and says he will get help, then over the years he began to make excuses. He goes to one or two sessions of counseling and quits. Anger runs in His family.. What would you say to a woman that has this problem.?

[Ugly]

Umm... the first mistake you made is saying 'all the blame is on you for his behavior'. He is 100% responsible for how he chooses to act.

Also, he pushes you? What can you do? How about call the police and have him arrested for domestic battery, because legally thats what it is.

Bottom line is you're in an abusive relationship. He is a textbook abuser. And i don't want to hear about the 'nice' things he does. Its not uncommon for abusers to be nice to pacify the victim or minimize their abuse.

I know my response is not a popular one, but to answer you question, what would i say to a woman in that situation? Get out. Separation at the very least. Abusers have a low rate of change. The majority of them never learn to stop abusing.
Also, you should continue counseling, regardless of whether goes or not. And try to find some friends you can confide in who will help build you back up and encourage you.

[Jullianna]

I agree that it is physical abuse. When this happens a woman has to decide whether or not she is willing to put up with it for the rest of her life or not. Sometimes it can get much worse.

As far as the gifts are concerned, they are apologies and pacifiers. Since abuse is a crime, we might even call them bribes.

One thing that women need to remember when they live in the USA is that they are not as dependent as they might think. Chances are they own half of everything already.

[Jullianna]

Originally Posted by Blessed222

What if you are married to a man that takes excellent care of you financially and allows you to spend freely without questioning you. Also gives gifts to you for birthdays, holidays, etc. The only downside is this man has problems with being totally transparent. He does things like goes on business trip and brings back gifts for the wife and doesnt mention that he also has purchased a gift for His Secretary. Its a box of cookies and you happen to notice the bag in the briefcase and have to ask what it is befoe he tells you what he has purchased. His response is, well, I didnt want to say anything because I was afraid of your response then on top of that he becomes defensive when the wife express that she is disappointed that he would withhold this type of thing and its not so much the gift that angers her but the principle that he was being dishonest. This couple has had a history of of adulterous affair the husband has had over 15 years ago, and has been trying very hard to trust, but the husband does things that causes the wife to be suspicoius of his behavior. The reason is because eventhough the affair happen many years ago, there has been many other situations pertaining to the opposite sex in regard to He seeming to enjoy the attention of other women. IF they are in a room and theres an attractive women there, he can very easily act distant toward his wife and again when confronted he becomes defensive. He never suggests dates, the wife has to be the initiator unless its something he wants to do. THe wife has to initiate movies, unless its something he wants to see. He shows no interest in things that she likes to watch on television, but she sits with him and watches things with him with no problem. This man also has NO male friends. People think hes wonderful because hes reserved and he is respectful of others and he really seem to have it all together, but behind the smile the quiet demeanor is a man that gets very defensive when confronted about things he doesnt agree with or something that he does not want to deal with. He not only gets defensive but becomes very angry and has broken things, pushed, spit, screamed, called names. This has been going on for 18 years now.. He goes from being an exceptional, wonderful care giver to a monster. He doesnt hit with fists, but pushing, shoving is just as bad. To me, hes a coward. But what do you do. You are dependent upon the person, you really have no where to go and all the blame is on you for his behavior. He intially admits to the abuse and says he will get help, then over the years he began to make excuses. He goes to one or two sessions of counseling and quits. Anger runs in His family.. What would you say to a woman that has this problem.?

I can't speak for every woman, but if I were that woman, I would probably do this:

A. If I had kids, I would call the police.

B. If I didn't have minor children, I would:

1. Convince him that we needed to get our affairs in order: wills, powers of attorney, etc.
2. Once he'd named me his attorney in fact, I would revoke mine immediately and use the one he signed to transfer as much as possible into my name, including the house.
3. I would open a bank account of my own at a bank he didn't know about and had no connection to.
4. I would go to every bank where we had an account and pull out every dollar via cashier's check and deposit it all into the account in my sole name.
5. I would get a job (if I didn't have one already), find my own place and use every credit card he owned to furnish it.
6. Get a protective order.

[kewl42]

Never is it right to use corporal punishment to set someone right. You are not above your wife, and vice versa.

[Kram]

In my view you shouldn't hit your wife no matter what it's just wrong, as for the woman who's emotions aren't quiet right or a little firer do you you think she should lean on Jesus a-bit more by walking in the spirit who will in turn teach her how to harness her emotions in the right way and if she has a loving husband who wants the best for her would help her reach her goals and be a blessing to other people

[Miguel7]

No it is not useful, and there are no scriptures to support it.

[Liz01]

Originally Posted by Jullianna

I can't speak for every woman, but if I were that woman, I would probably do this:

A. If I had kids, I would call the police.

B. If I didn't have minor children, I would:

1. Convince him that we needed to get our affairs in order: wills, powers of attorney, etc.
2. Once he'd named me his attorney in fact, I would revoke mine immediately and use the one he signed to transfer as much as possible into my name, including the house.
3. I would open a bank account of my own at a bank he didn't know about and had no connection to.
4. I would go to every bank where we had an account and pull out every dollar via cashier's check and deposit it all into the account in my sole name.
5. I would get a job (if I didn't have one already), find my own place and use every credit card he owned to furnish it.
6. Get a protective order.

you are my hero hahahahahaha

[Dude653]

Is beating your wife justified by scripture...uhhh i would have to say no an that one

[Katy-follower]

Absolutely not. As a husband you are to treat your wife as the weaker vessel.

God's design for marriage is described in 1 Peter 3...

1 Peter 3:7: "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered"

[Aurora100]

Definitely not! I think it is never right to hit anyone. If you truly love someone you wouldn't hurt them at all.

[jimsun]

Some interesting posts! Agree with white knight, err al re: entertainment v real world. Anyone ever seen John Wayne, Maureen O'Hara in '. The Quiet Man' - also pure entertainment but much was filmed in area I grew up in W. Cork!
However our marriage (& courtship) was & still is, simply a partnership. Maybe too simplistic an explanation but it works for me!
Also, very unfortunately, in early years of criminal prosecutions, I've seen males before a Court for assaulting their partners & using the Bible as an excuse for their actions.
- Note I say "excuse" & not "justification"!!
J+

[SearchingForHim]

Definitely not right putting your hands on another.

[answers]

Physical motivation? That doesn't sound motivating to me as a wife. Why would a wife need to be phyically disciplined? Personally, I do not believe in physical discipline for any human from another human.

How can one fully gain what is needed from the touch of another if they associate fear and pain with touch?
How can the one utilizing the physical discipline gain what they are to gain from restraining, if they do not have the strength to restrain?

Discipline means to teach, what does harming someone have to do with teaching? I would never discipline physically my husband nor my children. So as a married woman, I do not believe I would need to be physically disciplined, I can hear and I will gladly tend to my husband's needs or desires.

[meld27]

It is wrong to use physical violence on any person. I feel that using violence on your wife will only make her, fear and hate you and not love you more. There is no scripiture in the Bible that says it's right to hit or beat your wife, however, I have personally seen men using it as an excuse. I come from a family where most of my aunt's were married to men who abused them physically, and they all got divorces, however their husbands were using the scriptures to say that a man is the head of the household or a wife must submit to her husband. After witnessing this, I can personally say that if I get married and my husband ever put his hands on me, I'd pack my bags and hit the road and never have contact with the abuser. Also, in regard to the excuse that some women have certain personality types, and need to be put in place by their husbands, that's wrong aswell, why do you have to resort to grabbing someone to make them calm down? I would question the husband for marrying a hot-head, because surely he must have known her personality before they got married.

[simplymeganne]

nononono. :c
i was in a relationship where my ex hit me.
it's terrifying, if im being over emotional, i want to be grabbed and kissed, and held, not hit.
it's such a scary situation to be in as a woman.

[frankleespeaking]

Originally Posted by alanwrench

I'm curious as to what both married and single members of this board believe.

Do you think that a husband should physically correct and discipline his wife if needed? Is this justified by scripture?

If you want to stay married I don't recommend it