Honest Question, no scold or encouragement wanted

[Depleted]

I'm not trying to be sacrilegious. (Not very religious anyway.) And I don't want platitudes. (Don't tell me not to worry, try again, and God can do it stuff.) Nor do I want to be scolded. But if the only way I can quit something is through God and he doesn't give me that kind of strength, then why am I the failure... and he's not?

I know that's a horrible thing to think, but kind of stuck there right now and wouldn't mind getting unstuck.

 

[Dino246]

A quick thought: If you're trying to quit something (a bad habit, I presume) and are not finding success on your own, and have not received help/strength to succeed when you ask the Lord for help, is it possible that He is not concerned about it? Or perhaps He has a timetable which is different from yours? I would put the matter in His hands, ask that He would change you as He sees fit and leave it up to Him. I suspect that if He is concerned about it, He will change you from the inside out.

 

[Depleted]

A quick thought: If you're trying to quit something (a bad habit, I presume) and are not finding success on your own, and have not received help/strength to succeed when you ask the Lord for help, is it possible that He is not concerned about it? Or perhaps He has a timetable which is different from yours? I would put the matter in His hands, ask that He would change you as He sees fit and leave it up to Him. I suspect that if He is concerned about it, He will change you from the inside out.

Well, smoking. Been asking him for 38 years now. Been told I'm killing my husband and I'm going to die quickly by doctors. Been told I'm disgusting. (Also by a doctor.) We're getting to the point where I know we can't live in this house forever -- or possibly for long -- given it's a two story (three counting basement) and hubby is having balance issues already, so the logical thing is to go into a senior living place, but we can't because I smoke.

 

[Fenner]

You're not a failure Lynn. Smoking is a really hard habit to quit. Do you smoke outside? You can still live in one of those places.
You can smoke outside. I don't know if you'll ever quit forever but you're not a failure.

 

[Depleted]

Right now, I can smoke inside. lol

But, no, those senior living places are also no smoking anywhere on the property.

 

[HoneyDew]

What things have you tried to help you quit? ie: patches etc.

 

[Tommy379]

I've tried a many of times to quit. Nothing has worked. I've gone a year and a half before, but it always calls to me. If you figure this out, let me know and I'll do the same.

 

[MessageOfTheCross]

God's prescribed order of victory over the sin, the world, the flesh, and the Devil in done by Faith exclusively in Christ and His Finished Work, i.e., The Cross, i.e., The Blood of Jesus (Romans 8:2). God has chosen to operate His work from the basis of Faith (Hebrews 8:13). No human being can fulfill what Christ Alone can do. This allows the Holy Spirit to mortify the deeds of the body and live this abundant life of grace. When you use other methods you are changing God's sanctification process by using the flesh to mortify the deeds of the body. You frustrate grace.

• Jesus Christ is the source of all things that
we receive from God (Jn. 14:6; Col. 2:10)

• The Cross of Christ is the means and, in fact,
the only means by which these things are given
to us (Rom. 6:3-5; I Cor. 2:2)

• The Cross of Christ, and the Cross of Christ
alone, must be the object of our faith in order
for us to receive what has been given (I Cor.
1:17, 23; Gal. 6:14).

• The Holy Spirit, who works exclusively within
the parameters of the finished work of Christ,
oversees all of this (Rom. 8:1-2, 11; Eph.
2:13-18).

The Holy Spirit, He Works strictly within the parameters of the "Finished Work" i.e., "the Cross of Christ", which demands that our Faith be exclusively in the Cross of Christ. The reason is simple, that's were the price was paid, and the victory was forever won (Romans 6:1-14; 1 Cor. 2:2; Gal. 5; Gal. 6:14; Eph. 2:13-18; Col. 2:14-15).

The Way Of The Spirit
Focus: The Lord Jesus Christ (John 14:6)
Object Of Faith: The Cross of Christ (Romans 6:1-14)
Power Source: The Holy Spirit (Romans 8:1-2, 11)
Results: Victory (Romans 6:14)

Man's Way
Focus: Works.
Object Of Faith: Performance.
Power Source: Self.
Results: Defeat!

 

[Depleted]

What things have you tried to help you quit? ie: patches etc.

Everything.

 

[JesusLives]

Oh, Lynn my dear sister in Christ.... I do know what you are talking about as I myself have an area that I continue to fail at too. My problem is eating to much, wrong stuff, and I want to quit, I pray to be better, and then I just bend my elbow and mess up again.

All I can say for both of us is don't give up on God and feel like we are too bad to ever get it right. Jerry also would like to quit smoking he says it just like I say I want to be better with the eating thing and then I eat and he continues to smoke... Vicious cycle....I hate it. I love one of Jerry's sayings which is " I don't have all the answers". And the truth is I don't. I know who does have the answers God does. Wish someone could give us the magic formula to help us be the overcomers we want to be.

Anyone out there got the answers? I'd really like to know what they are....Seriously. So I am right there with you Lynn.

 

[Test_F_i_2_Luv]

Right now, I can smoke inside. lol

But, no, those senior living places are also no smoking anywhere on the property.

So why not force yourself to go outside?

My dad decided to do that a number of years back...and he lives in Minnesnowta.

Him finally becoming a non-smoker is more involved than his decision to go outside, but that did lessened his usage of tobacco.

 

[mikeys4grace]

Father in heaven, thank you, Lord, you are a good, good Father.

Thank you that you know us more intimately than we even know ourselves.

Thank you, Lord, that you know our areas of struggle, weakness, and sin, and thank you that because of Jesus you don't condemn us or leave us or forsake us, but forgive us and love us continually with your everlasting love.

Thank you that where we are weak, you are strong, when we fall, you lift us up, where we are faithless, you are ever faithful.

Thank you, Lord, that we can come boldly ... BOLDLY ... to your throne of grace, as your children, and that if we ask anything according to your will, you hear and answer that prayer because you want us to be blessed with the best.

Father, I ask for you to help your daughter Lynn to give up a destructive habit that not only harms her, but those around her, including you, Lord.

Not because that habit could literally harm you directly, but because anything we do that causes harm to us, hurts your heart for us as well, ... and knowing that certain harmful things we indulge in grieve you, (who loved us so much you gave us your only begotten, beloved Son, to pay for our sins with His own blood), should grieve us, too, and shame on us if it doesn't.

Is there anything we do that we shouldn't, that we refuse to give up for you?

Is there anything we chase after to indulge in, and that by doing so we claim is more powerful than Jesus?

Self-indulgences and abuses like Food Addictions, Pornography, Drunkenness, Drugs, including Cigarettes, are these things more powerful than our Savior who not only died for us, but conquered sin, the devil, and death, through the cross and the resurrection from the dead?

He who spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not, with Him, freely give us all things, and that includes the victory over these things that the enemy uses to mock us and Jesus.

Lord, please help us to see that everytime we give in to something that brings harm to us and you, it's as if we're saying that the enemy is more powerful, not just than us, but than you, and as we tremble and give in to that enemy, we are taking a hammer and pounding another nail into our Savior.

Not because of this or that addiction, but because of our refusing to take hold of the freedom and the victory that Jesus died to give us, and instead, give it to our enemy.

Help us to say ,'No more! My Savior died to give me victory over that. No puny little addiction has power over Him, no devil can ever defeat Him, and I refuse to give His victory over to the enemy any more. The devil has had his fun laughing at me, and mocking my Savior's power, now it's time for me to be about my Father's business of praising my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! It's time for that devil to go!'

Heavenly Father, You are all-powerful, all-knowing, and all loving, and we give You all the glory for the great things you have done, and promise to do, if we only ask by faith in Jesus. Please bless Lynn, and Jerry and Darlene, me and all my brothers and sisters in Christ, with the joy of salvation and the victory in Jesus' great name! We love you, Lord, help us to love you more, thank you for first loving us. Amen.

 

[Ariel82]

You aren't a failure until you stop trying.

God is never a failure because He understands the concept that some things take time.

God doesn't work like the fast food, commercial break modern world want Him to. No instantaneous results.

So many times people change the channel and stop trying before giving the time and efforted needed to see success.

God gives us the means to accomplish anything that is within His will to do.

First, you must ask is your goal within God's will? Why do you want to accomplish the task? Pride or genuine belief that God wants you to?

Secondly, after establishing it is God's will and not just your own selfish desires, you have to take inventory. Define the problem. What tools has God given you? What tools do you need?

Third, pray some more and ask God for help understanding what you can do to help...if you eat unhealthy, dont buy junk food and avoid temptation....if you smoke, don't buy cigarettes and avoid people who are smoking or ask the to smoke outside.

Will pray Lynn.

You aren't a failure, unless you plan on giving up.

 

[Ariel82]

After 38 years, your body is addicted to nicotine. It have forgotten how to make the other chemical that nicotine mimics. Your body produces a chemical that has similar effects that calm you...however, studies have shown lower levels of that chemical in people who smoke because nicotine takes the place it.

You have 2 choices....slow or quick.

Do you slowly reduce how many cigarettes you have until your body gets used to not depending on them?

Or do you quickly pull the bandaid off and just go without?

I would look up withdraw symptoms and maybe have your husband remind you when you go through them.

Addictions can be very hard to break. Will pray for you.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

Ariel is right. Quitting any addiction is a process and there are no shortcuts. When you feel like you have given up, I think you are almost there so don't decide to give up yet.

 

[kaylagrl]

Well, smoking. Been asking him for 38 years now. Been told I'm killing my husband and I'm going to die quickly by doctors. Been told I'm disgusting. (Also by a doctor.) We're getting to the point where I know we can't live in this house forever -- or possibly for long -- given it's a two story (three counting basement) and hubby is having balance issues already, so the logical thing is to go into a senior living place, but we can't because I smoke.

My husband has this issue. I never,ever mention it to him. He's brought it up and says he's a failure and wants to change,he promised me he would. I simply pat his arm and tell him I love him,I want him around for a long time with me and Im praying for him. He has now cut back to half of what he use to smoke. Why? Not to brag on myself but I made a decision when we met. He is a wonderful man,sweet and thoughtful, he cares more about me than I do myself. I was not going to make him feel bad about smoking. My whole family are non smokers and can't stand smoking and I lined them up before they met him. You DO NOT mention smoking!! And they knew I meant it! And they have come to overlook his habit and see him as a person struggling with a bad habit and they pray for him but say nothing. I figured the worse thing you can do to a person trying to drop a bad habit is to ride their back and make them feel bad about it. Stressed out smokers smoke more,not less! And so Ive left it up to him,its his decision. And one day he said " I have cut way back on smoking,you dont even know how much". And I tell him that I am proud of him and I love him and he'll get there one day. Now he only buys enough to get through two days at a time. He has a electronic cig that he takes when we go on trips,he won't smoke in the car. The more stress to quit the worse the urge to smoke.

My husband smokes to calm himself, thats how he feels. If we're going into a crowded mall he has to have a smoke. It becomes a coping mechanism. I always joke how its not fair that he gets to be calm while I have to deal with the jerks. But in reality I think it makes him more stressed but he doesn't know it. He needs different skills to cope with stress or situations he can't handle. None of my business but maybe looking into stress management might help,different coping skills than using a cig.? You may be different than my hubby,its just something Ive noticed. But feeling stressed and bad about yourself isn't helping for sure.


ps. Some people can go cold turkey and some have to do it a cig at a time. Dont get down,cut yourself some slack and try again.

 

[Depleted]

As it stands now, I am a failure then, because that was my last try. The only 'nother-try comes into me is if God does it to me.

Of course, it helps that I already know I'm a failure. Had I not known that, I wouldn't need God in the first place, right?

And two people yesterday told me that if it's not God's timing, it's not God's timing. (Hubby being the other one.)

And as to confirm that, this is a reminder from God of who gives me my sap. This is today's Morning devotional from Spurgeon:
Morning
“The trees of the Lord are full of sap.”
- Psa_104:16
Without sap the tree cannot flourish or even exist. Vitality is essential to a Christian. There must be life -a vital principle infused into us by God the Holy Ghost, or we cannot be trees of the Lord. The mere name of being a Christian is but a dead thing, we must be filled with the spirit of divine life. This life is mysterious. We do not understand the circulation of the sap, by what force it rises, and by what power it descends again. So the life within us is a sacred mystery. Regeneration is wrought by the Holy Ghost entering into man and becoming man’s life; and this divine life in a believer afterwards feeds upon the flesh and blood of Christ and is thus sustained by divine food, but whence it cometh and whither it goeth who shall explain to us? What a secret thing the sap is! The roots go searching through the soil with their little spongioles, but we cannot see them suck out the various gases, or transmute the mineral into the vegetable; this work is done down in the dark. Our root is Christ Jesus, and our life is hid in him; this is the secret of the Lord. The radix of the Christian life is as secret as the life itself. How permanently active is the sap in the cedar! In the Christian the divine life is always full of energy-not always in fruit- bearing, but in inward operations. The believer’s graces, are not every one of them in constant motion? but his life never ceases to palpitate within. He is not always working for God, but his heart is always living upon him. As the sap manifests itself in producing the foliage and fruit of the tree, so with a truly healthy Christian, his grace is externally manifested in his walk and conversation. If you talk with him, he cannot help speaking about Jesus. If you notice his actions you will see that he has been with Jesus. He has so much sap within, that it must fill his conduct and conversation with life.



It took God a mere 36 years to turn me around on wanting to quit. No telling if or when he gets me to quit. I don't believe I'll be worshiping him eternally as a smoker though.

 

[mikeys4grace]

Hi, again...
I've heard many 'solutions' over time, and everyone is different, so there's no 'one right way' for all, but I do find it interesting how many ppl who believe in Jesus will easily forget Him when giving answers and advice to certain things.

Talk about homos marriage, or lesbian preachers, or alcoholism or cheating, and ppl don't hesitate rightly putting God at the forefront of overcoming these 'sins',

but 'other things' will often get pages of pschobabble and advice and appeasement and excuses and 'there-there, try this, try that, its so haaaarrrd, try again' blahblah, but barely a word about Jesus or scripture or sin or shame is mentioned.

Look, I'm not meaning to sound condemning, there IS no condemnation for true christians, praise the Lord, and Lynn has given every indication that she's a blood-bought, born-again, child of the living God, so idk, maybe she has struggles believing in, or having full assurance of, the gift of salvation once for all forever, but many do, sometimes.
Maybe that's a separate issue, maybe not, idk.

Smoking is not the unpardonable sin, but sometimes we have to quit playing games with the enemy, and call things what they are, ... especially when all other things have failed.

Again, not to be condemning, but just to be honest before the Lord and with ourselves.
But, If a person has come to the point where they want to stop doing something, they've admitted it's wrong, claim they've tried many times and methods to stop, including prayers, and asking God and God's people for help, and they still do it, MAYBE it's just become deliberate sin, and until that gets honestly admitted, there's probably not going to be any real victory over it.
God understands, but do we want to?

Among all the other horrible things I've done in my life, I also smoked a pack a day for at least 40years, and I had no real desire or intention of quitting. But often there was that nagging 'voice' letting me know from time to time that it was wrong and I should quit.

I had to harden my heart against that, and common sense, to continue.

I convinced myself it was the 'hypocrite establishment' that was forcing me by guilt-trip to stop smoking, ostracizing ME as a free American into not doing what I want with my own body...?
(as THEY say)

After all, weren't these the same ppl shoving pro-choice, so-called, down my throat when it comes to murdering babies? Now they're going to tell ME, a 'good, God-fearing', tobacco farmers supporter (and all those chemicals, I guess), that I can't smoke cigarettes? All the while they're pushing to legalize smoking dope?
Hah!

Weeellllll, one day I was reading scripture, and I'm into the beauty of 1st Peter, being born-again by the Word, as a gift from God, and without going into all the details, the bottom line was, I put the bible down, and did what I always do, .....
I non-chalantly lit a cigarette while contemplating what I read.

Suddenly I recognized that the sin is not really smoking a cigarette, but my rebellious, defiant, black heart! THAT'S what I needed deliverance from, ME, not the stupid cigarettes.

My indifferent determination that I was going to smoke trumped the Word of God, without me even giving it a second thought. SHAME ON ME!!! God has set me free from so many other things, and yet I'm gonna cling to this?

If I could be so Lah-di-dah in the face of God's grace in His Word,
how secure did I have a right to be in other areas of my life?
Or even death?

And even though my salvation is not based on my own behavior, my Savior surely deserves better of me than to be so childishly defiant, or claiming it's 'my right' to smoke, or 'it's tooo haaarrd' to quit.

Hah!!!

Okay, some things are hard, but TOO hard to stop for Jesus?!

Too hard for an East-Coast American Christian, no less?!
Whether it's a Philly-Boy or a Jersey-Girl or a NewYork-Goombah?
No way!!

As we speak, there are ppl being tortured, beaten, and murdered simply for believing in Jesus, and they're standing up for Him and defying the enemy, showing faith and courage in the face of overwhelming odds, because of His great love for them, and yet, I'M gonna crumble under the weight of a cigarette addiction and give the enemy the victory because it's tooo haarrdd??!!'
Pah-hah!! Nope! No more!

Well, it's been over two years since that last cigarette, praise the Lord!
And I take no credit for any of it, this is All the Lord's doing.
He coulda, shoulda, 'offed' me long ago, but by His grace and mercy,
He's carried me all my life, still has me here now,
(for some crazy reason idk, ?), but I don't want to take Him for granted,
But I trust Him to continue this work in progress I am.

Gosh, I'm such a wretch, yet He continues to be so Good and Merciful.
Psalm23 (ty ladylynn et al.), John10:1-30 (ty PastorJoe, S. Ferguson et al.).
Our Good Shepherd. Again and again. Thank you, Jesus.

(Oh yeah, initially, I bought one of those stupid e-cigs, but after a couple of days of that, I started thinking, 'Wait a minute, I just quit a 40year habit of smoking cigarettes for Jesus' sake, and now I'm gonna start smoking batteries??!!
What kind of a moron am I??
I'm not only a sinner, I'm an idiot!!!')
So that's gone, too.

Do some of these victories come easily?
Maybe some do, sometimes, for some ppl.

Maybe sometimes not so much.
Uuuummmm, and, So what?!

We sing ,'Worthy is the Lamb who was slain,
to receive all honor and praise'.

Is He?

Do we mean it?

Do we really believe Him? (Of course we do!)
If we ask Him for something to eat, will He give us a stone?
If we ask Him for His Holy Spirit, He will give Himself to us.
He already gave Himself FOR us, Hallelujah, and He gave us each other for encouragement and help along the way.

What a good and loving heavenly Father we have! What a friend we have in Jesus! Praying for you to let Him give you the victory. Actually, He already has. You know what to do. You need only take hold of it. Take hold of His hand, He already has you in His! Jesus loves you.
Peace.

 

[mikeys4grace]

*update...I submitted my post #18 before realizing the post #17
had been submitted by the OPer.
I hope their was no conflict.
And I meant no disrespect in anything I said.
I know she said no scolding OR encouragement wanted.
(sorry, Lynn, I'll have to work on that. )

 

[NewWine]

First, You are NOT a failure, and you are NOT disgusting!!!! Anyone who would tell you you're disgusting is disgusting in my book, and I don't care how many pedigree initials he has after his name! Many doctors can be the most arrogant people on the planet.
You are not killing your husband. Your husband's health issues are NOT YOUR FAULT! You didn't cause them and you aren't killing him. The doctor(s) who told you this is/are an ass(es).

When you and God are ready you will quit. Whether that be the day your freewill allows you to control this, or whether it be when God says, "It's time", it will happen when you and God are ready for it to happen....together. It won't be easy, or simple or anything like that, but it will happen. This time you're in now, is simply preparing you for later. Try to cherish this preparation time. It's painful and difficult, but it will benefit you one day.

Praying for peace in your heart in this and all things!!
Peace!!