How to be a better wife

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Callie93

Guest
#1
#1
I have read the passages in Peter and Corinthians on how I should act towards my unbeliving husband. However , I have no role model in how a wife or husband should work or act. I'm the type of person to go by a book in how to act and do things but that doesn't seem to be enough. Please my husband is deciding to stay or leave within the next 6 days if I do not show I care more. I've done everything, yet it is not enough. Any guidance would be great
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#2
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
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#2
Callie93 said:
I have read the passages in Peter and Corinthians on how I should act towards my unbeliving husband. However , I have no role model in how a wife or husband should work or act. I'm the type of person to go by a book in how to act and do things but that doesn't seem to be enough. Please my husband is deciding to stay or leave within the next 6 days if I do not show I care more. I've done everything, yet it is not enough. Any guidance would be great
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What are his grievances, exactly? Do you argue a lot? Does he have legitimate concerns, or is he just the type to find fault over everything?

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but here are somethings I think could appeal to a lot of husbands. Are you at home when your husband gets there? If so, you could do this. Make a drink he likes and have it ready when he gets home. Greet him at the door with a warm, genuine, hug and kiss. Ask him if he'd like to sit down and have something to drink. You might add a snack like a piece of cake. When he sits down, bring him something to drink and sit down on the floor next to the chair by his legs, and talk with him.

Don't criticize or argue. Listen when he talks. Pretend like you are newly weds or a newly dating couple deeply in love. Laugh at his jokes.

Cook his favorite meal. Be generous in the bedroom if he's the type to particularly like that. Also, if he normally initiates, you initiate.

Does he like sports? Ask him if he'd like to watch whatever sport he'd like. Make him some homemade nachos and salsa (or whatever he likes) to snack on while he watches the game. Or buy him tickets to an event he'd like if there is one nearby, and go with him.

Give him a massage. Most people like that. There are lots of ways you can show affection.

If you do see something he's doing wrong you want to address-- after things calm down-- bring it up gently without yelling. Get to the point quick, and don't repeat your grievances over and over again.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#3
#3
Callie93 said:
I have read the passages in Peter and Corinthians on how I should act towards my unbeliving husband. However , I have no role model in how a wife or husband should work or act. I'm the type of person to go by a book in how to act and do things but that doesn't seem to be enough. Please my husband is deciding to stay or leave within the next 6 days if I do not show I care more. I've done everything, yet it is not enough. Any guidance would be great
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May I ask when did your issues start? Have you been to counseling? What has happened between you where you find it hard to show you care? Sorry for the questions but we need a bit more info. Has there been abuse or did you just grow apart?
 
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Callie93

Guest
#4
#4
No we only argue every other month about religion and the existence of God. It has become more prominent because I'm teaching our child now . I do all of those things for him above
 
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Ugly

Guest
#5
#5
Chances are he's already made up his mind. He's either biding his time waiting for a place to move into is open, or using this as a tactic to manipulate you into catering to his every whim. Either way you should not be jumping through hoops like this. If he loves you then he knows it already. And if he's just manipulating you then he's not worth having to begin with. No matter what angle you look at it he comes up looking bad.
Even if, for arguments sake, let's say you are acting wrong somehow. Unless you are being abusive or willfully antagonistic then putting up such demands is inappropriate.

Ignore presidente. He very much has a skewed view. Jump and cater to your husband the second he walks in the door then sitting on the floor like a dog to look up to your master, err, husband, to talk to him.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#6
#6
Ugly said:
Chances are he's already made up his mind. He's either biding his time waiting for a place to move into is open, or using this as a tactic to manipulate you into catering to his every whim. Either way you should not be jumping through hoops like this. If he loves you then he knows it already. And if he's just manipulating you then he's not worth having to begin with. No matter what angle you look at it he comes up looking bad.
Even if, for arguments sake, let's say you are acting wrong somehow. Unless you are being abusive or willfully antagonistic then putting up such demands is inappropriate.

Ignore presidente. He very much has a skewed view. Jump and cater to your husband the second he walks in the door then sitting on the floor like a dog to look up to your master, err, husband, to talk to him.
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May I say I agree with this post, strongly?
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#7
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,171
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#7
Keep your focus on God and pray, pray, and pray some more for your husband. You two loved each other at some point or you would not have gotten married. I don't think you have to cater to every whim roll over and play like a dog to please your husband either. You love him and you want to do for him as it is.

Keep your eyes on Jesus and continue to be kind and loving to your husband. Things will work out according to the plan God has for your life rest in Him and let Him lead you through this matter.

I wouldn't obsess about it I would wash my face put on my makeup and continue on as life has everyday demands that need to be met. Keep taking care of your house, daughter and husband keep loving them and keep praying. God will see you through no matter what you have to do. He promised to never leave you even to the end of the world believe it.
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#8
#8
What he said sounds like a threat. Is he showing he loves you? It's a two- way thing after all.
Also, if he is threatening to leave because you teach your child about God, then you already know it is God you should choose
 
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NewWine

Guest
#9
#9
1corinthians 13
[SUP]4 [/SUP]Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; [SUP]5 [/SUP]does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; [SUP]6 [/SUP]does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; [SUP]7 [/SUP]bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


This is what love is supposed to be. If you're doing your best to be exhibiting these characteristics to your husband, then you're doing it right, in my opinion.....
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
41,301
16,296
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69
Tennessee
#10
Perhaps your husband needs to work on being a better husband as well. These two go together. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 
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AuntieAnt

Guest
#11
#11
Although we can't possibly know all the intimate circumstances of your marital conflict, I doubt very much your husband is trying to manipulate you. You've posted in your other thread that for the past two years you haven't showed him God's love, haven't trusted him, and nagged him, even waking him up early in the morning to tell him he's going to hell. I'm sure he means business when he says you have a week to stop condemning and humiliating him.

As for sitting at his feet with snacks, trying to appease him, that's not genuine love. That's just fear based. I posted this response in your other thread. I pray in Jesus' name that you would trust the Lord to give you a heart of love toward your husband and that your marriage would be restored.

http://christianchat.com/prayer-requests/143489-unequally-yoked-1-week-decide.html#post2846474
 
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LaurenTM

Guest
#12
#12
AuntieAnt said:
Although we can't possibly know all the intimate circumstances of your marital conflict, I doubt very much your husband is trying to manipulate you. You've posted in your other thread that for the past two years you haven't showed him God's love, haven't trusted him, and nagged him, even waking him up early in the morning to tell him he's going to hell. I'm sure he means business when he says you have a week to stop condemning and humiliating him.

As for sitting at his feet with snacks, trying to appease him, that's not genuine love. That's just fear based. I posted this response in your other thread. I pray in Jesus' name that you would trust the Lord to give you a heart of love toward your husband and that your marriage would be restored.

http://christianchat.com/prayer-requests/143489-unequally-yoked-1-week-decide.html#post2846474
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oh my lands!

I'd be leaving too!

waking someone up to tell them they are going to hell? seriously, if a person is a Christian, they should be praying for that sleeping partner...not traumatizing them!

glad you posted this Auntie, cause I had no idea...

would like to hear the husband's story at this point.....:p
 
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LaurenTM

Guest
#13
#13
Callie93 said:
I have read the passages in Peter and Corinthians on how I should act towards my unbeliving husband. However , I have no role model in how a wife or husband should work or act. I'm the type of person to go by a book in how to act and do things but that doesn't seem to be enough. Please my husband is deciding to stay or leave within the next 6 days if I do not show I care more. I've done everything, yet it is not enough. Any guidance would be great
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OK Callie93? what gives?

just read about your other thread...and conclude you have some big issues to work on

I feel for you....were you a believer when you married him?

you have to know that your actions are driving him away, right?

I will agree with others, that we don't have enough other than very conflicting posts from you, to be able to give any advice

nonetheless, yah gotta stop it!
 
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heliza

Guest
#14
#14
My English is not so good, sorry if I wrote something wrong. First of all you need to thought about what is wrog in your relationchip and after try to solve the problem with your husband.
 
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Callie93

Guest
#15
#15
AuntieAnt said:
Although we can't possibly know all the intimate circumstances of your marital conflict, I doubt very much your husband is trying to manipulate you. You've posted in your other thread that for the past two years you haven't showed him God's love, haven't trusted him, and nagged him, even waking him up early in the morning to tell him he's going to hell. I'm sure he means business when he says you have a week to stop condemning and humiliating him.

As for sitting at his feet with snacks, trying to appease him, that's not genuine love. That's just fear based. I posted this response in your other thread. I pray in Jesus' name that you would trust the Lord to give you a heart of love toward your husband and that your marriage would be restored.

http://christianchat.com/prayer-requests/143489-unequally-yoked-1-week-decide.html#post2846474[/QUOTE
I do not tell him every morning he is going to hell. We argue about it whenever it is brought up. I nag him about helping us because he has neglected his wife and child by not being here.
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Callie93

Guest
#16
#16
I do not tell him he is going to hell every day. I ask him to help me out in mornings . the issue of hell is brought up when we talk about it which is often and becomes an argument. I guess need to go clear that up in the other post too
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#17
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#17
Well, he can't be there with you and his kid 24-7. Does he have a job? And if not, how is he supporting the three of you? I must say that you really need to try and not be a nag. MEN HATE a nagging, contentious woman. Just let go of the arguments, and the nagging and whatever else you do to annoy him. If he goes to hell, that's on him. YOU can't make him change.
 
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Callie93

Guest
#18
#18
We both work and go to school full time .
 
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LaurenTM

Guest
#19
#19
Callie93 said:
We both work and go to school full time .
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that might be some of your problem right there

you could just be awful tired and it does not take much to get on the other's nerves

at any rate, you should NEVER tell your husband he is going to hell

is that something to say someone you love? you know, love is not just how you feel

very often, especially in a relationship as personal as a marriage, it is about just DOING the right thing and SAYING the right thing

otherwise you have 2 immature adults expecting the other one to make up for all their own shortcomings

and by the way, you ask for advice, tell us how you talk to him, then get your panties in a knot when we say don't talk to him that way

just sayin..........
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#20
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#20
Callie93 said:
We both work and go to school full time .
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Okay.. So that's a big part of why neither of you has much quality alone time with each other. What does he do when he's home, and where does he go when he's away?
 
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