Forgiveness for the father I don't know...

[bellapazzesco]

Sooo... I recently posted an issue that i had at my church. I wanna be a lil more clear on the subject. But I am also breaking them into 2 seperate posts. Heres the 1st... I was raised in the church.. mostly lutheran. My Dad was an alcoholic, involved with drugs, and cheated and left my mom for.. now my stepmom. Religion was a huge part of his sobriety. I was always forced to go to church. If I said i didnt want to... I had to write papers on why. He made me go through confirmation. Even though I felt i wasnt ready. Once I was old enough to make a decision... I stopped going. My father has been sober now for over 12 years... and i havent seen him in 6. He has a new family... and forgot about us. Hasnt made an attempt since then. That was at my uncles funeral. My uncle was who i lived with for a great deal growing up while my dad was on his journey of sobriety. When he passed away it had already been a few years since me an my dad spoke. We had an on and off relationship. I only lived with him for 3rd and 9th grade. After he had my brother with my stepmom... everything kinda fell apart. I dont blame them at all 100% But, i truely feel he didn't care for me the same... maybe I remind him to much of my mom... like i am always told haha. I don't know. But, anywho... it had been 2 years since I had seen him the day of the funeral. I went with my older sister. My dad was the one who gave a speech that day. Thanking my uncle for taking care of us when he couldn't, how he helped raise 2 beautiful girls, how he was sorry for not being apart of our lives, how he loved us, and was sorry. In front of everyone. Later when we went to lunch afterwards he approached me. He came to me and whispered... Chelle it'd be so nice to shoot you an email and say hello and see how you are, call you when I want to talk to you and catch up, and then maybe lunch one day when your ready. He has/had my email, my phone number, my address, where I worked... that i had given him. I havent heard from him since. I have recently TRUELY found god and myself out of all these years. Everyone says I will learn to 4give him. I really feel like I won't. Lately I have been having dreams of him. Its always the same situation. Us going to meet up to talk... and me getting there and just wanting to leave... and leaving. What do i do???? Do I need some sort of closure? Will I ever be able to forgive him.......

 

[carpetmanswife]

myself a complete outsider lookin in..you and your dad need to sit down as soon as possible face to face and let it all our girl..no holds barred ,you need to tell him what you are going thru . i can feel the distress in your post , i feel thats the best way to get something ,anything , movin in the right direction.Gb you sincerely

 

[bellapazzesco]

myself a complete outsider lookin in..you and your dad need to sit down as soon as possible face to face and let it all our girl..no holds barred ,you need to tell him what you are going thru . i can feel the distress in your post , i feel thats the best way to get something ,anything , movin in the right direction.Gb you sincerely

Thanks for your response!!!! I am just scared. the last time I wrote or called... I never got a response. So, I am afraid of getting rejected again... but, i'd like to know why!!! Thank you so much!

 

[Stand_Up_4_God]

I agree with Cmw...I mean.. here's the thing, my mom and dad neither one were around. They left my sis and I as babies, only came around or called when it was convient for them. My dad was always drunk and high,at times when I did get to see him, he was rather unpleasent, he would grab me up by my arms, cussing me out, treat me horribly, and much more. My mom with differnet men, and blah blah blah long story. Both of my parents have denied and disowned me as their child, and love their step-children over me crazy madness lol. I wish so badly I could sit down and tell my dad how bad I hurt for so long, and at times still do, but it's not possible I have no contact with him, and no idea where he is. I told my mom on Christmas eve of 2006, but she couuld careless. So if given the chance, talk with your dad about things. It's best, anyways, best wishes always, showers of blessings upon you, and God bless!

 

[Stand_Up_4_God]

Oh I forgot to tell you, Psalm 27:10 says When my father and my mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up. Remember that, while your earthly father isn't there for you and everything, and you hurt, your true, and heavenly Father is there, and look at how much He loves you!

 

[footprints1]

my father was a bad father he never raised me but i had to forgive him in order for me to have peace in my heart.he has recently had stomach cancerand been healed i went to his hospital visits and i was there for him even though he was not there for me do unto others as you would wont them to do to you with gods love in our heart we can.god bless you.

 

[Stand_Up_4_God]

I agree, I had a lot of forgiving to do...it's most certainly not easy, but required on our part to have peace and all. I too was there for my father during hard times in life, one being when we stood and literally watched his brother die in front of our eyes. Be there for them, shine God's light, do what they haven't for you, show them the love, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, acceptance, and so much more that God shows us!

 

[memi]

Bella, I have been where you are. I hurt over the absence of my father for a long time. I'm 31 now, and I can say it doesn't hurt anymore. For me, I had to just let go of the idea that I would never speak to him. That may not be the case with you. I have only met my father once under false pretences! lol He didn't even realize I was his daughter. God chooses your parents to make you who He wants you to be. I would tell God this, " Thank you Lord that even though I may not see the purpose for this pain, that you work all things toghether for my good, and I thank you that you are at work in me and my father in Jesus name." Remember he(your father) knows not what he has done, and is unable to repay his debt to you. He is not cappable to undo those things, that's why you will forgive him.

 

[NightShadow]

Bella you have already ready been given some exellent advice here. Forgivness is a hard thing to do especially when it hurts so badly. Just remember 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. God will show you the path.

<><
NS

 

[become_the_generation]

hey. i dont know my dad either. it was hard at first. but God had me forgive him. think about this.

Is your desire to love stronger than your desire to be treated well?

Are you willing to let your heart defeat your mind?

blessings,
nate

 

[lifetime]

Alot of times I look at forgiveness from the perspective of the Lord's prayer, where it says forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us. To me this means that as I am forgiven it is my duty to forgive others. It surely doesn't happen overnight. I think it's a gift from God that He puts into our hearts when He knows we're ready to forgive. In the meantime He teaches us things about it to prepare us. Open your heart to the possibility it can happen and ask for God's help. I think from what you've said that you do want to do it. It's just not all clear yet. Keep the faith. It can happen and then you'll see forgiveness is like magic. It's healing and gives you peace, whether or not the other person is capable to accept it.

love and peace to you

ilh

 

[Ashkuhn]

My father has been in prison my whole life so understand where you are coming from sorta.. I'm sorry that you have to feel this way. I know it has to be hard for you. The best advice I could give you as a friend would just be to pray for your heart to mend itself. God is capable of anything and everything. Stay strong! It seems like nothing will happen, but before you know it you will realize that God has completely taken care of the situation. I will be praying for you. I know it is hard, but just stick in there!

 

[Ibelieve]

I also had an absent parent...I know it hurts, but it is not your fault. You can forgive without forgetting what he has done. Wiping away the hurt is hard, move on, move on. Do not waste your effort on someone that keeps hurting you. I wasted a lot of time and they will not change. I had to wipe away the thought of the control my parents had on me, I stood strong with the help of the Lord, He gave me strength to see it was not my fault and I had to cast away the cloud that hung over me so I could live a peaceful life without their pain. I leaned on the Lord because I did not have anyone else I could trust and it showed me that He took care of me and showed me he is the only One I could trust. Both my parents abandoned me when I needed them the most and I am 41. I went through a horrible divorce a couple of years ago and they did not support me through it at all. I forgive but I did not forget what they did and I stand up and take my life back from the hurt they caused. I too was always pushed into my parents ways of worshipping the Lord, It was when I removed my moms way of thinking and the cloud of being told to be a christian that I found my own way. You have to be mindfull of the Lord on your own without the pain you see and feel from the presence of your parent. They are not you. I got my inspiration from reading the Bible on my own. Psalm 23 got me through a lot. The Lord was the light behind the clouds, breathe in His fresh air, feel the warmth of His light, stand strong with both feet planted on the rock of His strength. I did , I can breathe, I can feel , I can stand!!!!!!

 

[ambergood1]

Hey, I also had a father who was an alcoholic and drug addict and spent a lot of time in and out of jail and prison and was never around much and when he was, he was violent. My mom was always with one guy or another, "trying to find the love my dad never gave her" and I was raised mostly by my grandmother and an aunt.

When my dad got sick and we knew he wasn't going to make it, I still wouldn't let go of my anger toward him and didn't spend as much time with him in the end as I really should have. Now that he is gone, I regret that so badly.

You need to pray that God will give you the courage to make the first step (even if it's for the 100th time), and contact your dad and meet with him and get it all out between you guys. You just never know when it is going to be too late. I found myself having to go to the cemetery to apologize to my dad and tell him I forgive him.

Also, think of this, maybe your dad is too afraid to call you because he is afraid of the same thing as you, rejection. (eventually one of you has to step up and face that fear head on so why not go ahead and be the first to do it.) I know that is harder than it sounds, but pray and God will give you the strength to do it.

I hope all goes well for you

Have a Blessed Day,

Amber

 

[binod]

Dear ,
Greetings to his holy Name !
hoping my this e-mails meets you all well over there.I want to make you very close friend.What do you think about that?
Listen to know from you soon.
With Love & Prayers,
Binod

 

[Moviefan2k4]

My father left before I was born; I never even met him until my 12th birthday. It's been almost 17 years since then, and I've met him maybe 3 times, and spoken to him probably 10 or so. I visited his house for the Christmas holidays when I was 15, and I've never gone back.

The strange thing is that my stepmother's a very kind woman. I've spoken to her at length a few times over the years, and she really listens to people. But she also says my father barely even speaks with her anymore (and they're still married). I also recently met my brother Skip, who is 9 years my senior. He's nice, but has a fierce redneck streak in him. I'm a city boy, so I find some of his traits rather inappropriate and uncomfortable.

I've tried calling my father on the phone, but every time I get the machine. I used ot just hang up, but now I leave short messages. He also has a grandson whom he adopted as a son (long story), which means the 17-year-old boy is my nephew-turned-brother. We're really getting into "I'm my own grandpa" territory here! =)

Anyways, I still strugle with a lot of anger towards him. I wish he'd been around to watch me grow, to guide me in ways that no one else ever could. I'm 28 years old now, and I still feel like a heartbroken child more often than not. I've tried forgiving him over and over, but the emotions keep coming back. I want so badly to know both him and that side of my family...but then I also have moments where I wish I'd never met him.