What should I do?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
M

Muddajayjay

Guest
#1
#1
Hello. I'm on here because I desperately need someone to talk to. This guy I've been friends with for three years "broke up" with me. (We haven't had sex and we are both Christian). I put that in quotes because we technically were never together. He expressed that he wanted to pursue a relationship with me but his parents said to wait until after college to pursue a relationship and so we couldn't be "together." Mind you when he first expressed his interest in me I kind of ignored it, but it took me about a year to get back to him about it and letting him know that I like him too, I mean he is a really nice guy and we were best friends. Within that year I remember asking God about marriage (and it was about a different guy who was on my heart) and Him saying wait and guard my heart. So him and I both knew we liked each other and I would try to talk about it with him but then time after time there would be this road block. So we were platonic friends for about a year, then still friends but I knew that he liked me and me seeking God about marriage the next year and then me telling him I like him too and wrestling with this for a year and now to him saying that we should just not date and not try to get married anymore. In this short amount of time since then (like a week or so) I've been spending more time with the Lord and in his word and God revealed to me that I have been idolizing him and I do struggle with idolization. This sucks because I still really like him and miss talking to him. I just try to wait until he texts me and also keep myself busy as to not think about him. And he'll text me every once in awhile saying hi and asking how my day is. He's kind of has always done that though even before all this drama.
Side note: We're both in college and nearing the end. He's 21 and I'm 22. He's a very hardworking guy who is in the field of Architecture and is very respected and favored. And I and everyone in the program admire him a lot. I'm so proud of him!
 
C

crazyred

Guest
#2
#2
In the book if Matthew Jesus said,seek first the jibgdon of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added onto you. When we out Jesus first,He will do wonders for us. I'm in a rekariobshio with a wonsn I still haven't met yet. She's a Christian and I'm Christian and we met online. We've fallen in love with each other just in the past three months that we've been talking. She lives in California and I'm in Connecticut but wecboth believe that soon God will bring us together. Its hard not being able to be with the one you love but when we out God first, he says He will give us our heart's desire
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
What to do? Seems obvious to me. Move on. He has. You're still putting him in too high of a place.
And you grew accustomed to having him there waiting on you. He got tired of waiting. Now this is the consequence.
 
C

crazyred

Guest
#4
#4
He hasn't moved on because he is still chatting with her, so there is still a spark there. And the bible says, what God has joined together let no man separate. So if God brought them together who is anyone to say different? Do we know more than God?
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#5
#5
crazyred said:
He hasn't moved on because he is still chatting with her, so there is still a spark there. And the bible says, what God has joined together let no man separate. So if God brought them together who is anyone to say different? Do we know more than God?
Click to expand...


God may have, may have, brought them together for a time,not necessarily for a lifetime. Its not right to give her false hope. When a guy moves away there is a reason. She needs to move on. If she was that important in his life he would have moved closer,not further from her. Guys have a subtle way of saying its over if they just can't come out and say it. Holding on will only hurt her more in the end.
 
C

crazyred

Guest
#6
#6
If you have read what she said,she was idolizing him and they God revealed it to her. And she also stated that he does contact her from time to time. If he haze moved on he wouldn't contact her. So the way I see it, God sepetated them for awhile until they pug him first. He is to be first in our lives
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#7
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#7
Don't obsess, just be content to be friends.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#8
#8
crazyred said:
If you have read what she said,she was idolizing him and they God revealed it to her. And she also stated that he does contact her from time to time. If he haze moved on he wouldn't contact her. So the way I see it, God sepetated them for awhile until they pug him first. He is to be first in our lives
Click to expand...
I had someone who idolized me and I found it creepy but somewhat addictive.

It is a power thing to have someone think everything you do is wonderful, but after a while I felt like he loved the image of who he thought I was and not the real me. When I broke up with him and started dating someone else, he got really mad. I think he was more mad that I wasn't really his idol than that we weren't dating. He even said he would miss hanging out with my brothers more.

The point is, I knew it was over but allowed him to hang out with my friends and I because I didn't want to be mean. I was hoping when we graduated he would move away and find someone else. I tried breaking up with him every month but wasn't very firm or assertive about it. I didn't bother me that he called me his "girlfriend" because I didn't plan on dating anyone anyway. We typically spent time in a group of friends or studying so I was like whatever.

I know now it was a mistake and should have been firmer and more truthful. When I knew that I didn't see marriage, I should have made him believe me when I told him. Instead of worrying about hurting his feelings because it was worst when it ended. He kept wanting to change to try and keep me and I just wanted him to be himself. I wanted him to learn to be happy without me,

One of my friends have me a test....imagine yourself in a deserted island...


If you could have only one other person with you, would it be the person you are dating or someone else?

My answer was, I would rather be alone....kind of telling that the relationship should have ended.

*******

Back to the Op, what should you do?

Put God first and learn how to walk in His love for You. Learn to be independent and happy without another person in your life...learn to be content with God's love and the many blessings He has given you. If this is the man God wants you to marry, He will bring him back into your life. Be friends with him if you can be happy if he starts dating another person, otherwise break contact because you aren't over him. Stop obsessing over him or having daydrsms about the future with him...what God has planned for your life is better than anything you can dream up and obsessive daydreams set you up for relationship disappointments.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.