What makes a marriage last?

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Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#1
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#1
There is no secret formula for a lasting marriage. Every marriage is different. So what worked with others may not work for some. Love and respect and effort from both spouse are important. God being the top of the marriage triangle will make it strong unlike a very unstable inverted triangle where God is at the bottom.

So for those whose marriages passed the test of time and changing seasons, may I ask what makes a marriage last? How do you keep the love alive?



Time will tell how much I love you.~quote from the movie doctor strange. It reminds me that God loves us with everlasting love.

But...

Who measures love by time? Even if it's only for one day, the depth and sincerity is what counts. ~ Kim Moon Shik
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#2
Jul 24, 2016
7,425
3,474
113
#2
Be prepared to forgive a lot..
Always talk,, communication must be kept open... Never use silent treatment.. That's a sure way to put a swift end to any relationship..
 
Zmouth

Zmouth

Senior Member
#3
Nov 21, 2012
3,391
134
63
#3
it's foundation
 
G

Gracechangesme

Guest
#4
#4
If God is the center of your marriage.
 
Desertsrose

Desertsrose

Senior Member
#5
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
207
63
#5
Hi Tinkerbell725,

This will probably sound too simple but true love, the kind found in the bible is the answer.

True love for one another doesn't set one or the other up on a pedestal. God is the one they worship. I had my husband on one and all he could do is fall, they will fall because only God is perfect.

As I think back, one of my difficulties was having unreal expectations of my husband. And also thinking that if he really loved me he'd do this or that. Well true love expects what's realistic and true love doesn't need him to do this or that to prove his love.

I have to laugh at myself on this one, but another thing was that I expected him to read my mind and automatically know what it is I wanted or didn't want.

On a positive note, I listened to him. I took an interest in his job and asked questions about his day. And he's probably had at least five different types of jobs so far, so I took an interest in each one, even if I knew little of what he did.

He also liked me going to town with him when he needed to go to AutoZone or Lowes, etc. It was important to him for me to be with him. It didn't say it verbally, it was just one of those things a wife knows about her husband. :)

So through prayer and anguish of heart, what I did with my high expectations is that I ended up lowering them. Also, one day I listed all the things I loved about my husband, the things I appreciated about him, the things that attract me to him.

After I made that list, I told myself I would not consider his negative qualities anymore. They were best left with God to deal with because He's the one that sees and knows everything about Him and only He has the power to change him, if change was indeed what was necessary. So when a negative thought came to mind I would think of his positives. And if it didn't happen right away, within a day or two I got passed the negative thoughts and continued to remember the great guy I married, warts and all.

I find it amazing at how awful our thoughts can be or the direction they can go in. Especially when coupled with anger at the forefront. Thank God for our new nature, for the power of the Holy Spirit who's active in our lives every moment of the day and that He can enable me to overcome the sinful thoughts that creep into our mind at times.

So I decided I would pray and give them (the negatives) to the Lord. That was a tool that the enemy always used to divide us. He loves to magnify sin and tempt us to become angry with one another. On my part, what I could do was to continue to dwell on all his good qualities and thank God for him and them every day; thank Him for who my husband is and what he accomplishes for me and our family. When we praise God we focus of the repairer of the heart; we take our minds off of the problem and put all our expectations of God for the solution.

I also want to backtrack and say that at our church they began a bible study for women and we read a book. The title was, How To Be The Wife Of A Happy Husband or something like that. I was so excited, I was out to conquer and have the perfect marriage. :)

I can't tell you how disappointed and somewhat upset I was. You see, I thought this book would help me to change my husband. But the book was all about changing ME! UGH!!!

So after I got over that tantrum, I accepted the challenge and said, "Okay, I'm going to worry about me and my walk with the Lord. I'll pray and allow God to change me, and ask Him to help my husband to change and grow."

Here is where the scriptures that talk about thinking of others more highly than you do yourself come into play. :) And do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And remove the log from your eye so you can help to remove the toothpick that's in their eye.

So today I thank God that my husband works. (That's love in action) I thank God that my husband provide me food and clothes, medical care and all the other necessities of life. (That's love in action) I thank God that he repairs my car or takes it in to be repaired. (That's love in action) When he mows, trims trees or bushes or replaces those water plugs for the automatic watering system, that's all showing how much he loves and cares for me, for us. He built a pergola out our back door and helped me put in a garden. He's a fantastic man! Those are all ways husbands show how much they love their wife and family.

Also, he comes home every night. He sits down in his recliner after a hard day at work and tells me how comfortable and quiet it is at home and is thanking me for making him feel like he's king in his castle. I usually have supper ready or almost ready when he walks in the door.

When I was much younger I longed for the romantic part of love, but that's not really the type of guy my husband is. So I learned to look at the fixed plumbing or the pergola as a sign of love instead of the bouquet of flowers. I've learned to see his love in a look or a touch. Those are more real that flowers that will be thrown away.

One day I mentioned that I didn't need flowers and that it would mean more to me for him to pick a wild flower from the side of the road and bring it home. And guess what, one day he did. I was so blessed over that little flower because he thought of me as he shifted into park, climbed out of his seat to stoop and pluck the flower from the field.




 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#7
Mar 13, 2014
41,304
16,297
113
69
Tennessee
#7
Keeping God in the center of your marriage.
 
mailmandan

mailmandan

Senior Member
#8
Apr 7, 2014
25,035
13,041
113
58
#8
Tinkerbell725 said:
There is no secret formula for a lasting marriage. Every marriage is different. So what worked with others may not work for some. Love and respect and effort from both spouse are important. God being the top of the marriage triangle will make it strong unlike a very unstable inverted triangle where God is at the bottom.
Click to expand...
Absolutely! God, love, respect, commitment and effort from both husband and wife are critical! My wife and I have been married now for over 25 years (our first marriage). Praise the Lord! :)
 
MessageOfTheCross

MessageOfTheCross

Senior Member
#9
Sep 3, 2016
6,337
527
113
#9
What makes a marriage last? Jesus! Without Him we can do nothing! (John 15:5)

A Believers Faith must be exclusively in Jesus and His Finished Work. This allows the Holy Spirit the legal means to help you in every capacity of life. (Romans 8:2)
 
N

NewWine

Guest
#10
#10
Besides many of the things listed here, I think the secret to our marriage is realizing all those little things, that annoy the skittles out of me, are also part of what makes him the amazing dude I married (and vice versa). I don't love him in spite of those things, but BECAUSE of those things.

That.......and two bathrooms.:cool:
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#11
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#11
NewWine said:
Besides many of the things listed here, I think the secret to our marriage is realizing all those little things, that annoy the skittles out of me, are also part of what makes him the amazing dude I married (and vice versa). I don't love him in spite of those things, but BECAUSE of those things.

That.......and two bathrooms.:cool:
Click to expand...


Lol at two bathrooms!
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#12
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#12
MessageOfTheCross said:
What makes a marriage last? Jesus! Without Him we can do nothing! (John 15:5)

A Believers Faith must be exclusively in Jesus and His Finished Work. This allows the Holy Spirit the legal means to help you in every capacity of life. (Romans 8:2)
Click to expand...
okay but Jesus is still working his work is not yet finished...
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#13
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#13
if you had to ask me I would say stay single it is easier but in reality that is hard to do. So lots of communication forgiveness date night once a week or so.. The small things like telling your spouse you appreciate them and all they do ..etc...
 
L

LanceA

Guest
#14
#14
Tinkerbell725 said:
There is no secret formula for a lasting marriage. Every marriage is different. So what worked with others may not work for some. Love and respect and effort from both spouse are important. God being the top of the marriage triangle will make it strong unlike a very unstable inverted triangle where God is at the bottom.

So for those whose marriages passed the test of time and changing seasons, may I ask what makes a marriage last? How do you keep the love alive?



Time will tell how much I love you.~quote from the movie doctor strange. It reminds me that God loves us with everlasting love.

But...

Who measures love by time? Even if it's only for one day, the depth and sincerity is what counts. ~ Kim Moon Shik
Click to expand...
Honesty and God first in our lives. That is the only way my marriage has even came close to lasting.
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#15
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#15
Desertsrose said:
Hi Tinkerbell725,

This will probably sound too simple but true love, the kind found in the bible is the answer.

True love for one another doesn't set one or the other up on a pedestal. God is the one they worship. I had my husband on one and all he could do is fall, they will fall because only God is perfect.

As I think back, one of my difficulties was having unreal expectations of my husband. And also thinking that if he really loved me he'd do this or that. Well true love expects what's realistic and true love doesn't need him to do this or that to prove his love.

I have to laugh at myself on this one, but another thing was that I expected him to read my mind and automatically know what it is I wanted or didn't want.

On a positive note, I listened to him. I took an interest in his job and asked questions about his day. And he's probably had at least five different types of jobs so far, so I took an interest in each one, even if I knew little of what he did.

He also liked me going to town with him when he needed to go to AutoZone or Lowes, etc. It was important to him for me to be with him. It didn't say it verbally, it was just one of those things a wife knows about her husband. :)

So through prayer and anguish of heart, what I did with my high expectations is that I ended up lowering them. Also, one day I listed all the things I loved about my husband, the things I appreciated about him, the things that attract me to him.

After I made that list, I told myself I would not consider his negative qualities anymore. They were best left with God to deal with because He's the one that sees and knows everything about Him and only He has the power to change him, if change was indeed what was necessary. So when a negative thought came to mind I would think of his positives. And if it didn't happen right away, within a day or two I got passed the negative thoughts and continued to remember the great guy I married, warts and all.

I find it amazing at how awful our thoughts can be or the direction they can go in. Especially when coupled with anger at the forefront. Thank God for our new nature, for the power of the Holy Spirit who's active in our lives every moment of the day and that He can enable me to overcome the sinful thoughts that creep into our mind at times.

So I decided I would pray and give them (the negatives) to the Lord. That was a tool that the enemy always used to divide us. He loves to magnify sin and tempt us to become angry with one another. On my part, what I could do was to continue to dwell on all his good qualities and thank God for him and them every day; thank Him for who my husband is and what he accomplishes for me and our family. When we praise God we focus of the repairer of the heart; we take our minds off of the problem and put all our expectations of God for the solution.

I also want to backtrack and say that at our church they began a bible study for women and we read a book. The title was, How To Be The Wife Of A Happy Husband or something like that. I was so excited, I was out to conquer and have the perfect marriage. :)

I can't tell you how disappointed and somewhat upset I was. You see, I thought this book would help me to change my husband. But the book was all about changing ME! UGH!!!

So after I got over that tantrum, I accepted the challenge and said, "Okay, I'm going to worry about me and my walk with the Lord. I'll pray and allow God to change me, and ask Him to help my husband to change and grow."

Here is where the scriptures that talk about thinking of others more highly than you do yourself come into play. :) And do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And remove the log from your eye so you can help to remove the toothpick that's in their eye.

So today I thank God that my husband works. (That's love in action) I thank God that my husband provide me food and clothes, medical care and all the other necessities of life. (That's love in action) I thank God that he repairs my car or takes it in to be repaired. (That's love in action) When he mows, trims trees or bushes or replaces those water plugs for the automatic watering system, that's all showing how much he loves and cares for me, for us. He built a pergola out our back door and helped me put in a garden. He's a fantastic man! Those are all ways husbands show how much they love their wife and family.

Also, he comes home every night. He sits down in his recliner after a hard day at work and tells me how comfortable and quiet it is at home and is thanking me for making him feel like he's king in his castle. I usually have supper ready or almost ready when he walks in the door.

When I was much younger I longed for the romantic part of love, but that's not really the type of guy my husband is. So I learned to look at the fixed plumbing or the pergola as a sign of love instead of the bouquet of flowers. I've learned to see his love in a look or a touch. Those are more real that flowers that will be thrown away.

One day I mentioned that I didn't need flowers and that it would mean more to me for him to pick a wild flower from the side of the road and bring it home. And guess what, one day he did. I was so blessed over that little flower because he thought of me as he shifted into park, climbed out of his seat to stoop and pluck the flower from the field.
============================================
desertrose,

you are such a gifted writer, thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful
testimony of your marriage...so moving and so very lovely...
==============================
for my 'better-half', and I can only refer to him as this, for I truly aspire
to become like the person that Christ has transformed Him into through
our many years together...

He is such an inspiration to me and to others, but he has something so
very special about who He is in Jesus Christ, and this is because he puts
Christ first in his life, yes, even before me, the one who simply adores him...

He has taught me so many lessons in un-selfish giving and how and when
to keep my mouth 'shut'...he never fails to put me first in our daily lives
in every situation...

I cannot list the ways that he shows me how much he honors me as
his chosen wife from our Heavenly Father...

in my Spirit, our Love for one another is such an Holy, special gift of True Love,
it couldn't be anything else, as we both put all of our efforts into humbling
ourselves to each other, no matter the cost, and what a wonderful, beautiful
thing this is, because it is proof to each of us that our only desire is to keep on
growing stronger and stronger in hopes that we may emulate Christ's
precious Love that He has taught us to express for each other and for others,
through the Love that He has shown to us, especially by His Holy Sacrifice...
Click to expand...
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#17
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#17
Jesus is still working in the lives of many people you said A Believers Faith must be exclusively in Jesus and His Finished Work. This allows the Holy Spirit the legal means to help you in every capacity of life. (Romans 8:2) I am simply just saying that Jesus has not finished his work he still continues to work in everyone life until the end of times when he returns to claim his followers.
 
Desertsrose

Desertsrose

Senior Member
#18
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
207
63
#18
Thanks Tinkerbell and oldthennew.

Oldthennew, you also have a beautiful testimony of the love between you and your husband. God truly makes the two one, something only he can do with those who are willing to invite Him into their marriage.
 
MessageOfTheCross

MessageOfTheCross

Senior Member
#19
Sep 3, 2016
6,337
527
113
#19
jenniferand2 said:
Jesus is still working in the lives of many people you said A Believers Faith must be exclusively in Jesus and His Finished Work. This allows the Holy Spirit the legal means to help you in every capacity of life. (Romans 8:2) I am simply just saying that Jesus has not finished his work he still continues to work in everyone life until the end of times when he returns to claim his followers.
Click to expand...
What did Jesus mean when He said, “It is Finished”?
 
jenniferand2

jenniferand2

Senior Member
#20
Mar 19, 2016
1,433
33
48
#20
MessageOfTheCross said:
What did Jesus mean when He said, “It is Finished”?
Click to expand...
ok to try to answer that My version of it is finished means that Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins and pay our debt so he said It Is Finished on the cross. But that does not mean his work is finished with letting people on earth hear the word of God and giving them a chance to come to God.. SO in the aspect of him taking on the sins of people yes his work is done but as far as his work being done her on earth with the hearts and souls of people no it is not that works continues on
 
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