getting ready to make a break for it i can not deal with the abuse anymore!!!!

maxwel · Nov 25, 2016

Jenniferand2,

The best thing is probably to talk to your pastor.
As a general rule, before making a life-changing decision, it's best to talk to someone who knows the bible, and who knows both parties involved.

People here can only give advice based on their own experience, and based on the limited information you've given us.

The best advice is going to be from a pastor, or at least a very strong christian, who actually knows both of you.

If your pastor is wise in the scripture, and he understands your situation, he'll be able to make a plan to help you.

I would not even BEGIN to give you a plan, as I have no way of knowing the entirety of the situation.

CeileDe · Nov 25, 2016

maxwel said:

Jenniferand2,

The best thing is probably to talk to your pastor.
As a general rule, before making a life-changing decision, it's best to talk to someone who knows the bible, and who knows both parties involved.

People here can only give advice based on their own experience, and based on the limited information you've given us.

The best advice is going to be from a pastor, or at least a very strong christian, who actually knows both of you.

If your pastor is wise in the scripture, and he understands your situation, he'll be able to make a plan to help you.

I would not even BEGIN to give you a plan, as I have no way of knowing the entirety of the situation.

Best advice yet.

jenniferand2 · Nov 25, 2016

CeileDe said:

maybe you should live in my shoes for the 20 plus years i stayed with this man after him cheating on throwing things at me threatening me all the while i prayed for change tried to get therapy for us both he refused you do not thinking in 20 years i have not tried everything.... The man threatened to blow himself away in front of me with a loaded 22 several years ago but still you do not forget those things .... But i honestly do not need to explain self to you because if you were a true Christian you would not be ridiculing me you would be trying to support me or at least show some compassion even if you do not agree .....so stuff off if your going to keep being a jerk just saying

CeileDe · Nov 25, 2016

jenniferand2 said:

maybe you should live in my shoes for the 20 plus years i stayed with this man after him cheating on throwing things at me threatening me all the while i prayed for change tried to get therapy for us both he refused you do not thinking in 20 years i have not tried everything.... The man threatened to blow himself away in front of me with a loaded 22 several years ago but still you do not forget those things .... But i honestly do not need to explain self to you because if you were a true Christian you would not be ridiculing me you would be trying to support me or at least show some compassion even if you do not agree .....so stuff off if your going to keep being a jerk just saying

Lol ok. Have you called the cops? Have you filed for a restraining order? Have you gone to your pastor for help? 20 years is a long time to have done nothing

jenniferand2 · Nov 25, 2016

CeileDe said:

that is the best thing you have said yet look up in the bible and tell me where it says a woman has to stay with a cheating no good abusive husband and put in more effort then i already have...

CeileDe · Nov 25, 2016

jenniferand2 said:

Ask God not me. How is your walk with the Lord?

jenniferand2 · Nov 25, 2016

maxwel said:

Jenniferand2,

The best thing is probably to talk to your pastor.
As a general rule, before making a life-changing decision, it's best to talk to someone who knows the bible, and who knows both parties involved.

People here can only give advice based on their own experience, and based on the limited information you've given us.

The best advice is going to be from a pastor, or at least a very strong christian, who actually knows both of you.

If your pastor is wise in the scripture, and he understands your situation, he'll be able to make a plan to help you.

I would not even BEGIN to give you a plan, as I have no way of knowing the entirety of the situation.

my husband is not a Christian he refuses to have anything to do with hearing about God. He has also refused to go to regular therapy

jenniferand2 · Nov 25, 2016

CeileDe said:

yes cops were called yes restraining order was filed yes to all the above i have not done nothing in 20 years I have done what i had to do i tried to make things work and better i forgave and forgave over and over. I am done forgiving i am done having him use me as a verbal punching back with a real hit here and there. I am tired of making excuses for his behavior I am tired of telling myself oh tomorrow will be the day he changes i am plain tired and I do not enjoy life anymore at all these days...

jenniferand2 · Nov 25, 2016

CeileDe said:

my walk with the lord is fine he has my back either way... I have faith that good would not want me to be treated this way anymore..

maxwel · Nov 25, 2016

jenniferand2 said:

Well, if you need help, and your husband is not a Christian, the first place to go is to your Pastor.

If your pastor knows and understands the situation, he can help you, or find others to help you.

We all want you to be alright.
If you don't want advice, we can all respect that, and stop giving advice.
If you do want advice, then the first thing, and probably the safest thing, is to go talk to your pastor.

jenniferand2 · Nov 25, 2016

maxwel said:

no advice is fine I have a problem with someone basically saying I am a horrible Christian because i want to leave my husband that is what I do not need...

jenniferand2 · Nov 25, 2016

CeileDe said:

what if i were your sister or daughter and came to you saying i have tried father /brother for a very long time he keeps treating me horribly and cheating on me and threatening me.. would you tell sister/daughter oh it is ok just stay and work it out because divorce is the worst thing you can do according to God??//

CeileDe · Nov 25, 2016

jenniferand2 said:

He would have gotten an ass beating along time ago, with a bible.

CeileDe · Nov 25, 2016

jenniferand2 said:

Thank you for being open. If you would like I'll come and kick the living poop out of him. I'm a bit harsh today due to some hypocrites on this forum, and I'm sorry for that. I'm ex law enforcement and never take things at face value. We're you both non christians when you met? I agree that time apart is best for you but during that time please lean on God and pray for your husband. Even if the divorce happens his soul is still at stake. Sorry again for being harsh.

maxwel · Nov 25, 2016

jenniferand2 said:

This is why I'm encouraging you to seek advice, and help, from your pastor... someone who actually knows you.

The truth is, we live in a world where women are abused, where men are abused, where both men and woman lie and make up stories... we live in a crazy world where almost anything can happen.
That's why people here, who don't really know you, jump to conclusions, and make all kinds of assumptions.

There are women right here on CC who have been horribly abused.
There are also men right here on CC who have been wrongly accused of abuse, or have even been abused themselves.

No one here means you any harm... but we've all had vastly different experiences... and none of us really know you well enough to give you marital counseling.

That's why people need to get counseling and help from their own pastor, who knows them.

jenniferand2 · Nov 25, 2016

CeileDe said:

yes i had strayed away from God for many years and went back to my christian ways years and years after we met. He decided to keep his one way ticket to hell thus far. I do pray for him every night but i need to take care of me now.. I can not have him snap on day and have my face or worse be his target... He has gotten much more angry and verbal and violent sense this election has started and the rioting etc.... he has been rotten to be around.. P.S. I have read and re read scripture over and over again for months to make sure I was okay to leave my husband and divorce him this has been a struggle for me I did not take this lightly in anyway at all. But you can not change someone who refuses to acknowledge there is a problem

violakat · Nov 25, 2016

Jennifer, 1st, I would suggest like Maxwell says, seek your pastor for advise. But, I'm not sure that I would wait about moving out. Abuse is probably the only time where I would tell anyone to leave. Ok, maybe consistent cheating as well. But definitely abuse. I would suggest going to the police, let them you want to leave and if they would help you. They should have resources for abused women. 2nd, leaving does not constitute a divorce.

Before even thinking about a divorce, consider all the costs. (I know Blue, you are going to get mad at me for this.) But here me out. Are you under his insurance from work? What money do you have that will support you medically, if you are, and you do decide to divorce? These are just a few of the questions you are going to have to answer. Make your plan about what you want to do after you leave. I have heard of women who do leave their marriages because of abuse, but do not divorce, because of various reasons where divorce would have made things worse, but separation was acceptable.

I would like to say that everything will get better, but honestly, I don't know what's down your path, nor does anyone else that's commenting on here. We can only speculate what might happen, based on our own experiences of what's happened to us or what we've seen happened to others.

I will say, that with the exception of certain situations, divorce is not allowed within Christianity. Those exceptions are if an unsaved spouse refuses to stay, or if the spouse cheats. You mentioned that he's cheated multiple of times, and I would not be surprised if he is still cheating. So you have Biblical grounds for divorce there.

blue_ladybug · Nov 26, 2016

Actually, that comment made me chuckle.

It's barely 6 a.m. right now, too early to get mad. My body is awake, my brain, not so much.. lol

violakat said:

Jennifer, 1st, I would suggest like Maxwell says, seek your pastor for advise. But, I'm not sure that I would wait about moving out. Abuse is probably the only time where I would tell anyone to leave. Ok, maybe consistent cheating as well. But definitely abuse. I would suggest going to the police, let them you want to leave and if they would help you. They should have resources for abused women. 2nd, leaving does not constitute a divorce.

Before even thinking about a divorce, consider all the costs. (I know Blue, you are going to get mad at me for this.) But here me out. Are you under his insurance from work? What money do you have that will support you medically, if you are, and you do decide to divorce? These are just a few of the questions you are going to have to answer. Make your plan about what you want to do after you leave. I have heard of women who do leave their marriages because of abuse, but do not divorce, because of various reasons where divorce would have made things worse, but separation was acceptable.

I would like to say that everything will get better, but honestly, I don't know what's down your path, nor does anyone else that's commenting on here. We can only speculate what might happen, based on our own experiences of what's happened to us or what we've seen happened to others.

I will say, that with the exception of certain situations, divorce is not allowed within Christianity. Those exceptions are if an unsaved spouse refuses to stay, or if the spouse cheats. You mentioned that he's cheated multiple of times, and I would not be surprised if he is still cheating. So you have Biblical grounds for divorce there.

Depleted · Nov 26, 2016

jenniferand2 said:

I don't see continuing school as an option for a while after you leave. How? Same school? He can find you. Different school? You lose some of your courses when changing schools, (no school counts all the courses from another school), plus, assuming you have a joint account, all he has to do is call the admins to find where you went.

I also suggest dumping your cellphone and get a burner phone (or a new phone through consumer cellular.) If he can talk you into coming home, why would you make it easy for him to do that very thing by simply calling you?

And, I recommend you do some research on women's shelters (who take pets, which is iffy. Can't you let a family member or good friend watch the dogs until you are safe and emotionally healthier?) If he can talk you into going back, you're not ready to do this on your own yet. You need a place to stay and counseling to learn that kind of emotional strength not to succumb. (That's the emotional healthier I was referring to.)

I don't want to discourage you. I really think yours is a case when it's time to get out and stay out. BUT do some research on what happens next. Don't go into this blindly, because it is VERY dangerous. Physically dangerous. So, you really do need a way to get out and get away for good.

And all this research? Do it away from home. A library computer or somewhere that is anywhere but your home connection, because he can find your searches and see what you saw to find you again. (Including on here.)

Sorry. All I can give. I've been out of social services for so long, I have no info on how this works from the last 35 years. You're in my prayers.

Depleted · Nov 26, 2016

Tinkerbell725 said:

She's been telling about this relationship since she joined the site.

getting ready to make a break for it i can not deal with the abuse anymore!!!!

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