Adult brother is ruining my family. Prayers needed!

[Kris125]

My family (mom, grandma, and grandpa) won't stop enabling my 23 year old brother's bad behavior and it's ruining their lives and his life as well. I don't even know where to begin. My brother doesn't work or go to school and just sits at my grandparents house and smokes and sells pot, pops pills and drinks with his deadbeat friends, and disrespects his family. Every single time my brother gets into trouble (gets arrested, gets a ticket, crashes a car, owes somebody money, etc...), they all say, "This is the last time I'm helping you". It's just all just talk and my brother knows this.


Last night my mom and stepdad had a big fight regarding my brother. They have only been married for 2 years and I couldn't tell you how many big fights they've had regarding my brother. I'm afraid they're going to end up divorcing, but my mom doesn't seem to care. My brother lives with our grandparents and he's always causing big fights in their house as well. Last time they fought, my grandfather said that the only reason he hasn't left the family is because my grandmother's poor health . Please pray for my family. I don't know what else to do.

 

[santuzza]

Nothing else you can do. Unless and until the rest of your family stops enabling him, the pattern will continue.

I'll be praying for you and your family.

 

[Kris125]

Thank you. I appreciate it.

 

[ladyjofc]

Lord please intervene in this situation. Bless and give strength and guidance to Kris and his family concerning his brother. Holy Spirit speak to his brother and call him out and apart. Here's a site that lists lots of scriptures concerning family salvation, may they encourage you that your brother, like the prodigal son, can change and there is salvation (in the sense of deliverance from the situation) even in this. http://god.net/god/bible-topics/blessings-for-those-who-love-god/god-can-save-your-family/

 

[Angela53510]

Your brother is in a codependent relationship, and your mother is his enabler. Look up what that means.

Basically, your brother's personality is set. He has no desire to work, help, even clean up his own mess, I would guess. And why would he, when your mom did everything for him his whole life? I doubt he was ever disciplined either.

Sadly, your mom needs to kick him out. I don't think she will ever do this. She will lose her new husband, as why should he put up with her enabling your brother?

How do I know this? Because my 60 year old brother still lives in my mother's basement. She is 87 and wants to go into care. But if she brings it up, he threatens to kill himself. We have tried numerous interventions over the years, my sister and I. He says he wants to be helped, but basically, he is lazy and does not want to have to make his own way in life. And too late for my brother.

Maybe not for your brother. Here is an excerpt from one article:

"Shawn Meghan Burn, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the California Polytechnic State University, says “Codependent relationships are a specific type of dysfunctional helping relationship." Burn defines a codependent relationships as a dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables the other person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.

People with a predisposition to be a codependent enabler often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helper types are often dependent on the other person's poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs."

https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships

You see, the problem is half your mom's!

Here is another link:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships

"Attempting to rescue others from their pain, problems, and suffering creates co-dependent relationships that bring the enabling or rescuing partner more pain. It creates a one-sided relationship where one partner works desperately to make the relationship work, caring more about the relationship itself than they care about their relationship with self. They essentially become a self-imposed victim, suffering frequent abuse or emotionally destructive behavior. Meanwhile, the other partner rides the relationship wave until it plays out to meet their own needs without care of the health of the relationship or the other person.

Codependents are enablers, which jump to rescue those they love. Sadly, they not only prolong their own suffering, but also create an environment that allows the other person to by-step their own issues by never having to face their own pain, meaning both people are unhappy and in need of healing. Playing God in the relationship never will result in the wholesome and rewarding union that you are attempting to build."

https://drdivaphd.wordpress.com/2012/12/28/overcoming-codependent-and-enabling-relationships/

You need to show these articles to your mom. See if she will go to counselling. If not, then there is not much you can do but pray. Sorry for the bad news.

 

[AmmaBev]

It's too bad you are stuck in the middle of this overwhelming situation. You are helpless to help these people. Since you are probably the youngest here, you can't save them. I will be praying for you all as only the Holy Spirit can change people. You could tell them how this situation is worrying you and your fears and other ways it's affecting your life in the home. Here's an article from Focus on the Family that will help you. Ammabev Three Things Parents of Adult Children in the Home Should Consider | Focus on the Family Please call this counse,ling number:
855 382 5433