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Christian Family Forum

Discuss family topics/issues, and give and receive encouragement here.

Thread: Marriage Troubles

  1. #1
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    Default Marriage Troubles

    Hi Everyone, I am new here but have been looking through previous posts and seen some sound advice so thought I would post here and appreciate anyone's comments and advice.

    I was asking God for help on my current situation and stumbled on this site so feel this is the right place to ask advice.

    My husband is in prison and has been for 6 years. He was addicted to drugs before being inprisoned and not a very nice man. He was very abusive and not supportive of me or the children. He always put his needs before ours and at the time his only need was drugs. He also cheated with other women and was involved with all sorts of inappropriate activity.

    Within a few months of him being in prison I was surprised at the positive changes I saw in him. He completed lots of courses, really looked at himself, left the drugs behind and for the next 4 years I was proud at the way he had turned his life around and the man he had became.

    Sadly about 15 months ago he started using drugs again. He is now right back at where he started, selfish, abusive, uncaring, irrational, aggressive and continually accusing and blaming me. I am tired of all of it. He just calls out of the blue and screams all sorts of obscenities and vile names at me over the phone.

    Part of me thinks he is a mentally sick man and is it fair to turn my back on him and walk away. In sickness and in health is what I vowed? On the other hand his "sickness" is now affecting our children and I feel mentally drained and worn by him. At this moment I don't know if I even love him or care about him anymore. It is a struggle bringing the children up alone, let alone dealing with his addiction and abuse on top of it.

    A part of me wants to run 100 miles in the opposite direction but the loyal side of me wants to stay and again try and see him through it.

    I just don't know what to do for the best and I can't seem to get a clear answer on what God would want me to do.

    Thank you for reading and any replies will be greatly appreciated x

  2. #2
    Senior Member tourist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Marriage Troubles

    Based on your post I believe that you should seriously consider divorce. I would consider divorce even if all he did was cheat on you. To me that is the most hurtful thing that a spouse could do. On top of that he is a drug user and probably will be for rest of his life until his life is shortened by it. He abuses you and the children. He is selfish. First and foremost you have to do put your children first. Sorry about all of this but please know that you are not alone with this type of situation. Glad to have you as a member of our family. Welcome to CC.
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  3. #3
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    Default Re: Marriage Troubles

    His issue isn't mental illness. It's drugs. Drugs can turn normal, pleasant people into vile monsters. This is why he can be a good man sober and a horrible man as an addict.
    Drug addiction is tricky. Some people can recover and stay sober while others seem to never beat it. So it makes giving advice more difficult.

    If he's being physically abusive, or is very verbally abusive then it may be worth it to end things. Because he is so volatile on drugs that makes things much more risky to stay with. But, again, it's tricky with addicts.

    So there are some points to consider when deciding what to do. Hope it helps.
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    Give me a new voice
    Give me a heart for repentance and make it stay
    Cause I've idolized my words
    It's all my fault
    But it's comfortable
    ~Poured Out, Rival Choir~

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    Default Re: Marriage Troubles

    Sorry about your marriage problems TG65, you mention he was unfaithful with multiple women you do have the right to divorce if you desire to. God will honor whichever decision you make. God said husbands are to love their wives & be faithful to eachother. It seems he isn't fulfilling his duties as a husband. If you believe his destructive livestyle & treatment of you will not improve it would be better for you & your children sake to leave. God will not force you to be in such circumstances.
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  5. #5
    popeye
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    Default Re: Marriage Troubles

    Lord send her help. Strengthen her and bring refreshing. Put a hedge of protection around her and cause laborers to cross her path. May powerful Holy Spirit filled belivers cross her path and undergird her. Lord draw her near to you. Make her a flame of fire for your kingdom. Send your angels with messages for her. Give her direction and peace. Give her supernatural joy.

    Lord arrest that prodigal husband. Arrest him like you did me. Give him a visitation and break that demon stalking him and tormenting him. Let him be saved,set free and a brand new creature in Christ Jesus.

    Girl,prophecy over that man and get on fire for Jesus.

    Claim Mat 18:18.

    Annoint her Lord to be a warrior. Make like David to take that giant down.
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  6. #6
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    Default Re: Marriage Troubles

    This is a very tough situations my only advice is to go on some type of fast and pray until you can hear the voice of God clearly. What happens alot of times we share our problems with alot of people,and everyone has an opinion. And thats okay but then we have all these voices of opinions in our heads then it becomes harder to hear actually what God is saying to us. Do surround yourself with positive in a time like this,you need all the support you can get right now. Another thing I would do is find lots of scriptures conserning pertaining to my issues and pray those same scriptures back to God by remanding him you trust him according to all his promises.,and believe with all your heart.
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    Default Re: Marriage Troubles

    Cut ties with him and focus on your kids.

    If you allow him in their lives (which I wouldn't recommend until they are older, he has been drug tested clean and the visit are supervised and he pays child support) you need to set limits and expectations.

    You don't owe him your life or time. You can pray for him, might even still love and care for him, but you need boundaries to prevent abuse and harm to you and your family.

    Enabling him to use and abuse you is NOT love. Expecting him to stay off drugs and be a decent human being and father is tough love. He might not like it but he needs to have consequences for his choices.....take drugs = lose family time.

    Abusive language = hang up phone.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Marriage Troubles

    Thank you so much for all your replies and prayers. I have read every one of them carefully and they really have given me food for thought. I keep thinking of my vows "In sickness and in health" but I guess I have to accept it is his choice to be "sick". I feel that "I am done" with the relationship and due to his verbal abuse have no desire to visit him or talk to him at the moment. I pray that God gives us strength to get through it x
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  9. #9
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    Default Re: Marriage Troubles

    Quote Originally Posted by TG65 View Post
    Hi Everyone, I am new here but have been looking through previous posts and seen some sound advice so thought I would post here and appreciate anyone's comments and advice.

    I was asking God for help on my current situation and stumbled on this site so feel this is the right place to ask advice.

    My husband is in prison and has been for 6 years. He was addicted to drugs before being inprisoned and not a very nice man. He was very abusive and not supportive of me or the children. He always put his needs before ours and at the time his only need was drugs. He also cheated with other women and was involved with all sorts of inappropriate activity.

    Within a few months of him being in prison I was surprised at the positive changes I saw in him. He completed lots of courses, really looked at himself, left the drugs behind and for the next 4 years I was proud at the way he had turned his life around and the man he had became.

    Sadly about 15 months ago he started using drugs again. He is now right back at where he started, selfish, abusive, uncaring, irrational, aggressive and continually accusing and blaming me. I am tired of all of it. He just calls out of the blue and screams all sorts of obscenities and vile names at me over the phone.

    Part of me thinks he is a mentally sick man and is it fair to turn my back on him and walk away. In sickness and in health is what I vowed? On the other hand his "sickness" is now affecting our children and I feel mentally drained and worn by him. At this moment I don't know if I even love him or care about him anymore. It is a struggle bringing the children up alone, let alone dealing with his addiction and abuse on top of it.

    A part of me wants to run 100 miles in the opposite direction but the loyal side of me wants to stay and again try and see him through it.

    I just don't know what to do for the best and I can't seem to get a clear answer on what God would want me to do.

    Thank you for reading and any replies will be greatly appreciated x
    If you want a clear answer from God, go to God. He had this rather big book written about him and what he wants called the Bible. He talks a lot about marriage in it. So do word studies. The words to study --
    -- Marriage.
    -- Wife.
    -- Divorce.

    And while studying, pray that his word makes it clear what you're supposed to do. He'll answer that prayer. He'll even keep you going strong no matter what answer you receive, assuming you keep praying for that strength. (That praying part is a lifetime commitment too.)
    Mooky and blue_ladybug like this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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