Babies

[Fenner]

I'm putting this in the family forum because a woman isn't the only one who feels a loss when a baby is miscarried. 13 years ago I had my first miscarriage at 6 weeks. I heard the heart beat and saw the tiny life inside me. Unfortunately the baby didn't make it. A year later I had another miscarriage at 4 weeks. My heart was broken. I did go onto have two healthy beautiful children that I am eternally grateful for but sometimes I long for the other two. I never met them or held them. Because it was so early I didn't know what their gender is.

Is it normal to feel a space sometimes because two of my children aren't here. I know it's not the same as losing a child at a later age. That's not something I'd wish on anyone. But I have thoughts of what they might be like especially when I see my children. Today I felt pain about them and just longed to see them. I know that sounds strange but I just wonder if they know who I am and the rest of their Earthly family is.

I also wonder when I die will I know them? I sometimes think I'd have 4 kid's had they survived and my heart hurts a little.

I wonder how others who've experienced this loss feel. Male or female. I know a Father feels the loss too and it's equally difficult for them.

 

[Yahweh_is_gracious]

I'm curious what other people will say about this. The thoughts and feelings people have towards children has always been a source of confusion, yet a very interesting confusion.

 

[HisHolly]

My sister feels the same way you do. She lost one about 10 years ago and has a 7 year old. A lost child is a lost child. Sure getting to know them would leave a greater impact but a loss is just that.. you had some time to think about and plan your life with them in it.. just to be left with dreams unfulfilled... King David said that he would get to go be with his lost child.. I figure knowing who you are is possible

 

[Galatea]

I think you will know them in Heaven. I don't know if they stay babies or if they grow. But I do believe you will be reunited with them. Like David says, you can go to the baby. God bless you. I cannot imagine the pain, you must feel. I think they will know you and you will get to be their mommy in Heaven.

 

[maxwel]

1. As far as recognizing your babies in heaven: It seems that you will probably know everything in heaven you need to know... a lot more than you know here.

You will have no sin in you to cloud your thinking, and you will also have some kind of a glorified body, which will work a lot better than this one. And along with your new body, you also seem to get a new intellect of some kind.

1Corinthians 13:12
For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.


2. And no matter how you feel now, you'll only have joy then, in God's presence.
There won't be any fear, regret, anxiety... nothing.

Psalm 16:11
... in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.


I'm sure others can come up with more scripture, but this should get you started.

 

[Fenner]

Thanks for all of the responses. They all helped. I remembered when I had them and a few people who were being nice and trying to comfort me said, they'll be more babies. I had a feeling eventually I'd have children but I wanted that child. I know that no one was trying to be insensitive. I just learned when I know someone who's miscarried I don't say that.

 

[88]

They are in heaven waiting for you---- they know you and are waiting to greet you after you finish your course...

 

[Sturuj]

If you havent named your babies, i suggest that you must give them names. They deserved to be named. They are in heaven and they know you and you will know that it is them.

Its like in my dreams, i havent seen or met Abraham or Gideon, etc, but i just knew it was them.

Cheer up

 

[Fenner]

If you havent named your babies, i suggest that you must give them names. They deserved to be named. They are in heaven and they know you and you will know that it is them.

Its like in my dreams, i havent seen or met Abraham or Gideon, etc, but i just knew it was them.

Cheer up

Ive named them, it's just hard when you don't know the gender. But just guessing what I thought I named them. Michael and Daniel or if it's a girl Danielle.

 

[notmyown]

i sorrow with you, Fenner.

we, too, have experienced the loss of children.

praying for comfort.

 

[Depleted]

My oldest brother was first married two weeks before we were married. Dad remarried 5 months after us. We all wanted kids, but Dad really wanted to have the last of his kids before his kids started having kids. It was 1981, and pregnancy tests at that time were a bit confusing to read. (No simply + or -. Circle. What does a circle tell you? )

I read the test and thought it said positive. Hubby read it and thought it said positive. We were going to Dad's house that weekend, so we bought a "#1 Grandfather" coffee cup for him.

I realized this wasn't a lump of cells growing in me. By the time it was time to take a pregnancy test, the baby was formed to the point of having limbs. A heart and brain were developing. I truly get why women rub their bellies when they're pregnant.

My whole family was there at Dad's house and we presented him with that cup. So much excitement. His first grandchild. My first child.

That night we went home and my period started. I was devastated in the mere two days I thought I was pregnant. I cannot imagine what it would be to really be having a child and have that little one -- the one hugged by hugging the belly -- die.

A month later the news hit. Dad and his new wife were expecting. A few months later, my brother and his wife were expecting.

My sister and my niece are the same ages my baby would have been. They're 35.

I see our lives in such a way as to know why God never gave us a child. We lost everything twice. The first time the child would have been a toddler. At that time we took the group-home parent's job to give us a place to live and food. One of the kids left under our charge was 16 and raped a 12 year old. Thank God, we had no toddler in that house.

It took us four years to recover financially, and in those 4 years our child would have needed to go to school requiring all the things kids need to go to school, but we couldn't afford it.

When that child was ready to move on in the world (meaning he or she would need training; i.e. college or a trade school), hubby lost his government job and I had to leave my job to avoid getting shot in drug dealer's gunfights. (BAD location for a job.) We wouldn't have had the money needed.

I see God's work in our lives as every indication it was a good thing that I wasn't pregnant. And, I really wasn't pregnant. But I still miss that child that wasn't. I can't imagine any woman who lost her child wouldn't feel this much deeper. It HAS to be normal!

 

[Depleted]

Thanks for all of the responses. They all helped. I remembered when I had them and a few people who were being nice and trying to comfort me said, they'll be more babies. I had a feeling eventually I'd have children but I wanted that child. I know that no one was trying to be insensitive. I just learned when I know someone who's miscarried I don't say that.

People say that God restored everything back to Job twofold. No he didn't! Job lost ten children. I will never be convinced having ten more ever makes up for not having the ten he had.

 

[Fenner]

People say that God restored everything back to Job twofold. No he didn't! Job lost ten children. I will never be convinced having ten more ever makes up for not having the ten he had.

I agree you can't replace someone. Of course you can adopt or have another child but it doesn't replace the other from your heart. I look at one comfort is those children live in Heaven and are loved and safe. I'd never say that to a grieving person but that gives me solace.

 

[renewed_hope]

A lady I went to church with had two children and they were coming back from a camping trip when her husband lost control of the vehicle and to make a long story short they lost both of their kids in the accident. Before this accident the doctor told them they couldn't have any more children so as the events and aftermath of this event happened it was like they lost everything. As she was recovering in the hospital she began have severe abdominal pain, but the doctor came in and said she was six weeks pregnant and they had four children after this....so just because a child goes to heaven before you have an opportunity to hold and care for them does not mean that God has something greater for you than you may see at the time. He uses devastation and grief to increase our faith in him.

Now, I know this couple actually was able to watch their kids grow up in the few years they were alive but the pain is very much there.

 

[tourist]

I'm putting this in the family forum because a woman isn't the only one who feels a loss when a baby is miscarried. 13 years ago I had my first miscarriage at 6 weeks. I heard the heart beat and saw the tiny life inside me. Unfortunately the baby didn't make it. A year later I had another miscarriage at 4 weeks. My heart was broken. I did go onto have two healthy beautiful children that I am eternally grateful for but sometimes I long for the other two. I never met them or held them. Because it was so early I didn't know what their gender is.

Is it normal to feel a space sometimes because two of my children aren't here. I know it's not the same as losing a child at a later age. That's not something I'd wish on anyone. But I have thoughts of what they might be like especially when I see my children. Today I felt pain about them and just longed to see them. I know that sounds strange but I just wonder if they know who I am and the rest of their Earthly family is.

I also wonder when I die will I know them? I sometimes think I'd have 4 kid's had they survived and my heart hurts a little.

I wonder how others who've experienced this loss feel. Male or female. I know a Father feels the loss too and it's equally difficult for them.

When you die you will certainly know them, probably you will see them both as newborns.

 

[Yahweh_is_gracious]

This has been a very illuminating thread. I hadn't realized how frequently miscarriage occurs. I was/am ignorant of it because either the people I know haven't experienced it, or they have and the event is traumatic enough that it just isn't discussed openly. Thanks to you folks for opening yourselves up and sharing this very private, very painful experience with me. I've been given reason to think and ponder.

 

[Depleted]

This has been a very illuminating thread. I hadn't realized how frequently miscarriage occurs. I was/am ignorant of it because either the people I know haven't experienced it, or they have and the event is traumatic enough that it just isn't discussed openly. Thanks to you folks for opening yourselves up and sharing this very private, very painful experience with me. I've been given reason to think and ponder.

There was a fourth child between me and my younger brother. Mom says I told the nuns and even told them something of how the baby was happening. (Poor Mom. She tried to use it as a teaching moment about the birds and the bees, but I was too young to understand it's not supposed to be shared like that. lol) The baby didn't make it. I have no memory of Mom telling me that. Only the story of what I did when she told me she was pregnant.

She died when I was 16, so clearly old enough to talk about something like that, but she never talked about it.

My dad is the kind of guy to bury it so deeply in his mind he probably didn't remember even when he could remember things.

I don't know why women and men don't talk about it often. I suspect it has a lot to do with the pain of having so many tell them, "Don't worry about it. You can always have another."

10-25% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage in the US. (I know Dad never wanted us to know when Mom was pregnant until she was in her second trimester. Probably why.)

 

[Fenner]

A lady I went to church with had two children and they were coming back from a camping trip when her husband lost control of the vehicle and to make a long story short they lost both of their kids in the accident. Before this accident the doctor told them they couldn't have any more children so as the events and aftermath of this event happened it was like they lost everything. As she was recovering in the hospital she began have severe abdominal pain, but the doctor came in and said she was six weeks pregnant and they had four children after this....so just because a child goes to heaven before you have an opportunity to hold and care for them does not mean that God has something greater for you than you may see at the time. He uses devastation and grief to increase our faith in him.

Now, I know this couple actually was able to watch their kids grow up in the few years they were alive but the pain is very much there.

oh my goodness that's so sad.

 

[Fenner]

My oldest brother was first married two weeks before we were married. Dad remarried 5 months after us. We all wanted kids, but Dad really wanted to have the last of his kids before his kids started having kids. It was 1981, and pregnancy tests at that time were a bit confusing to read. (No simply + or -. Circle. What does a circle tell you? )

I read the test and thought it said positive. Hubby read it and thought it said positive. We were going to Dad's house that weekend, so we bought a "#1 Grandfather" coffee cup for him.

I realized this wasn't a lump of cells growing in me. By the time it was time to take a pregnancy test, the baby was formed to the point of having limbs. A heart and brain were developing. I truly get why women rub their bellies when they're pregnant.

My whole family was there at Dad's house and we presented him with that cup. So much excitement. His first grandchild. My first child.

That night we went home and my period started. I was devastated in the mere two days I thought I was pregnant. I cannot imagine what it would be to really be having a child and have that little one -- the one hugged by hugging the belly -- die.

A month later the news hit. Dad and his new wife were expecting. A few months later, my brother and his wife were expecting.

My sister and my niece are the same ages my baby would have been. They're 35.

I see our lives in such a way as to know why God never gave us a child. We lost everything twice. The first time the child would have been a toddler. At that time we took the group-home parent's job to give us a place to live and food. One of the kids left under our charge was 16 and raped a 12 year old. Thank God, we had no toddler in that house.

It took us four years to recover financially, and in those 4 years our child would have needed to go to school requiring all the things kids need to go to school, but we couldn't afford it.

When that child was ready to move on in the world (meaning he or she would need training; i.e. college or a trade school), hubby lost his government job and I had to leave my job to avoid getting shot in drug dealer's gunfights. (BAD location for a job.) We wouldn't have had the money needed.

I see God's work in our lives as every indication it was a good thing that I wasn't pregnant. And, I really wasn't pregnant. But I still miss that child that wasn't. I can't imagine any woman who lost her child wouldn't feel this much deeper. It HAS to be normal!

Right after my second miscarriage I found out that my 17 year old Nephew and his Girlfriend were going to have a baby. It was kind of like a hit in the gut. I never said anything because things happen and I know they weren't in competition with me or anything, lol. The girls parents thought she should give the baby up for adoption. My Brother and Sister in law wanted to help raise the baby and the parents didn't want to give him up. There was a lot of turmoil during that time and it was sad. I was sad thinking okay I'm 33 and still no baby and they're teenagers and having to battle about keeping the baby.

They did keep him, he's 12 now, they're married and also have a 7 year old son, so it all worked out. It was just odd timing.