What should I do to separated marriage?

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ShaSha175

Guest
#1
#1
I had not seen my husband for a year. He has thoughts of me harming him.. an angry person whom didn't want to sleep at night, checking on me when he didn't want to sleep... I was scared to stiffness for a few epidodes. I'm afraid to say the wrong things and he will give me repeated questions.

When his angry with someone, he can turn the anger to me. Though he never physically abuse me before and he cursed my womb and didn't want to take the responsibility that he was a part to my left crippled leg. He has memory problems but he denied and avoider taking anti-depressants.

When he screams over at the phone.. it stressed me out... I am at lost what to do.

1. I'm sure I do not want to live with him anymore due to his anger and being scary at night when he got so angry and didn't want to sleep.

2. I been seeing psychiatrist and psychologist at the same time. I'm at a lost should I divorce him and got into circles and circles of ....yes divorce.. no divorce..
I couldn't work and even reorganise my own stuff... what should I do.. please help me... I want to honour God but the painful memories made me so sad and feeling very depressed.

Much thanks in advance...
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#2
#2
1. Move away and find somewhere safe. An abused women's shelter, maybe? He should not take his anger out on you even if it's only verbal.

2. Keep seeing pyschiatrist and working through your own personal issues and clarify your thoughts.

3. Pray and ask God

4. Your account is confusing...how can he be a factor in your lame leg but never physically abuse you?
 
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ShaSha175

Guest
#3
#3
I was feeling unwell for a month. Then there was a family losing their mum in the fatal accident. We were so busy helping the family and he had high fever.

His high fever was due to his erroded wisdom tooth which he didn't want to extract.

I had to take care of him even I was very sick. We were busy through the week for the wake and suddenly I had heat stroke before the burial service.

I was revived by them but still seriously tired and trying to recover myself after the burial service.

On the following day, we woke up very early to send someone to airport but I wasn't well yet. It took me the whole day to try to feel better.

In the evening, he asked me to accompany him to see his troubled brother. I didn't want but he kept inviting me. We returned home very late to take dinner after that.

The next day... I was too tired and we had an argument and I opened the van's door while he was driving and I lost the good use of my left leg.

Right now, I couldn't move around properly.

Thank you for asking.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#4
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#4
If you're being abused, then leave. If you feel physically threatened, then get the heck out of there. If he hasn't committed adultery then you have no biblical grounds for divorce, though I'm sure God makes allowance for physical abuse..
 
I

imfinallyfree

Banned
#5
Dec 17, 2013
822
7
0
#5
First im new so I'll make a disclaimer that whatever I say is my opinion NOT Gods.

Hello- im sorry that you are having a difficult time in your life,that seems to be happening to a lot of believers right now.

I have family acting strange like your husband and they are non believers and I think that that's why they seem to be going crazy,I think that satan is making the non believers crazy so they will destroy the world.

I read somewhere that God can't protect non believers from demons which are the cause of all of the chaos in the world,so if they aren't protected by God the demons influence their minds towards negativity then ultimately chaos.

As for your relationship,maybe all that you can do is point out to your husband that he is being influenced by satan and sometimes awareness of the spell can break it,in my experience anyway.

If you do make him aware of the situation and he doesn't change then there is much else that you can do but look out for your own well being.
 
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NicoleWilliams

Guest
#6
#6
I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through in your marriage, ShaSha. It’s definitely not easy to deal with these kind of situations. Have you considered Christian counseling for your marriage? May be it can help you in some way or the other. The best thing I can do for you is to pray for you, asking the Heavenly father to comfort you, and lead you during this time. May God be your source of wisdom and strength!
 
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ShaSha175

Guest
#7
#7
NicoleWilliams said:
I am so sorry to hear what you’re going through in your marriage, ShaSha. It’s definitely not easy to deal with these kind of situations. Have you considered Christian counseling for your marriage? May be it can help you in some way or the other. The best thing I can do for you is to pray for you, asking the Heavenly father to comfort you, and lead you during this time. May God be your source of wisdom and strength!
Click to expand...
Thank you Nicole... I went to different counselling from A to Z. But it worked only on me.
 
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ShaSha175

Guest
#8
#8
Have a good week ahead...
 
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ShaSha175

Guest
#9
#9
Thanks for your reply Blue_ladybug.
 
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AmmaBev

Guest
#10
#10
You have a lot of pressure from all directions now and it's normal that you are depressed. The life you are living sounds like one of abuse and its not you abusing your husband but him abusing you. He is out of control of himself and you may not be in a safe situation. Please read this article and then call Focus on the Family for advice:855 382 5433 My Husband Is Physically Abusive God sees what is going on and is a breath away so call on Him for help in time of need.
Ammabev
 
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ShaSha175

Guest
#11
#11
Many thanks for advices
 
M

mcubed

Senior Member
#12
Dec 20, 2013
1,449
218
63
#12
Believe it or not this is a more loaded question than you probably realize. What I man is this…. In the US, a person cannot keep their spouse from being the beneficiary of their life insurance unless their spouse signs off on it nor in at least my state can a spouse disinherit their spouse from their will if they are legally married even separated. I have a friend who truly has not seen her husband in almost 20 years but neither one of them has went to file for divorce. She does not know if he is with other people, she has not, and does not want to divorce. So, when he dies unless he divorces her she will get his life insurance and inheritance. I cannot disagree with her at least she will get something out of being faithful to a man in marriage that she is not with as long as he dies before her, because the same is true the other way around. If your country is like the US make sure you make your will out right if you don’t divorce so he doesn’t get everything.

Being a Christian is not being stupid, G-d will lead you on what to do do but do it wisely that is G-d’s way too.
 
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ShaSha175

Guest
#13
#13
mcubed said:
Believe it or not this is a more loaded question
than you probably realize. What I man is this…. In the US, a person cannot keep their spouse from being the beneficiary of their life insurance unless their spouse signs off on it nor in at least my state can a spouse disinherit their spouse from their will if they are legally married even separated. I have a friend who truly has not seen her husband in almost 20 years but neither one of them has went to file for divorce. She does not know if he is with other people, she has not, and does not want to divorce. So, when he dies unless he divorces her she will get his life insurance and inheritance. I cannot disagree with her at least she will get something out of being faithful to a man in marriage that she is not with as long as he dies before her, because the same is true the other way around. If your country is like the US make sure you make your will out right if you don’t divorce so he doesn’t get everything.

Being a Christian is not being stupid, G-d will lead you on what to do do but do it wisely that is G-d’s way too.
Click to expand...
Thank you...I will look into this area...
 
R

ROSSELLA

Guest
#14
#14
ShaSha175 said:
I had not seen my husband for a year. He has thoughts of me harming him.. an angry person whom didn't want to sleep at night, checking on me when he didn't want to sleep... I was scared to stiffness for a few epidodes. I'm afraid to say the wrong things and he will give me repeated questions.

When his angry with someone, he can turn the anger to me. Though he never physically abuse me before and he cursed my womb and didn't want to take the responsibility that he was a part to my left crippled leg. He has memory problems but he denied and avoider taking anti-depressants.

When he screams over at the phone.. it stressed me out... I am at lost what to do.

1. I'm sure I do not want to live with him anymore due to his anger and being scary at night when he got so angry and didn't want to sleep.

2. I been seeing psychiatrist and psychologist at the same time. I'm at a lost should I divorce him and got into circles and circles of ....yes divorce.. no divorce..
I couldn't work and even reorganise my own stuff... what should I do.. please help me... I want to honour God but the painful memories made me so sad and feeling very depressed.

Much thanks in advance...
Click to expand...
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It sounds terrible and nerve-wracking.

First of all, you're in no obligation to live with him. I'd advise you to stay away unless he reforms and proves he won't abuse you anymore.

As for whether a divorce would be permissible, the Bible never addresses whether or not divorce is okay in abusive circumstances. I'll pray for God to give you wisdom in regards to what to do. I suggest you talk to your pastor and maybe even pastors from other churches, and continue to pray, until God has given you an answer. A support group for abused women might help, preferably one with Christian women. However, living separate from him until you can be sure he is of no danger to you is fine. I would also recommend that if he leaves threatening voicemails, you save them and take them to the police so you can get a restraining order. People who are psychologically abusive are likely to become physically abusive, as well.
 
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Madamk

Guest
#15
#15
I pray for God grace and strenght to see you through this trying time. pls forgive ur self and him for the leg. But stay from him while u pray and take decision. yes it is true that God hate divorce but God also love divorcee. sometime we divorce is best to safe your life.
 
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ShaSha175

Guest
#16
#16
Rosella and MadamK
Thanks to you both! I covert yr prayers.
 
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ShaSha175

Guest
#17
#17
I have been communicating with more than 5 pastors from young to experienced. I done many counselling from mental institue to Christian counselling. My crying just can't stopped at times.
The memories of him hurting the dogs ached me more.
Do you know that he was an ex pastor?

So sad....
 
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ROSSELLA

Guest
#18
#18
ShaSha175 said:
I have been communicating with more than 5 pastors from young to experienced. I done many counselling from mental institue to Christian counselling. My crying just can't stopped at times.
The memories of him hurting the dogs ached me more.
Do you know that he was an ex pastor?

So sad....
Click to expand...
I'm sorry. I know that sounds cliché, but I am. It must be terrible for you! I'd imagine you have a lot of conflicting feelings. It sounds like you're living in a nightmare, and having him hurt your fur children must have been torture! I don't know what to say or do to help you other than to pray and let you know that if you ever need to talk you can message me or leave a note here.
 
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JediLin

Guest
#19
#19
@ShaSha175 I understand how you feel, the confusion, sadness and depression. My husband and I were separated a few years ago for 3 months. It was very difficult for both of us. Has your husband thought of going to anger management class or counseling? I would suggest you speak to someone from your church home about considering these options. Pray for your husband daily even if it means praying from a distance. Emotional abuse is not healthy. Please know I will also be praying for you, for courage and strength.
 
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michaelwriting

Junior Member
#20
Jun 28, 2013
23
3
3
#20
If an unbelieving spouse leaves, we are free. We can let the marriage terminate. 1Cor7:15

If you've done what you can, that is all you can do. Sounds like you have done your part.
 
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