Losing battle

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Jul 2, 2016
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#1
Not sure if this is the right place for this. I don't know if I need encouragement, prayers, sympathy or vindication. My shame, embarrassment, and humiliation of my past prevent me from wanting to go on. I'm losing this battle. I can't measure up to anyone. Half the time I pray for happiness; otherwise I pray for an escape from the pain. I don't wish the pain I feel on anyone. Why do I have to feel this way?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
Hi Fubar
I recognized your name and looked back at your first post to refresh my memory of what was going on.
My first question is are you seeking any professional help for the PTSD and depression? If you are not then it's no wonder you're losing. You need to do what you can to seek professional help. And if you're having addiction problems, then all the more reason you need professional help.
If you are going to try and do it alone, then you will fail. These are all issues that you need help, accountability, counseling, treatment and, possibly, some medication to help you work through. And, yes, God can do it Himself, but often times He prefers us to work through our issues instead of just deliver us.

As far as your past, this is you holding on to what God has already forgiven. The issue isn't God struggling, it's you struggling. God's forgiveness is absolute. He knew His forgiveness would come when He allowed Jesus to pay for you sins on the cross. God was not caught off guard by your sins. He was thinking about them all on the cross. And yet He still died for your sins. The very sins you are holding on to and letting shame control you.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#3
Will keep you in prayer.

Seek help.

You are not alone.

If you don't have anyone close, perhap you can call this number and the people can talk with you.

" The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals."

1-800-273-8255
 
Jul 2, 2016
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#4
All the counselors and doctors and medications I've been through couldnt erase the past. I've stopped believing things can get better.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#5
What about the past are you trying to erase?
 
Jul 2, 2016
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#6
My mistakes. My missed opportunities. Most of all, the hurt I've caused other people.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#7
The guilt is eating you up inside. Have you tried praying?
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#8
Have you sought forgiveness from those people? They may or may not, but it will free your soul if you make an effort to right wrongs when you can.

Have you asked God to forgive you? Jesus died so we could be healed and forgiven our sins through His work on the cross. Do you believe this?

Have you forgiven yourself?
 
Jul 2, 2016
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#9
Yes. I pray. I pray for forgiveness. I pray for help to get through the day. I've done a lot of good things in my life. But I can't shake the bad things. The humiliation and shame and embarrassment never go away.
 

EmilyNats

Senior Member
Jul 28, 2016
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#10
You chose the username Fubar... have you come to believe that you indeed are beyond repair? I'm not very experienced in the world, and I don't have any astounding advice to offer. All I can say right now is that you are not beyond repair, and God is just as able to fix you as anyone else.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#11
Everyone make mistakes. I have a list and every time I think of them, I feel depressed and stupid. However, God reminds me that we can learn from our mistakes and move forward.

There will be new opportunities, but if we let depression keep us down. We will miss those also and they will be another regret to weigh us down.

God wants us to give Him our burdens.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#12
Let us pray together. For I have found comfort in joint prayer.
 
Jul 2, 2016
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#13
I have apologized to those people. No difference. I can't forgive myself because the feelings never go away. There's no moving on because my past has made me the person I am now. I am fubar. Things don't get better. Things don't get fixed.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#15
Dear God we lift up our brother. He is weighed down by his past actions and inactions. Help him heal and come to peace with himself. Show him if he can make right any wrongs he has done. Help him lay down His burdens and cares at the foot of the cross.

Lord we come to you in our brokenness, in our weakness and pain we cry out to you.

Send your healing presence to fill our hearts with peace, love and joy. God there is so much in the world we don't understand. Help us to see our place in Your divine plan Lord. Remind us that you made us glorious and beloved. Help us to accomplish the good works you created us to do.

Lord we pray your protection over our brother. Chase away all spiritual darkness that surrounds his mind and heart with Your light and Truth. Teach him wisdom through Your words found in the Bible and renew his mind with Your truths. Help him remember to look at the light, give thanks for Your blessings. Instead of dwell upon the darkness and mistakes of his past.

Lord help us to live and forgive ourselves and others as You have forgiven and love us.

Thank you Lord for everything you do. In Jesus Holy name we pray, Amen.
 
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Galatea

Guest
#16
I wanted to share this with you, it is part of a psalm that comes to my mind often when I feel bad about the mean things I have done to hurt others Psalm 103 "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. He will not always chide; neither will He keep His anger forever. He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the Heaven is high above the Earth, so great is His mercy toward them that fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us. Like as a Father pitieth His children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear Him. For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust. But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting..."

I hope this helps. I will be praying for you.
 
Jul 2, 2016
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#17
Thank you all for the prayers and responses. I've spent the bulk of my life helping and saving others. I'm tired. I've really come to hate myself for my pathetic past the way It makes me feel.
 
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Galatea

Guest
#18
Thank you all for the prayers and responses. I've spent the bulk of my life helping and saving others. I'm tired. I've really come to hate myself for my pathetic past the way It makes me feel.
I had to look up fubar. I thought it had something to do with rebar. You know what? Jesus can take fubar and turn it into rebar. The alchemists tried for years and years, vainly trying to turn base metals into gold.

Jesus is the Alchemist, His blood can change you into gold (or strong rebar) NO ONE is beyond repair.
 
Jul 2, 2016
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#19
I know He helps me in so many ways. He has blessed me many times over. And yet, I still feel this way. So if I apply logic than I conclude that I am supposed to feel this way. Probably as punishment for my past misdeeds. Now, it may also be that satan is making me feel this way. If that's the case and I resist his temptation, than maybe if he's busy f'n with me, he'll leave someone else alone. That at least gives me a purpose to my pain. But it doesn't lesson it. Does any of that make sense?
 
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Galatea

Guest
#20
I know He helps me in so many ways. He has blessed me many times over. And yet, I still feel this way. So if I apply logic than I conclude that I am supposed to feel this way. Probably as punishment for my past misdeeds. Now, it may also be that satan is making me feel this way. If that's the case and I resist his temptation, than maybe if he's busy f'n with me, he'll leave someone else alone. That at least gives me a purpose to my pain. But it doesn't lesson it. Does any of that make sense?
Yes, it makes sense. I have felt like this too, both ways. But these things are wrong. God does not want us to dwell on past misdeeds and guilt. He came so we might have life and have it more abundantly. Martin Luther flagellated himself, until he realized God didn't want him to do this. You don't have to be a scape goat and bear the slings of Satan for others. Besides, it doesn't work that way. Satan is powerful enough to ruin your joy and other people's too.