ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread
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D
It means there is nothing else they can do to make him well again, so they're going to give the time he has left back to him.
https://hospicefoundation.org/Hospice-Care/Hospice-Services
https://hospicefoundation.org/Hospice-Care/Hospice-Services
Basically they gave him the “do you want us to help you or not” speech and he hasn’t answered yes or no yet. He doesn’t wanna do anything. He just wants to sleep and never wake up and it be over. But he still doesn’t think he’s Christian. What is gonna happen to him on the other side? That is what scares me most.
If hospice care in the states is anything like the UK it is patient centred. You treat symptoms but not to cure. The aim is to keep the person comfortable and deal with them holistically. So in some cases if they want to go to a final football match that is fascilitated. If they want to be outside in the sun shine it could mean moving the bed outside. Clinicians will often treat to agressively eventually we need to take a step back and ask what the patient wants. Why do blood tests if it wont change how we manage the person's care. It can be quality of life vs quantity. Also Steph wanted to say what a lovely pic.
D
It's roughly the same thing in both countries, but I think football games are outside the realm of possibilities. (They cost a mint to go to, not to mention we're talking different sports, and our football season is over until August.) But yes, it is most definitely about quality of life now. Quantity is given up for quality.
Steph, this is a heroic answer. There really was no right and wrong answer. There was only making the decision, and like I said it's a very hard decision. This might be the time where your personality truly comes in handy. You're an artist, so let that creativity streak fly. Ask him what he would like to do one last time. It might be as simple as going outdoors to see a certain kind of bird again or to have one last Christmas. No idea what he'd choose, but if you can't give it to him physically, give it to him mentally. Say it was another Christmas -- then bring out the Christmas decorations and have a Christmas. If it is to see a bald eagle and there are none around, draw pictures of bald eagles for him. I doubt it will be either, (because what are the chances I could guess what he wants?), but ask and use your natural skill sets -- your creativity -- to see if you can't give him the best version of what he wants your way.
One thing I do know though is what he wants the most is to be home with his family. So you rank high on his list of wants already.
Steph, this is a heroic answer. There really was no right and wrong answer. There was only making the decision, and like I said it's a very hard decision. This might be the time where your personality truly comes in handy. You're an artist, so let that creativity streak fly. Ask him what he would like to do one last time. It might be as simple as going outdoors to see a certain kind of bird again or to have one last Christmas. No idea what he'd choose, but if you can't give it to him physically, give it to him mentally. Say it was another Christmas -- then bring out the Christmas decorations and have a Christmas. If it is to see a bald eagle and there are none around, draw pictures of bald eagles for him. I doubt it will be either, (because what are the chances I could guess what he wants?), but ask and use your natural skill sets -- your creativity -- to see if you can't give him the best version of what he wants your way.
One thing I do know though is what he wants the most is to be home with his family. So you rank high on his list of wants already.
Steph, I can offer this. You think you love your dad with all your being. Our ability to love is hindered by our flesh. God is Love. (See 1 John 4:8, 16.)
He does not have flesh so His love is pure. He loves your dad more than you do. You may think that not possible, but it is true. Trust God pertaining to all things concerning your dad. You can't go wrong.
He does not have flesh so His love is pure. He loves your dad more than you do. You may think that not possible, but it is true. Trust God pertaining to all things concerning your dad. You can't go wrong.
D
Stephanie,
Something I read from Spurgeon this morning. Your dad is getting this sooner than most of us. Let him know.
“Him hath God exalted.”
Acts 5:31
Jesus, our Lord, once crucified, dead and buried, now sits upon the throne of glory. The highest place that heaven affords is his by undisputed right. It is sweet to remember that the exaltation of Christ in heaven is a representative exaltation. He is exalted at the Father’s right hand, and though as Jehovah he had eminent glories, in which finite creatures cannot share, yet as the Mediator, the honours which Jesus wears in heaven are the heritage of all the saints. It is delightful to reflect how close is Christ’s union with his people. We are actually one with him; we are members of his body; and his exaltation is our exaltation. He will give us to sit upon his throne, even as he has overcome, and is set down with his Father on his throne; he has a crown, and he gives us crowns too; he has a throne, but he is not content with having a throne to himself, on his right hand there must be his queen, arrayed in “gold of Ophir.” He cannot be glorified without his bride. Look up, believer, to Jesus now; let the eye of your faith behold him with many crowns upon his head; and remember that you will one day be like him, when you shall see him as he is; you shall not be so great as he is, you shall not be so divine, but still you shall, in a measure, share the same honours, and enjoy the same happiness and the same dignity which he possesses. Be content to live unknown for a little while, and to walk your weary way through the fields of poverty, or up the hills of affliction; for by-and-by you shall reign with Christ, for he has “made us kings and priests unto God, and we shall reign for ever and ever.” Oh!, wonderful thought for the children of God! We have Christ for our glorious representative in heaven’s courts now, and soon he will come and receive us to himself, to be with him there, to behold his glory, and to share his joy.
Something I read from Spurgeon this morning. Your dad is getting this sooner than most of us. Let him know.
“Him hath God exalted.”
Acts 5:31
Jesus, our Lord, once crucified, dead and buried, now sits upon the throne of glory. The highest place that heaven affords is his by undisputed right. It is sweet to remember that the exaltation of Christ in heaven is a representative exaltation. He is exalted at the Father’s right hand, and though as Jehovah he had eminent glories, in which finite creatures cannot share, yet as the Mediator, the honours which Jesus wears in heaven are the heritage of all the saints. It is delightful to reflect how close is Christ’s union with his people. We are actually one with him; we are members of his body; and his exaltation is our exaltation. He will give us to sit upon his throne, even as he has overcome, and is set down with his Father on his throne; he has a crown, and he gives us crowns too; he has a throne, but he is not content with having a throne to himself, on his right hand there must be his queen, arrayed in “gold of Ophir.” He cannot be glorified without his bride. Look up, believer, to Jesus now; let the eye of your faith behold him with many crowns upon his head; and remember that you will one day be like him, when you shall see him as he is; you shall not be so great as he is, you shall not be so divine, but still you shall, in a measure, share the same honours, and enjoy the same happiness and the same dignity which he possesses. Be content to live unknown for a little while, and to walk your weary way through the fields of poverty, or up the hills of affliction; for by-and-by you shall reign with Christ, for he has “made us kings and priests unto God, and we shall reign for ever and ever.” Oh!, wonderful thought for the children of God! We have Christ for our glorious representative in heaven’s courts now, and soon he will come and receive us to himself, to be with him there, to behold his glory, and to share his joy.
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M
That’s a lovely photo Steph, I’m glad you posted it.
I lost a good friend recently I’ve known her for over 35 years.
Her husband was saying that it’s us on planet earth who are dying, real forever
life is in eternity. It’s just that we feel the pain of seperation for a time.
Then yesterday in church we had this passage.
2 Corinthians 5:4 NKJV
[4] For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because
we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be
swallowed up by life.
2 Corinthians 5:4 NLT
[4] While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it's
not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather,
we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life.
It’s rather amazing, you would expect them to say these earthly bodies are swallowed
up by death, but no they say swallowed up by life. Real life starts the moment we leave
this earthly body
Steph everyone has doubts, your dad isn’t alone in that respect. If he has received
Jesus as his saviour then he is saved. Remind him of that if he isn’t certain, then he
can be certain.
My friend battled overian cancer for five years, they told her there was nothing more they
could do in Spring 2017, she carried on pretty well until November 2017, finally went to
be with the Lord in January 2018.
Prior to her death, she lived, your dad still lives, he can still make decisions,
enjoy family time, make memories, enjoy the fresh air, enjoy the people
around him, prioritise, draw closer to God, even get angry at God! He can still
boss you about and be your dad!
I suppose what im trying to say is it’s never too late to live, to enjoy family,
to enjoy the important things. Then at just the right time he will live forever.
It will be hard to deal with for everyone, but just cling onto the above
verses and cling onto Jesus. Don’t be afraid to pray together as a family and
express your emotions as a family. Share bible readings together,
enjoy music together, enjoy life together, this life and the next.
Thats what im doing with my aging aunt I don’t know how long she has got
we just had her 83rd birthday. I set up a play list for her of old time music,
she especially likes Tom Jones Green Green grass of home, plus several
other songs and hymns. Oh and her favourite Amazing Grace.
Maybe as a family you can find something to look forward to. Celebrate birthdays
early if need be, even celebrate Christmas early. Ages ago at a Christian youth
group we had Christmas in the middle of summer, we had a Santa in beach shorts. Lol
Rudolph wore sun glasses, instead of snow we had sand (bags of the stuff).
It was brilliant!
Its now that you can really show your appreciation for each other
and build good memories together. Not everyone gets to do that.
God bless you all.
x
I lost a good friend recently I’ve known her for over 35 years.
Her husband was saying that it’s us on planet earth who are dying, real forever
life is in eternity. It’s just that we feel the pain of seperation for a time.
Then yesterday in church we had this passage.
2 Corinthians 5:4 NKJV
[4] For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because
we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be
swallowed up by life.
2 Corinthians 5:4 NLT
[4] While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it's
not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather,
we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life.
It’s rather amazing, you would expect them to say these earthly bodies are swallowed
up by death, but no they say swallowed up by life. Real life starts the moment we leave
this earthly body
Steph everyone has doubts, your dad isn’t alone in that respect. If he has received
Jesus as his saviour then he is saved. Remind him of that if he isn’t certain, then he
can be certain.
My friend battled overian cancer for five years, they told her there was nothing more they
could do in Spring 2017, she carried on pretty well until November 2017, finally went to
be with the Lord in January 2018.
Prior to her death, she lived, your dad still lives, he can still make decisions,
enjoy family time, make memories, enjoy the fresh air, enjoy the people
around him, prioritise, draw closer to God, even get angry at God! He can still
boss you about and be your dad!
I suppose what im trying to say is it’s never too late to live, to enjoy family,
to enjoy the important things. Then at just the right time he will live forever.
It will be hard to deal with for everyone, but just cling onto the above
verses and cling onto Jesus. Don’t be afraid to pray together as a family and
express your emotions as a family. Share bible readings together,
enjoy music together, enjoy life together, this life and the next.
Thats what im doing with my aging aunt I don’t know how long she has got
we just had her 83rd birthday. I set up a play list for her of old time music,
she especially likes Tom Jones Green Green grass of home, plus several
other songs and hymns. Oh and her favourite Amazing Grace.
Maybe as a family you can find something to look forward to. Celebrate birthdays
early if need be, even celebrate Christmas early. Ages ago at a Christian youth
group we had Christmas in the middle of summer, we had a Santa in beach shorts. Lol
Rudolph wore sun glasses, instead of snow we had sand (bags of the stuff).
It was brilliant!
Its now that you can really show your appreciation for each other
and build good memories together. Not everyone gets to do that.
God bless you all.
x
D
Stephanie,
Wanted to offer you something from personal experience.
When Mom was sick -- also dying from cancer -- most of the time my emotions were as big as emotions could possibly be, and it was like that for months. And then the emotions seemed to disappear. Admittedly, it was a relief, but I made the mistake of thinking I had dealt with it all even before she died.
Ummmm, NOPE! There is no preparing for it. I thought it couldn't get worse than what it already was, but I was wrong. I still do not think there is any difference in the feelings whether the person we love goes through months of dying or gets hit by a car and dies instantly. It's that shocking, that heartbreaking, that deep deep sorrow, no matter what. There is no preparing for it.
There is only going through it. That "Valley of Death" verse in Psalms is incredibly accurate, and it's a very big valley with no way of getting across but by foot and lead by the Lord.
This isn't meant to make you feel better, because there is no feeling better for quite some time to come. This is just to let you know as horrible as you feel, (or possibly don't feel by now, because the emotions have numbed), it's okay to feel that way. You're not crazy. It's not your meds. It's not even any mental disability. It's that bad, and you're perfectly normal in feeling it, so let yourself feel however you're going to feel.
The last time I saw Mom, (and it was in 1972), I remember so much of what happened in those moments. After all these years, there is sweet comfort still in remembering her eyes. Nothing of her body was left that hinted "that's Mom," except for those eyes. And I could read most of her emotions at that brief moment -- horror, (she got word to us that we were no longer allowed to see her, but I snuck through to see her anyway), surprise, and one important emotion -- love. It is a bitter sweet moment. I was horrified to see her like that, and, yet, all these years later, I can see love in those eyes too.
I've never "gotten over" Mom dying, and yet it is integrated into me now, where it no longer makes me burst into tears. You'll get there some day, but that's after walking through that Valley of Death.
Just wanted to warn you, because I really thought I was prepared, and yet I wasn't. There's just no way of preparing for this. And we're not crazy just because we feel like we are. Orrr, we are crazy, but we're supposed to be crazy during this time. Doesn't really matter which way you go with that, just as long as you know it is something that takes a long time to go through and it's NOT easily.
Wanted to offer you something from personal experience.
When Mom was sick -- also dying from cancer -- most of the time my emotions were as big as emotions could possibly be, and it was like that for months. And then the emotions seemed to disappear. Admittedly, it was a relief, but I made the mistake of thinking I had dealt with it all even before she died.
Ummmm, NOPE! There is no preparing for it. I thought it couldn't get worse than what it already was, but I was wrong. I still do not think there is any difference in the feelings whether the person we love goes through months of dying or gets hit by a car and dies instantly. It's that shocking, that heartbreaking, that deep deep sorrow, no matter what. There is no preparing for it.
There is only going through it. That "Valley of Death" verse in Psalms is incredibly accurate, and it's a very big valley with no way of getting across but by foot and lead by the Lord.
This isn't meant to make you feel better, because there is no feeling better for quite some time to come. This is just to let you know as horrible as you feel, (or possibly don't feel by now, because the emotions have numbed), it's okay to feel that way. You're not crazy. It's not your meds. It's not even any mental disability. It's that bad, and you're perfectly normal in feeling it, so let yourself feel however you're going to feel.
The last time I saw Mom, (and it was in 1972), I remember so much of what happened in those moments. After all these years, there is sweet comfort still in remembering her eyes. Nothing of her body was left that hinted "that's Mom," except for those eyes. And I could read most of her emotions at that brief moment -- horror, (she got word to us that we were no longer allowed to see her, but I snuck through to see her anyway), surprise, and one important emotion -- love. It is a bitter sweet moment. I was horrified to see her like that, and, yet, all these years later, I can see love in those eyes too.
I've never "gotten over" Mom dying, and yet it is integrated into me now, where it no longer makes me burst into tears. You'll get there some day, but that's after walking through that Valley of Death.
Just wanted to warn you, because I really thought I was prepared, and yet I wasn't. There's just no way of preparing for this. And we're not crazy just because we feel like we are. Orrr, we are crazy, but we're supposed to be crazy during this time. Doesn't really matter which way you go with that, just as long as you know it is something that takes a long time to go through and it's NOT easily.