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Thread: ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread

  1. #61
    Senior Member ArtsieSteph's Avatar
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    Default Re: ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread

    I have been learning things from him slowly, but one thing that really frustrates him is when I try to do something for him and I have to ask him 100 questions and still mess it up. So it's like the thing that helps him is also the thing that doesn't. It just finckhvbdhvskhbsdhka.

    Please pray for him guys, he doesn't want to do anything. I can't help cheer him up...I am so happy my mother isn't here right now, she couldn't handle seeing him like this.
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    Default Re: ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread

    Quote Originally Posted by ArtsieSteph View Post
    I have been learning things from him slowly, but one thing that really frustrates him is when I try to do something for him and I have to ask him 100 questions and still mess it up. So it's like the thing that helps him is also the thing that doesn't. It just finckhvbdhvskhbsdhka.

    Please pray for him guys, he doesn't want to do anything. I can't help cheer him up...I am so happy my mother isn't here right now, she couldn't handle seeing him like this.
    Yeah, "he's a guy." Dad had no problems teaching me how to deal with checkbooks and budgets, but he also had absolutely no patience with me when I couldn't do mechanical things or help him carry heavy things up steps. (He's a guy. Sometimes guys don't get that a woman is literally weaker than a man.) I bet your dad has patience for some things, but not others. Try sticking to the ones he has patience for. (I have knot-patience -- the patience required to untangle something. Hubby doesn't. Hubby has fix-patience -- the patience to fix things. I don't. We all have patience. We just differ on what we're patient about.)

    As for being lifeless today. Give him that. This really is depressing. And he probably used his last ounce of strength to handle your sister's wedding. So he's utterly exhausted after that too. If he is approachable for something like this, (some people are, some aren't), then ask him how long he thinks is reasonable to have his pity party. (And he really does warrant one, so that's not a put down.) Let him decide how long he'll give himself to feel sorry for himself. And then when that time is over, remind him that time is over for now. Time to get back to life. Be that person for him, and he will appreciate it (if he is that kind of person. Hubby is that kind. Dad never was.)
    ArtsieSteph and Joidevivre like this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member pottersclay's Avatar
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    Default Re: ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread

    Steph, perfectly normal to be fatigued with chemo and all, remind him of this it will help.

    It's frustrating for him because he seems like a doer and now he doesn't have the energy perfectly normal. Things go through your mind when your in treatment it's like wide awake for a nightmare but you don't want to say anything because you think you're weird or something so you stay quiet .
    Talk to dad , just normal response stuff, he will take time to process what you are saying so keep it simple (chemo headed) .
    Give ya a example I went to Wal-Mart about 3weeks into my treatment (just up the road) walked in forgot what I went there for looked around, half hour latter back home. Sat on couch fell a sleep for six hrs. Totally exhausted.
    Let him know what he's feeling is normal, tell him it's going to just be a bit longer to do simple tasks so for him to be patient with himself and others please.
    Your doing great steph stop trying so hard lol.
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    Senior Member ArtsieSteph's Avatar
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    Default Re: ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread

    Thank you everyone. One thing that I need to do more is talk. All my life it has been me talking, and dad just listening and going "Ok" like "I'm just letting you talk to make you feel better." So I've been trying to just be there and not bother him so much, but then at the same time it makes it so that he doesn't really talk we just watch TV. I just....it feels like nothing I do is correct

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    Senior Member pottersclay's Avatar
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    Default Re: ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread

    Sweetie, just be his daughter, not someone who has to get it right but someone who is a part of him. Your dad has a lot on his mind right now. Hang out with him, talk about anything.
    Hey dad when you were my age what was it like? Who taught you to drive dad? What sports did you play in school? Your dad was once a kid sooooo!!!! What's his favorite thing to do? Did he ever get in trouble?
    What was his first car? A little you and him time. Challenge him to a card game or board game.
    Favorite song, band, memory, there is no right or wrong only a daughter and her dad.
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    Default Re: ArtsieSteph's dad's cancer superthread

    Quote Originally Posted by ArtsieSteph View Post
    Thank you everyone. One thing that I need to do more is talk. All my life it has been me talking, and dad just listening and going "Ok" like "I'm just letting you talk to make you feel better." So I've been trying to just be there and not bother him so much, but then at the same time it makes it so that he doesn't really talk we just watch TV. I just....it feels like nothing I do is correct
    Wait. You are capable of sustained silence? Wow! I wonder what that is like. lol
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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