Girlfriend is an athiest.

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notthatmatt

Guest
#1
#1
Good morning all,

I'll get right to the point and would love to hear some opinions. I met a girl 6 months ago who I believe may have shown an interest in my faith and even went to church with me a couple times just to keep me pleased or interested in her. Yesterday she told me it wasn't right for her, she doesn't believe nor want to go anymore with me to church. I can accept this however I'm not sure if I want to make a life with this woman now. Has anyone here dealt with anything similar? Is it wrong of me to want to leave her because our faiths do not mesh? Obviously I am leaning towards leaving her now otherwise I wouldn't be asking about this, however I'm just not sure. I've prayed, worried myself sick that if I leave I might be making a mistake, just not getting any answers.

Thanks for reading,
Matt
 
QuestionTime

QuestionTime

Senior Member
#2
Feb 16, 2010
1,435
20
38
#2
notthatmatt said:
Good morning all,

I'll get right to the point and would love to hear some opinions. I met a girl 6 months ago who I believe may have shown an interest in my faith and even went to church with me a couple times just to keep me pleased or interested in her. Yesterday she told me it wasn't right for her, she doesn't believe nor want to go anymore with me to church. I can accept this however I'm not sure if I want to make a life with this woman now. Has anyone here dealt with anything similar? Is it wrong of me to want to leave her because our faiths do not mesh? Obviously I am leaning towards leaving her now otherwise I wouldn't be asking about this, however I'm just not sure. I've prayed, worried myself sick that if I leave I might be making a mistake, just not getting any answers.

Thanks for reading,
Matt
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Get out now or you are going to have a life-long headache.

2 Corinthians 6:14
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
 
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Jordan9

Guest
#3
#3
I've tried dating non-believers. It's hard, and you hit the nail exactly on the head when you said, "I'm not sure if I want to make a life with this woman now." That's exactly it; your goals and aspirations will simply be too incompatible.

Let her know you think she is a beautiful young lady, inside and out, and apologize. But tell her that either her or you is going to have to budge to make the relationship work; and you have no intention of doing so.

I think the important thing is to be loving and respectful when you end it. Don't shut her out, and try to remain friends... but romantically, it can't work between you two. That's my experience, anyway.

When I broke up with my atheist girlfriend, the conversation was something like,

Her: I respect that you've got religious convictions but I just can't share them. But it's nothing to break up about.
Me: My religion is a major significant part of my life. Will YOU really be content with someone who loves Christ as much as I do?
Her: ... Nah, I guess not.

It was really just incompatibility. We were superficially similar in many regards (music, movies, interests, political leanings [for the most part], food), but our religious worldviews put us at odds with one another.
 
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Servantofiam

Guest
#4
#4
Hey Notthatmatt does she give a reason why she doesn't want to believe? Athiest usualy use logic and reason as an excuse, and of course the belief than evolution is a fact plays a great role too. I've written some good responses that refute those reasons. My co worker is an athiest and we've been debating a year now. Last week he asked me if I had a spare bible he could borrow. If you want I could send you some of the arguements I've used. But if you feel it's hopeless then I would agree that you should let her go. Do you guys talk about God? About faith? About why she doesn't belidve? Does she just point blank know what Christianity is and want no part of it? An iteresting fact from the bible is that Everyone knows there is a God, they've just hidden Him under a bunch of other false beliefs. Removing some of these false beliefs can help alot.
 
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Vidy

Guest
#5
#5
I would let it go. As of now, she is an atheist, and you should NOT pursue her romantically. Don't date her in hopes of bringing her to Christ, because you get emotionally involved, and you will either make compromises you shouldn't or fall completely. You SHOULD still try to bring her to Christ, but do not do it while in a relationship. That never leads to anywhere good =S
 
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KisDawn

Guest
#6
#6
There are a lot of people out there who take their non belief in a God the same way as people do with their belief in God. If you knew ahead of time religion was important to you then why did you date an Atheist to begin with? It seems you didn't conciser her feelings and led her on a bit.
 
phil36

phil36

Senior Member
#7
Feb 12, 2009
8,260
2,111
113
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#7
Its not a good mix, for obvious reasons.
 
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artistic_dreams

Guest
#8
#8
it is probably best you break it off w/her....you want a woman that believes like you do..i agree w/quest.....because in the long run its going to cause you noting but heartaches....blessings to you
 
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KisDawn

Guest
#9
#9
Artistic_dreams I'd have to disagree with you. A lot of people have relationships with someone who is of a different faith. All that is really required is a mutual respect for the other partner and understanding. I think if you truly to love and care for someone you will find a way to make it work. That's though why I don't think Notthatmatt really was in love with her, perhaps in lust but not love. If he truly was in love with her he'd be asking advice on how to get both of them to understand each other more.
 
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notthatmatt

Guest
#10
#10
KisDawn said:
There are a lot of people out there who take their non belief in a God the same way as people do with their belief in God. If you knew ahead of time religion was important to you then why did you date an Atheist to begin with? It seems you didn't conciser her feelings and led her on a bit.
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Did not know ahead of time, she told me she was Catholic, which is fine with me even tho I'm Methodist. So no I didn't know ahead of time that she was what she is.

artistic_dreams said:
it is probably best you break it off w/her....you want a woman that believes like you do..i agree w/quest.....because in the long run its going to cause you noting but heartaches....blessings to you
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Yeah that's the general consensus and I agree. It just sucks because I am attached, but I am far more attached to god. Thanks everyone for the opinions it did help a lot.

-Matt
 
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Tinker

Guest
#11
#11
Dear Notthatmatt, I have been in an relationship like this before. Of course, I was only about 15 or 16 at that time. My ex-boyfriend is an Athiest. I didn't know that at the time when we got together. Well, I ended up meeting this other boy and broke up with one and got together with the other. After that I began to see what was wrong with him. We were at school one day and he said that when Jesus died on the Croos, Jesus said **** everybody. That made me realize that I was glad I had broken up with him. I could have punched him in the face for saying that, but I kept my cool. I'm glad i got out of that relationship. If I were you, I would to. You see, Ive been going to church ever since I was a bitty baby. I'm a firm believer in Christ and I really hate when people put God down. But If I were you, I would find someone that actually cares and loves God the way you do. I'm only a 19 year old and try to give the good advice, but I can't force you to break up with her. That one is on you
 
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KisDawn

Guest
#12
#12
notthatmatt said:
Did not know ahead of time, she told me she was Catholic, which is fine with me even tho I'm Methodist. So no I didn't know ahead of time that she was what she is.
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Yea she should have told you that she was an Atheist, a lot of people who are feel like they are going to be judged unfairly if they come out and tell other people about it. Still she did lie to you and that isn't a good way to start off a romantic relationship. XD
 
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coolzz

Banned
#13
May 2, 2010
1
0
0
#13
she just belives in one less religion than you.

you dont belive what the Muslims, Jews ect. belive. MOST religions in the world you are like an Athiest too. she just belives i one less.
thats not very hard to understand.
 
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Kay_Kay

Guest
#14
#14
This is difficult because she's a human being, and obviously you care about her. Being an Atheist in the Christian community is almost like being branded a leper. You know that Atheism is the rejection of God and that's incredibly hard to accept in a relationship. But I warn you- she will probably view you as shallow and cold if you leave her now based on her beliefs.

Atheists are being constantly rejected by the religious community, and that's why they're so salty about Christians. I've heard them preach how Christians are the worst people they know because they're so unloving and elitist.

My advice to you is to talk to her - and I mean really communicate- that if you break up with her it's not because you're cold or don't care about her.
 
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notthatmatt

Guest
#15
#15
coolzz said:
she just belives in one less religion than you.

you dont belive what the Muslims, Jews ect. belive. MOST religions in the world you are like an Athiest too. she just belives i one less.
thats not very hard to understand.
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Kind of, however all 3 are Abrahamic faiths, just I believe in Jesus and that he died for my sins, your sins, unlike the other 2. Heck even most muslims believe in Jesus (in the form of one of gods most important prophets). This is besides the point though. I have a feeling most if not all atheists do believe in God, however may have been hurt or shamed somehow into not. As I've heard many times, on a deathbed an atheist will cry out for God to save him.

I am not trying to judge my girlfriend, that is not my place just as I try not to judge anyone. My point is the conflict when 2 people of differing faiths get together it's just not kosher. I have since talked to her and she understands my views and we are trying to come to some kind of understanding or middle ground as tough as it sounds.

Thanks all once again,
Matt
 
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notthatmatt

Guest
#16
#16
KisDawn said:
Yea she should have told you that she was an Atheist, a lot of people who are feel like they are going to be judged unfairly if they come out and tell other people about it. Still she did lie to you and that isn't a good way to start off a romantic relationship. XD
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I don't per-say think I would have judged her negatively but I would have had second thoughts. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person or just someone who values God above all.
 
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forgivenandloved

Guest
#17
#17
notthatmatt said:
Good morning all,

I'll get right to the point and would love to hear some opinions. I met a girl 6 months ago who I believe may have shown an interest in my faith and even went to church with me a couple times just to keep me pleased or interested in her. Yesterday she told me it wasn't right for her, she doesn't believe nor want to go anymore with me to church. I can accept this however I'm not sure if I want to make a life with this woman now. Has anyone here dealt with anything similar? Is it wrong of me to want to leave her because our faiths do not mesh? Obviously I am leaning towards leaving her now otherwise I wouldn't be asking about this, however I'm just not sure. I've prayed, worried myself sick that if I leave I might be making a mistake, just not getting any answers.

Thanks for reading,
Matt
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Don't date a non-Chrisitan. It is clear in the Bible not to marry a non-Christian and dating is getting ready for marriage. Also in relationships as important as dating, it can't be good for you. It is not good for your closest friends to be non-Chrisitans. :)
 
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notthatmatt

Guest
#18
#18
forgivenandloved said:
Don't date a non-Chrisitan. It is clear in the Bible not to marry a non-Christian and dating is getting ready for marriage. Also in relationships as important as dating, it can't be good for you. It is not good for your closest friends to be non-Chrisitans. :)
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...but shouldn't I try to lead them to God? :)
 
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that_one_guy

Guest
#19
#19
i was with my X for almost 10 yrs, but the closer i grew towards christ the farther my X and i parted and that only took a little over a year before we parted and i'm 110% better off lol thank you jesus !!
 
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KisDawn

Guest
#20
#20
notthatmatt said:
I have a feeling most if not all atheists do believe in God, however may have been hurt or shamed somehow into not. As I've heard many times, on a deathbed an atheist will cry out for God to save him.
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I don't think Atheist are like that at all. If you are hurt by God wouldn't it then make you want to worship the opposite? (the Devil) Because you can't be hurt by something if you don't think it's there. As far as the death bed goes if they really are Atheist then no they wouldn't do that just like would you convert to being Jewish or Muslim on your death bed? I just think having thoughts like that only furthers the misunderstanding between people who believe differently, and it's best to meet everyone from a place of love. To me that is what Jesus would want.
 
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