Discussing lesbian advances with 14 year old daughter. Action/ no action conesquences

[AZdude]

We are Christians with an intact and well functioning home. I have a 14 year old daughter who is a solid good person. She has a friend who has established a pattern of sharing with my daughter that she "loves her"
We have surfaced this with the school. It is continual and while most of the interaction is casual and school related, I am convinced that this other 14 year old is getting guidance and coaching on some sort of orientation/indoctrination process

1. Create doubt
2 Pose hypotheticals
3. Reduce aversion and oddity

This process comes from an adult/mentor or at least I feel it must. little things like the use of my daughters middle name. This is a textbook use of implied intimacy.
In any event I don't hate anyone.....I am scared. There is so much pressure in our world to destroy the Christian home, I see this as one of the battlefronts. The vulnerable and "open" years are these 13-16 years. They are a focal point of what I see as a movement that is not kind to my world view. I will not sit around and do nothing.

I am meeting with my minister Sunday before church. At this point it is still SOMEWHAT harmless but if an adult male was doing this we would put him in jail. If there is a specific process being used and being steered by an adult.....why is it any different. It is just a proxy scenario.

This is a classic case of not wanting to be informed about what has happened but rather STEER what WILL happen and avoid said sales process. I trust my daughter....and my wife thinks that freaking out is the worst thing we can do. I feel like action has to be taken. I want to meet with the other parents and show them the text...share that we went to the school 6 mos ago. Share that this is HIGHLY irregular and inform them that this is not in our comfort zone and we want the daughter to cease and desist all interaction with my daughter.

 

[Desertsrose]

Hi AZdude,

WOW! You and your wife and daughter, the other girl and her parents and the pastor will all be in my prayers.

Pray for wisdom and ask God to fill you anew with His Spirit to help you during this really difficult time. The Holy Spirit is our great comforter and He's our leader and guide as He walks us in the truth.

BTW, Welcome to CC.

 

[Demi777]

It is so sad that nowadays you have to worry about this stuff. So so sad. God bless!!

 

[88]

We are Christians with an intact and well functioning home. I have a 14 year old daughter who is a solid good person. She has a friend who has established a pattern of sharing with my daughter that she "loves her"
We have surfaced this with the school. It is continual and while most of the interaction is casual and school related, I am convinced that this other 14 year old is getting guidance and coaching on some sort of orientation/indoctrination process

1. Create doubt
2 Pose hypotheticals
3. Reduce aversion and oddity

This process comes from an adult/mentor or at least I feel it must. little things like the use of my daughters middle name. This is a textbook use of implied intimacy.
In any event I don't hate anyone.....I am scared. There is so much pressure in our world to destroy the Christian home, I see this as one of the battlefronts. The vulnerable and "open" years are these 13-16 years. They are a focal point of what I see as a movement that is not kind to my world view. I will not sit around and do nothing.

I am meeting with my minister Sunday before church. At this point it is still SOMEWHAT harmless but if an adult male was doing this we would put him in jail. If there is a specific process being used and being steered by an adult.....why is it any different. It is just a proxy scenario.

This is a classic case of not wanting to be informed about what has happened but rather STEER what WILL happen and avoid said sales process. I trust my daughter....and my wife thinks that freaking out is the worst thing we can do. I feel like action has to be taken. I want to meet with the other parents and show them the text...share that we went to the school 6 mos ago. Share that this is HIGHLY irregular and inform them that this is not in our comfort zone and we want the daughter to cease and desist all interaction with my daughter.

*** (praying) maybe start out slower---forbid your daughter from hanging out with this girl and family---if the problem still persists then talk with school authorities that you do not want your daughter "bothered" by this girl...

 

[notuptome]

If your daughter is not attracted to the other girl she should convey her position clearly. It would still be an issue if the suitor was male correct?

Can they be friends without being romantic friends? I don't know because I'm in the situation real life. I would suggest that you let your daughter know that you trust her and that you are there to help her but not make the decisions for her.

If your daughter shares her testimony of how she got saved and why this girl must get saved you just might wind up with some progress and not a load of emotional damage.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[Ugly]

We are Christians with an intact and well functioning home. I have a 14 year old daughter who is a solid good person. She has a friend who has established a pattern of sharing with my daughter that she "loves her"
We have surfaced this with the school. It is continual and while most of the interaction is casual and school related, I am convinced that this other 14 year old is getting guidance and coaching on some sort of orientation/indoctrination process

1. Create doubt
2 Pose hypotheticals
3. Reduce aversion and oddity

This process comes from an adult/mentor or at least I feel it must. little things like the use of my daughters middle name. This is a textbook use of implied intimacy.
In any event I don't hate anyone.....I am scared. There is so much pressure in our world to destroy the Christian home, I see this as one of the battlefronts. The vulnerable and "open" years are these 13-16 years. They are a focal point of what I see as a movement that is not kind to my world view. I will not sit around and do nothing.

I am meeting with my minister Sunday before church. At this point it is still SOMEWHAT harmless but if an adult male was doing this we would put him in jail. If there is a specific process being used and being steered by an adult.....why is it any different. It is just a proxy scenario.

This is a classic case of not wanting to be informed about what has happened but rather STEER what WILL happen and avoid said sales process. I trust my daughter....and my wife thinks that freaking out is the worst thing we can do. I feel like action has to be taken. I want to meet with the other parents and show them the text...share that we went to the school 6 mos ago. Share that this is HIGHLY irregular and inform them that this is not in our comfort zone and we want the daughter to cease and desist all interaction with my daughter.

If it were an adult male you wouldn't be able to put them in jail for these kinds of behaviors. It would raise red flags, but not be jailable.
And IF you are correct and an adult is guiding this (which you have no proof, just suspicion) then how is it any different from a parent giving advice to their son on asking a girl out or how to approach her? Your reaction sounds more paranoid than grounded in fact. Some of your views and statements seem inaccurate.
While obviously not a good situation, but to begin making claims of adult influence and some evil oriented guidance seems far fetched and causes one to question the overall situation.

Lets step back and read your post in a shorter format.
My 14 year old daughter has another 14 year old girl at her school saying she loves her and uses her middle name. Clearly an adult is guiding this 14 year old in an attempt to indoctrinate my daughter into homosexuality. This adult should be jailed for influencing a 14 year old in the ways of romance.
Hopefully there's more to the story, because what you've shared doesn't sound as alarming as the way you are responding to it.

 

[EmilyNats]

You may also want to take into consideration that sometimes teenage girls just do strange things. She may not get much affection at home, and thus she has to try and get it from a different source.

It is good to be careful and alert, but you may not want to jump to any conclusions just yet.

 

[Enow]

You may want to ask your daughter if she relies on Jesus Christ as her Good Shepherd to help her follow Him to abide in His words in the KJV. You may not have confidence in her in doing the right thing, but if you point her to Jesus in trusting Him as her Good Shepherd that she can trust Him to do the right thing, He may lead her to stop having fellowship with her if the other girl is not someone she should be hanging around with, especially when they are unrepentant believers.

1 Corinthians 5:[SUP]9 [/SUP]I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:[SUP]10 [/SUP]Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.[SUP]11 [/SUP]But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.[SUP]12 [/SUP]For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?[SUP]13 [/SUP]But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

Galatians 5:[SUP]19 [/SUP]Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,[SUP]20 [/SUP]Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,[SUP]21 [/SUP]Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.[SUP]22 [/SUP]But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,[SUP]23 [/SUP]Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.[SUP]24 [/SUP]And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.[SUP]25 [/SUP]If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.[SUP]26 [/SUP]Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

1 John 2:[SUP]15 [/SUP]Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. [SUP]16 [/SUP]For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.[SUP]17 [/SUP]And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

1 Peter 4:1 Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;[SUP]2 [/SUP]That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.[SUP]3 [/SUP]For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries:[SUP]4 [/SUP]Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you:[SUP]5 [/SUP]Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead.[SUP]6 [/SUP]For for this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit.[SUP]7 [/SUP]But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer.

2 Corinthians 6:[SUP]14 [/SUP]Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?[SUP]15 [/SUP]And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?[SUP]16 [/SUP]And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.[SUP]17 [/SUP]Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.[SUP]18 [/SUP]And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.

Your daughter ought to know the difference between close friendship and crossing the line to the physical touching as a sexual action including kissing right on the lips. Indeed, she should put it out there that homosexuality is a sin that can cost her an inheritance in the kingdom of Heaven, meaning being left behind at the pre trib rapture unless she had repented before the Bridegroom has come.... and since He can appear at any moment, she would rather not chance it at all. The same goes for sex before marriage ( hence fornication ) and masturbation which falls under uncleanness as a work of the flesh.

The world is telling our kids about these things and so it is better to get ahead of it and start having Bible studies at home in discipling your kids to trust Jesus Christ as their personal Good Shepherd in how to follow Him because waiting for the Sunday school lessons and sermons to address the topic may come around too late.

Set the example that you want your kids to follow in life by having a personal Bible study at home, even after getting them started together to edify them in what is sin and what they are trusting Him for as their Good Shepherd to lead them away from. You may be tempted to stop after having satisfied your concern on your daughter's walk with the Lord, but she needs to make it a routine to read His words in the KJV every day just as much as we all do and as you do too.

Once you set your daughter's hopes in the Lord in being her Good Shepherd in helping her to discern and to depart from iniquity, that is all you can do to help disciple her as you should do the same too in trusting the Lord as your Good Shepherd in taking care the members of your household by His grace & by His help.

2 Timothy 4:[SUP]18 [/SUP]And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

The Lord may help your daughter to discern what is going on better than you can with the Lord's help, but at the same time, the Lord may use her to lead her to Christ and even disciple her by her example of trusting the Lord as her Good Shepherd. So hope in the Lord, that after discipling her, the Lord will lead her to withdraw from her if she is unrepentant and is crossing the line with her advances just as He would help her to withdraw when a boy crosses the line with his advances too n the hopes that it will lead them to go to Christ for help to repent.

 

[mj007]

What is, is, because of what was. Can we really force Gods nature? We can only be loving and supportive and hope that it is more attractive. I think the void of love and support in a child's life can lead them astray, and then further control can cause rebellion. Faith is not practised through doubt or fear.

 

[maxwel]

If this is really happening,

then you need to be very proactive, get involved, and do whatever is necessary to deal with it.

 

[Miri]

Young teenage girls especially can get very pally and huggy.
It doesn't necessary mean anything, its just being friendly
and a way of expressing they are best friends or besties!

They can also have nick names for each other, middle names can become
nick names.

The word love can also mean different things to different people.
Why don't you have a casual chat with your daughter and ask her about her
friends. Ask if she has any favourite school subjects, if she has any ideas
about the future etc.

It sort of sounds like you are not as close to your
daughter as you could be. I say this because at the age of 14 she is still very much
under the guidance and care of parents and at an age where she is still dependent
on you (or at least she should be). That will change gradually in the coming years
but if at the age of 14 you don't know her well enough to have those fatherly chats
and for her still to be a bit of a daddy's girl, then its a bit sad really for you both.

You need to be addressing this within your own family, rather than posting to
strangers on a chat website. All I know is if I was 14 and my parents who were
suppose to be older and wiser than me, were posting about me on the
internet, I would be absolutely mortified.

 

[Fenner]

My Daughter and her friends occasionally say , love you to each other. They're 10 and under but unless there is other things she's saying that you aren't sharing I'd say you might be overreacting. My best friend from childhood still uses my full name sometimes. I'm not trying to say you're wrong, I have no idea, but showing affection isn't a bad thing.

 

[Fenner]

Please don't jump to the conclusion that your Daughters friend is gay. It could be detrimental to this girl if something like that got out.

 

[sandtigeress]

"Love" does not equal romantic feelings. A teenage girl will looooove her best friend, and share giggles, secret language, quasy secret names, hugs and so on. Usually when they are older (15/16) they will even discuss boy prospects and they may look after each other, when going out.
This relationship usually is love in the sense of sisterly friendship (BFF best friend forever
In my opinion you that can be a blessing and it is much better then a early first boyfriend.

I guess you had the normal talk with her regarding all kind of people (man/woman/boy/girl/friend/stranger):
"You are the only one that defines how much/how less touch you tolerate from what person,
If you are uncomfortable, tell that person to stop and or leave. If that does not help, then tell someone
until it stops", then that should cover unwanted advances from whoever.

 

[Ariel82]

If it were an adult male you wouldn't be able to put them in jail for these kinds of behaviors. It would raise red flags, but not be jailable.
And IF you are correct and an adult is guiding this (which you have no proof, just suspicion) then how is it any different from a parent giving advice to their son on asking a girl out or how to approach her? Your reaction sounds more paranoid than grounded in fact. Some of your views and statements seem inaccurate.
While obviously not a good situation, but to begin making claims of adult influence and some evil oriented guidance seems far fetched and causes one to question the overall situation.

Lets step back and read your post in a shorter format.
My 14 year old daughter has another 14 year old girl at her school saying she loves her and uses her middle name. Clearly an adult is guiding this 14 year old in an attempt to indoctrinate my daughter into homosexuality. This adult should be jailed for influencing a 14 year old in the ways of romance.
Hopefully there's more to the story, because what you've shared doesn't sound as alarming as the way you are responding to it.

I was thinking the same thing. My 8 year old tells her friends she loves them all the time. They have nicknames for each other..,i used to do the same: have nicknames and tell my friends I loved them. It was part of being best friends.

We still talked about how we eventually wanted to get married and have families.

So I found it more shocking the assumptions made by the OP than anything the girls have done or said.

Maybe there is more to the story?

If there is talk about "dating" one another or inappropriate touching, then I would see where he was coming from.

Right now if my parent overreacted in such a manner, I would be more inclined to find out what makes him so afraid and actively seek people who are homosexual to see if they are the monsters dad claim them to be.

 

[presidente]

Girls can be a bit more affectionate than boys without it seeming homosexual. Is there a lot more to the story than you let on? Do you get some kind of 'lesbian vibe' off the girl.

On the one hand, you want to protect your own daughter. But the main way of doing this is not to go after her friend. It is to teach our daughter. As distasteful as this sounds, your daughter should know the types of behaviors she should avoid-- sexual touch. Maybe mom could handle that situation. If you are concerned about the other girl, you or her mom could openly share the concerns and ask your daughter if she thinks the other girl is being too touchy feely. Or you could just talk in generic terms about what to do if some other girl comes on to her or tries to 'recruit' her as a lesbian. (I thought the birds and the bees type conversations were awkward.)

I agree with the poster who said not to overreact because of what it might do to her friend. If she's just happy to have a best friend and it isn't sexual, then you could really hurt the poor girl emotionally for no reason by making a big deal of this. The word could get out.

Maybe there are a lot more red flags you haven't shared. There are families these days that, if their daughter says she likes girls in her formative years, they don't try to talk some sense into her. Instead, they encourage her into sexual perversion. I suppose there could be lesbians recruiting teenage girls and mentoring them in lesbianism.

Or it could just be a couple of girls who are close friends who are a lot more affectionate than teenage boys, so it seems weird to a dad when he compares it to his own childhood friendships.

 

[pam4him]

What a tough situation. There is a lot going on in here. It seems like this has created anger that may be getting misplaced towards the friend. If she is being "mentored," perhaps mentoring your daughter with strong but loving Christian resistance to temptation will allow her a wonderful witnessing and/or faith-building opportunity. Strong confrontation may have an alternate effect to what is expected. Please consider approaching with deep prayer and caution. Prayers for all involved.

 

[Demi777]

OKay tho lets be honest... saying to a friend ''I love you'' and things like that is normal. That does not have to mean its a lesbian. It can but it doesnt have to. I cant count all the close friends I say/said that to, even in here or the other way around. Heck no because im attracted to them, but because theyre awesome people.
I think that you could be worrying too much..But as I do not know the other girl, I dunno. BUt come on please lets not demonize a young lady saying to her friend that she loves her. Thats hideous

 

[renewed_hope]

OKay tho lets be honest... saying to a friend ''I love you'' and things like that is normal. That does not have to mean its a lesbian. It can but it doesnt have to. I cant count all the close friends I say/said that to, even in here or the other way around. Heck no because im attracted to them, but because theyre awesome people.
I think that you could be worrying too much..But as I do not know the other girl, I dunno. BUt come on please lets not demonize a young lady saying to her friend that she loves her. Thats hideous

I agree to a point.

To the OP: If this is truly going on, I would encourage your daughter to vocalize to this girl that when she says things like "i love you" it makes me feel uncomfortable and to stop. If it persists, then I would consider making a complaint for harassment, but your daughter needs to say no, otherwise it could backfire on her if things get worse

 

[Enow]

Incidentally, what your kids watch can influence their mentality when the CW Network has been proactive in rationalizing sinful lifestyles like homosexuality and fornication as being normal or natural or whatever even through those DC Comics shows.

So edifying your kids as to what is sinful to God and to others and teaching them to trust the Lord in being their Good Shepherd to help them walk through this valley of death ( Psalm 23 is for the living ) and have the door open for her to come to you with any problem wherein she knows you will lean on the Lord to also help you do the right thing and say the right thing is the way to go.