Prayers for marriage and family

[Jlit2sc]

So much I could say, but I'll try to keep it short. Wife and I almost divorced in spring of 2014. She wanted it and she called it off. We mended and went on "Weekend to Remember " and things were great for a few months. Then bumps started to come again. We argue like many couples. I'm the one to initiate the forgivenesses....always. I bust my butt at home to speak to her love language. I'm taken for granted and undervalued. We haven't slept in the same bed alone at home for almost 3 years because of our son. She takes the approach of silence is golden and doesn't want to stick out the a few sleepless nights to take back our bed as husband and wife. Her libido sucks, her willingness to listen to my concerns sucks. I go out of my way to make Valentine's Day, Birthdays and occasional outings well thought out, planned and fun for her/us. I give her space and do my own thing when I can. I come from a place of I expect the best of her because she's gonna get the best of me...while she says she expects nothing from me, but I think it's ultimately she doesn't want to be a hypocrite since she doesn't do much for the marriage. I'm at a total loss. I love her with all my heart. She's selfish. She's suggested in the past couples counseling, but when I say let's go, she makes excuses and backs out. I feel trapped since I don't believe in divorce. I can't talk to her about it anymore because it's like beating a dead horse and we get no where. She doesn't feel like my best friend anymore. While I know the struggles are hard being a single mom half the time since I'm gone at the fire station often...I expect her to try while I'm home and she doesn't. I'm not one to ask, "what do I do...but what do I do?" Please help!!!!!!!

 

[Dan58]

Hard to analyze your wife's apathy. She sounds bored or depressed? Marriage shouldn't be work, but it sure feels like it when there's only one participant. She obviously doesn't have the same enthusiasm as you, and you can't motivate someone who doesn't care.

 

[lovingladyo4]

My heart does go out to you and only you can discern the underlying causes for her to feel so disconnected. I would like to propose a suggestion that you direct your thoughts and energy in a completely different direction. I have done this myself, so I know first hand what an amazing blessing this can be. I hope I can find the right words to describe what I want to say.

Instead of investing your time trying to change the situation, try spending more and more time with God. Let His presence fill your mind and your heart completely. Make it your goal to seek Him every day on your knees for the purpose of not asking for something, or telling Him something He already knows, but to worship Him and acknowledge who He is in your life. Express your thanks for your salvation. Try to count the number of times He has been there for you. Take reading Scriptures to another whole new level. Be on a quest to know God! Make it your goal to spend time with Him because you can't survive without doing so. Shift your focus off your own personal needs and onto your need for God alone. Allow your time with Him to become the number one top priority in your life. You are His child and He desires to be with you. How much of your time and your heart have you set aside for Him? God knows the desires of our heart, and he also knows our motives.

Why not try setting aside all your own personal desires and desire only Him? I feel confident in saying that you will be changed on the inside. Your love for God will increase. You will see Him, not through the eyes of sadness or disappointment, but through eyes that desire to know Him for who He really is. He is your God! He is your friend! He is your salvation! He is your hope! Nothing in this world can compare to His awesome power!

When you do these things, the things of this world will seem dim in comparison. Suddenly your life is not about you and your wife, but about you and God. God calls us to love expecting nothing in return. He calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves. He calls us to lay down our life for a friend. He call us to love unconditionally. He calls us to obey Him, and to be Christ-like, leaving all the results up to Him.

This is not always an easy thing to do because we are human and we have fierce intense emotions. But I have found out in my own personal journey of knowing God, I am better able to withstand the collapse of expectations I had and find that I am more preoccupied with my relationship with Jesus. The scales have been tipped. I am now consumed with Him rather that getting consumed with what I don't have. Thank you for letting me share what I have found to be so life changing!

 

[tourist]

My heart does go out to you and only you can discern the underlying causes for her to feel so disconnected. I would like to propose a suggestion that you direct your thoughts and energy in a completely different direction. I have done this myself, so I know first hand what an amazing blessing this can be. I hope I can find the right words to describe what I want to say.

Instead of investing your time trying to change the situation, try spending more and more time with God. Let His presence fill your mind and your heart completely. Make it your goal to seek Him every day on your knees for the purpose of not asking for something, or telling Him something He already knows, but to worship Him and acknowledge who He is in your life. Express your thanks for your salvation. Try to count the number of times He has been there for you. Take reading Scriptures to another whole new level. Be on a quest to know God! Make it your goal to spend time with Him because you can't survive without doing so. Shift your focus off your own personal needs and onto your need for God alone. Allow your time with Him to become the number one top priority in your life. You are His child and He desires to be with you. How much of your time and your heart have you set aside for Him? God knows the desires of our heart, and he also knows our motives.

Why not try setting aside all your own personal desires and desire only Him? I feel confident in saying that you will be changed on the inside. Your love for God will increase. You will see Him, not through the eyes of sadness or disappointment, but through eyes that desire to know Him for who He really is. He is your God! He is your friend! He is your salvation! He is your hope! Nothing in this world can compare to His awesome power!

When you do these things, the things of this world will seem dim in comparison. Suddenly your life is not about you and your wife, but about you and God. God calls us to love expecting nothing in return. He calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves. He calls us to lay down our life for a friend. He call us to love unconditionally. He calls us to obey Him, and to be Christ-like, leaving all the results up to Him.

This is not always an easy thing to do because we are human and we have fierce intense emotions. But I have found out in my own personal journey of knowing God, I am better able to withstand the collapse of expectations I had and find that I am more preoccupied with my relationship with Jesus. The scales have been tipped. I am now consumed with Him rather that getting consumed with what I don't have. Thank you for letting me share what I have found to be so life changing!

You wrote a superbly written post. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

 

[tourist]

Your wife may have become disillusioned about marriage and is in a spiritually dry spot. You didn't say how long you have been married or the age of your son. I would continue to pray about the situation and be patient with her for a little while longer. My advice is to wait this out for the time being and pray for improvement. At the end of that period of time if nothing changes you may have to consider your options and do what is best for all concerned. It's probably going to be a rough ride for awhile.

 

[Depleted]

So much I could say, but I'll try to keep it short. Wife and I almost divorced in spring of 2014. She wanted it and she called it off. We mended and went on "Weekend to Remember " and things were great for a few months. Then bumps started to come again. We argue like many couples. I'm the one to initiate the forgivenesses....always. I bust my butt at home to speak to her love language. I'm taken for granted and undervalued. We haven't slept in the same bed alone at home for almost 3 years because of our son. She takes the approach of silence is golden and doesn't want to stick out the a few sleepless nights to take back our bed as husband and wife. Her libido sucks, her willingness to listen to my concerns sucks. I go out of my way to make Valentine's Day, Birthdays and occasional outings well thought out, planned and fun for her/us. I give her space and do my own thing when I can. I come from a place of I expect the best of her because she's gonna get the best of me...while she says she expects nothing from me, but I think it's ultimately she doesn't want to be a hypocrite since she doesn't do much for the marriage. I'm at a total loss. I love her with all my heart. She's selfish. She's suggested in the past couples counseling, but when I say let's go, she makes excuses and backs out. I feel trapped since I don't believe in divorce. I can't talk to her about it anymore because it's like beating a dead horse and we get no where. She doesn't feel like my best friend anymore. While I know the struggles are hard being a single mom half the time since I'm gone at the fire station often...I expect her to try while I'm home and she doesn't. I'm not one to ask, "what do I do...but what do I do?" Please help!!!!!!!

If you can't get through to her and she doesn't want to get through to you, isn't it time for a go-between? A third-party? A marriage counselor?

 

[lovingladyo4]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B_lnQIITxU

 

[notuptome]

Where is the Lord in your marriage? Is He in the middle or cast to the side? The harder it is to move forward the closer Jesus must be to make progress. Only Jesus can draw hearts together.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[levi85]

Father God, we pray for Jlit2Sc, and his wife, please bless them together, heal, bless and restore their relationship. Lord bles to respect, and love one another, yes Lord, let you work in their lives, and let you be glorifed,in their family, in Jesus loving name, Amen!

i think, you both should try to pray together, meditate the word of God, together, and go to sunday service, or fellowship together. surely God will work, and bless this marriage, beyong one's imagination.

 

[scatteredmusician]

[FONT=&quot]I am sorry you are in this situation. A marriage should be about functioning as a team to benefit your relationship and it doesn’t sound as if that is her goal. You didn’t mention if she is a believer and of course that would change everything, but regardless – I think [/FONT][FONT=&quot]lovingladyo4 [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]gave you great advice. We all have expectations but really, the only thing we can count on is the love God has for you both. You can recognize that love and develop your relationship with Him and so can she. That would heal many things, but will she? Since that is not up to you, what you are able to do is work on your own vertical relationship. Jesus is a comforter and He knows your heart and your path. I have prayed for you both. Blessings.[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]

 

[Jlit2sc]

We got married on a perfect October day on the 23rd in 2010. Our son is 5 1/2.

 

[Jlit2sc]

He is not centered enough in our marriage.

 

[scatteredmusician]

[FONT=&quot]I found this article that may have some help for you at Spouse Resists Communication in Marriage[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] It mentions the 10-Minute Plan, which she might agree to do. Is there a mens group at your church? Is there counseling at your church? Do you have a guy friend you could trust with your thoughts? You need wise counsel and I pray you will find it. [/FONT]

 

[Jlit2sc]

When times get tough, like now, she takes my efforts as fake or not real. In the past she suggested counseling. We went and it turned into what I didn't do or what I should do and she give up quickly and didn't take it serious. We are currently not steady in a church. She use to work for a Church, but pay was a dead end and no benefits. I like that she was around Christian women though. We had a church, but we stopped going because it wasn't a good fit for all of us. Our son as an issue with anxiety, so his problems won out. I wanted the tough love aspect of he'll be ok in Sunday school, where as mom is a little more lenient so we stopped going. I've gone to counseling alone, done/go to men's group studies, have friends I can talk to, but the venting gets old since it's a broken record. One on one counseling doesn't do much for me anymore. I'm currently reading "Date your wife" which gives a good example of no matter what's going on, it's the guys fault. Context is in that God first gave Adam the job to cultivate and protect the garden. Then he brought Eve to Adam, in turn he was to cultivate and protect their unity...which he failed. So no matter what has happened in my marriage. No matter what I think or my wife has actually done wrong....it's my fault because I haven't protected and cultivated it enough to lead us better towards the Lord. As hard as that might be to swallow, I believe it to be true.

 

[Jlit2sc]

Thank you all for your prayers.

 

[Depleted]

When times get tough, like now, she takes my efforts as fake or not real. In the past she suggested counseling. We went and it turned into what I didn't do or what I should do and she give up quickly and didn't take it serious. We are currently not steady in a church. She use to work for a Church, but pay was a dead end and no benefits. I like that she was around Christian women though. We had a church, but we stopped going because it wasn't a good fit for all of us. Our son as an issue with anxiety, so his problems won out. I wanted the tough love aspect of he'll be ok in Sunday school, where as mom is a little more lenient so we stopped going. I've gone to counseling alone, done/go to men's group studies, have friends I can talk to, but the venting gets old since it's a broken record. One on one counseling doesn't do much for me anymore. I'm currently reading "Date your wife" which gives a good example of no matter what's going on, it's the guys fault. Context is in that God first gave Adam the job to cultivate and protect the garden. Then he brought Eve to Adam, in turn he was to cultivate and protect their unity...which he failed. So no matter what has happened in my marriage. No matter what I think or my wife has actually done wrong....it's my fault because I haven't protected and cultivated it enough to lead us better towards the Lord. As hard as that might be to swallow, I believe it to be true.

Now that you've laid blame, what is the plan?

 

[Jlit2sc]

Stay consistent in my efforts. Even when it seems there's an evilness that is working against our marriage or trying to work through my wife to drive a wedge. Swallow my pride and know even if I mean well, my efforts of wanting to do "a lot right now" may be a wedge as well. Not just allow the tough times to only stoke the fire of turning things over to God. The only things I can do is make the Lord my center and not my wife. Be an example the Lord, then my wife and then any person looking in could say, "he is living God's plan." "He is loving his wife the way God loved the church." Lead myself and my family in the direction of the Lord. Even though that will be tough because my wife takes my efforts in times like these as not genuine. Two reasons for that's is because we aren't consistent in our efforts of church...and her stubbornness. (She is a strong willed, prideful, gonagainst the grain half the time) That is a road block I've turned over to God as I know I can't get through even with my mouth shut and my actions as the only example. I know as well as God, what is in my heart to be pure and true. These are tough tests that have been put in my path to endure.

 

[scatteredmusician]

[FONT=&quot]Pretty sure I’m not on board with your book’s suggestion that puts your wife in a “no-fault” position. Sure, you have primary responsibility for how you care for the relationship, for leading in a godly way, but her part of this is to be a godly woman and to also follow your leadership as well as to listen to God. You are doing the best you can given the circumstances. She is not listening to you or apparently to God. That is not your fault, so don’t take too much blame here. Love the idea of dating your wife, glad you’re trying that route. Your part is to listen to God, to love Him, to love and uphold her in any way you can, to pray for her. Whatever the outcome, you have been a godly man and husband and a model to your son. Be true to that role. I have just prayed for you and your wife.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]

 

[Jlit2sc]

Thank you for your advice and prayer

 

[scatteredmusician]

Focus on the Family loves to nurture marriages and fmilies and is a great resource. Their number is 855-382-5433. I highly recommend them. It’s worth the call, right?