During courtship I observed behavior that I perceived to be flirtatious, lustful & untrustworthy. Once Married, he shared that he was simply trying to impress me & I misunderstood his actions. However, 4 years into our Marriage I am still seeing the same behavior & have found random female numbers, learned of him giving his number to a female for purposes of pointing her to Christ (as was his explanation once she called late one night & did not even know of me, his Wife), deal with his wandering eyes, discovered his search for pornography or twerk videos & stumbled across a photo of the Wife of a fellow brother in Christ & female associate of mine from the past stored in the history log of his ipad. All matters listed has happened occasionally & for the most part my Husband is a devoted Man after God's own Heart. Yet, I find myself unable to Forgive, extremely Hurt & battling thoughts of regret for desiring Marriage & accepting his Proposal. We have a Son & expect another by 3/15/17. I try to focus on the Joys of Motherhood & all the good he does do for us as the Provider but this Heartache, Disappointment is a great burden on me. These experiences as a Married Woman now feed the Insecurities that started from being in the World & of it dating & fornicating with the wrong men. I desire Healing, this is truly a hindrance in my Spiritual Growth.