New member with a broken heat

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Hurtingheart

Guest
#1
#1
Hello everyone. I'm new here. I just found out last week that my husband was cheating. I'm a christian, praying woman, and a woman of faith. My husband and I talked and I decided to work on our marriage. But the pain, anger and non trust.... I keep praying and reading my bible. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I have been faithful, I have bent over backwards for this man, I paid all the bills when he laid around doing nothing for almost 3 years and I bathed him when he fell and broke his ankle. I was there through it all. I made the decision to work on our marriage but sometimes I ask myself can I do this? I really need some prayers right now.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#2
Welcome to CC. :) This thread would receive more coverage and replies in the Family forum. Would you like me to ask a mod to move it there for you? :)
 
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Hurtingheart

Guest
#3
#3
Yes. Thank you
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#5
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
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0
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#5
Hurtingheart said:
Hello everyone. I'm new here. I just found out last week that my husband was cheating. I'm a christian, praying woman, and a woman of faith. My husband and I talked and I decided to work on our marriage. But the pain, anger and non trust.... I keep praying and reading my bible. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I have been faithful, I have bent over backwards for this man, I paid all the bills when he laid around doing nothing for almost 3 years and I bathed him when he fell and broke his ankle. I was there through it all. I made the decision to work on our marriage but sometimes I ask myself can I do this? I really need some prayers right now.
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Welcome to Christian Chat, Hurtingheart. Is he worth it?
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#6
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
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#6
Are you in individual counseling and maritial counselling? Because you need to see if he agrees to repent of his sin, before you can even think about staying with him. If he wants his cake and eat it too (both you and this other woman) that is a deal breaker.

This is not on you! He has committed a major sin, that even in the OT was so wrong, it became part of the 10 commandments. Is he even a Christian? Because, it would be within your rights to walk away, if he is not interested in obeying Christ, let alone being faithful to his wife.

Unforunately, you have done all the "right" things, and he seems to have no appreciation for that fact. I would call that a "user." Plus not working for 3 years? That would have been a warning sign for me.

You need to figure out the basics. My prayer is that your husband would truly repent and that you could forgive him. God is in the marriage restoration business. But if he is not willing to turn from his sin, and has a hard heart, you might want to re-evaluate your commitment to a one-sided relationship.

I'm sorry you are going through this!
 
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Depleted

Guest
#7
#7
Hurtingheart said:
Hello everyone. I'm new here. I just found out last week that my husband was cheating. I'm a christian, praying woman, and a woman of faith. My husband and I talked and I decided to work on our marriage. But the pain, anger and non trust.... I keep praying and reading my bible. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I have been faithful, I have bent over backwards for this man, I paid all the bills when he laid around doing nothing for almost 3 years and I bathed him when he fell and broke his ankle. I was there through it all. I made the decision to work on our marriage but sometimes I ask myself can I do this? I really need some prayers right now.
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I woke up that Tuesday. I remember it well. It was beautiful out -- deep vivid blue skies with occasional light fluffy clouds. It was September 11th, so the trees were just beginning to start the change of color. From the dark greens of August to an ever so subtle change into a brighter greens before the autumn would change them for good.

I had to pick up some prescriptions from my doctor, and back then I turned TV on before I finished getting dressed in the living room and grabbed my breakfast. And I was running late. It was almost 10 AM.

Then I saw it. A huge building I remember seeing in person years before. The World Trade Center. It wasn't a little smoke coming off the higher floors (How does a fire hit those floors that high, yet none above or below?) It was a lot of smoke. Te building was in danger. Something about a plane hitting it. No. Two planes. But the reporter stopped dead in mid-sentence when the building dropped. It just dropped like a deck of cards.

And then the next shock. The building behind it wasn't there. Where was the other building? They don't just walk away. Where was the other building?

I said, "Holy Sh..!" When my mind wrapped around it finally. I said it again and again. But I really had to go get that prescription.

I said that same phrase about once an hour for a straight week. That just does NOT happen.

Do you get that shock? Yeah. You're living it.

One of the things nurses hand you after out-patient surgery is a note to tell you what to do and what not to do when you get home. One of them is to make no important decisions for 24-hours. Even when awake the anesthesia can knock you for a loop.

Stop making important decisions until you're no longer knocked for a loop. It is very nice that you've decided you're going to work on your marriage. But that kind of decision is sort of like waking up one morning in a park in Singapore and trying to make a decision what to do yet, while you're still wrapping your head around waking up a world away from your life. Take the time to freak out first.

I hear it in your words. You're still freaking out. Let yourself do that until there is no freak out left, and THEN start making decisions. He already rehearsed everything he was going to say if you ever found out. He had that kind of time. You didn't, so he barged all over your personal space before you could even wrap your head around this one.

Wait. Just wait. Wait until that day you don't have to say "Holy sh.." every hour. Wait until you can wrap your head around it. And then deal with it. Not now!
 
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kim12345

Senior Member
#8
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
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#8
In 10 years from now you'll think "Ah who cares" after a while it wont bother you. But it takes couple years
 
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littlestarsmum

Senior Member
#9
Oct 19, 2016
635
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#9
I’m so sorry to hear that, girl. My heart ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug. It’s obvious that you want to have a happy marriage, and I can tell that you’ve been a supportive wife. I just said a prayer for you and your husband, asking the Lord to bring healing and hope to your marriage. Have you ever considered talking with a counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? Do you think your husband might consider going with you? Your situation may seem impossible right now, but I do believe there is hope. May God be the strength of your heart and your refuge. Sending hugs & prayers your way!
 
bingbing

bingbing

Banned
#10
Jan 13, 2017
157
2
0
#10
Hello, Hurtingheart. We never stop praying. Glad to have you join here with us. Welcome to CC! :)

From Davao, the country of the Pearl of the Orient Seas, with love. :eek:
 
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Depleted

Guest
#11
#11
kim12345 said:
In 10 years from now you'll think "Ah who cares" after a while it wont bother you. But it takes couple years
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It's 40 years later for hubby. (His first wife cheated on him -- twice.) He still, very much, cares.
 
Prov910

Prov910

Senior Member
#12
Jan 10, 2017
880
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#12
Wow, it would be incredibly tough to forgive him. I'm not sure I could forgive a marital infidelity. (I hope I never have to find out whether or not I could forgive.) If you *could* somehow find it in your heart to forgive him and get through this rough patch in your marriage, it would be a testament to your faith.
 
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MoxiebyProxy

Guest
#13
#13
Hello Hurtingheart. My heart goes out to you - and I'm praying for you to have wisdom and peace. Please, if you haven't already, find a pastor or counselor to speak with. I know this is a very painful situation. Getting support and feedback from a Christian counselor as you grieve seems critical. Also, and I hate to say this and do not want to add fear, but please get yourself tested for STDs. I know that may seem unlikely, but I know of someone who did contract an STD from their spouse's affair. You need to take care of your health as first and foremost. Take one day at a time - and if you simply cannot continue together, it is ok. You don't have to feel like you have to bear this entire situation. You are human too. Blessings to you.
 
FaithfulservantofGod

FaithfulservantofGod

Junior Member
#14
Nov 9, 2016
29
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#14
I'm so said to read your story. I glad that you gave ur gusband second chance and I admired your braveness and true love for your husband and for the whole family. What u done for the whole family helps lot for ur relationship with ur husband but for the children. That's the exactly I really wanted to do if ever I'm in ur situations for my children. I don't want to have a broken family and I don't like if ever I have children I don't nt let them feel the pain. Praying you will forgive him and forget what happened and do ur duties much better than before for u husband.
 
Silverwings

Silverwings

Senior Member
#15
Jul 27, 2016
1,368
495
83
#15
Hurtingheart said:
Hello everyone. I'm new here. I just found out last week that my husband was cheating. I'm a christian, praying woman, and a woman of faith. My husband and I talked and I decided to work on our marriage. But the pain, anger and non trust.... I keep praying and reading my bible. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I have been faithful, I have bent over backwards for this man, I paid all the bills when he laid around doing nothing for almost 3 years and I bathed him when he fell and broke his ankle. I was there through it all. I made the decision to work on our marriage but sometimes I ask myself can I do this? I really need some prayers right now.
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I think they key to the problem is that he is lazy and not fit to be your husband, if he layed around for 3 full years doing nothing, he is a bum, pure and simple, he is not going to change , he is disrecpetful to you, and it is very obvious to to those on the outside looking in, he needs to be on his own, so that he can grow up. My advice it to dump him asap.
 
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d11king

Guest
#16
#16
I'm deeply saddened and troubled by your story sister girl, and I commend you for your strength, for I never know how anyone could react under such circumstances... I'm encouraged to hear that you are a woman of faith and I think it is because of that, by the grace of God, that you have the strength to forgive him.

Jesus tells us we are to forgive our brothers and sisters (I would assume husband and wives) seventy seven times.. Love your husband, forgive him for what he's done, give it to God, I'm learning that He can do anything and nothing is too hard for Him. I pray your husband has recognized the pain and hurt he's caused and has repented and changed his ways... and what I truly believe, is as you continually pressing down, holding on and loving him, your husband will come to recognize the unconditional love from you and it'll cause him to love you even more and in the same, if not, greater manner than you love him.

I know that I don't know the feelings you have now, and quite honestly I'm a young 26 year old male and have no idea what marriage is like or infedelity from the perspective of a woman, but I believe in God and His word, and I believe that even through this, God will use it for good. Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

With that being said... I believe, what you are experiencing is for God's glory, because as you press down, forgiving your husband and loving him, building him back up through Christ, better days are coming... your best days are ahead of you. I say this because this is what I believe in your situation... through the Holy Spirit,

Genesis 2:18 (NIV) says,
"The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

John 14:26 (ESV) says,
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.

John 16:13 (NIV) says,
But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth....

Romans 8:26-27 (NIV) says,
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”
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It's my interpretation that although men are the head of the family and his wife, that wives are the ones that really keep the husband in check. When he veers of the path to the right or the left, the wife whom is by his side is there to slap him on the thigh and remind him to get back on track... and that's what I believe what you are going through, is indeed a calling for you, as well as him.

The enemy tried taking your husband away, clouding his mind with evil and wickedness, to destroy you and your family and the purposes that God has planned for the both of you, but God is God, and is all powerful and stronger than anything the enemy can throw at us.

Stay where you are sister girl, forgive, love and help your husband and believe that God can do it!

Jesus tells us in John 11 (I love it cause I read it earlier today), "if you just believe, that you would see the glory of God."

I believe it..
 
Sheepman

Sheepman

Senior Member
#17
Aug 13, 2016
135
5
0
#17
Hurtingheart said:
Hello everyone. I'm new here. I just found out last week that my husband was cheating. I'm a christian, praying woman, and a woman of faith. My husband and I talked and I decided to work on our marriage. But the pain, anger and non trust.... I keep praying and reading my bible. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. I have been faithful, I have bent over backwards for this man, I paid all the bills when he laid around doing nothing for almost 3 years and I bathed him when he fell and broke his ankle. I was there through it all. I made the decision to work on our marriage but sometimes I ask myself can I do this? I really need some prayers right now.
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I have been through the same. I am so sorry. it is everywhere, like a virus. 50 shades of fu...gray. Yes it makes me furious. Its in your face in this fallen world. It ripped my heart out. Because when you put your soul in a relationship only to see the other half didnt, it burns you up like some electric fire in your veins. I cried out to the Lord when I was about to cut myself off from this world. In the car ready to blast into a wall. HE gave me a vision of my boys crying. So He kept me alive for them. Enough said about myself. I slowly learned to trust him, Jesus, to please calm me down. First of all - We are not supposed to stay with a cheating wife/husband. Always remember that.

He need to work on his marriage. Not you. Pray on the other hand is always good. To not get exhausted I found out how to pray for enemies and the worldly. The only thing that matters. That they find Jesus. Why pray for anything else. If they find Jesus He will deal with em himself. Right!

As one said here above - time to exhale it all. Dont swallow it. It burns. For me it took a year. I still wish the Lord will get her on the right track. I am now divorced but I have a picture in my head how it could be if Jesus saves her. Its not an easy thing to have kids in two homes. Everything takes tripple energy.

Just wanted to write a few words to a fellow christian. All our situations are so different that advice is hard and get kind of broad.
Im not into shallow words or kliche. I believe in sharing experiences and prayer. Our brother Jesus is there. It hurts him so much. The difference is - HE can bear it when we faint and cant. So when your faint exhausted command your spirit to Him. Do not ever try by your own power. Only by his Spirit.

Dear Father in heaven send strenght and comfort to her like you did to me even though I am still numb and feel erased from time to time. So she can rest under your wings when it burns. You have promised to bind up the brokenhearted and your word stands when everything else is falling.
 
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santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#18
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#18
So sorry for your difficulty. You state that you're willing to work on your marriage -- good for you! But is HE willing to work on your marriage? You don't state whether your husband wants to work on it as well. As Angela said, without him repenting, asking forgiveness and wanting to work on the marriage, there really is no marriage to salvage. I'm sorry to sound so blunt, but marriage involves two people who give 100% all of the time.
 
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Hurtingheart

Guest
#19
#19
Thank you. No counseling yet but we have been talking and will be seeking spiritual counseling.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#20
Mar 13, 2014
41,311
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Tennessee
#20
Very generous of your husband to decide to work on the marriage considering he is cheating on you. A man that loves his wife does not even consider cheating on his wife let alone actually do it. The trust that he betrayed can never be restored. I will pray for God to give you clarity on how to proceed with moving forward with your life, if need be, alone without that lousy husband of yours. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 
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