Desperate need for advice, help and encouragement

[ardea_alba]

Hi brothers and sisters,

I'm sorry to barge in here with a question, but I, literally, have no one else to turn to for advice. Our families are 'normal' people who've turned away from my husband and myself because we've told them a few uncomfortable truths and they're happy in the bubble.. They are firm atheists/libertarians and are somewhat ashamed of our family having turned to Christianity. So, in a nutshell:

Two years ago we moved to a new country with a working visa for my husband. At the time of moving I was pregnant with our third child. From the day we landed his boss has been showing an unhealthy interest in our child(ren). He introduced us to a "close friend" of his - a notable surgeon who works in one of the government maternity hospitals, knowing we were unsure where to have our baby. We asked to meet him in his office but they refused and came to our apartment. At the end of the meeting the surgeon casually remarked "you know, it's a standard practice to sterilize the woman after the third child. we can do it under full anesthesia" to which my husband and I politely declined. Afterwards, we sought the opinion of two separate doctors and they were horrified by this and said it was absolutely untrue. Because at that time I was going to a private clinic, the surgeon insisted I stopped, "gathered all my documentation and gave it to him" but that I "immediately stopped going there and started going to him". He claimed that clinic was awful and people "died there". In truth, it was very reputable and everything went perfect.
When they understood our mind was set on giving birth there, both my husband's boss and the surgeon kept calling incessantly for a week, trying to convince us to change our minds.

Time passed and our child was born. Since then every single time my husband sees his boss at work (around once/twice per month) he asks him the following questions:
- When was the child born?
- How big is the child?
- Do you still live there (address of the apartment he found us)?
- Which kindergarten do your children attend? Where is it?

Nothing else. No 'How are you. How's your wife' or small talk - straight to the point. Even my boss' wife, who he's seen once in two years asked him the same questions when she saw him the other day. The latest incident being my husband asking for a leave due to a children feeling unwell and his boss again "politely" insisting we go see a friend doctor of his.

We're horrified.Two clarifications. His boss is a well-known and respected man in the city we live in with ze-ro information about him online. The same goes for the surgeon - he is not present in the list of doctors for the hospital he claims he works at, but in Google he comes up as a co-owner of a company for blood plasma based in Moscow that supplies hospitals in Israel.

One addition: when he came to our apartment and met with us, he gave us his phone to call in case of an emergency. A week later I felt a bit sick and called, but he didn't pick up. We called my husband's boss and he got a hold of him but he told us that "it wasn't a good time" so we called emergency instead and all went well. So, basically, he lied to us that we could count on his help. He casually mentioned his specialization in Israel, which was supposed to impress us, but it sent shivers down my spine. Not to mention that healthy, young women die in childbirth with no actual reason in government hospitals here all the time.

Since our move here, my husband's boss has been giving us small, insignificant but nice-enough presents from "his mother" to our children whom we've never seen but we've kept receiving invitations to "go visit them in the countryside with the kids" (although they live in the same city and have declined our invitations to come visit us in the apartment), signed 'from your foreign grandmother', which, frankly, looked to me like grooming..

Everything is made worse by the fact that, apparently, everyone knows everyone in this city (albeit quite big) and every time my husband goes to meet someone in the sector he works, they're like 'Aaaaa, you work for _______, good man, I didn't see him at the synagogue last week. Tell him ______ sends his regards' or whatever. My husband can stop working in the sector and completely change jobs - that's not a problem.

Now, I am not here to discuss ritual murder of Christian children during (and not only) Passover, blood libel against the jews, the hundreds of thousands of disappearing (without a trace) children annually in the US, Europe, Asia and Latin America. But...my question for you is - how concerned would you be if this were your family and someone was asking these questions. How would you react? Shall we just pack up and leave? The country? The city? The apartment? Should my husband confront him with 'these are very personal questions' or 'are you collecting data or sth'. Should we go to the police? Should he quit without any altercations due to 'personal reasons' and we just lay low for a while?

Are we being paranoid? We tried ignoring a few of these instances despite everything we've read and know..and now...Obviously, we're not staying here at the price of something happening to our children, but I just like to hear your thoughts on handling this situation altogether.

Thank you and God Bless.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Something stinks here.. If this doctor is well known and highly respected, there should be TONS of information about him. The events you describe sound shady..like someone who is NOT an actual doctor would say. Doctors don't typically sterilize a woman after the 3rd child. I'd put money on the fact that this "well known" doctor and his associate are not doctors at all. I would get as far away from these people as you can. And don't give them any of your personal info, or any info about your children. It's not normal for doctors to ask how big the baby is, or where his preschool is, etc..

DO NOT go to visit this person and his mother!! This whole thing is not legit. Move out of whatever state or country you're in. Look up their names online, and see if any info pops up. If necessary, get the authorities involved. As for your husband, he needs to quit and get you all away from these witch doctors..

 

[PrynceNY]

Welcome ardea_alba, I hope your family members who are atheist/libertarians turn to the lord. The scriptures tells us to love the lord above all including our family members. Your family members may be ashamed but the lord is glad you placed your life in his hands. At the end of the day that's all that truly matters. From what I understand ya'll are repeatedly being asked about your children. Considering it makes ya'll uncomfortable I personally would make a stern statement such as my children are of none of your concern & end the conversation there. His boss has no right to ask personal information & your husband has the right to protect that information.

 

[His]

Hi brothers and sisters,

I'm sorry to barge in here with a question, but I, literally, have no one else to turn to for advice. Our families are 'normal' people who've turned away from my husband and myself because we've told them a few uncomfortable truths and they're happy in the bubble.. They are firm atheists/libertarians and are somewhat ashamed of our family having turned to Christianity. So, in a nutshell:

Two years ago we moved to a new country with a working visa for my husband. At the time of moving I was pregnant with our third child. From the day we landed his boss has been showing an unhealthy interest in our child(ren). He introduced us to a "close friend" of his - a notable surgeon who works in one of the government maternity hospitals, knowing we were unsure where to have our baby. We asked to meet him in his office but they refused and came to our apartment. At the end of the meeting the surgeon casually remarked "you know, it's a standard practice to sterilize the woman after the third child. we can do it under full anesthesia" to which my husband and I politely declined. Afterwards, we sought the opinion of two separate doctors and they were horrified by this and said it was absolutely untrue. Because at that time I was going to a private clinic, the surgeon insisted I stopped, "gathered all my documentation and gave it to him" but that I "immediately stopped going there and started going to him". He claimed that clinic was awful and people "died there". In truth, it was very reputable and everything went perfect.
When they understood our mind was set on giving birth there, both my husband's boss and the surgeon kept calling incessantly for a week, trying to convince us to change our minds.

Time passed and our child was born. Since then every single time my husband sees his boss at work (around once/twice per month) he asks him the following questions:
- When was the child born?
- How big is the child?
- Do you still live there (address of the apartment he found us)?
- Which kindergarten do your children attend? Where is it?

Nothing else. No 'How are you. How's your wife' or small talk - straight to the point. Even my boss' wife, who he's seen once in two years asked him the same questions when she saw him the other day. The latest incident being my husband asking for a leave due to a children feeling unwell and his boss again "politely" insisting we go see a friend doctor of his.

We're horrified.Two clarifications. His boss is a well-known and respected man in the city we live in with ze-ro information about him online. The same goes for the surgeon - he is not present in the list of doctors for the hospital he claims he works at, but in Google he comes up as a co-owner of a company for blood plasma based in Moscow that supplies hospitals in Israel.

One addition: when he came to our apartment and met with us, he gave us his phone to call in case of an emergency. A week later I felt a bit sick and called, but he didn't pick up. We called my husband's boss and he got a hold of him but he told us that "it wasn't a good time" so we called emergency instead and all went well. So, basically, he lied to us that we could count on his help. He casually mentioned his specialization in Israel, which was supposed to impress us, but it sent shivers down my spine. Not to mention that healthy, young women die in childbirth with no actual reason in government hospitals here all the time.

Since our move here, my husband's boss has been giving us small, insignificant but nice-enough presents from "his mother" to our children whom we've never seen but we've kept receiving invitations to "go visit them in the countryside with the kids" (although they live in the same city and have declined our invitations to come visit us in the apartment), signed 'from your foreign grandmother', which, frankly, looked to me like grooming..

Everything is made worse by the fact that, apparently, everyone knows everyone in this city (albeit quite big) and every time my husband goes to meet someone in the sector he works, they're like 'Aaaaa, you work for _______, good man, I didn't see him at the synagogue last week. Tell him ______ sends his regards' or whatever. My husband can stop working in the sector and completely change jobs - that's not a problem.

Now, I am not here to discuss ritual murder of Christian children during (and not only) Passover, blood libel against the jews, the hundreds of thousands of disappearing (without a trace) children annually in the US, Europe, Asia and Latin America. But...my question for you is - how concerned would you be if this were your family and someone was asking these questions. How would you react? Shall we just pack up and leave? The country? The city? The apartment? Should my husband confront him with 'these are very personal questions' or 'are you collecting data or sth'. Should we go to the police? Should he quit without any altercations due to 'personal reasons' and we just lay low for a while?

Are we being paranoid? We tried ignoring a few of these instances despite everything we've read and know..and now...Obviously, we're not staying here at the price of something happening to our children, but I just like to hear your thoughts on handling this situation altogether.

Thank you and God Bless.

Please,please get out of there. This is scary stuff. Please God shine your light into this situation and show your truth.
God bless and keep you and yours safe.

 

[Miri]

I would find out a bit more about the traditions of the country, ask other employees
if it is normal for bosses to take an interest in their family life etc. Just find out as much
as you can first before jumping to conclusions.

Does the country you are in, have a medical register of qualified staff?
If so send a request to ask if the doctor friend is listed on it.
If it turns out he is not, then contact the police and explain you think
he is impersonating a doctor.

Don't give any info out about your children to anyone and stop inviting
people you don't know and don't trust to your house.

 

[ardea_alba]

Thank you all for your kind words.

I am praying every day and night for God to show us the right decision. I do not mean to sound whiny, but things are made all the worse at the fact that this is our second emigration and we are financially, physically and psychologically exhausted. We come from a country on the verge of a full-blown civil war and just packing up and heading back is not exactly an option either.

Perhaps, I should have clarified that it's been a very long time since we've invited my husband's boss over. In fact, we don't communicate with his surgeon friend since the birth of our child (over a year), but my husband has to see his boss. He talked to friends and colleagues delicately and all of them were startled at the questions he's been asking, but no one could offer a suitable solution. Personally, I think my husband should quit his job and sever all ties to his boss (who has the most interest in our children), but, like I said...there is a very prominent community of his kind in this town, and the next, and pretty much all other towns here.

After very thorough research the doctor doesn't appear in any medical registries here, but this is not publicly accessible information to begin with. He is a doctor, that much I can confirm - he works at one of the biggest government maternity hospitals. But that matters little. Like, I said - compared to the US annual statistics of 400,000 children going missing, here the number ranges from 55,000 to 100,000. But everything is different when there is actual, persistent interest towards your children, am I right? We all read statistics, we all know numbers and facts...But *this* is real and there seems to be no way out.

All I can do now is pray that we haven't deliberately, albeit unintentionally, led our family into a place, where wolves are donning sheep skin. I feel so alone and vulnerable, although I mostly fear for my children. We're supposed to protect them, and we fail them the most. I am looking into other towns we can possibly move to, but for now I don't know what else to do.

 

[blue_ladybug]

What state or country are you currently in? In most states, including mine, you can look up the doctor's name online, and it tells you where they went to medical school, what they majored in, where they've worked, what certificates and diplomas they have, etc. It also shows a picture of them, where their office is located, and business address/phone/fax..

 

[ardea_alba]

In Russia.

 

[Miri]

If this happened two years ago, I wouldn't bother about the doctor any more.
He offered help, you refused it. Unless you have reason to suspect he is into
some sort of child traffic ring, then I would let the matter drop.

As for the boss, your husband needs to just tell him that your family is nothing to
do with him and leave it at that.

But it could be that he was just being genuinely welcoming to you,especially if
he knew your back ground. Maybe he was just being kind and and taking an
interest. Only you can decide how best to view the situation, no one else on
here has seen it first hand so can't give a proper perspective.


Maybe you just need to concentrate on being a happy family,
Is there a church near you, have you got Christian friends etc.

 

[ardea_alba]

Yes, we do. And like I mentioned in my previous post - upon confiding in the few friends and acquaintances we have here (as well as back home in the States) - no one finds these questions and this interest as normal, they find it unnerving to say, the least. Unfortunately, however, we cannot shut down from the outside world and I am just wondering what to do and how to do it.

I agree with you that there is little we can confront my husband's boss about ('Don't you show an interest in our kids you weirdo') as we are the ones who would seem impolite. But you know when something feels off and you can't call the person on it? This is one of those instances...

I just don't know these days. The world has become a very dark place. I am leaning towards moving to a quieter, smaller town with more Christian families living close by. But a person cannot escape his or her faith. And only God knows what lies ahead. It's just that sometimes darkness literally seems to be closing in all around you.

 

[Fenner]

You guy's need to get out of there. I would find that behavior alarming. Keep your children close, something is off here. Go with your gut, if your Husband won't go, can you come back and stay with someone?

 

[Lorettamarie]

Listen to your intuition keep your kids close and leave asap it sounds evil with a capital E!

 

[ardea_alba]

Thank you for your opinions. My Husband will support me should I absolutely say that we must leave. He's confused and worried too, we're basically going back and forth from 'we must leave now' to 'let's lay low for a awhile after you quit your job'. Unsure, frightened. We have a friendly family who suggested we go stay with them for a while. I think this is exactly what we'll do. Afterwards, I hope there is some clarity as to whether we should leave for good.

God bless you all for your help!

 

[trucker62]

There is no longer any need to continue being around these people. No you are not paranoid, follow peace and get the heck away from these people. If this doctor is so well known then the internet should be full of information.

Something does not seem right, and the fact that you are uneasy ought to be a good indication something is wrong. You spirit man is trying to warn you! get away!!