K
Hi All,
Thank you in advance for your prayers and support. I am in desperate need of Christian counsel at this time. My husband and I are experiencing some deep issues and I think we just might not love each other anymore. We have been together for 17 years and have two children together. I am the primary breadwinner and he has never lived on his own, so in some ways, I feel like if he had a place to go, he would already be gone.
I care deeply for him, but it's becoming harder and harder. He has always been an avid gamer, that's just part of life. He has always gone to bed at 3am and slept until noon and usually games whenever he is awake. He does a little bit of housework, but not a lot. We fight about all of it. I get tired of it, but I've just dealt with it. I think part of me has a martyr complex and part of me needs him to need me.
Today at church, we had open sharing and there were a few people who shared about depression. I suffer from anxiety and depression and work REALLY hard with my psych -- I see him every 3 months and have tried all numbers of medication and therapy. I'm still a work in progress. I shared about my struggle and when I got off the stage and sat down next to my husband, the first thing he said to me was "Well, I had wanted to go up and say something." He has been on my case since I can remember about talking too much. In our small groups, afterwards, he often makes me feel bad for speaking too much. So naturally I asked, "Did I take too long?" He said yes, I did. "A little." That really hurt me deep, because I had basically laid myself open to the congregation and was extremely vulnerable. Also, talking too much and being awkward is part of the anxiety -- which was heightened because I was on stage, talking about it. To everyone. My husband didn't care a bit about what I had to say, he was only upset that he didn't get to go up on stage and say what HE wanted.
I just feel like he's here because I'm a meal ticket. He has never even paid a bill. He doesn't know his own address or phone number because I literally take care of EVERYTHING.
I'm upset with God, because several years ago, my husband had a psychotic/spiritual warfare episode that ended in him being committed and him leaving me and cheating on me twice. I could have left him in another state, but I searched for him. Worried about him, worried that he was hungry or cold. I felt like God wanted me to find him and to make a life with him. So I did.
Why would God put me in a marriage that isn't even up to His biblical standards? How can He possibly be blessing our union when my husband has never even attempted to meet the biblical definition of what a husband should be? I feel like I should have let it be, he left me, but I felt so strongly at the time that God wanted me to make it work. I even left the state that my family lived in and moved to another state entirely.
I don't understand what God is doing here and honestly I don't even feel like He is here in this situation. I feel like I've been duped, tricked into being with someone who will never be the Godly household leader that a husband should be, but I'm not allowed to get a divorce. When he was gone, I ended up also having an affair, and I feel like when we came back together and recommitted, that slate was wiped clean. There's no infidelity card to play. I also feel like I've screwed myself by allowing this to continue. I have to look at myself in the mirror and see what I have done over the past 17 years to allow things to get to this point. To allow him to be in a position where he doesn't have to work or do anything.
I feel like I have done so much for him and he just doesn't want me anymore. He's addicted to porn/masturbation and does it every night, to the point where he can barely be intimate with me because he cannot maintain an erection with me. I feel gutted. I could easily be a single mother, in fact, it would likely be a lot easier than this. It would be him who would struggle and probably end up homeless. I have never had it in me to make him homeless, no matter what he did or didn't do.
I would love counseling from our church, but we are both close to everyone there as a couple. He would never in a million years want anyone knowing about any of this and would be furious if I sought advice from my sisters in Christ because he would not want them to think badly about him. So here I am, hoping that someone, somewhere reads this giant novel of crap I just wrote and has some kind words that might give me a modicum of peace.
Thank you in advance for your prayers and support. I am in desperate need of Christian counsel at this time. My husband and I are experiencing some deep issues and I think we just might not love each other anymore. We have been together for 17 years and have two children together. I am the primary breadwinner and he has never lived on his own, so in some ways, I feel like if he had a place to go, he would already be gone.
I care deeply for him, but it's becoming harder and harder. He has always been an avid gamer, that's just part of life. He has always gone to bed at 3am and slept until noon and usually games whenever he is awake. He does a little bit of housework, but not a lot. We fight about all of it. I get tired of it, but I've just dealt with it. I think part of me has a martyr complex and part of me needs him to need me.
Today at church, we had open sharing and there were a few people who shared about depression. I suffer from anxiety and depression and work REALLY hard with my psych -- I see him every 3 months and have tried all numbers of medication and therapy. I'm still a work in progress. I shared about my struggle and when I got off the stage and sat down next to my husband, the first thing he said to me was "Well, I had wanted to go up and say something." He has been on my case since I can remember about talking too much. In our small groups, afterwards, he often makes me feel bad for speaking too much. So naturally I asked, "Did I take too long?" He said yes, I did. "A little." That really hurt me deep, because I had basically laid myself open to the congregation and was extremely vulnerable. Also, talking too much and being awkward is part of the anxiety -- which was heightened because I was on stage, talking about it. To everyone. My husband didn't care a bit about what I had to say, he was only upset that he didn't get to go up on stage and say what HE wanted.
I just feel like he's here because I'm a meal ticket. He has never even paid a bill. He doesn't know his own address or phone number because I literally take care of EVERYTHING.
I'm upset with God, because several years ago, my husband had a psychotic/spiritual warfare episode that ended in him being committed and him leaving me and cheating on me twice. I could have left him in another state, but I searched for him. Worried about him, worried that he was hungry or cold. I felt like God wanted me to find him and to make a life with him. So I did.
Why would God put me in a marriage that isn't even up to His biblical standards? How can He possibly be blessing our union when my husband has never even attempted to meet the biblical definition of what a husband should be? I feel like I should have let it be, he left me, but I felt so strongly at the time that God wanted me to make it work. I even left the state that my family lived in and moved to another state entirely.
I don't understand what God is doing here and honestly I don't even feel like He is here in this situation. I feel like I've been duped, tricked into being with someone who will never be the Godly household leader that a husband should be, but I'm not allowed to get a divorce. When he was gone, I ended up also having an affair, and I feel like when we came back together and recommitted, that slate was wiped clean. There's no infidelity card to play. I also feel like I've screwed myself by allowing this to continue. I have to look at myself in the mirror and see what I have done over the past 17 years to allow things to get to this point. To allow him to be in a position where he doesn't have to work or do anything.
I feel like I have done so much for him and he just doesn't want me anymore. He's addicted to porn/masturbation and does it every night, to the point where he can barely be intimate with me because he cannot maintain an erection with me. I feel gutted. I could easily be a single mother, in fact, it would likely be a lot easier than this. It would be him who would struggle and probably end up homeless. I have never had it in me to make him homeless, no matter what he did or didn't do.
I would love counseling from our church, but we are both close to everyone there as a couple. He would never in a million years want anyone knowing about any of this and would be furious if I sought advice from my sisters in Christ because he would not want them to think badly about him. So here I am, hoping that someone, somewhere reads this giant novel of crap I just wrote and has some kind words that might give me a modicum of peace.
