Burning bridges

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NotmebutHim

Senior Member
May 17, 2015
2,919
1,590
113
47
#21
We are all whitewashed tombs............without Christ, that is.
 

Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#22
They are white washed tombs.

You asked someone else if they could help you forgive. I don't know if my words will help but forgiveness is a tough one. I like most people had stuff happen to me that I don't want to put on a forum but it took me a long time to forgive and let go of that pain. For years I held onto the anger towards this person, honestly it defeated me. It made me feel weak and less of a person's actions, the weird part is, he died and I still had this anger inside. I was sad and grieved him, but oddly held onto to what he did to me for years.

Once I started feeling like I really wanted to start forgiving I prayed with a sincere heart to forgive others and even myself. I blamed myself for what happened, I was 11 years old and I blamed myself for a year's. I eventually was able to let the pain go, but it took a long time. God had to help me, I couldn't have done that on my own, I also went to therapy.

Unfortunately we can't forget but in time we can forgive.
 
B

bestbefore1973

Guest
#23
And it became easy for you, so you do the same thing on here, even before you get to know anyone?

That spirit you're listening to isn't the Holy Spirit.
That hurts.
 
B

bestbefore1973

Guest
#24
You asked someone else if they could help you forgive. I don't know if my words will help but forgiveness is a tough one. I like most people had stuff happen to me that I don't want to put on a forum but it took me a long time to forgive and let go of that pain. For years I held onto the anger towards this person, honestly it defeated me. It made me feel weak and less of a person's actions, the weird part is, he died and I still had this anger inside. I was sad and grieved him, but oddly held onto to what he did to me for years.

Once I started feeling like I really wanted to start forgiving I prayed with a sincere heart to forgive others and even myself. I blamed myself for what happened, I was 11 years old and I blamed myself for a year's. I eventually was able to let the pain go, but it took a long time. God had to help me, I couldn't have done that on my own, I also went to therapy.

Unfortunately we can't forget but in time we can forgive.
Yeah, it's only been a year.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#25
It was supposed to. Wake up, because you've been burning bridges for so long you think that's the way it's supposed to be.

Christians aren't bridge burners. We're bridge builders. You gave up on your family. You already showed you've given up on us.

Who are you really giving up on -- you? I get the desire, but God hasn't, so I can't. Time to face God and get back to realizing you're as bad as your parents and us. God forgives us of so much, so we have to forgive others. And, yeah, we can't. That's why we need to rely on him. He makes us face us each day, so we know how to face others. (MERCY! Something we want, so something we have to give.)
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#26
Yeah, it's only been a year.
"Only?" A year is pretty bad.

And I'm an expert on this. I've gone from not forgiving anywhere from 12 hours to three years. 12 hours is too long! Three years was so much worse! Not forgiving turns us bitter fast! It only takes three days in bitter to make sauerkraut. You've been stewing too long.
 
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bestbefore1973

Guest
#27
It was supposed to. Wake up, because you've been burning bridges for so long you think that's the way it's supposed to be.

Christians aren't bridge burners. We're bridge builders. You gave up on your family. You already showed you've given up on us.

Who are you really giving up on -- you? I get the desire, but God hasn't, so I can't. Time to face God and get back to realizing you're as bad as your parents and us. God forgives us of so much, so we have to forgive others. And, yeah, we can't. That's why we need to rely on him. He makes us face us each day, so we know how to face others. (MERCY! Something we want, so something we have to give.)
Again that hurts.

Are you going to stop now.
 
B

bestbefore1973

Guest
#28
"Only?" A year is pretty bad.

And I'm an expert on this. I've gone from not forgiving anywhere from 12 hours to three years. 12 hours is too long! Three years was so much worse! Not forgiving turns us bitter fast! It only takes three days in bitter to make sauerkraut. You've been stewing too long.
Actually I'm a very forgiving person, so much so people take advance of that.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#30
Then set boundaries and let people know that you won't let your forgiving nature be taken advantage of..


Actually I'm a very forgiving person, so much so people take advance of that.
 
Apr 6, 2017
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#31
Actually I'm a very forgiving person, so much so people take advance of that.
God can help you forgive your parents! He is so loving and gracious.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32
 
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Fenner

Senior Member
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#32
Actually I'm a very forgiving person, so much so people take advance of that.

I'm the same way, however not setting boundaries only made me angry inside. I hope eventually the relationship with your family heals and maybe you can have a relationship with them, if that's what's best.
 
K

kaylagrl

Guest
#33
Actually I'm a very forgiving person, so much so people take advance of that.
My husband has a saying Id never heard "dont mistake my kindness for weakness". I understand family issues,trust me. And forgiving is not an easy thing. I think Ive forgiven certain family members and then I get angry all over again.I have to admit my husband has helped me past it. Mainly because he's help me stand up and set boarders, not rescuing me,but telling me its ok to say no and I dont have to take foolishness off them. So now when it gets to be an issue I walk away.

Depleted is right and she also gave me a kick in the pants. You can have good times with family and when they stop respecting your wishes you walk. People are trying to give friendly advice. Im not sure you want it. If you dont Im not sure why you posted the thread. Either way if you feel you cant be in touch with your family its your choice. People try to relate stories in their own lives.If you're not here for help,advice,to share then let us know and we'll collectively shut up and not waste our time.
 
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bestbefore1973

Guest
#34
I'm the same way, however not setting boundaries only made me angry inside. I hope eventually the relationship with your family heals and maybe you can have a relationship with them, if that's what's best.
If they didn't worship themselves so much, then none of what happened would have happened. I know God is not going to get me out of a bad relationship only to go back, when they don't change their hearts.
 
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bestbefore1973

Guest
#35
My husband has a saying Id never heard "dont mistake my kindness for weakness". I understand family issues,trust me. And forgiving is not an easy thing. I think Ive forgiven certain family members and then I get angry all over again.I have to admit my husband has helped me past it. Mainly because he's help me stand up and set boarders, not rescuing me,but telling me its ok to say no and I dont have to take foolishness off them. So now when it gets to be an issue I walk away.

Depleted is right and she also gave me a kick in the pants. You can have good times with family and when they stop respecting your wishes you walk. People are trying to give friendly advice. Im not sure you want it. If you dont Im not sure why you posted the thread. Either way if you feel you cant be in touch with your family its your choice. People try to relate stories in their own lives.If you're not here for help,advice,to share then let us know and we'll collectively shut up and not waste our time.
Boy are you angry, why? This is not about you.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#36
She's not angry. If you would re-read her posts, she's saying it's okay to set boundaries with family and friends, to let them know you're not going to let them take advantage of you. If you refuse to forgive them, you're only hurting yourself. All you've done on here so far is be sarcastic, and shun our advice. The collective opinion here seems to be that you need to stop setting yourself up as a target, forgive your parents, and set some boundaries. And for goodness sake, find a better attitude because this poor me one you have, totally sucks..


Boy are you angry, why? This is not about you.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#37
My parents were not Christians, but they pretended to be perfect. They were not kind to me. I left home at 17. I put myself through a lot of garbage. I still kept in contact with my parents. I wasn't saved either, but I knew that God commanded us to honour our parents.

Eventually, I got saved, 9 years after I left home. I was living for God, and God told me to not only forgive my parents, but to pray for their salvation. It was hard forgiving them, but praying for them helped a lot. God kept working in my life, and I kept witnessing to them, and nothing happened.

I had 4 children, and they grew up and got married. My parents were aging. I testified constantly to the need for Jesus Christ. I was taking evangelism at seminary, and for one of my assignments, I had to witness to 3 people. So I told my parents my testimony, and my mom prayed to receive Jesus as her Saviour. But not my father!

Finally, my dad had been admitted to the hospital because of heart issues. He almost died! He suddenly got that he needed God. My husband and I shared the gospel again, and he prayed to become a Christian.

God moved in the most amazing way. He began witnessing to the hospital staff and the other patients. He told me, "I never knew that God was the most important thing in your life." My unsaved sister phoned me in disgust, because my father had been telling her she needed Jesus in her life. A few years earlier, he told me not to give up my faith, because it had really changed me. He noticed the difference even before he knew Christ as his Saviour.

Well, 5 months later, my father's heart and body gave up. He told me he knew he was going to be with Jesus.

If I had cut off contact with my parents, they never would have been saved at age 79 and age 82. God wants us to be peacemakers, but you are setting yourself up as judge, jury and executioner. I think you need to get on your knees and repent of this attitude. Forgive your parents and reconcile with them. And if they are not Christians, then make it your job to pray them into the Kingdom of God! I hope you will listen to this heart felt advice. Because God sees your heart, and it is not pure either!
 
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bestbefore1973

Guest
#38
My parents were not Christians, but they pretended to be perfect. They were not kind to me. I left home at 17. I put myself through a lot of garbage. I still kept in contact with my parents. I wasn't saved either, but I knew that God commanded us to honour our parents.

Eventually, I got saved, 9 years after I left home. I was living for God, and God told me to not only forgive my parents, but to pray for their salvation. It was hard forgiving them, but praying for them helped a lot. God kept working in my life, and I kept witnessing to them, and nothing happened.

I had 4 children, and they grew up and got married. My parents were aging. I testified constantly to the need for Jesus Christ. I was taking evangelism at seminary, and for one of my assignments, I had to witness to 3 people. So I told my parents my testimony, and my mom prayed to receive Jesus as her Saviour. But not my father!

Finally, my dad had been admitted to the hospital because of heart issues. He almost died! He suddenly got that he needed God. My husband and I shared the gospel again, and he prayed to become a Christian.

God moved in the most amazing way. He began witnessing to the hospital staff and the other patients. He told me, "I never knew that God was the most important thing in your life." My unsaved sister phoned me in disgust, because my father had been telling her she needed Jesus in her life. A few years earlier, he told me not to give up my faith, because it had really changed me. He noticed the difference even before he knew Christ as his Saviour.

Well, 5 months later, my father's heart and body gave up. He told me he knew he was going to be with Jesus.

If I had cut off contact with my parents, they never would have been saved at age 79 and age 82. God wants us to be peacemakers, but you are setting yourself up as judge, jury and executioner. I think you need to get on your knees and repent of this attitude. Forgive your parents and reconcile with them. And if they are not Christians, then make it your job to pray them into the Kingdom of God! I hope you will listen to this heart felt advice. Because God sees your heart, and it is not pure either!
Everyone has to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling.

The anomaly that entered the human race after the fall changed the function of the community. Our current family system is a byproduct of polarized biochemical processes.

This anomaly halters in the production line of humans every once and a while, and spits out a child with their bioelectrical circuitry set on 0.

I happen to be one of these children, now please be respective of the fact that this is way over most peoples heads for now.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#39
Again that hurts.

Are you going to stop now.
Are you? You're the one announcing your parents are white washed tombs because they don't believe like you do.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#40
Actually I'm a very forgiving person, so much so people take advance of that.
Yeah? How about that? Walking with the Lord is downright uncomfortable, isn't it?

On the other hand, there is forgive, and then there is trust. Forgive doesn't always mean trust.