Needin advice

[Butterfly81]

I have been remarried for 2 years and this is my 3rd marriage. My first one was my high school sweetheart and was married to him for 7 years. After a bunch of stuff happened, adultry and us having to give up 2 of our kids, plus him smoking marijuana...after some time I just gave up and walked away although we had been in church amd tje pastor had advised me against it. I was determined to do what I wanted anyway amd against what the Bible said, cuz we forgave each other and took each other back (yes we were both guilty of adultry) I still gave up. I had battled with the guilt of that for years and tried to move on. I knew I was young when I married and I even found ways to justify my leaving. I've never admitted to anyone that I was the one at fault. He offered to go to marriage counseling and everything but I refused to go. I pushed and pushed until I got the divorce, which ultimately I got.

The 2nd time I got married was more so to please someone else. I to this day do not know what I was thinking but I married a man who was into reading the satanic book though I still believed in Christ. He claimed to have believed but to this day...I don't know. Needless to say, after a year I was finally able to get out of that marriage.

Now my 3rd and present marriage. I've known my husband for 9+ years. I discovered that he lusted after me while he was married but I never seen him in that manner. After everyone telling me I needed to settle down and get myself together, I decided to marry him. It was a quick marriage. We have had nothing but trouble for the past 2 years now. It started with his kids. He was more of a friend to them than a parent which i was the opposite with my son that I still have with me. His kids were disrespectful and use to doing what they wanted. We fought through all of that. He convinced me to change and said I was too strict. My son ended up getting someone pregnant and now has full custody of the baby. We made it througj all of that by God's grace.

Now, because of my grandson's mother's lies, my ex in laws (from my 1st marriage) have been back in contact with me and I with them, which includes my 1st husband being somewhat back around. My present husband has recently told me that he's threatened by my ex and I don't understand why. I feel as though my whole life has turned upside down. I'm battling with the truth behind my divorce, neesing closure, my husband being insecure, remembering who I am and how strong I really am and have been (God gave me strength through tje abuse I endured growing up...though I lost my childhood, God gave me strength from everything). Im also battling paat feelings from my 1st husband. Also, everytime I have tried to leave the town I am in, I always find myself coming back for some reason.

Now, I am finding myself having all of these problems in my marriage that I am in now that (many) were there before but now more are arising.

I don't know what to do about any of this! From a biblical perspective, can someone please help or guide me to the right answer please. I feel so lost but since I been back around my ex in laws, I have began feeling like myself again.

Any help is appreciated.

In case my parent's relationship os of any factor, my parents divorced when i was 8, my mom left every year for 5 years, my father has been married 5 times...but with the same woman for the past 20 or so and my mom married multiple times but passed away alone. I grew up in many households but mostly with my mom...if any of that's important. I promised myself that I wouldn't follow in theor footsteps and i feel as though I am.

 

[bestbefore1973]

I have been remarried for 2 years and this is my 3rd marriage. My first one was my high school sweetheart and was married to him for 7 years. After a bunch of stuff happened, adultry and us having to give up 2 of our kids, plus him smoking marijuana...after some time I just gave up and walked away although we had been in church amd tje pastor had advised me against it. I was determined to do what I wanted anyway amd against what the Bible said, cuz we forgave each other and took each other back (yes we were both guilty of adultry) I still gave up. I had battled with the guilt of that for years and tried to move on. I knew I was young when I married and I even found ways to justify my leaving. I've never admitted to anyone that I was the one at fault. He offered to go to marriage counseling and everything but I refused to go. I pushed and pushed until I got the divorce, which ultimately I got.

The 2nd time I got married was more so to please someone else. I to this day do not know what I was thinking but I married a man who was into reading the satanic book though I still believed in Christ. He claimed to have believed but to this day...I don't know. Needless to say, after a year I was finally able to get out of that marriage.

Now my 3rd and present marriage. I've known my husband for 9+ years. I discovered that he lusted after me while he was married but I never seen him in that manner. After everyone telling me I needed to settle down and get myself together, I decided to marry him. It was a quick marriage. We have had nothing but trouble for the past 2 years now. It started with his kids. He was more of a friend to them than a parent which i was the opposite with my son that I still have with me. His kids were disrespectful and use to doing what they wanted. We fought through all of that. He convinced me to change and said I was too strict. My son ended up getting someone pregnant and now has full custody of the baby. We made it througj all of that by God's grace.

Now, because of my grandson's mother's lies, my ex in laws (from my 1st marriage) have been back in contact with me and I with them, which includes my 1st husband being somewhat back around. My present husband has recently told me that he's threatened by my ex and I don't understand why. I feel as though my whole life has turned upside down. I'm battling with the truth behind my divorce, neesing closure, my husband being insecure, remembering who I am and how strong I really am and have been (God gave me strength through tje abuse I endured growing up...though I lost my childhood, God gave me strength from everything). Im also battling paat feelings from my 1st husband. Also, everytime I have tried to leave the town I am in, I always find myself coming back for some reason.

Now, I am finding myself having all of these problems in my marriage that I am in now that (many) were there before but now more are arising.

I don't know what to do about any of this! From a biblical perspective, can someone please help or guide me to the right answer please. I feel so lost but since I been back around my ex in laws, I have began feeling like myself again.

Any help is appreciated.

In case my parent's relationship os of any factor, my parents divorced when i was 8, my mom left every year for 5 years, my father has been married 5 times...but with the same woman for the past 20 or so and my mom married multiple times but passed away alone. I grew up in many households but mostly with my mom...if any of that's important. I promised myself that I wouldn't follow in theor footsteps and i feel as though I am.

Well Jesus said that once you were married, it was for life and the only thing that could break a marriage was adultery or death. Supposedly committing adultery would mean the adulterer couldn't marry again without causing adultery, death on the other hand would mean that the marriage was over and the living spouse would be free to marry again.

That's about it.

 

[Butterfly81]

Well Jesus said that once you were married, it was for life and the only thing that could break a marriage was adultery or death. Supposedly committing adultery would mean the adulterer couldn't marry again without causing adultery, death on the other hand would mean that the marriage was over and the living spouse would be free to marry again.

That's about it.

That may explain some things that's went on in my life. I know that at the time of the adultry being committed, I could have divorced at that point but instead i foolishly took matters into my own hands and sought revenge plus then we forgave one another and I still walked away. So now I know as long as he's stayed true...he's the one that's been more obedient than I have. I appreciate your honesty as it seems to be the most truthful and straight forward answer I have received although I don't like the truth, especially in this situation. But now I know how to pray not just for forgiveness but for God to fix my mess ups. Thanks.

 

[mj007]

Sounds like your life has been a big challenge of emotional turbulence. What you need to do is find a quiet space in your mind (be still and know that I am God), and then ask God for some advice. I'm sure there will be those who come along here and remind you how sinful you are and have a generally pessimistic view, in place of love, don't listen to them.

Confusion on the outer layer of your life, comes from confusion within your mind. Emotions can be confusing too, and get us into trouble. This is part of the reason you have been married 3 times now, if you think about it, is was emotional reasoning that guided you.

What is important in all of this, in your whole life, is to have a sound mind. This is probably something you never really got to learn if you had a troubled childhood, with the various dysfunctions in your family. In this confusion of what life is about based on your upbringing, you maybe haven't ever felt truly settled/calm/sound/at peace in where your life is. So what you really need is some quiet time, to let go of what you have learnt from those around you, and get to know yourself, understand yourself better, observe your emotions and really the big thing is, to notice how often you change your mind based on them, right?

Emotions are a pointer to how you are feeling, they shouldn't particularly guide your choices. If you feel at peace, or you can find that place, where your mind is quiet, clear, sharp, then you know you can come up with the right options more. God is more present in those times. But if you are feeling confused, turbulent, angry, distracted, incoherent, then you know that you might make some mistakes in your choice of options, and the best option is to try and find that clear state of mind again.

People look to God for answers, but you have to be in the right frame of mind to be able to receive the answers. Maybe God will say, focus on the kids and not on who you want to be with. Maybe God will say, 'what' do you love, seek such things eg. a hobby. Maybe God will say it's time for a break so you can find yourself and better connect with me. Maybe God will say, spend time praying and connecting to me. Who knows, I cannot advise you of what to do, but only to inspire you to have a sound mind that is more able to perceive God in this situation, and that when you hear an answer, you do not let your emotions say nah I'll do what I 'feel' is right. That's the rub. God is the knowing of right things, you are the feeling/thinking of right things (process or fabricate).

God is the best option. However many are deaf, blind or ignorant to him while their mind, and it's observation of circumstance "my life is confusing, and I don't know what to do", drown out his silent whispers of "I can show you the life, the way, if you be still (quiet your mind) and have faith in the truth that I will reveal to you."

 

[Ugly]

Sounds like you need to figure out why you keep making obviously bad choices. though your family history suggests at a strong basis for it.
Also, with your current husband, like him or not, if he's not happy about your ex being around again you should respect that. Just because you're unhappy in your marriage doesn't mean you get a free pass to ignore your husbands feelings and wishes and do whatever you please.

Sounds like you need a lot of healing and to have your habits and understanding of the world adjusted. While you may have desired not to repeat what you grew up with, my guess is you did not take the proper steps to ensure that. Not an accusation, it's a hard thing to do to redefine reality as something other than what you grew up with. Without outside help it is nearly impossible, especially when you're young. I'd suggest getting into counseling both for yourself as well as marriage counseling. You owe it to yourself, God and your children to make every effort to make this marriage work, unless he is cheating or abusive.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Wow, you're batting 0 for 3. You need to give up your pride issues to God. You also need to realize that you CAN'T do things your own way. That's what got you into and out of 3 horrible marriages. :/

As for 1st hubbies in laws, you need to stop contact with them, and tell them that it bothers your current husband and you want to honor his wishes. You and 1st hubby are divorced, so there's no reason his parents should be in contact with you.

A piece of advice: if this marriage does not work out, and you end up divorced for a 3rd time, DO NOT GET MARRIED AGAIN!! Take a look at the pattern of your choices. 1st hubby is an adulterer, 2nd hubby is a satanist. Current hubby is whipped by his spoiled kids. You mentioned your family life and parents. No offense, but you're definitely following in their footsteps.

 

[JosephsDreams]

How old are you? It sounds like you have been through enough to fill a full lifetime, much less for someone who, judging from your description, is probably around 42-ish.

While it sounds like your reasons for marrying are not bad, i.e., you did not marry for money, etc., it also sounds like they were sometimes not reasons that were well thought out either.

I do not agree with Blue about you not marrying again, for a 4th time, if this does not work out, still if it does not, if I were you I would wait at least 6, 7 years if you do so again.

In the meantime you need to get into it with God like you maybe never have before. You need to 100% rely on Him, trust Him and communicate with every day, consistently, and make it a rest of your life commitment. That means if God says stay with your current husband, then you do it. If God say that you are to have no or limited contact with your in-laws you do it. if God says to obey your husband, foolishness and all, you do it. I am not suggesting that God is going to tell you any of those things. I am not personally advocating them. God may tell you the opposite of them. I am just making examples.

Look, it is hard enough in this life to make good decisions even if we have genius IQ's and come from the most secure drama free and stable homes possible. Even then we all make huge mistakes. But if someone come from a background of instability and intimidation and all the stuff that makes for a unstable child hood it is almost impossible to do it without trusting 100% on God.

He is called Lord of Lords and King of Kings for a reason. Him being a king and you being a loyal subject means you listen for Him and when He says to do something, no matter if you disagree with it or do not like it or do not see the sense in it, you do it. Post haste.

I do not know what level of Christianity you practiced before. But Christianity is like anything else in life in that what you put in is what your going to get out.

If you commit in your heart to just let God, you will eventually see results and a life you can pnly dream of right now. It aill take time. It will not be easy. It may not shake out in ways that seem to make sense. But God will do that for you.

Put him first. Before yourself, before your husband, before anyone. I promise if you do that, your life will improve dramatically.

 

[Dan58]

Everyone has problems, and those problems are inevitably the result of our decisions. You seem a little quick to say "I do", and then commence to get to know someone. Slow down and size-up someones character prior to committing to spend your life with them. Didn't you notice your current husbands interactions with his kids pre-marriage? We all make poor choices, which result in struggles or bad situations, and then we seek the biblical perspective on the mess we got ourselves into. Pray for wisdom and guidance, God generally provides the answers before we make decisions, but we only consult him in the aftermath. Its better to search the scriptures about infidelity, instead of cheating and then asking God "How do I get out of this?". That's a lesson I learned the hard way.

"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps." (Proverbs 16:9), "I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved." (Psalm 16:8), "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye." (Psalm 32:8)

 

[Dino246]

Welcome, Butterfly81.

That's an intricate web of trouble you're in. I have a question for you: do you want advice on how to manage in the midst of it, or on how to resolve it and leave the trouble behind?

By your past, it appears that you have a pattern of coping. If you just want to continue to cope, then rely on yourself and your own ability and experience, and only seek help from anonymous online resources like us. You may see some minor success, and feel good about it, and then likely get knocked off-balance again, and have to continue the cycle. Probably not a good idea.

If you want to be done with it, get in God's face and His word and keep going there. Pray, read, ask God to change you. Get some professional help from a Christian counselor... with your current husband ideally, by yourself if necessary. Look for resources which will impart relevant Bible-based wisdom: books, videos, sermons, whatever works for you. Get involved in a local church and get accountable with some mature Christian women who pray for you, challenge you on your junk, and consistently point you to Jesus. He is able to deal with all of this. He gives "beauty instead of ashes" (Isaiah 61:3).

 

[Tinuviel]

"If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled?" Jeremiah 3:1

From that I've always understood that you are NOT to go back to your previous marriage when you are already in another one. I'm not sure if that's the issue you're struggling with or not. God bless!

 

[88]

I have been remarried for 2 years and this is my 3rd marriage. My first one was my high school sweetheart and was married to him for 7 years. After a bunch of stuff happened, adultry and us having to give up 2 of our kids, plus him smoking marijuana...after some time I just gave up and walked away although we had been in church amd tje pastor had advised me against it. I was determined to do what I wanted anyway amd against what the Bible said, cuz we forgave each other and took each other back (yes we were both guilty of adultry) I still gave up. I had battled with the guilt of that for years and tried to move on. I knew I was young when I married and I even found ways to justify my leaving. I've never admitted to anyone that I was the one at fault. He offered to go to marriage counseling and everything but I refused to go. I pushed and pushed until I got the divorce, which ultimately I got.

The 2nd time I got married was more so to please someone else. I to this day do not know what I was thinking but I married a man who was into reading the satanic book though I still believed in Christ. He claimed to have believed but to this day...I don't know. Needless to say, after a year I was finally able to get out of that marriage.

Now my 3rd and present marriage. I've known my husband for 9+ years. I discovered that he lusted after me while he was married but I never seen him in that manner. After everyone telling me I needed to settle down and get myself together, I decided to marry him. It was a quick marriage. We have had nothing but trouble for the past 2 years now. It started with his kids. He was more of a friend to them than a parent which i was the opposite with my son that I still have with me. His kids were disrespectful and use to doing what they wanted. We fought through all of that. He convinced me to change and said I was too strict. My son ended up getting someone pregnant and now has full custody of the baby. We made it througj all of that by God's grace.

Now, because of my grandson's mother's lies, my ex in laws (from my 1st marriage) have been back in contact with me and I with them, which includes my 1st husband being somewhat back around. My present husband has recently told me that he's threatened by my ex and I don't understand why. I feel as though my whole life has turned upside down. I'm battling with the truth behind my divorce, neesing closure, my husband being insecure, remembering who I am and how strong I really am and have been (God gave me strength through tje abuse I endured growing up...though I lost my childhood, God gave me strength from everything). Im also battling paat feelings from my 1st husband. Also, everytime I have tried to leave the town I am in, I always find myself coming back for some reason.

Now, I am finding myself having all of these problems in my marriage that I am in now that (many) were there before but now more are arising.

I don't know what to do about any of this! From a biblical perspective, can someone please help or guide me to the right answer please. I feel so lost but since I been back around my ex in laws, I have began feeling like myself again.

Any help is appreciated.

In case my parent's relationship os of any factor, my parents divorced when i was 8, my mom left every year for 5 years, my father has been married 5 times...but with the same woman for the past 20 or so and my mom married multiple times but passed away alone. I grew up in many households but mostly with my mom...if any of that's important. I promised myself that I wouldn't follow in theor footsteps and i feel as though I am.

***(praying)*** start were you are, and give it to God*** forget about 1st husband*** dedicate yourself to God and His Word and let Him repair things...