grandma has dementia. need prayers and to talk to someone anyone.!!!!!

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DRJ55

Guest
#1
#1
My grandma has dementia bad.
my grandma lives with us and its hard sometimes. she gets mad about the smallest things. like a piece of paper on the floor. or a few dishes in the sink. and when she gets mad she can rant and rave for hours. she will say mean and untrue things about us. it just gets me really upset and stresses me and my mom out. And when i get stressed i end up with a bad migraine. Sometimes i just want to through water in her face and tell her to cool it. But i can't. Has anyone dealt with someone with dementia? Plus my younger sister has a mild case of autism. And she love to argue about everything. So we can't leave the two of them together without my mom and dad there. because even though i'm older then my sister she never listens to me. she thinks because she is a foot taller she in charge. It drives me nuts. Plus she is lazy. God please help us please.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
Grandma belongs in a nursing home. Make the arrangements..
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#3
I agree with Lady Blue. Your home sounds like some kind of zoo. Perhaps you might consider moving out on your own for peace of mind.
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#4
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#4
just remember,

each person's opinion of what a 'home-ZOO', consists of, is often quite personal...
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#5
#5
DRJ55 said:
My grandma has dementia bad.
my grandma lives with us and its hard sometimes. she gets mad about the smallest things. like a piece of paper on the floor. or a few dishes in the sink. and when she gets mad she can rant and rave for hours. she will say mean and untrue things about us. it just gets me really upset and stresses me and my mom out. And when i get stressed i end up with a bad migraine. Sometimes i just want to through water in her face and tell her to cool it. But i can't. Has anyone dealt with someone with dementia? Plus my younger sister has a mild case of autism. And she love to argue about everything. So we can't leave the two of them together without my mom and dad there. because even though i'm older then my sister she never listens to me. she thinks because she is a foot taller she in charge. It drives me nuts. Plus she is lazy. God please help us please.
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My grandma had dementia which was a symptom of Alzheimers and she passed away about a year and a half ago. I know the people here are trying to help, but placing a loved one in a facility can be one of the most difficult decisions a family can make. I spent six weeks with both my grandparents caring for them after my grandpa had surgery and it was extremely difficult. My grandma who was once a loving and caring person would become physically violent and would hit me when she couldn't do things she used to do, it was devastating. One thing that helped me was remembering that the person I once knew was gone and I had to remember that the illness was making her behave the way she was. I had to relearn to love her and adjust in how I talked to her, but it helped me keep grounded emotionally. During this time I also was taking care of my mom who got really sick so if you have any questions or just need to vent feel free to pm me and I will do my best to help you (hugs)
 
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Tinuviel

Guest
#6
#6
DRJ55 said:
My grandma has dementia bad.
my grandma lives with us and its hard sometimes. she gets mad about the smallest things. like a piece of paper on the floor. or a few dishes in the sink. and when she gets mad she can rant and rave for hours. she will say mean and untrue things about us. it just gets me really upset and stresses me and my mom out. And when i get stressed i end up with a bad migraine. Sometimes i just want to through water in her face and tell her to cool it. But i can't. Has anyone dealt with someone with dementia? Plus my younger sister has a mild case of autism. And she love to argue about everything. So we can't leave the two of them together without my mom and dad there. because even though i'm older then my sister she never listens to me. she thinks because she is a foot taller she in charge. It drives me nuts. Plus she is lazy. God please help us please.
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I just have to present the other side of the nursing home option.

If you need to put her in the nursing home, that's up to you; but my heart is breaking right now. We would have done anything to have my grandma (who had dementia) at our home. We didn't want her in a nursing home. We wanted her where people loved her and cared about her. The rest of the family would not let us do it. We knew everything it would entail...we'd lived with her before (at her house, to keep her out of the nursing home as long as possible). Well, my Oma died in a nursing home, a place where no one really cared about her and without anyone to remind her of Christ's love.

That's the other side of the coin. Yes, it is going to be easier to put her in a nursing home and maybe you've come to the point where that's necessary. (and with your sister that's an added equation) There are other things to try, you can get a nurse to come to your home at regular intervals or something. I would not recommend sticking her away in the nursing home until there is literally no other option, but it is ultimately up to your family.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#7
#7
DRJ55 said:
My grandma has dementia bad.
my grandma lives with us and its hard sometimes. she gets mad about the smallest things. like a piece of paper on the floor. or a few dishes in the sink. and when she gets mad she can rant and rave for hours. she will say mean and untrue things about us. it just gets me really upset and stresses me and my mom out. And when i get stressed i end up with a bad migraine. Sometimes i just want to through water in her face and tell her to cool it. But i can't. Has anyone dealt with someone with dementia? Plus my younger sister has a mild case of autism. And she love to argue about everything. So we can't leave the two of them together without my mom and dad there. because even though i'm older then my sister she never listens to me. she thinks because she is a foot taller she in charge. It drives me nuts. Plus she is lazy. God please help us please.
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There is no good choice when it comes to dementia. Keep her home and she wrecks havoc. Put her in assisted living, and she quickly goes to Stage 3. (She's in late Stage 2 now. Stage 3 is when they shut down completely, and wither away in a vegetative state. My Dad is in Stage 3 now.) Keep her home and she could set the house on fire, you better not have any guns in the house, and don't let her near a car or wandering off by herself. But, again, put her in assisted living and that's it. Home is their anchor to earth. When memory goes, instinct kicks on, and home is where they know even if they don't know it's home.

There is no good answer.

That said, is she violent? And, if she's not, what happens to your sister when grandma yells at her? It seems like both of them need an outlet to argue, so I'm wondering if both of them arguing wouldn't bring some relief to the stress. Grandma has someone to yell at without causing that person to fall apart, and your sister can continue to argue until she's argued out.

Dad stayed home as long as possible. It was over the day my brother had to get the cops to go with him to take Dad's loaded gun away from him. (Fortunately, Dad didn't catch on that my brother would just take the gun because he forgot he left the gun on the table when he went into the kitchen. Very fortunate, since the cops stayed far away outside. lol)

If you know you've done the best you can, and it just can't keep going like it is, then it's time to go for the assisted living. (That's no mere nursing home. Dementia patients have to be watched 24/7. People in nursing homes can often get about on their own for a while.) Somewhere between the two bad choices, you have to learn patience. Can you accept Grandma where she is for now just for today? And then when tomorrow comes, you have to ask the same question.

But ultimately, this isn't your decision. It's your parents' decision. Help them go on as much as possible. Try lessening their load.

And they really don't need you and your sister arguing like sisters, so try not to confuse the two. Siblings either get along or they don't, but either way the home doesn't fall apart. You and your sister are the "or they don't." Big deal, sisters fight. Not even worth a story in the paper it happens so often. The problem is your grandmother. You and your sister fall under "that's life." Learn not to confuse the two.

There is no good choices with your grandmother. You and your sister isn't worth moaning about.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#8
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#8
Sounds like grandma has one of the many syndromes associated with dementia. There are some medical treatments available but no real cure as dementia is a progressive disease.

Love grandma as long as you are able. As her condition worsens she will need to go to a facility for treatment and the end will come all too soon.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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Depleted

Guest
#9
#9
notuptome said:
Sounds like grandma has one of the many syndromes associated with dementia. There are some medical treatments available but no real cure as dementia is a progressive disease.

Love grandma as long as you are able. As her condition worsens she will need to go to a facility for treatment and the end will come all too soon.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
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She's at the end of Stage 2. There is no treatment (yet) that helps by that stage.
 
W

wwjd_kilden

Guest
#10
#10
Hi. I have never had it in my family, but I have worked at a ward for people with dementia in it's last stages.

We learned a few "tricks", though it is important to remember that these people are so ill (at least in the last stages) that much of the time they are not connected to reality, so logic doesn't always apply).

Simplify
If she is confused ... don't use difficult words, and cut down the length of sentences.
Make sure she hears what is said
(From experience, they get aggressive if not understanding, as their minds might fill the gaps with you saying things you definitely didn't say)

Don't stand directly in front of her if she is upset, stand at her side, angled towards her
(1: You are safe is she lashes out, as you can deflect a blow 2: She might feel less like she is in a confrontation)

Distract
If she is upset about something, maybe there are ways of getting her to think of other things,
could be anything from changing the topic to suggesting a cup of coffee.
(Varies from person to person and situation to situation whether this will work, you know better than me since you know her )

Step out of the situation
If you can, cut off the discussion / change the topic
or find a reasonable excuse to leave the room for a few minutes to give yourself time to cool down

and remember two things:

- The person is ill, and it will change their personality beyond their control
- You are human as well. It is natural to be upset, angry, hurt - Just try and find a healthy release for it
 
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