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Christian Family Forum

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Thread: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

  1. #1
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    Default Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    One of the reasons that I'm searching for a place with Jesus is to have peace with not having kids as I'm nearing 30 and watching everyone around me have them. I'm hoping that having a different perspective on life will help me through the rest of my life.
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    Senior Member Ugly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    If your biggest complaint is not having kids then you should be thankful. I'm 41, never married or had kids. A list of problems a mile long, of all sorts of problems. I always wanted kids, but the fact that i never will is fairly low on my list of problems. Perhaps be thankful for what you do have and focus on that, because many of us have little to be thankful for at all.
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Quote Originally Posted by car356 View Post
    One of the reasons that I'm searching for a place with Jesus is to have peace with not having kids as I'm nearing 30 and watching everyone around me have them. I'm hoping that having a different perspective on life will help me through the rest of my life.
    This sounds like, "If God gives me a baby soon, I might follow him." Am I reading this right?
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Do not be scarred by your fate and what others have. Remember Jesus as a God chose to be the most humble living with a family of carpentry struggling financially in Roman territory. God decides when He will give us children or when not. Like His servant Abraham whom He promised a child from his wife even at the age beyond childbirth possibility. Don't worry, if you trust Jesus, He has a plan in your life. A plan to give you hope in all things and love, great love.

    Do not be stressed and depressed, but believe and pray. God said to seek His kingdom first and all these things (things that you need) shall be added unto you. God bless you, car356.

    Things may not be okay now, but you will see. You will see everything is laid out in perfect plan in the future, and you will proudly say: "So that's why that happened".

    Lovely day to you.

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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Im hoping to find peace in my mind. I'm not expecting that of I devout my life to God that I would have children. I want to beliebe he has a plan for me that may not include my own children and helping those that are in need. My hope is finding peace will have me not be jealous but be thankful.

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    wwjd_kilden
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Would it help if you can volunteer at some organization that works with children?
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Quote Originally Posted by car356 View Post
    One of the reasons that I'm searching for a place with Jesus is to have peace with not having kids as I'm nearing 30 and watching everyone around me have them. I'm hoping that having a different perspective on life will help me through the rest of my life.
    I don't think it's something to worry about. Maybe the Lord wants you to have kids, maybe he doesn't. I don't have any kids. Talk to him about it.
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    Senior Member notuptome's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    The peace you seek can only be found in Christ Jesus. Only Jesus can give the peace that passes understanding. If God is tugging on the cords of your heart to be saved you would do well to respond to him.

    Php 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

    For the cause of Christ
    Roger
    The bible is a mirror not a magnifying glass
    use it to examine yourself not others.

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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Quote Originally Posted by car356 View Post
    Im hoping to find peace in my mind. I'm not expecting that of I devout my life to God that I would have children. I want to beliebe he has a plan for me that may not include my own children and helping those that are in need. My hope is finding peace will have me not be jealous but be thankful.
    Back in the olden days, when I was 24, I thought I was a spinster. It was common in those days to be married and having kids by the time you were 22, and I was neither.

    Looking back, I have to chuckle. 24 just isn't old!

    28 isn't when the biological clock is winding down either. A friend of mine missed having babies in the house when her daughter went to college. (She had three boys in the house still, so it wasn't empty-nest syndrome going awry.) So she had another baby. My dad was married twice. And twice he had a wife who had a baby at 39.

    28 just isn't time to panic that you don't yet have morning sickness all day, vomit at the smell of leather, and suddenly think chocolate frosting on a dill pickle is yummy.

    God willing, all those friends having babies now, will be able to tell you what does and doesn't work by the time you start. Sure beats being the one leading the way. They're the ones who panic and overdue the most. (My dad's second wife had her first baby at 35, and all her friends were giving her the scoop on dumb stuff they did. lol)

    Give yourself to 35 before panicking. A lot can happen in 8 years.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member Angela53510's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    If you don't mind my asking, are you having trouble conceiving, or is this because you are not married?

    My two DIL both didn't have children early. One wanted to be in residency before she got pregnant, she then had two at ages 33 and 35. My other DIL got jealous, near as I can tell of the other one, and got pregnant and didn't even have Canadian health care because she was American and Canadian Immigration was broken for 2 years. In the end, my son had to take work in England, and she got on NHS quickly and had the baby a month later. She is 36 and having her third, in Hong Kong, maybe.

    Sometimes it is harder to conceive a first child when you get into the middle 30's. But my family had no problem with that. I had my last child, my daughter at age 35.

    So unless you have a medical problem, you really do have time to have children. Of courses, if finding a husband is the problem, that is another story! God bless!
    "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Cor. 12:9 NASB

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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    I'm happily married for almost 4 years now.
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Quote Originally Posted by car356 View Post
    I'm happily married for almost 4 years now.
    Hubby and I sure did enjoy "trying."

    After a while, when it wasn't working, we knew it was unlikely to happen. (We already knew why before trying.) If you are trying for more than three years, it is time to get medical help to see if there is any particular reason you're not having babies. But worrying about it hurts the chances.

    If it's not three years yet, just enjoy the sheer delight in "trying." (Often! Why not? lol) From what I gather, once the babies start coming, there is a lot less time to "try" and "try" is just too much fun in itself.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    Hubby and I sure did enjoy "trying."

    After a while, when it wasn't working, we knew it was unlikely to happen. (We already knew why before trying.) If you are trying for more than three years, it is time to get medical help to see if there is any particular reason you're not having babies. But worrying about it hurts the chances.

    If it's not three years yet, just enjoy the sheer delight in "trying." (Often! Why not? lol) From what I gather, once the babies start coming, there is a lot less time to "try" and "try" is just too much fun in itself.
    Have been to the doctor and everything checks out. There was a period last year in which I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism but my thyroid has been good for the past 6 months or so.

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    Senior Member stonesoffire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Will pray that the Lord give you your desire.
    Jeepers Creepers...we gotta get new peepers.

    Mat 6:22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.

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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Leave it to God

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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    Quote Originally Posted by car356 View Post
    One of the reasons that I'm searching for a place with Jesus is to have peace with not having kids as I'm nearing 30 and watching everyone around me have them. I'm hoping that having a different perspective on life will help me through the rest of my life.
    I understand how you are feeling and thought I would share a personal revelation that I experienced just recently. I'm 35 and do not have children of my own. My younger cousins have children and it has been difficult to watch them experience being a parent when it has been my dream for myself but isn't coming true.

    A few weeks ago, I had an opportunity to spend time with my cousin's young son and we had a perfect day together! It was then that I realized that by not having children of my own, I was able to spend time with the children in my family and my friends' children. I am able to be the "cool aunt figure" that always has gum in her purse and time for them to read together, help with homework, go to soccer games, bake cookies, or babysit when their parents need a bit of time away! While it isn't the same as being a parent, perhaps this is the role that God planned for me and I should spend more time enjoying it. This new way of thinking has really helped me and I hope it will be helpful to you too. - Daylilies
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    You most certainly still have time. And if you desire children I am sure God will bless you. You simply just have faith. My mom and dad's first child was born a day after their second anniversary. My parents were happy and they expected to have another around two years later. But two years passed and no second child. Four years go by and they still only have one child. My mom still wanted more children. One day, late at night. My dad at the time was working at a chritian tv station. And that night was like a telethon, I think. Basically, people would call in their prayer requests. And someone called in asking for God to bless then with a child. I don't remember all the particulars since I've only heard the story and I wasn't there. But the requests was compared to Hannah's in the bible when she prayed for Samuel. How if God gave her a son she would give home right back. That night my mom prayed as Hannah prayed. And the the tv spokesman said to step out in faith and prepare for a child. When my dad got home that night they went shopping and got the best pampers you could get and I don't know what else. But my parents prepared for a child. Their second child was born about a year later. Then I came along only 19 months after that. And my brother 2 yrs later and another brother 2 yrs after that. We are all serving God as Samuel in the bible did.

    My mom used her testimony to engourage a friend about 6 yrs ago. She had a miracle son who was about 2 or 3. But she wanted another child. One day at church she announced that she was with child. Sadly, not long after she had a miscarriage. My mom felt to share her story with this friend. She hesitated though because the sister was going through a tough time. But she shared her story in a letter and bought a little book for the baby that would by faith be here. Not long after she was with child again. She had a baby girl.

    God hears your prayers. Believe him and trust him. Have faith in him that he knows your heart.

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    Senior Member Fenner's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    If you haven't already, ask your doctor about Progesterone. I had difficulty getting pregnant than staying pregnant. I was lacking the progesterone hormone. I had my first baby when I was 35 and second when I was 36 years old.

    I understand your frustration and will pray for you.

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    Default Re: Not a mother at 28 - trying to find peace

    In God's time

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