40 year marriage over

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Lostfornow

Guest
#1
Always thought we would be the 80 year old couple everyone
looked up to . Guess you never know what tests God has for you . Ours is a long story . Owned family business for 28 years . Wife has suffered from severe depression, I have anger issues , sever back issues . 2 biological children , one adopted Philippines daughter and 3 wonderful grandchildren.
We sold the home we built together 2 1/2 years ago to help with financial issues . We bought a very nice original farm home on 5 acres ( witch my wife has not physically lived in more tan 6 months ) . From this point on things have never been the same . Over a year ago I took a job with a company as a supervisor over a custom cabinet shop.
9 months ago I was told she needed time and did not love me the way she should . That was the day a already trying life turn into the most emotional , physically, financial roller coaster that is imaginable. I live in the home and take care of our adopted daughter 23 with disabilities.
I am not here for sympathy just support , prayers and hopefully Godly advise . Last Friday I finally sought advise from a lawyer. I need to move on somehow .
Thanks and God bless .
 

Taro

Senior Member
Apr 12, 2017
176
3
0
#2
I am deeply sorry for your circumstances. Hang in there, God gives us what we are able to handle. I pray that God will carry you through during this difficult time and increase your faith. You seem like a very strong person from what you've been through. Continue to pray and stay strong. God bless you my friend.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,243
16,252
113
69
Tennessee
#3
After a 40 year marriage it is hard to believe that it is over. Maybe your wife is just overtired from years of struggling with day to day living. I would consider giving her the time that she says she needs before calling the marriage off. Sorry you are in such hard circumstances. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#4
how do you 'move-on' after (40)yrs.???

if it was ever 'real', you don't, you beseech/beg, your Maker for the life of guidance...
He is the only One who can help you...
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#5
After a 40 year marriage it is hard to believe that it is over. Maybe your wife is just overtired from years of struggling with day to day living. I would consider giving her the time that she says she needs before calling the marriage off. Sorry you are in such hard circumstances. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
I definitely agree. My parents talked of divorce several years ago, right after their 35 year anniversary. They're still together 2 years later. Everything is not rosy but they're still together. I don't know your situation, but please give this a chance.
 
1

10littlearrows

Guest
#6
Sad to hear.I hope things turn around for you.I have been married 16 years and couldnt imagine a divorce/seperation/whatever.Thank God for the good times...seriously.
 

kim12345

Senior Member
Aug 4, 2013
361
47
28
#7
Move on? Why don't we all Pray for a Miracle and a Resurrection for your marriage?


Always thought we would be the 80 year old couple everyone
looked up to . Guess you never know what tests God has for you . Ours is a long story . Owned family business for 28 years . Wife has suffered from severe depression, I have anger issues , sever back issues . 2 biological children , one adopted Philippines daughter and 3 wonderful grandchildren.
We sold the home we built together 2 1/2 years ago to help with financial issues . We bought a very nice original farm home on 5 acres ( witch my wife has not physically lived in more tan 6 months ) . From this point on things have never been the same . Over a year ago I took a job with a company as a supervisor over a custom cabinet shop.
9 months ago I was told she needed time and did not love me the way she should . That was the day a already trying life turn into the most emotional , physically, financial roller coaster that is imaginable. I live in the home and take care of our adopted daughter 23 with disabilities.
I am not here for sympathy just support , prayers and hopefully Godly advise . Last Friday I finally sought advise from a lawyer. I need to move on somehow .
Thanks and God bless .
 
I

Infusion

Guest
#8
Congratulations.
 
P

popeye

Guest
#9
As bad as your situation is,you can use this trial to springboard into an intimate relationship with Jesus.

All life,virtue,and strength come from him. Now you need him more than ever.

let this song wash over you LFN;
[video=youtube;kmVrP-G3rAw]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmVrP-G3rAw[/video]
 
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Infusion

Guest
#10
I had to come back. I think I came off a bit rude. I say congratulations because hopefully you will realize that it does not matter. As much as it hurts its for the best. It cant be understood now but will be later. You might think I am just some young guy that doesnt know anything about life. But I am from a generation that has alot of dating experience and there is alot of lessons to learn. Loving myself and the Lord first is one of them.
 
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Infusion

Guest
#11
I know you likely wont understand and take all this as heartless but its really not. Its just the only way thats right. Not to be hurt as strange as it sounds. Love yourself too enough to not want to be with her.
 
Oct 19, 2016
635
87
28
#12
I’m so sorry to hear that, friend. This is a hard thing to go through after 40 years of marriage. My heart ached as I read your post. Words seem inadequate to convey my care and concern for you. I just said a prayer for you, asking the Lord to bring healing and hope to the situation your described. Do you think it would help to speak with a Christian marriage counselor? Do you think that's something that might be helpful for you personally? I know your situation may seem impossible right now, but I urge you to stay strong. Sending prayers your way!
 
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Lostfornow

Guest
#13
Thanks everyone . My daughter and I do have the support of our church. 2 ladies from church and my mother help with her . The pastor has helped counsel us when asked . Don't know what the future holds and would love nothing more than for God to show a way for our marriage to revive . I pray for God's will and guidance .
Infusion I have always tried to live a life to follow the Triune God . Were would we be if Christ had put himself first ?
Were would we be if all our public servants, Fallen Hero's, veterans had put themselves first ? Please just think on this . Yes you could have suffering involved but think of all the joy and Blessings you would miss .
God bless and Thanks
 
J

JCinAZ

Guest
#14
Hey Lostfornow,

[FONT=&quot]Sorry to hear you are going thru this, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Are there some fun things you and your wife did while you were dating?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]What was some of the cool things you guys did that led to falling in love?[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I found counseling helped me deal with my anger issues.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have heard about marriage retreats that allow couples to reconnect and had great results. Some of the couples said it was their last hope and turned out to be a pleasant surprise.
I have heard of marriages restored when people fight for their marriage. Some of it is a different mind set. Has God told you your marriage is over. Of coarse not. Let's not believe the lie of the enemy. I have heard it said what we say is like a magnet. Are we speaking life or death over your marriage that is merely struggling.
[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]You guys are in my prayers,[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]
J[/FONT]
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#15
I would give you a cup of tea or coffee if we were face to face, but over the internet. All I can do is listen and watch the clouds with you.


One day God will help us make sense of it all, but today isn't that day.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,940
113
#16
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I would like to ask you if you think you have been too controlling at times? Because that is a deal breaker every time. And it builds.Sometimes over 40 years. I'm not saying you are totally at fault, its just that too many Christian men take the word "submission" to mean "total and slavish obedience whether it is scriptural or not." And the wife ends up hypervigilant, scared from morning to night, while smiling and trying to be the perfect wife to you and everyone in the church. She might have been not true to herself, and now she needs to go and find out who she is. And that is the way of the world, but the way the world tells people to go.

But the fact that you are the one who is caring for your disabled daughter, does suggest to me, that she has a selfish streak. She isn't just running away from you, but from life and responsibilities.

These are just guesses of the top of my head. They may be completely off base, but maybe something to think about! I do pray that God will restore your marriage. It is just too sad for a break down after so many years together- most of your adult life, I would assume, as a long married person, myself.

"Heavenly Father, I pray right now for this hurting husband and father. Send your peace on him, even as I pray. Help him to continue to anchor his life in you. Open both their eyes as to the things they have done wrong to contribute to this marriage breakdown, that they can both work individually on their own issues. Change his wife's heart, and let her remember the promise she made to stay with her husband till death parts them. Send comfort into both their lives. If possible lead them to a Christian counsellor who is certified, and knows how to bring marriages back together, using the Bible first, and then other techniques to restore their marriage. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!"
 

preacher4truth

Senior Member
Dec 28, 2016
9,171
2,718
113
#17
Always thought we would be the 80 year old couple everyone
looked up to . Guess you never know what tests God has for you . Ours is a long story . Owned family business for 28 years . Wife has suffered from severe depression, I have anger issues , sever back issues . 2 biological children , one adopted Philippines daughter and 3 wonderful grandchildren.
We sold the home we built together 2 1/2 years ago to help with financial issues . We bought a very nice original farm home on 5 acres ( witch my wife has not physically lived in more tan 6 months ) . From this point on things have never been the same . Over a year ago I took a job with a company as a supervisor over a custom cabinet shop.
9 months ago I was told she needed time and did not love me the way she should . That was the day a already trying life turn into the most emotional , physically, financial roller coaster that is imaginable. I live in the home and take care of our adopted daughter 23 with disabilities.
I am not here for sympathy just support , prayers and hopefully Godly advise . Last Friday I finally sought advise from a lawyer. I need to move on somehow .
Thanks and God bless .
Sad news. I would like to help and encourage you and will pray for you. May I ask, are you active in church? Is your wife? Have you gotten some pastoral counselling?
 
Sep 3, 2016
6,337
527
113
#18
Always thought we would be the 80 year old couple everyone
looked up to . Guess you never know what tests God has for you . Ours is a long story . Owned family business for 28 years . Wife has suffered from severe depression, I have anger issues , sever back issues . 2 biological children , one adopted Philippines daughter and 3 wonderful grandchildren.
We sold the home we built together 2 1/2 years ago to help with financial issues . We bought a very nice original farm home on 5 acres ( witch my wife has not physically lived in more tan 6 months ) . From this point on things have never been the same . Over a year ago I took a job with a company as a supervisor over a custom cabinet shop.
9 months ago I was told she needed time and did not love me the way she should . That was the day a already trying life turn into the most emotional , physically, financial roller coaster that is imaginable. I live in the home and take care of our adopted daughter 23 with disabilities.
I am not here for sympathy just support , prayers and hopefully Godly advise . Last Friday I finally sought advise from a lawyer. I need to move on somehow .
Thanks and God bless .
Circumstances might say and look like you are stuck, however, don't be moved by what you see. Be moved by what you know. Please know that when you place your Faith exclusively in Christ and His Finished Work, i.e., The Cross, i.e., The Blood of Jesus, the Holy Spirit will help you in every capacity of life that guarantees victory over sin, the world, the flesh, and the devil.

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb (The Cross of Christ, i.e., The Finished Work), and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. Revelation 12:11

The power to overcome and overwhelm the Kingdom of Satan is found exclusively in the Blood of the Sacrifice of the Son of God, and our Faith in that Finished Work [Romans 6:3, 5, 11, 14]. The "testimony" must pertain to the fact that the Object of our Faith is the Cross, and exclusively the Cross, which then gives the Holy Spirit latitude to work within our lives. The Believer must not change his testimony regarding the Cross to something else, even if it means death.
 
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Victimized

Guest
#19
I absolutely can't judge anybody or the people they are close to by just reading these posts. But I must say that many times I have been deeply hurt to find out that my husband of over 30 years had told others that I practically deserted the family for selfish reasons. He neglected to mention the years of abuse I suffered and the huge sacrifice I made by allowing our grown child to remain at home so he can be in familiar surroundings. I don't believe that he is abusing him or I would have taken him with me in a heartbeat. This comes from a severely depressed woman who ultimately was sent by my psychologist to a women's shelter so I could be in a safe place. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and it is not over yet. My husband continues to contact me, criticizing my behavior and issuing ultimatums. I spend hours in bed crying. I can't sleep. I am in intensive pastoral counseling and that is what has given me strength to face each day. I have almost no resources financially or otherwise. I have lost my home in order to save myself. I am not implying that this is your situation, just that it really hit home with me. My husband has tried to shame me into behaving the way he wants. My counselor assures me that this shame is not from God and I need to be strong and rebuke it. Please, everyone, remember that these stories can be put forth in such a one-sided manner. I was not a perfect spouse, I am a sinner, but these unfortunate situations can be very complicated. Again, not saying this is one of those situations, but please look into your heart so you can know you are seeing things clearly. Hope my words did not hurt or offend anyone. I pray you find the peace you need.
 

slave

Senior Member
Mar 20, 2015
6,307
1,097
113
#20
Brother I can tell you I have been thru that hardship as well after a 29 year marriage.

We were the couple other couples in the church looked up to. But my wife got tired of my crutch after awhile, that's what she called it. She had given her life over to the Lord when she was younger and we had been apart of our church and we tithed regularly and lived the Christian life-style. But, she never was fully involved herself with God. She was a beautiful woman and it drew her to enjoy the offerings of the world. I was faithful, I was Christ-centered and after a fall at work over 28 ft. I had to re-up on a 32 year career working for a School District.

She started hating my undying love for God. She called it my crutch. She would say, "You don't have to be so Jesus all the time, its embarrassing me in front of our friends." Of course those were her friends from work. She worked in a Hospital. Brother, God busted me up during that time, and put me back together in a way that I will never think of my life as anything but Christ. I wish I could Have loved my wife thru her eventual departure from me, to have met her needs, but her needs were not to be met by God... thru me apparently, for she left God, then soon me. We have 3 older boys as well. But God has been right next to me in every circumstance.

Brother if I can be of any help in prayer or advice or friendship, or anything just let me know...I befriended you so if you want, just accept. May God be your refuge and strength, May He give you sustenances and meet each need that you have. And as you mourn ...let yourself mourn. There is a time and place for everything. A time to mourn and a time to pick back up and move on, understanding that this will always be apart of you. May God richly bless you this day as well....it sounds like your ready to move on..People here can help.