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Thread: Son who doesn't respect our values.

  1. #61
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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    Quote Originally Posted by marvelchick View Post
    Yes, he is an Aspie
    So is my brother who owned his own house at 18.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    Quote Originally Posted by Willie-T View Post
    I'm having a very difficult time believing we aren't being played. And I think it is kind of a sick joke.

    In case anyone here has forgotten the exact wording the OP used, about how they "couldn't understand why this kid was having a hard time understanding"..... go back to the very first post of this thread, and re-read it. The words SHOULD surprise you.

    No parent of a child with personality associative problems would ever make such a statement as she did there about not understanding why he could possibly have any problem understanding.

    And, then, this poor kid who she says has to be protected at home, has already been gone and been living on his own for more than a year? I'm sure the planned excuse is going to be that he was living in a group home, or something.... however, until she met a little resistance to her story, all those rather pertinent facts were completely overlooked. A person with a 20 year-old child with problems doesn't, all of a sudden, become embarrassed about talking quite openly about it.

    Yeah, I'll get the usual crap about being insensitive.... but, I'm also not totally gullible.
    That you don't understand Asperger is on you, not her. I don't get my brother either, and then again, I don't get any of my brothers or sister. The only difference between the one brother and the rest of us, is that we all kind of don't get him in a different way. He's not stupid, retarded, or slow. He's just different.

    I've had 61 years to get that much. This son's mom is only on her 20th year, (plus, Man! Now there are 20,000 things you're supposed to do just because your child has Asperger! Much easier in the days of no one knowing anything but the person is different, and they have to and we have to learn to live with it.) Exactly what could she say that would have changed anything? If he's old enough to have sex, and has graduated school, he's old enough to work.

    I have reread the first post. It didn't change a thing.

    But, boy, oh boy, it changed everything in your mind. You're not being insensitive nor "not totally gullible." In truth, you just feel like you were played, so your defense is your offense! Somehow you think playing this one works because everyone else is gullible. I am gullible, just not THAT gullible!
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  3. #63
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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    Quote Originally Posted by slave View Post
    You must nurture your children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).

    The discipline of the Lord is telling a person how they should behave themself. You must consider your children as Christians, not Gentiles. The Lord’s discipline tells a person how he should behave as a Christian. The Lord intends that all of our children become Christians. You should plan on all of them becoming not just Christians, but good Christians. So, there inlays your hope - right? Yet, you are bothered by his disrespecting your values. What happened to your hope?You should tell him what a proper Christian is by teaching him the discipline of the Lord.

    The biggest thing about a child is his aspirations. Every child has an aspiration when he is young (or even mid-young).Parents must help their children to have proper aspirations. If you love the world, your children will probably want to be the president, a millionaire, or a great academic. How you live affectsthe aspirations of your child. Parents must learn to channel the ambitions of their children in theproper direction. They should aspire to be a lover of the Lord themselves. They should not aspire to love theworld. You have to be an example to them, and you have to tell them your ambitions. Now, in part, you have done this, but....you must also be as patient as God was with you - remember that?

    Children have another problem: They are not only ambitious and aspiring but also proud ofthemselves. They may boast about their own cleverness, skill, or eloquence. He may think that heis a very special person. You, as a Parent, should not discourage him, but neither should you cultivate his pride.patience isn't compromise, its patience... So, "be anxious about nothing..." - yourself, and surrender your son to the Lord.

    Then let go of the pangs of your rules; even while even while maintaining your rules objectively. Always use discipline that fits the crime, and always be respectful and gentle, never threaten, only follow thru with that which God has deemed reasonable.. In other words love him more not less while discussing and discovering God's truths with him in life; this takes time, so undo the time limit to loving. Discipline while you nurture; discipline for the sake of nurturing. If he isn't getting nurtured you are failing God's wishes;discipline not withstanding. We do not want our children tobecome disheartened, but neither do we want them to be proud or to think that they aresomebody that is set aside from God's wisdom and judgements.

    A Christian needs to know how to appreciate others. It is easy to be victorious, but it is hard toaccept defeat. Your rules aren't God, only God is God. And although I don't disagree with your rules, you need to see the need here - the end-game as it were. It isn't his stupidity, that's the issue its his lack of vision for himself. Your rules are failing at this point right? Then let God move you to loving him in a flexible way. You can still place rules but be less demanding, or subjective, be simply objective. He needs to accept that there is value in his own life for being respectful to God, so show him why God's Word is his BEST choice for himself, and let him fail if he so chooses, but be there to help him alongside every step in godly encouragement.

    If you discuss and discover with him Gods love over your points God has given you, by being vulnerable you invite him into sharing his insights with you instead of hiding himself from you. In time God will teach him to have a humble character, as you demonstrate it to him planting seed.. Power always comes from piggy-backing the Lord in meeting peoples needs. Your son will love you for your undying love over your rightness every time; and God will have your back supernaturally!
    ^ ^ ^
    THIS!

    A thousand times THIS!

    (And if someone could rep Salve, I'd appreciate it. Apparently, I have to spread the love again.)
    slave likes this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  4. #64
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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    Quote Originally Posted by marvelchick View Post
    You know what, I joined this group because I was feeling dispondant about our son and the struggles we have with him, but you can pat yourself on the back for being a right judgmental dick. I dont say everything in the first post because Im new and I dont want people to judge my son, I dont do wind ups, and I dont tell stories. My husband and I are deeply committed christians and yes even deepky committed christians have struggles with unbelieving children and sometimes need encouragement. So I will leave now, not because you think you have found me out, but because I was wrong about this particular christian chat group.
    Ummm, CC is like any other place -- some Richards, some Angels, and most are in-between. Where do you know in life where it's not like that? Accept that, and you don't have to leave. Just don't take to heart advice from Richards. (Besides, there is an Ignore feature on here. Can't say the same thing in real life. lol)
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  5. #65
    Senior Member slave's Avatar
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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    Quote Originally Posted by Depleted View Post
    ^ ^ ^
    THIS!

    A thousand times THIS!

    (And if someone could rep Salve, I'd appreciate it. Apparently, I have to spread the love again.)
    "I hope whoever Salve is he gets tons of reps....Smile." .
    tourist likes this.

  6. #66
    Senior Member Fenner's Avatar
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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    I think it's sad that this woman decided to leave.

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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    Kick him out, call the police for trespassing. That would show the seriousness of your demand, or you could let him mistreat and disrespect you for the rest of your life. Who's house is it?
    Knight

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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    How about actually talking to the kid using logic instead of holding a Book or a religion that he doesn't want to follow over his head all of his life. He's an adult. He can make his own decisions. Sounds like you're the typical failure of a parent if you are reaching out for others to help. I guess that 5.99 donation to gods house this week didn't work.

  9. #69
    Senior Member AllenW's Avatar
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    Default Re: Son who doesn't respect our values.

    Quote Originally Posted by marvelchick View Post
    Hi all, some Godly advice needed from fellow Christians. Our son (20) has moved back home after living out of home for a year and a bit. His father and I have raised all our children in a Christian home but at present our two eldest children (our sons) have walked away. Our son just this week has a new girlfriend and we have told him that we don't want her staying overnight at our place, we have the same rule with all our other kids too. He has sneaked her in the last three nights. The first morning we spoke to him about it, the second morning to both of them and this morning I was so angry I left it to dad to talk to him. He can't understand why he is not allowed to have her stay, and we can't understand why he can't respect our values, he knows we are Christians but doesn't even seem to care about our conditions.
    Start planning the wedding.
    Tell everyone about it.
    Just don't have a date yet.
    Start asking them the usual questions about planning a wedding.
    When they tell you to stop, let them know that if they plan on staying in your house, then they are getting married.
    Be excited about it, like you truly expect it to happen.
    Maybe it will.
    Willie-T likes this.
    FOLLOW JESUS!

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