Updated Emotional Affair

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Snowymtn

Guest
#1
#1
Updated and I hit post before I was done....I am seeking guidance and prayers....I am a 30 year old married woman with two kids. I love my husband and my children so much. Last year was very tough-my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I found out I needed a very big surgery that entailed a large recovery. My husband and I grew emotionally distant and I started growing my friendship with two men. For a few months I was giving more of my emotional self to these men-talking about my anxiety and depression issues as well as work things (they are coworkers)-my husband knew I was friends with them but not to what extent.I often told them things before I told my husband and I was felt really supported during my conversations with them and I almost became dependent on our talks-like I was addicted to the emotional support I was receiving.... I didn't tell my husband how much I was talking to them -both in person and on text message.....I cried to them about fear of surgery and work problems... This went on for a few months and after my surgery and recovery I had a major talk with God and realized this could be headed down a dangerous path. I instantly told one of them we shouldn't be friends anymore as I thought it was unhealthy for me and my marriage....I also just stopped reaching out and communicating with the other... it has been very easy to cold turkey cut off all communication with them and I have not talked to them other than a quick work hello in over 4 months.....recently I have been overcome with guilt. I feel as though I had some short emotional affairs on my husband and never told him and now I am having a delayed reaction....I tried to tell him but couldn't work up the courage. Our marriage is great right now and I am worried what it could do ......it was also months and months ago and I fear bringing it up will open a giant can of worms.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#2
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#2
I actually went through something similar when I was around your age. I didn't work with this person and he lived in a different town but I talked to him a lot. My Husband and I were going through a pretty difficult time and he was working a lot and I ended up leaning on this guy and was very conflicted about my feelings for him. Then he told me he was in love with me and I knew I did something wrong. I did tell my Husband about it and he took it a lot better then I thought he would.

From what you've described it doesn't sound like you had more than friendship feelings for these guy's. Obviously I don't know your Husband and what his reaction would be. It sounds to me like these guy's were just good friends to you.

I think you're being a little to hard on yourself. You did the right thing by stopping the communication and you learned that you don't want to do that again. If you feel horrible and the only way to make yourself feel better is to tell your Husband, then maybe you should do that. I don't know what effect that will have on your marriage. Maybe you and yuour Husband should seek counseling so these communication problems don't happen anymore.

You might be making a mountain out of a mole hill though. I'd probably not tell him because it make an issue where there really isn't one.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#3
#3
Is there such a thing as a married person that has never done the same thing? You did nothing wrong. (Well, I think it would have been nice to tell the second guy why you went cold, but the water has past that bridge.) What will you tell hubby -- Nothing happened? And why does he need to know that? What good does it do for him, other him thinking he can't trust you anymore, and what did he do wrong? And what good will it do you to tell?

It's been 25 years since it happened to me.

News flash for you: Out of two guys you were bearing your soul to? I can almost guarantee at least one of them was doing all that listening in hopes of getting into your pants. Think about it. Hubby's listen to us as much as they can because they love us, not because men are particularly fond of listening to women worrying and bearing our souls all that time. Why would a guy who isn't our husband want to listen with that much rapt detail, when it's even tough for hubbies to deal with that aspect of being a woman?

It happened. It's over. Move on -- for him and you. And learn from it so it doesn't happen again.
 
F

froggymom

Junior Member
#4
May 2, 2017
6
1
0
#4
Heavenly Father,
You are a God of great love and mercy.Look down upon your child snowymtn. and fill her with that love and mercy. Bring your peace and healing into her hurting heart and strengthen her marriage and relationship with her husband(.Matthew6:34 Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.) It will be OK. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
hornetguy

hornetguy

Senior Member
#5
Jan 18, 2016
6,646
1,397
113
#5
Depleted said:
Is there such a thing as a married person that has never done the same thing? You did nothing wrong. (Well, I think it would have been nice to tell the second guy why you went cold, but the water has past that bridge.) What will you tell hubby -- Nothing happened? And why does he need to know that? What good does it do for him, other him thinking he can't trust you anymore, and what did he do wrong? And what good will it do you to tell?

It's been 25 years since it happened to me.

News flash for you: Out of two guys you were bearing your soul to? I can almost guarantee at least one of them was doing all that listening in hopes of getting into your pants. Think about it. Hubby's listen to us as much as they can because they love us, not because men are particularly fond of listening to women worrying and bearing our souls all that time. Why would a guy who isn't our husband want to listen with that much rapt detail, when it's even tough for hubbies to deal with that aspect of being a woman?

It happened. It's over. Move on -- for him and you. And learn from it so it doesn't happen again.
Click to expand...
I think you're being a little to hard on yourself. You did the right thing by stopping the communication and you learned that you don't want to do that again. If you feel horrible and the only way to make yourself feel better is to tell your Husband, then maybe you should do that. I don't know what effect that will have on your marriage. Maybe you and yuour Husband should seek counseling so these communication problems don't happen anymore.
Click to expand...
The wisdom that comes with age and experience... (no, I'm NOT saying you're old, Lynn.... I'm still older than you..and I'm WAY older than Fenner)

Very good advice from two Godly women.... hope the OP realizes that, and listens..... bless you both.
 
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MOUNTAINMAMA

Guest
#6
#6
Kudos to you for cutting that relationship off. However, I believe communication is key in any marriage. If you don't say anything to your husband then it will eat you alive inside. I think he will respect you more for being open with him even though it's going to hurt.
I've been thru this with my husband. He came to me which I was glad he did!!
 
L

LWoodall

Guest
#7
#7
I do not know what a professional would say but Iam very glad you never had something physical with another man. It’s not a goodthing to have emotional affairs, but I am glad God has given you wisdom and youhave made good decisions. There have been times when I have talked to my femalefriends more than I have talked to my husband during difficult times in mymarriage. There are other people besides our spouses who can provide very good andstrong emotional support. And because I am not all-knowing and perfect, I askGod often to reign in my heart all my life so that my relationship with Him isnot harmed. His presence in us causes usto be wise and have a conscience. But I know that we will never be perfect. Ibelieve it’s a wonderful thing that you have remained faithful to your husband.We should always have major talks with God. And when we confess to Him our sins,He forgives us our sins and does not remember them. If God forgets our sinsafter we’ve asked Him for forgiveness, it’s not worth it for us to continue toremember them and feel guilt. We all have an Enemy who does want us to rememberour sins and feel guilty all our lives. He also continually works hard to stealour joy. You say your marriage is great right now. I do not know what aprofessional would advice, but having God as our God helps a lot. What God hasforgiven, He does not hold against us ever. It’s so wonderful that He gave youwisdom about preventing things from becoming very dangerous when you weregetting emotional support from other people! May He give you His peace!
 
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