P
I'm having a hard time with my marriage. I met my husband ten years ago, 2 months after I lost the love of my life. We went to high school together and started talking and became friends and then we started dating. He had a horrible home life. From the beginning he was a bit standoffish when it came to my family and I guess I just assumed he was shy. He had a part-time job and said that he moved back home to take care of his grandmother who lived with his mom, dad and siblings. His brother came home drunk one night and attacked him. He called me and my dad told me to go get him and his things. My parents gave him a place to stay. Come to find out, he didn't have a driver's license. So my dad taught him to drive and encouraged him to get get it. He tried to teach him how to do things, but he had no interest in it. That following year his sister got married and he asked me. (Technically he said "You wanna? We might as well.") So we did. My parents bought my ring, he didn't. Six months after we got married, I wanted to get an annulment, but for whatever reason I didn't go through with it. Shortly after that, I was able to get my grandmother's house, which is across the street from my parents. We moved in and I focused my attention on the house. Over these past few years, I've been come more and more frustrated. I had to force him (and get him) a job to begin with. He constantly complained about it, but it was money. I worked 40+ hours a week, came home, cleaned and cooked, etc. He worked 20-25 hours a week, slept until noon and played video games most of the day. My mom mowed my yard so I wouldn't have to and if anything broke, my dad helped me fix it. I got him another job where I worked. It was way more money, but working less hours, say 2/day and 4 on Saturday. Instead of just doing the job, he constantly wanted me to come help him after I got off. He helps out more now than he did, but to hear him tell it, his plight is so much more than anyone else's. He nags me constantly about me spending time with my parents or if they call or come over. He finds fault with church members, even the preacher. It was like pulling teeth to finally get him to go to Sunday School. When I've had the stomach bug, I had to ask my parents to go get medicine for me because he couldn't be bothered to go to the store.
Aside from all that, I honestly feel as though I don't have a marriage or at least that I entered it not knowing or seeing everything as it was. We've never been together as a husband and wife. He's always had his bedroom and I've had mine. He's more or less like a roommate. This is so not what I wanted. I honestly don't know where I was going with this. I guess I just needed to vent. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him because I do feel as though he's a friend, but I feel as though I'm cheating myself. Looking back it's easier to see everything as a whole. I can remember when we did start dating that I would go home and cry. I think I tried to fill a void left by my ex. And honestly, there are days that I wish I had never even met my husband - as horrible as that sounds. I think I care for him as a friend, but I'm not in love with him. I think he feels the same way, but won't admit it. I have prayed and prayed and my feelings haven't changed. Please remember us in your prayers. Thanks.
Aside from all that, I honestly feel as though I don't have a marriage or at least that I entered it not knowing or seeing everything as it was. We've never been together as a husband and wife. He's always had his bedroom and I've had mine. He's more or less like a roommate. This is so not what I wanted. I honestly don't know where I was going with this. I guess I just needed to vent. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him because I do feel as though he's a friend, but I feel as though I'm cheating myself. Looking back it's easier to see everything as a whole. I can remember when we did start dating that I would go home and cry. I think I tried to fill a void left by my ex. And honestly, there are days that I wish I had never even met my husband - as horrible as that sounds. I think I care for him as a friend, but I'm not in love with him. I think he feels the same way, but won't admit it. I have prayed and prayed and my feelings haven't changed. Please remember us in your prayers. Thanks.
