Jacked up Family Members/Tired of being taken advantage of

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NIEMA

NIEMA

Member
#1
Feb 8, 2017
32
2
8
#1
I'm drained out. I feel weak and I'm just plain out tired of doing "good."

I grew up in a household where my parents taught me to stay quiet when people talk smack about you or about your siblings. We were also taught that we should always forgive and continue to do good even when people are mean to us.

I understand the things my parents taught us are the words in the scriptures. To always stay humble and turn your other cheek but sometimes it's too much.

I feel so heartbroken whenever my own aunts or uncles disrespect my parents and siblings. I can't even stand up for them or myself!

They always step on us and treat my parents like a piece of carpet. They're only nice to us when they need help financially or physically whether it's to use our strength to help them move their couches or money wise.

It has always been like this from day one. As I'm getting older, I realize the ugly truth and flaw within this chaotic and toxic family.

I always thought my aunts and uncles are the ones who love us because we're one big family but I was WRONG! They don't. They just use us and when they no longer need our help, they start to act all different. It hurts so much.

It's effecting me spiritually, mentally, and physically to the point where I'm slowly beginning to numb myself with bitterness. I'm sad to say this but the love of Christ within me is flickering away.

As I'm typing this, I can't help but cry because I know this isn't who I am.

I am a daughter of God but why do I hate doing good to people who don't deserve it. It pains me inside.

How am I supposed to love them...God...answer me.
 
C

Cerwin

Guest
#2
#2
Our Pastor talked about this in sermon, and he said being humble and turning the other cheek DIDNT mean not defending yourself, and your family. Jesus doesn't expect us to just stand there and let people abuse us. But in your anger do not hate. You simply ask for respect but ask respectfully, don't have a barking match. Mother Theresa said many times you will give to ungrateful people but to give anyway. But I know how that hurts so I do that but only to a point, and then I explain I cannot because it is too hurtful. Communication is everything. As well, I would seek spiritual counsel from your Pastor before giving up on Jesus. And pray each night for Holy Spirit to guide you. Its hard to stay loving when you see cruelty from family especially. My family gave up on me completely as a young child, and it took me forever to not feel bitter inside about it. I STILL don't understand how it happened but I prayed to lose the bitterness so I could go on in my life and stay close to Jesus. But I would definitely talk to Pastor about how exactly you should stop the abuse, how you should "step in" or what you should do. I pray you are guided by His will and your heart become softened and filled with His love, Niema ! You are SO special to Jesus .
 
NIEMA

NIEMA

Member
#3
Feb 8, 2017
32
2
8
#3
Cerwin said:
Our Pastor talked about this in sermon, and he said being humble and turning the other cheek DIDNT mean not defending yourself, and your family. Jesus doesn't expect us to just stand there and let people abuse us. But in your anger do not hate. You simply ask for respect but ask respectfully, don't have a barking match. Mother Theresa said many times you will give to ungrateful people but to give anyway. But I know how that hurts so I do that but only to a point, and then I explain I cannot because it is too hurtful. Communication is everything. As well, I would seek spiritual counsel from your Pastor before giving up on Jesus. And pray each night for Holy Spirit to guide you. Its hard to stay loving when you see cruelty from family especially. My family gave up on me completely as a young child, and it took me forever to not feel bitter inside about it. I STILL don't understand how it happened but I prayed to lose the bitterness so I could go on in my life and stay close to Jesus. But I would definitely talk to Pastor about how exactly you should stop the abuse, how you should "step in" or what you should do. I pray you are guided by His will and your heart become softened and filled with His love, Niema ! You are SO special to Jesus .
Click to expand...
Thank you so much...I really needed to hear that. To be honest, I feel so awful for letting this problem cut between my relationship with God. I'm ashamed of myself and I don't know how I can face God with all my guilt and shame. I tried repenting but I still feel it within my heart. Sometimes you ask for the forgiveness but you don't feel the forgiveness. I'm currently going through that right now but I appreciate your kind words and your personal experiences. I will take your advice. God bless! :)
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
Many Christians seem to think "stay and be a doormat" is the right thing. But the bible also teaches us to use wisdom. Nowhere does the bible state we are required to continually engage with people such as your problematic family members. I am of the attitude that if a person is not good for me I avoid them, or if I must be around them, minimize my contact and exposure. I don't keep such people close and think I'm being loving by letting people mistreat me.
Jesus was not a pacifist hippy. He went toe to toe with religious leaders. He called them out. He ran the money changers out if the temple. Christ recognized there was a time for action. There are even stories in the bible that show God's people separating from others they can't get along with. This doormat teaching is not a full biblical teaching, only partial. And many suffer as a result.
 
Rockrz

Rockrz

Banned
#5
Dec 3, 2016
1,674
25
0
#5
We were also taught that we should always forgive and continue to do good even when people are mean to us.
Click to expand...
Forgive, yes!
Continue helping those that are mean to you... ah, no!
 
I

imfinallyfree

Banned
#6
Dec 17, 2013
822
7
0
#6
I can't answer your primary question...but I can say with confidence that if you let that bitterness take hold of you, it can manifest itself in ways that you may have no control of.

I got a bunch of family that could do better...but hey it's their lives,their souls.
 
JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#7
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#7
It took me years to realize how messed up my family truly is. It turned my world upside down for time working through things. Reminded me of the lyrics from the song by Jefferson Airplane.

"When the truth is found
To be lies
And all the joy
Within you dies."

I feel like I am out of a prison that I did not know I was in.

Without God who knows how I would have reconciled some of it.
 
O

oldethennew

Banned
#8
Feb 28, 2016
11,311
2,972
113
#8
you've caught your 'bitterness', now over-come it and allow Jesus to
do the fill-in, lest you become what you despise in others...

you CAN do this for yourself and your parents, but most of all, for your
Heavenly Father...
 
J

joyfullyhis

Guest
#9
#9
Don't get discouraged I have experienced such things. People can take advantage of your goodness. Despite this still do good..but at times you might have to say NO. There is nothing wrong in saying nor loving oneself.
 
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