You'r post didn't make me feel worse, I am just discouraged. I mean severly discouraged.
I could go into detail about how, I felt alone all my life, especially going to public school, and not being raised in a Christian home. I started isolating my self when I was 8 years old, keeping to myself, playing on my computer.
Here is the thing, I Know God wants me to preach, he called me under Acts 8:4 Therefore, they that were scattered abroad went everywhere preaching the word. He allowed me to donate about 25 units of blood, vollunteer in food banks, a blood bank, building a house for habitat for humanity, He gave me my leadership certification, gifted me with the ability to do finances and use Microsoft Word, and Excel.
In 4 years I donated about $2,800.00 to charity, God has been good to me and blessed me, I can sing Opera, dance, tell jokes, do impersonations, I impressed one person with my ability to do Kermit the frog as an Elvis impersonator. Litterally sounded like kermit and elvis lol. I can cook gourmet meals, my neighbours love my fettucinni alfredo and chicken cordon bleu. I can also do house chores, Although I abhor it as much as God abhors liars. They love my chocolate turtle cheesecake too.
I will sit up all night and listen to friends problems, I just spent $45.00 calling a friend in the Philippines. I've volunteered at community dinners. I mean, God has blessed me more tallent than I know what to do with. The ability to plan and organize, and multitask. A talent to play the bagpipes, and begin working on a bachelor of ministry. Through Corrispondence.
He has led me through the valley of the shadow of death, and spared me from death several times. I've tried attempting suicide several times in my life, and I have been shot at twice. I mean, I was 17 when I got nicknamed Forest Gump, when I was homeless, staying at a youth shelter. I don't know if it was the time I accidently walked half way to Guelph, from Hamilton, or the first or second attempt to walk to Brantford from Hamilton. lol.
But I mean the one thing that hasn't changed, is I spend most of my days alone, in my room, on my computer, playing games, and watching tv. God gave me the ability to opperate heavy machinery. I have my forklift and reach truck license, and I just got my Heavy equipment Operators certification recently, Back in March I finished the 8 week course.
But I can't find work, I have no one to socialize with, except on here, which is nice, but I've been online since I was about 13, and I'm kinda growing tired of it. I made the mistake of listening to a career councelor who told me I would be better off On ODSP than working when I was 17, and Im still paying for it. I need $1,000.00 for a full criminal record pardon and record destruction, $158.00 for a drivers license, $3,300.00 to pay off the credit card. I only get $1,128.00 a month to live on, $600.00 goes to rent, about 60%, $235.00 to pay off bills about 20-25%, the rest is groceries if I have the luxury of having a grocery budget. Every thing else comes out of the grocery budget. transportation, clothing, any training or investments to find a job, lie my first aid certificates.
2 weeks ago, I spent 2 and a half hours walking to a job interview, I just did a 3 or 4 hour walk up and down the main road into town looking for work. That was last monday. I mean I have absolutly no one to talk too, no one to hang out with.
It's getting extreamly unbearable and severly discouraging, and I have no idea how long it's going to go on for, and the truth is I consider myself a great guy, by almost every definition of the word great, by both God's standards and by men's.
The exception is #20, because it's just not possible with my gender. lol
Websters Dictionary 1828 - Webster's Dictionary 1828 - great
Hi.
I'm sorry my post made you feel worse.
For once I would wish that I was you, 32, single and trying to figure out my life and my faith as well. I know having a family is a blessing in many ways but if it's not going right it isn't as blissful as it may sound. M sorry to hear of your family life but it isn't the worst I promise you because you still got options and freedom to choose and figure out what needs to be done.
I'm just going through a rough phase of dealing with my not so grateful husband but I love him and I'd do anything to save my marriage or my family. I know for sure either God will give me the strength to overcome my feelings of being insufficient or He will change his heart. I'm praying He will.
Please be happy and thankful that you still got time and freedom to choose the right thing. Don't rush just because you're single. It's a precious thing to be able to choose, to have options. Choose wisely. Pray and be led by the spirit.
I'm broken myself and not the best advisor either but I'm hoping you will find peace within yourself
Blessings.
