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Thread: Feeling of not being enough

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    Default Feeling of not being enough

    Hi.
    I love my husband. I love my family but sometimes I feel I'm not appreciated for the things I do. I'm always expected to do better or made to feel like no matter what I do I'm never going to be enough. I'm always told things like, "You could've done it better", "When others can, why can't you?", "You're not giving your best".
    I am a working mother, I juggle family life and work. I may not be doing enough but I'm doing my best. I feel so little, so not enough. I feel terrible. Please advice.
    PS: divorce is not an option.
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Quote Originally Posted by Paity View Post
    Hi.
    I love my husband. I love my family but sometimes I feel I'm not appreciated for the things I do. I'm always expected to do better or made to feel like no matter what I do I'm never going to be enough. I'm always told things like, "You could've done it better", "When others can, why can't you?", "You're not giving your best".
    I am a working mother, I juggle family life and work. I may not be doing enough but I'm doing my best. I feel so little, so not enough. I feel terrible. Please advice.
    PS: divorce is not an option.
    Hello! Patty :-) let me first welcome you Welcome!

    Pray and ask God's help... Talk to your husband choose a time when you are both more relaxed...tell him your concern...what you feel...how he makes you feel...Don't raise your voice...speak to him as gentle as possible

    You are enough :-) my sister,maybe not a perfect wife or a perfect person but you are exactly who God made you to be

    God bless you!
    Last edited by SweetmorningDew78; May 19th, 2017 at 09:21 AM.
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    Luke 10:27 So he answered and said,"You shall love the LORD your GOD with all your heart,with all your soul,with all your strength,and with all your mind,and your neighbor as yourself."

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Quote Originally Posted by Paity View Post
    Hi.
    I love my husband. I love my family but sometimes I feel I'm not appreciated for the things I do. I'm always expected to do better or made to feel like no matter what I do I'm never going to be enough. I'm always told things like, "You could've done it better", "When others can, why can't you?", "You're not giving your best".
    I am a working mother, I juggle family life and work. I may not be doing enough but I'm doing my best. I feel so little, so not enough. I feel terrible. Please advice.
    PS: divorce is not an option.
    You say you love your husband and family. What do you mean by that? What is that love to you?
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Hello dear friend! I am so glad you felt the freedom to express your feelings here. No one likes to carry around these kinds of heavy burdens. Words are like that; they can be powerful weapons against us or they can be our saving grace.

    The opinions of others shape our view of ourselves and, unfortunately, many people struggle when desperately trying to define their self worth, especially when we are vulnerable to what others say about us. Are the people who spew these unkind words to you in your close circle of contacts, or are they random comments that people blurt out unknowingly? Considering the source of where this damage is coming from can be helpful when deciding whether we should believe them or not!

    I know from my own personal experience, that being a wife, a mother, a caretaker, a servant to my home, a coordinator, a cook, a steward of finances, an organizer, a faithful and loving friend, a sensitive listener, a shoulder to cry on, staying health conscious, juggling the minutes and hours of the day, sacrificially giving, disciplining children, encouraging them, teaching them about life, training them up in the way they shoild go, spending time as a family, giving freely to your spouse, managing household duties, etc. often come without a "thank you" and that can be very deflating at times.

    I don't think children are even consciously aware that a "thank you" or "I love you" can do a world of good for our souls, but adults??? A mature and caring adult will automatically be aware of when someone does something nice for them. So to interject negative words instead does nothing for the relationship and it does harm to you.

    Are those closest to you aware of how this makes you feel? Do you have the liberty to vocalize these concerns with those who say these words to you?

    I would like to suggest you begin to pray and ask God to set up some times when you can freely unload these concerns with the person involved. It is very Biblical to handle an offense that way. The Bible says thare will be offenses, and by approaching the person doing the offending can provide an opportunity for them to say they are sorry - if they are truly sorry. Some people (I have seen) will only say they are sorry to get themselves off the hook, but have no sorrow for what they did. I think you will be able to discern the difference.

    For those who choose to ignore the significance of their actions, the Bible leaves us with the next step and that is to pray for those who hurt us. Forgive them anyway. I know how hard that can be so I am not minimzing the intensity of trying to do that. But by doing so, you ultimately free yourself from that person, and that is what you are after; freedom from the curse those words bring upon you.

    I sure hope and pray you can take some steps to resolving these issues with people. You seem like such a loving and caring person, and loving people sometimes bruise easily. Your heart is a very tender place and needs to be protected at all times. Let God help you accomplish this. Sending you a blessing.
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    I've heard being a mom is one of the most thankless jobs there is, but it can also be the most rewarding! So if you're right with God, try to forget about what others are saying. People sometimes tear us down when we're doing something they want to do or when they are upset with the way their life is going and sometimes it has nothing to do with us.
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    Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    I don't know what to tell you, honeslty, I am sick and tired of helping everyone else with their relationships when I can't find anyone for myself. truth is, at least you have a family, Im 32, single, spend all my time looking for work im alone almost all the time, every day and every night, its been that way at least 13 years now.....

    My dad never calls me, the last thing my mother said to me, is she didn't want anything to do with me and to have a nice life, and I am stuck trying to figgure out my own problems in life, because no body cares about me or my problems.

    Truth is I dont think he will ever appreciate you, and I am sick of trying to figgure out how all the good women end up with jerks and I cant find anyone for myself.


    Quote Originally Posted by Paity View Post
    Hi.
    I love my husband. I love my family but sometimes I feel I'm not appreciated for the things I do. I'm always expected to do better or made to feel like no matter what I do I'm never going to be enough. I'm always told things like, "You could've done it better", "When others can, why can't you?", "You're not giving your best".
    I am a working mother, I juggle family life and work. I may not be doing enough but I'm doing my best. I feel so little, so not enough. I feel terrible. Please advice.
    PS: divorce is not an option.
    EarnestQ likes this.

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    You are enough in the eyes of God. Ephesians 6:12, tells us that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, powers, etc. So with this in mind, it is not your husband, children, or family but a spirit that's using them to attack you. When these attacks come like Jesus said to satan behind me (may have to say internally). The devil does not play fair and uses anyone who is available to him, unfortunately he knows that outsiders can't hurt us the way our family can.

    Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you Paity in your mother's womb, I knew you... Jeremiah 29:11 I know the thoughts I think toward you Paity, thoughts of good and not evil but to give you a good end. When you get time look in the mirror and tell yourself that I am enough and my Father loves me. I am made in the image and likeness of my Heavenly Father. I am the apple of His eye. When those negative thoughts come or even those negative words come, defeat them with the word of God. Ask God to help your husband to be the husband, God called him to be. Woman of God build yourself up with Scriptures. Your life has purpose and meaning. When God made you, He didn't make any junk. Greatness is on the inside of you. Pray Ephesians 1:17-19 over yourself. A prayer I pray concerning me and my family is Lord work on me and as You work on me work on my husband, my children, my mother, my sister, etc. In your prayer time remind God that your marriage, husband, children, and family belong to Him and that your just the steward over them. Watch Him move on your behalf. Be encourage and I will be praying for you and your family.
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Quote Originally Posted by I_am_Canadian View Post
    I don't know what to tell you, honeslty, I am sick and tired of helping everyone else with their relationships when I can't find anyone for myself. truth is, at least you have a family, Im 32, single, spend all my time looking for work im alone almost all the time, every day and every night, its been that way at least 13 years now.....

    My dad never calls me, the last thing my mother said to me, is she didn't want anything to do with me and to have a nice life, and I am stuck trying to figgure out my own problems in life, because no body cares about me or my problems.

    Truth is I dont think he will ever appreciate you, and I am sick of trying to figgure out how all the good women end up with jerks and I cant find anyone for myself.
    Psalms 27:10(HCSB) Even if my father and my mother abandon me, the Lord cares for me. Stop trying to figure things out and turn to God. He is here for you and although you feel as if you are alone, He is there with you. God loves you more than you will ever know. When our natural family walk away God will put others in our lives. Instead of you looking for someone and possible ending up with a jerk. Have a little talk with Jesus and tell Him all about what is going on in your life or what is not going on in your life. He has a plan for your life, now it is up to you to accept His plan. He won't force you, it is by choice. Good women get jerks because they pick jerks overlooking all of the red flags for the sake of being in a relationship, filling a void or wanting to be loved. Been there done that and got the t-shirt. If you desire to be married then take it to God, He already knows but is waiting on you to talk to Him about it. Although it may look dark right now, it won't always be like this. God has good things in store for you. When you feel like you feel begin to give Him praise and He will come and see about you. Your life matters and you are important. Be encouraged.
    I_am_Canadian and Magenta like this.

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    sounds like your family is miserable themselves and they just can't see how much you are doing because they are too focused on their own problems to "truly" notice what you do for them,just try to be happy and pray to God for guidance to what to do to inspire change,I first said to try being happy,like smiling when they want to grouse because it seems that they want you to react negatively and they lose that power to provoke you when you just don't let them get them down,because the devil will lose his grip on them when they notice how they can't tear you down,and begin to wonder why you are so joyful,then you may inspire them to change with your continued dedication, and alongside God things may change gradually,I have an unappreciative person in my house and he won't speak because I smile and he can't stand joy because he's focused on mischief and misery,just keep trying to move forward,because their words are just opinions and snares and you don't have to think on their two cent's worth when you are actually being of worth!
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Hi Lynn,
    I love them and that's all there is to it. I don't know how else to explain it. I know my husband doesn't appreciate me and makes me feel terrible sometimes but I love him and am ready to forgive him no matter what, just that I need to hear about how other wives or other people who has been through these deal with these kinds of feelings.

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Quote Originally Posted by Paity View Post
    Hi Lynn,
    I love them and that's all there is to it. I don't know how else to explain it. I know my husband doesn't appreciate me and makes me feel terrible sometimes but I love him and am ready to forgive him no matter what, just that I need to hear about how other wives or other people who has been through these deal with these kinds of feelings.
    I love chocolate, Jackson Browne, and the smell of freshly-tilled soil too, but that doesn't mean it's an active love.

    So, how do you show love? How do you love?
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Thank you dear. I tried to talk to him a few times but he just brushes it off and answers like it is my duty and I shouldn't complain for not getting appreciated. He says "Do u need to be appreciated for taking a bath?".
    I know it's not a daily thing and I don't expect him to appreciate me for "everything" I do as a wife or a mother. Just don't want to hear complains for the things he thinks I don't do. And of course this doesn't happen on an everyday basis and I should get over it but sometimes it's hard. But thank you for the advice and the encouragement. I'll try again.

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Hi.
    I'm sorry my post made you feel worse.
    For once I would wish that I was you, 32, single and trying to figure out my life and my faith as well. I know having a family is a blessing in many ways but if it's not going right it isn't as blissful as it may sound. M sorry to hear of your family life but it isn't the worst I promise you because you still got options and freedom to choose and figure out what needs to be done.
    I'm just going through a rough phase of dealing with my not so grateful husband but I love him and I'd do anything to save my marriage or my family. I know for sure either God will give me the strength to overcome my feelings of being insufficient or He will change his heart. I'm praying He will.
    Please be happy and thankful that you still got time and freedom to choose the right thing. Don't rush just because you're single. It's a precious thing to be able to choose, to have options. Choose wisely. Pray and be led by the spirit.
    I'm broken myself and not the best advisor either but I'm hoping you will find peace within yourself
    Blessings.
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    God appreciates you, and when you acknowledge and appreciate that God appreciates you (and that this is what really matters), and therefore appreciate yourself more, then others are more likely to appreciate you too. No one can make you feel less confident in yourself, if you did not already feel low in confidence about yourself to some degree.

    For all you know, your husband may be very grateful, but has trouble in showing it. And when people have trouble showing something emotional, it usually comes out as the opposite. But if you see him as ungrateful, ungrateful is what you will get, because that is how God works, because you have judged him to be. Pray for your husband that he might be able to open up more, that you will be able to see his love more, and that you will feel the joy and freedom of not 'needing' to see it.

    When you don't look for love, it finds you. And that is because, your faith is strong. :-)

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    I personally dont care what people think of me. I m accountable only to God. If God say to u (to all of us) "He who doesnt provide for his family is worst than unbeliever" u need to listen and refuse to be "working mum", whatever the circumstances. Read Titus 2 and 1 Timothy 5 for more info. And dont forget "He who loves their relatives more than Me is not worthy of Me"
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Quote Originally Posted by Paity View Post
    Thank you dear. I tried to talk to him a few times but he just brushes it off and answers like it is my duty and I shouldn't complain for not getting appreciated. He says "Do u need to be appreciated for taking a bath?".
    I know it's not a daily thing and I don't expect him to appreciate me for "everything" I do as a wife or a mother. Just don't want to hear complains for the things he thinks I don't do. And of course this doesn't happen on an everyday basis and I should get over it but sometimes it's hard. But thank you for the advice and the encouragement. I'll try again.
    Don't take a bath. And don't do the things he thinks you should do better.

    Honestly? I do because I work hard to do stuff hubby doesn't like doing for him. And he does stuff to stop me from doing stuff I hate doing for me. We have one household rule: "If it bothers you, do it."

    That means if I do something, but he thinks he can do it better, than he redoes it. (That goes both ways.) Not a problem. Whoever does it better ends up doing it. lol And if it doesn't bother either one of us, it doesn't get done.

    Brilliant strategy for making each of us appreciate what the other does. He cooks dinner (or we'd be having sandwiches or cereal almost every night) and I do the bills (or we would be living without heat, electricity, water, and ultimately a house.)

    So, if he doesn't appreciate what you do for him, and you don't do it for any reason but him, stop doing it.

    No rule book on what we have to do housekeeping wise. No rule book on baths either.
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    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Quote Originally Posted by Paity View Post
    Hi.
    I love my husband. I love my family but sometimes I feel I'm not appreciated for the things I do. I'm always expected to do better or made to feel like no matter what I do I'm never going to be enough. I'm always told things like, "You could've done it better", "When others can, why can't you?", "You're not giving your best".
    I am a working mother, I juggle family life and work. I may not be doing enough but I'm doing my best. I feel so little, so not enough. I feel terrible. Please advice.
    PS: divorce is not an option.
    ***give your life to Christ and find His approval and you will be satisfied...
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    I show Iove by believing that everything will work out, that I don't have to end up giving up on him or my marriage. I show love by taking care of our children, of the house, by taking care of his parents, him and myself. I show love by praying for him and myself and our marriage and family.
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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    If it is you husband that makes you feel inadequate, he is emotionally abusing you. You need to get help and support. Contact a local evangelical pastor. He should have resources available for women in your situation.

    Find a church small group or a support group for abused women. You will see that you are not wrong to feel the way you do. It will also help you to identify that you are not as worthless as you feel.

    The problem is with those around you. You surely have problems too, but you can't work on your own true problems when you are focused on the false problems others are putting on you.
    The best way to help others understand and experience God's love better is to understand and experience it better yourself.

    Understanding and experiencing God's love better everyday is the most important task for anyone who considers him/herself to be a Christian.


    Love without truth is deception. Truth without love is arrogance. God's love and God's truth balanced is God's wisdom.

    The more one promotes himself and/or his ideas, the less he cares about eternal life for others.

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    Default Re: Feeling of not being enough

    Quote Originally Posted by Paity View Post
    Hi.
    I love my husband. I love my family but sometimes I feel I'm not appreciated for the things I do. I'm always expected to do better or made to feel like no matter what I do I'm never going to be enough. I'm always told things like, "You could've done it better", "When others can, why can't you?", "You're not giving your best".
    I am a working mother, I juggle family life and work. I may not be doing enough but I'm doing my best. I feel so little, so not enough. I feel terrible. Please advice.
    PS: divorce is not an option.
    I can empathize with you, Paity. I'm in a less-than-acceptable marriage. It is different though. While your husband is critical of you, mine simply says nothing. Does nothing. Feels nothing. I remind myself often that Jesus is enough. We shouldn't rely on others to make us happy. My happiness should come from Christ. Only He will satisfy completely. Focus on Him and our expectations of humans blur. It helps.
    EarnestQ likes this.

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