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myfathergodinheaven

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#1
#1
As some of you may know I have been accepted into the army and will be leaving in July. I am the last one left at home and as such it will be 'empty nest' when I have gone. I have known for a long time that this would be hard on my parents especially mum. That is the main reason I am still at home at age 19-20. When I leave my horse may also go. My horse is dearly loved by mum but she is a bit too busy to keep him. She will be without anyone except husband who can be very trying and doesn't have the same interests. Probably will not make any close friends as it is a very small town with only one other Christian woman. Mum isn't really into friendships anyway.

Lately my mum has become depressed and sad. I feel slightly responsible and selfish. It's not like I didn't have work at home. I am thinking perhaps I should refuse and stay to make the parents happy and to help them as they get older. It would be hard to back down now after all the hard work entering. Another option is I fail basic intentionally. What can I do? I don't want to be the death of mum. I feel very selfish at the moment.

Dad wants me home too. I have been the most helpful and liked of their children. They don't want me to go. The other children were obnoxious before they left which made it a slight relief when they went but me... no I'm a 'good' kid. I feel I made a mistake like I should have pursued my interests at home instead of this silly idea of leaving home. IDK. At crossroads. Sorry that was rather long.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#2
GOD'S will, not your own, will be done in this situation. :)
 
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myfathergodinheaven

Guest
#3
#3
blue_ladybug said:
GOD'S will, not your own, will be done in this situation. :)
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But I am struggling to know what is God's will. He has opened this opportunity for me but it hurts my parents so can that be what he wants?
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#4
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
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#4
myfathergodinheaven said:
But I am struggling to know what is God's will. He has opened this opportunity for me but it hurts my parents so can that be what he wants?
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God loves them as much as He loves you so they will be alright. Your parents made it before you came along and as part of the natural cycle of life they will adjust to your starting your life apart from them.

The alternative of living with them for the next fifty years or so is probably not as good as you might think.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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myfathergodinheaven

Guest
#5
#5
notuptome said:
God loves them as much as He loves you so they will be alright. Your parents made it before you came along and as part of the natural cycle of life they will adjust to your starting your life apart from them.

The alternative of living with them for the next fifty years or so is probably not as good as you might think.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
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Its been thirty years since they were on their own and at that time they were in a city with Christian fellowship.

Yes I m sure your right. I just feel sad about it.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#6
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#6
myfathergodinheaven said:
Its been thirty years since they were on their own and at that time they were in a city with Christian fellowship.

Yes I m sure your right. I just feel sad about it.
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That's only natural but it's a time to learn to trust the Lord for the future.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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mar09

Senior Member
#7
Sep 17, 2014
4,927
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#7
Hi mfg,

You're in the Lord's army! I can quite understand the hurt of leaving home, both for u and ur parents. It is still more than a month away, so u have time to share life and build some more memories together. It isn't as if ur leaving for good, and ur parents are not that old that they cannot stand on their own. I am saying this not as if I was not feeling what u or they may be feeling, for in august our own child is going off to school, altho will be coming home regularly still. Already I am imagining the empty nest situation, but thank God He is giving time to adjust to that. Meanwhile, plan on what u can do after u leave. Do u, or can u write? Some ppl are not 'writers' but I have the idea that letters last longer than phone calls. Even if u can email, the idea of having a tangible, written sheet of paper to read again is something i'd look fwd to if my child was a writer=). Sure we'll miss our children, but the Lord will comfort and give us ideas or avenues to reach out to others too. I pray the Lord bless ur 'mission' and take u home safe and healthy, and ur parents too.
 
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myfathergodinheaven

Guest
#8
#8
mar09 said:
Hi mfg,

You're in the Lord's army! I can quite understand the hurt of leaving home, both for u and ur parents. It is still more than a month away, so u have time to share life and build some more memories together. It isn't as if ur leaving for good, and ur parents are not that old that they cannot stand on their own. I am saying this not as if I was not feeling what u or they may be feeling, for in august our own child is going off to school, altho will be coming home regularly still. Already I am imagining the empty nest situation, but thank God He is giving time to adjust to that. Meanwhile, plan on what u can do after u leave. Do u, or can u write? Some ppl are not 'writers' but I have the idea that letters last longer than phone calls. Even if u can email, the idea of having a tangible, written sheet of paper to read again is something i'd look fwd to if my child was a writer=). Sure we'll miss our children, but the Lord will comfort and give us ideas or avenues to reach out to others too. I pray the Lord bless ur 'mission' and take u home safe and healthy, and ur parents too.
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Thank you so much for that. I am a writer so I will write home as much as possible. After basic I will still be a long way from home but I will go home as much as possible. This may be God's will as He has opened the doors for it so far.
 
Rockrz

Rockrz

Banned
#9
Dec 3, 2016
1,674
25
0
#9
I have known for a long time that this would be hard on my parents especially mum
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Looks like mum is the word... oh, sorry... that's what folks in Great Britain call their Mom.

So, which one is the boot and which one is the bonnet anyway?
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#10
#10
myfathergodinheaven said:
As some of you may know I have been accepted into the army and will be leaving in July. I am the last one left at home and as such it will be 'empty nest' when I have gone. I have known for a long time that this would be hard on my parents especially mum. That is the main reason I am still at home at age 19-20. When I leave my horse may also go. My horse is dearly loved by mum but she is a bit too busy to keep him. She will be without anyone except husband who can be very trying and doesn't have the same interests. Probably will not make any close friends as it is a very small town with only one other Christian woman. Mum isn't really into friendships anyway.

Lately my mum has become depressed and sad. I feel slightly responsible and selfish. It's not like I didn't have work at home. I am thinking perhaps I should refuse and stay to make the parents happy and to help them as they get older. It would be hard to back down now after all the hard work entering. Another option is I fail basic intentionally. What can I do? I don't want to be the death of mum. I feel very selfish at the moment.

Dad wants me home too. I have been the most helpful and liked of their children. They don't want me to go. The other children were obnoxious before they left which made it a slight relief when they went but me... no I'm a 'good' kid. I feel I made a mistake like I should have pursued my interests at home instead of this silly idea of leaving home. IDK. At crossroads. Sorry that was rather long.
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On the horse issue: My cousin was raised in a home that was rich enough that she had her own horse. But when she got married, she wasn't quite rich enough to have a horse. She did have the land for one, but couldn't afford the horse.

She "borrowed" a horse. One of her friends was leaving the area for a while and needed someone to take care of her horse, so my cousin offered. She was absolutely delighted, and even trained the horse (more) while her friend was gone. Got any friends who have the land but can't afford the horse?

As for your mom and dad, it is assumed part of raising kids is to make them self-sufficient enough to move out and live their own lives. 19 years training you to do just that. And now the birdie is flying the coop.

Of course it hurts, but millions and millions of parents have done the same thing, and ultimately discovered it ain't bad without kids around.

Don't worry about them. They'll be sad. They're supposed to be. And you'll be your own person like you're supposed to be. It works out great most of the time. Truthfully, the times it doesn't work out is when parents have to let the kid move back home. That's the feeling of failure, so trust the process. It's worked for thousands of years.
 
OneFaith

OneFaith

Senior Member
#11
Sep 5, 2016
2,270
369
83
#11
myfathergodinheaven said:
As some of you may know I have been accepted into the army and will be leaving in July. I am the last one left at home and as such it will be 'empty nest' when I have gone. I have known for a long time that this would be hard on my parents especially mum. That is the main reason I am still at home at age 19-20. When I leave my horse may also go. My horse is dearly loved by mum but she is a bit too busy to keep him. She will be without anyone except husband who can be very trying and doesn't have the same interests. Probably will not make any close friends as it is a very small town with only one other Christian woman. Mum isn't really into friendships anyway.

Lately my mum has become depressed and sad. I feel slightly responsible and selfish. It's not like I didn't have work at home. I am thinking perhaps I should refuse and stay to make the parents happy and to help them as they get older. It would be hard to back down now after all the hard work entering. Another option is I fail basic intentionally. What can I do? I don't want to be the death of mum. I feel very selfish at the moment.

Dad wants me home too. I have been the most helpful and liked of their children. They don't want me to go. The other children were obnoxious before they left which made it a slight relief when they went but me... no I'm a 'good' kid. I feel I made a mistake like I should have pursued my interests at home instead of this silly idea of leaving home. IDK. At crossroads. Sorry that was rather long.
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It is natural, part of life. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and make a new family with his wife." Of course they don't want you to go, they love you, they will miss you, you're a good son. Just don't forget to continue being a good son- go live your life, but call and visit them. The tables have turned, as they get old it is time for you to take care of them, despite the new life you have started.
 
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myfathergodinheaven

Guest
#12
#12
OneFaith said:
It is natural, part of life. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and make a new family with his wife." Of course they don't want you to go, they love you, they will miss you, you're a good son. Just don't forget to continue being a good son- go live your life, but call and visit them. The tables have turned, as they get old it is time for you to take care of them, despite the new life you have started.
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Thank you for the good advice but change the son for daughter lol. And my Dad doesn't think I should go before marriage but probably wouldn't find Mr.Right at our town...but you never know
 
Silverwings

Silverwings

Senior Member
#13
Jul 27, 2016
1,368
495
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#13
I very much believe that it is Gods will for a grown child to leave home, at some point. It is just a fact of life, these things are normal. It is also normal for your parents to be sad, that too is part of the process called life. It is a given, it does and will happen, if it did not, it would not be normal. Cutting the apron strings is never easy, but rejoice in the fact that your parents really love you, that is a luxury that many do not get to experience. Be greatful. Share that love everywhere you go, smile and the world smiles back. Gratitude is contagious, spread it along the way. Learn to enjoy the journey. Pray for your parents and leave them in Gods capable hands. (((Hugs)))
 
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myfathergodinheaven

Guest
#14
#14
Depleted said:
On the horse issue: My cousin was raised in a home that was rich enough that she had her own horse. But when she got married, she wasn't quite rich enough to have a horse. She did have the land for one, but couldn't afford the horse.

She "borrowed" a horse. One of her friends was leaving the area for a while and needed someone to take care of her horse, so my cousin offered. She was absolutely delighted, and even trained the horse (more) while her friend was gone. Got any friends who have the land but can't afford the horse?

As for your mom and dad, it is assumed part of raising kids is to make them self-sufficient enough to move out and live their own lives. 19 years training you to do just that. And now the birdie is flying the coop.

Of course it hurts, but millions and millions of parents have done the same thing, and ultimately discovered it ain't bad without kids around.

Don't worry about them. They'll be sad. They're supposed to be. And you'll be your own person like you're supposed to be. It works out great most of the time. Truthfully, the times it doesn't work out is when parents have to let the kid move back home. That's the feeling of failure, so trust the process. It's worked for thousands of years.
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Yes I do have a friend that wants my horse and I know she would look after him but my dad doesn't want me to give him away so have to try and sell him first. He will only be sold to a very approved buyer.

My parents will no doubt get over to some extent but they still miss being so far away from their children which will include me. It is so hard being the last to leave :(
 
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myfathergodinheaven

Guest
#15
#15
Thank you Silverwings. Hugs back. I really appreciate the love my parents show sometimes I think no one else could love me like they love me other than Jesus.
 
K

kvolm2016

Junior Member
#16
Feb 16, 2017
14
0
0
#16
myfathergodinheaven said:
But I am struggling to know what is God's will. He has opened this opportunity for me but it hurts my parents so can that be what he wants?
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It is admirable to read that you are seeking God's will for this next season of your life. I very much agree with you that we can take opportunities that continue to open up for us as a sign that God is leading us in that direction. And we are to continue praying as we walk by faith in that direction that God will open further opportunities along the same path or that God will close them if there is another path for us.

It is also admirable to read that you do not want to be pursing this out of selfish motives and that you have this genuine concern for the well being of your parents. I certainly don't want you to think poorly of your parents but I wonder if they are thinking unselfishly of what God's will is for you?

My youngest daughter was away at college for 4 years and just recently got married which symbolizes the fact that she will never be coming back home. And while I have never stopped missing her while she has been away, it would be selfish of me to wish that her life had not taken the course that it has, because I know she has been and is now in the center of God's will for her life.

If you have a good relationship with your parents, can you talk with them about how there sadness and lack of support for your pursuit of this opportunity is making you feel? Maybe taking the time to have an honest conversation about how each of you are feeling will help you to resolve your current conflicted feelings.

I will be praying for your family. May God bless you all!
 
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myfathergodinheaven

Guest
#17
#17
Thank you for your prayers and advice kvolm. It could be true that they are being a little selfish but they are trying to get to grips with this. It has been almost a year since I applied for the army. I think we were all slightly hoping that maybe I wouldn't get in. It hasn't been sudden for them and they more supportive now then at first. But it will be a sad time.
 
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kvolm2016

Junior Member
#18
Feb 16, 2017
14
0
0
#18
myfathergodinheaven said:
Thank you for your prayers and advice kvolm. It could be true that they are being a little selfish but they are trying to get to grips with this. It has been almost a year since I applied for the army. I think we were all slightly hoping that maybe I wouldn't get in. It hasn't been sudden for them and they more supportive now then at first. But it will be a sad time.
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I am glad to hear that you are feeling more supported now! Yes, it will be sad because leaving and change is emotionally challenging. But "sad" doesn't have to be synonymous with "bad". All of you can be very purposeful in making the most of how you spend your time together until you leave. And it can also be a time of looking forward to seeing how God will work in each of your lives in the new season that each of you will be in. God tells us in Scripture that He is always doing a new thing if we will only be looking for it!
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#19
#19
myfathergodinheaven said:
Yes I do have a friend that wants my horse and I know she would look after him but my dad doesn't want me to give him away so have to try and sell him first. He will only be sold to a very approved buyer.

My parents will no doubt get over to some extent but they still miss being so far away from their children which will include me. It is so hard being the last to leave :(
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You're not giving the horse away. You're boarding the horse. Your horse when you return. And, if you don't return? Well, by that time your horse to give away if you want. What changes is you're now under your parents rules. In July, you'll be under the military's rules. When you leave the service, you're under your own rules. (Might have a military husband by the time you leave the service, but then the rules go into "our rules." lol)

Just make sure your friend knows this is not giving the horse away. And, also realize your friend is going to be as attached to that horse as you are now, so have thoughts of visitation rights later on.

As far last to leave? My parents cheated. lol

I should have been the last to leave, but ten years later they had another child.

And then Mom died a few years later, and Dad remarried (five months after I was married, and five and a half months after oldest brother was married) and cheated again. He had two more kids.

Dad had kids at home for 50+ years. lol
 
I

imfinallyfree

Banned
#20
Dec 17, 2013
822
7
0
#20
I have almost the same dilemma except that I don't have the choice to stay with my parents to assist them in their time of need.

My pop taught me that sometimes family is all that you have left,he has always been there for me just like my ma,when I lost my apartment because the rent went from $750 a month to $1500 a month he didn't even hesitate, he said "get all of your stuff and move in here".

I think that one of the main contributors to the current state of the world is the lack of family values.

People will kick their kid's out of the home as soon as they can, those kid's don't hesitate to put those parents in to some cold uncaring often abusive home.

Who needs you more?the army or your family?
 
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