Basically could become the head of the household kinda

[ArtsieSteph]

So for anyone that hasn't seen all my threads, my dad has cancer. For the last 5 months I've been helping to take care of him while he's on short term disability. It was just decided possibly, we haven't though gotten the official email, that most likely dad will be going back to work.

I wasn't afraid of this. I wasn't worried about this. Until my dad told me about how busy I was gonna be at the house. Basically all of my household chores, maintenance, and supplying is going to be on my shoulders by dad's description. He said I'm gonna be "Cinderella" basically. And then he said I'd have no more time for internet and playing around. I would be busy all the time.

For some odd reason, that was when it hit me. I do sadly have an internet addiction which doesn't help, it's not this site is kind of internet/social media in general. But it made me think, "Am I really gonna be so busy I'll never have time to myself at all???" I think that was what scared me the most. I'm not a mom, I've never had to deal with that kind of constant stress. And I cannot handle stress well.

I'm OCD, ADD, and very fear prone. I internalize my nervous energy and it usually turns into anxiety. That anxiety causes emotional upheaval, which causes me to have very racing and sometimes not good thoughts. And that causes my OCD to latch onto the thoughts and wonder why on earth I'm even having them, and then become panicked. Though fortunately I have medication and that medication works well for me. So that's ok, I think with God's help I can handle it.

Also. I will be by myself. I'm scared of that. My thoughts are scariest when I'm by myself. I haven't had to be by myself for the 5 months dad has been being treated. Though admittedly by dad's description I won't have time to have any thoughts because I'm gonna be either cleaning, cooking, preparing stuff for cooking, buying materials for maintenance, or doing house maintenance. Hilariously enough when I typed that I wouldn't be sedate I kinda calmed down. Which is weird.

Anyhow. Dad is very sad that I have to go through this. I don't quite know the ramifications yet I'm just kinda like "ok we can do this I dunno."

It's just a very very complicated and tiring situation. If there is anyone that has gone through this, or has any tips or whatever about basically becoming a single housewife please let me know. Mom is totally drained after work as it is, now both of them will be. I just.....need a little support. Maybe even I should join some kind of support group online I dunno.

 

[imfinallyfree]

Don't be afraid of being alone, it allows time for self contemplating.

 

[EarnestQ]

I promise you, things will not go well at first. God is putting you in this situation so you can learn how to manage it and function in it. Don't take the situation too seriously. Consider it a game where God is trying to teach you and bring you to the next level of maturity. WHEN you fail, laugh at it and turn to God for your lesson.

Respectfully, you're still a kid. Don't expect to do everything perfectly. Do your best and watch God make up the difference in your life. And when you're lazy and simply don't do you best, admit it to God and work to do better next time.

PRIORITY NOTICE: YOU ARE HUMAN! Humans are imperfect. Trying to be perfect is deception from the enemy. WHEN you screw up, laugh at it and cling close to God and trust Him to bring you out of it in spite of your foolishness, selfishness, and down right stupidity. ;-)

Remember you are an imperfect human. Don't let you pride tell you anything different.

I sense that this is an opportunity from God for you to learn how to stay close to Him in the midst of a demanding situation. If you can accomplish that then you win.

 

[Depleted]

So for anyone that hasn't seen all my threads, my dad has cancer. For the last 5 months I've been helping to take care of him while he's on short term disability. It was just decided possibly, we haven't though gotten the official email, that most likely dad will be going back to work.

I wasn't afraid of this. I wasn't worried about this. Until my dad told me about how busy I was gonna be at the house. Basically all of my household chores, maintenance, and supplying is going to be on my shoulders by dad's description. He said I'm gonna be "Cinderella" basically. And then he said I'd have no more time for internet and playing around. I would be busy all the time.

For some odd reason, that was when it hit me. I do sadly have an internet addiction which doesn't help, it's not this site is kind of internet/social media in general. But it made me think, "Am I really gonna be so busy I'll never have time to myself at all???" I think that was what scared me the most. I'm not a mom, I've never had to deal with that kind of constant stress. And I cannot handle stress well.

I'm OCD, ADD, and very fear prone. I internalize my nervous energy and it usually turns into anxiety. That anxiety causes emotional upheaval, which causes me to have very racing and sometimes not good thoughts. And that causes my OCD to latch onto the thoughts and wonder why on earth I'm even having them, and then become panicked. Though fortunately I have medication and that medication works well for me. So that's ok, I think with God's help I can handle it.

Also. I will be by myself. I'm scared of that. My thoughts are scariest when I'm by myself. I haven't had to be by myself for the 5 months dad has been being treated. Though admittedly by dad's description I won't have time to have any thoughts because I'm gonna be either cleaning, cooking, preparing stuff for cooking, buying materials for maintenance, or doing house maintenance. Hilariously enough when I typed that I wouldn't be sedate I kinda calmed down. Which is weird.

Anyhow. Dad is very sad that I have to go through this. I don't quite know the ramifications yet I'm just kinda like "ok we can do this I dunno."

It's just a very very complicated and tiring situation. If there is anyone that has gone through this, or has any tips or whatever about basically becoming a single housewife please let me know. Mom is totally drained after work as it is, now both of them will be. I just.....need a little support. Maybe even I should join some kind of support group online I dunno.

Um, you've been there before, but you sound like you never were. You had a job at the Grand Canyon, which included your own place, right? Were you able to pull that off? I'm thinking you had no choice but to pull it off.

That's not much different than now. Not like your parents are going to leave their toys all around the house for you to pick up when you're tired. The only difference is you'll be cooking for three, instead of just for yourself. And you'll be doing the laundry for three, and grocery shopping for three.

This is about where you would have been if that job had worked out, except you have two roommates who won't have time to do chores.

I considered chores my job, and playtime my ultimate goal. When I got my chores done, I got my goal! Like eating dinner before dessert, but you really want dessert.

In my early 20's, I had my own place, so had no choice but to do what was needed to keep it. So I worked 40 hours a week, zoomed through my chores after work, and played when I was done. On Saturday I did laundry and grocery shopping, so I could have Sunday as my Sabbath rest.

Last year, when hubby was sick, I was rusty on the do-it-all-by-myself bit, but it's like riding a bike. You don't forget how. I visited him, kept the house as best I could, made my own meals, and still had time to come on here. (Ah. Have I mentioned coming on here is my playtime? lol)

You can do this. You have done this, so you know you can do this. Stop panicking.

And for the stuff you can't do? (I canNOT, for the life of me, unclog a drain or fix a humidifier. lol) Your parents are still there!

 

[Willie-T]

Too bad your parents aren't online. THEY are clearly the ones who need support.

 

[renewed_hope]

I can relate a lot to you ArtsieSteph. When I was 17, my mom's health took a serious decline where I was responsible for everything. I lost all my friends because I had no way to communicate to the outside world. I became severely depressed and would continually get hit if I didn't do something just right. I don't want to scare you, but it's very important for you to have some down time in the evening for you to vent and talk to other people. Talk to family members to see if you can gave a day off to breathe and be you while they take over some of the responsibilities for you. After doing this for about 8 years I grew to have a greater appreciation for family and would never take those years back because it helped me become the woman I am today. If you ever need to vent just reach out and send me a pm ok? I know it gets hard and overwhelming.

PS: Think of this as one of the greatest gifts God is giving you right now because you are able to spend quality time with your dad and your bond will be stronger because of this

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Too bad your parents aren't online. THEY are clearly the ones who need support.

I kinda wish they would. Dad looks at facebook sometimes a little bit....but I think he prefers in person support much more

 

[Miri]

Hi Art, your dads wrong, you won't be busy all the time, that's just your dad
projecting his fears onto you.

Remember each person is different, you don't have to measure up to your dads standards.
Just measure up to your own.

When my aunt got ill in 2013, I was for the most part doing around 70% of
the house work plus working full time. My cousin was doing the gardening, then
suddently I was doing absolutely everything, plus all the gardening, working full time,
and dealing with all my aunts medical and care needs. We didn't have any careers then.

I was basically getting up at 6am each day, making us both breakfast, a packed lunch,
sorting out my aunts needs, a quick shower then off to work. Getting home about 6pm.

Making dinner, doing laundry changing bedding, sorting out my aunts needs, ironing,
shopping, dropping into bed exhausted at 9pm. Only for it to start again the next day.
Weekends were spent catching up with housework and gardening.

All of my annual leave that first yesterday went on my aunts needs. By the end of the
year I was exhausted in every way. So I reduced to 4 day working week in 2014.

At first that worked better as I had a little more annual leave I could actually use for
when I needed a day off, but it didn't take long before my aunts needs started to
monopolise Mondays as well.

So in 2015 I went to a 3 day week.
Plus by then I was doing grocery shopping on line.

Life is still hectic, but I still find time for myself, I make the time regardless.
You will have to do the same, make time for yourself don't feel guilty for having time
to yourself.

One thing is my aunt was very fussy, we had a window cleaner every 6 weeks to clean the
windows outside. But she expected me to clean the insides windows every 3 weeks, plus
take the curtains down every 3 weeks and wash them. I said no way they will get down
when they need it! Who washes curtains every 3 weeks regardless.

She also had had loads of other standards, like ironing underwear. She also wanted to
me cut the grass twice a week like my cousin had done. I said no way, some of us
have a life! Ha ha

Anyway despite her protests I found a way which works for me and was both practical
and achievable. Everything gets cleaned. Nothing is falling apart, there hasn't been any
disasters with the house etc.

You will need to find your own way of doing things, everyone does.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Thank you Miri, I needed to hear that. I just have to find the way that works for me to do things. I tend to be too engrossed in play, on the internet or whatever, but maybe that's my brains way of trying to destress. I noticed when I was younger and I'd be cleaning things I'd manage to somehow start playing with something whether it be music, putting a movie on while I did things, singing while I worked, etc.


its it's almost like I don't know how to be militaristic in my work. I either am relaxed or panicked, no in between.

 

[Miri]

Ps Steph, think of it as practice for when you and Blain get hitched and
are surrounded by 10 kids. Lol.

 

[notmyown]

Steph, honey, you're gonna be okay!

just because you haven't done this before doesn't mean God won't equip you to do this. it certainly is a steep learning curve, but God is with you. He is for you.

i spent most of my life "future tripping" (what a friend of mine calls worrying about what hasn't happened, or repining over what has). what a waste of time and energy that was.

when God asks you to do something, He doesn't abandon you to do it on your own.

tell yourself, my "CC mom" says it's gonna be okay.
because it is. i don't mean it might not be difficult, and i don't mean to diminish what's happening. and oh, i am praying for you all.

♥ ♥ ♥

 

[oldethennew]

So for anyone that hasn't seen all my threads, my dad has cancer. For the last 5 months I've been helping to take care of him while he's on short term disability. It was just decided possibly, we haven't though gotten the official email, that most likely dad will be going back to work.

I wasn't afraid of this. I wasn't worried about this. Until my dad told me about how busy I was gonna be at the house. Basically all of my household chores, maintenance, and supplying is going to be on my shoulders by dad's description. He said I'm gonna be "Cinderella" basically. And then he said I'd have no more time for internet and playing around. I would be busy all the time.

For some odd reason, that was when it hit me. I do sadly have an internet addiction which doesn't help, it's not this site is kind of internet/social media in general. But it made me think, "Am I really gonna be so busy I'll never have time to myself at all???" I think that was what scared me the most. I'm not a mom, I've never had to deal with that kind of constant stress. And I cannot handle stress well.

I'm OCD, ADD, and very fear prone. I internalize my nervous energy and it usually turns into anxiety. That anxiety causes emotional upheaval, which causes me to have very racing and sometimes not good thoughts. And that causes my OCD to latch onto the thoughts and wonder why on earth I'm even having them, and then become panicked. Though fortunately I have medication and that medication works well for me. So that's ok, I think with God's help I can handle it.

Also. I will be by myself. I'm scared of that. My thoughts are scariest when I'm by myself. I haven't had to be by myself for the 5 months dad has been being treated. Though admittedly by dad's description I won't have time to have any thoughts because I'm gonna be either cleaning, cooking, preparing stuff for cooking, buying materials for maintenance, or doing house maintenance. Hilariously enough when I typed that I wouldn't be sedate I kinda calmed down. Which is weird.

Anyhow. Dad is very sad that I have to go through this. I don't quite know the ramifications yet I'm just kinda like "ok we can do this I dunno."

It's just a very very complicated and tiring situation. If there is anyone that has gone through this, or has any tips or whatever about basically becoming a single housewife please let me know. Mom is totally drained after work as it is, now both of them will be. I just.....need a little support. Maybe even I should join some kind of support group online I dunno.

====================================================

so sorry, 'prayers/hugs'!

we think that you should really think about joining a 'writing-group', you relate in an interesting
and very readable way...

 

[NoNameMcgee]

God bless you...


you sound like a fantastic daughter and a great person...

i pray you keep God near you to help you through these tough times steph