Recently separated

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JoFee

Guest
#1
#1
Hi.. I'm new to the site and I'm going through some tough times. My husband of just under 4 years told me he wants a divorce. I'm almost 62 and disabled. I'm looking for a house now to move to where I will reside with my two small dogs (affectionately called my "girls"). My husband now says he is not a Christian and is a heavy pot user. I'm trusting in God to see me through this valley but I struggle with my emotions since I am still living in our house with my estranged husband.

Jo
 
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Galatea

Guest
#2
#2
Have you looked into AHEPA apartments? They are for seniors on a fixed income. Being an apartment, you would not have to maintain it like a house. I am pretty sure some of them allow pets. It is something to look into. I don't know how it works everywhere, but in our county, the AHEPA apartment buildings have guards on site to keep residents safe from intruders. Check with people at your church, too.
 
jesussavesbro7

jesussavesbro7

Senior Member
#3
Jan 5, 2016
300
15
18
#3
be encouraged JESUS healed my marriage HE can heal yours. Prayyyyyyyyyyy and prayyyyyyyyyyy trust JESUS HE WILL COME THROUGH HE DID FOR ME. HE LOVES YOUUUUUUUUUU. watch war room awesome movie. cry out to JESUS and let HIM rebuke the devil out of your marriage and life in JESUS NAME
 
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JoFee

Guest
#4
#4
thank you for the suggestion
 
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JoFee

Guest
#5
#5
God can do anything but I believe the person would need to want to change. My husband has moved on, has other women, does not want to be tied down or held accountable.
 
Dino246

Dino246

Senior Member
#6
Jun 30, 2015
24,672
13,364
113
#6
Welcome, JoFee...
Condolences for your situation. I faced separation and divorce in the last few years, and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'll suggest the same thing I do to most in similar circumstances: find local support through a church or Christian group, deal with your stuff (hurts, and responses to hurts) with a trusted pastor or counselor, and sign up for the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org. Even if your marriage can be saved, there is much relevant wisdom in those daily messages.

May the Lord carry you in the palm of His hand as you go through this. Trust in Him with all your heart, and He will make your path straight.
 
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JoFee

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you. I work for my church part time and counsel with my pastor; I get individual counseling for depression/anxiety, and I attend a grief/loss support group. They all help... I read Proverbs 3 to start off each day. Thanks again.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#8
#8
JoFee said:
God can do anything but I believe the person would need to want to change. My husband has moved on, has other women, does not want to be tied down or held accountable.
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Since he's abled-body and moved on, have him look for a new place. You stay put. Who ever leaves first is legally the person who deserted the other one, and thus the person held responsible for the divorce. If you leave, he owes you nothing. If he leaves, you get, at least the house. And then you can find a roommate able to help you however you need in exchange for a place to live, or a place to live plus some rent, if you are more needing money.

I really do think you need a lawyer to teach you how to get the most out of what you've been dumped with. (And have him pay for the lawyer as long as both of your money is tied together.)

Sounds like he's hoping you'll just leave so he doesn't have to be responsible for that either.
 
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JoFee

Guest
#9
#9
I appreciate that. I have an attorney and have alright filed against him. He is remaining in the house to fix it up to sell and we will split the profits.
 
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renewed_hope

Guest
#10
#10
JoFee said:
I appreciate that. I have an attorney and have alright filed against him. He is remaining in the house to fix it up to sell and we will split the profits.
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That's fine, but make sure you get this in writing so just in case he decides last minute to go back on his word...in fact get anything you talk about regarding finances in writing and have your lawyer look at all of it before you sign
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#11
#11
renewed_hope said:
That's fine, but make sure you get this in writing so just in case he decides last minute to go back on his word...in fact get anything you talk about regarding finances in writing and have your lawyer look at all of it before you sign
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Or, other option, have him come over from his new home to fix it up. If the idea is to split the profit, you get a place to live before you get the profit. He's able to afford his own place, so have him do that.

Honestly, I'm usually for a couple to stay together as much as possible, but this guy only lasted four years? He's not a kid, but he never grew up. I have the heart for his plight as big as a piece of half a piece of sand.
 
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JoFee

Guest
#12
#12
yes it's in writing. we have a separation agreement.
 
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Snflwrgrl

Junior Member
#13
Jun 1, 2017
12
0
0
#13
Hi Jo,
It sounds like you're going through a very tough time. I can still remember the day my husband sat down on our couch and told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. It was devastating! It sounds like you're doing everything I did. I talked to my pastor, I saw a Christian counselor, I attended DivorceCare, and I started every day with my Bible. I not only read it in the morning, I read it on my lunch to make it to dinner :'(, and then I read it/or listened to Christian messages every night until I fell asleep. I was hurting and desperate. My husband filed for divorce and eventually moved on too. But I want you to know that God saw me through every step after that day and he will see you through too. Don't ever lose hope! He will never leave you or forsake you. I am living proof. It was a very long and painful journey for me but it was also a time when I grew so close to God I felt like I could reach out and touch him. I wouldn't trade that time in my life for anything now. God was my comforter, my husband when I didn't have one anymore, and my strength when I had to walk into that courtroom. I always walked in with a book called, "Come Away My Beloved." It's a very comforting book, one that I bought for all the ladies at my DivorceCare table. :) It's a book you can pick up and just read a couple pages from anytime and feel his presence. When you read it, it's like God is talking directly to you. I love it! It helped me fall asleep many nights when I couldn't. He is faithful. My experience has enabled me to help other hurting people. It's one thing to encourage someone but another if you have actually walked in their shoes. God never wastes a hurt and yours will not be wasted. He will use you and your pain for something beautiful if you let him. <3 He cares about everything that concerns us and that includes your "girls". =) I clung to one verse in particular during this time in my life, Isaiah 54:17, and I'd like to share it with you. "No weapon formed against you! shall prosper." God will protect you and he will meet your every need. I will be praying for you this week my friend.
 
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Rockrz

Rockrz

Banned
#14
Dec 3, 2016
1,674
25
0
#14
He is remaining in the house to fix it up to sell and we will split the profits.
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Ya might wanna get that in witting, signed, notarized, witnessed and anything else you and your attorney can think of to arrange things where he cannot do you dirty such as when the sale goes thru the money goes in to escrow

Sometimes it helps to retain the services of the Law Firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe just to make sure to have someone on board that knows how to repel dirty tricks.
 
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JoFee

Guest
#15
#15
thank you so much... i can't tell you what your words have meant to me.. God is using you for a good purpose!
 
J

JoFee

Guest
#16
#16
Thank you Rockrz. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that some people hurt others intentionally.
 
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MrsMinx

Junior Member
#17
Feb 8, 2017
7
0
0
#17
I'm so sorry that you have yo be going through this. Can you speak to your Pastor? Is there a ladies group that could assist you? I'm not sure what housing is available for your situation but perhaps they could help in locating a temporary home.
Be encouraged. Start by speaking to someone who can help and then take this slowly. God will take full control of this situation and allow the right doors to be opened and connect you with the right people.. He will never forsake you and you will never be seen begging bread.
 
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JoFee

Guest
#18
#18
Thank you for the encouragement, Mrs Minx. I work for my church part time and talk to my pastor regularly and I am in a support group. I'm currently looking for housing. I know God is able and He will see me through this trial. I must trust Him fully.
 
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lissy1265

Junior Member
#19
Feb 16, 2017
6
0
0
#19
Hi Jo,
So sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Some I read this morning in my devotional this morning, hope it helps. "The God who spoke Creation into existence loves YOU! He cares about EVERY detail of your life." I am praying for your situation.
 
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mcubed

Senior Member
#20
Dec 20, 2013
1,449
218
63
#20
One of the greatest Scriptures in the Bible is Isiah 54:5 For your Maker is your husband-- the LORD Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

I’m actually in love with the whole chapter!!!

When I went through my divorce my whole life fell apart. I did not want the divorce, but he was with another woman, so I said quit having an affair and let’s go to marriage counseling or I am getting a divorce. He said get the divorce. So, I did. I filed and May 4[SUP]th[/SUP] 204 and was divorced April 10[SUP]th,[/SUP] 2004. I let him have everything and just started over. The point is no matter what G-d’s Word holds true and He is faithful!!!! He will take care of you.

Sometimes G-d heals marriages, sometimes He does not. But this I know for a fact which ever happens. Time does not heal all wounds, but G-d does. I know a lot of hurting people long, long after something that do not know the deep we can have to G-d. Oh, I wish they did!!! G-d is GOOD ALL TIME and He is your HUSBAND and SO MUCH MORE!!!!! PROVIDER, HEALER, FORTRESS, CREATOR, LOVER OF YOUR SOUL, I AM, which is whatever you need Him to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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