Should I stay at this church?

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M

mario1001

Guest
#1
#1
For almost fourteen years now my grandma and I have been attending this fellowship whch is an inner city ministry that deals with drug addicrs and the like.My Grandma (who I've posted about n the prayer forum;she's in the hospital)served as an usherette and in the children's ministy, and it brought her joy to do that.she used to tell me how good she felt serving at church.About six years ago she suffered a mild stroke.My dad tld the chruch what happended they said they would pray for her and that they would come to see her.Don't know for sure if they prayed (I didn't go to the service)but they never came either ,even though pastors wife called to get the address ,they never came.Flash foward to this week.My Grandma is now hospitalized in and was basically in an induced coma for three days.I told her friend n the church who serves with in the childern's ministry ,and ushering about her conditon and asked her to ask the pastor if he could go see her and pray for her.I understand he's a busy man and probably doesn't have time i get that .What hurts me is what happended when i wne t to church Sunday.In time past when memeners of our congregation have had serious illnesses pastor would have the congregation jon in prayer fr that person.He did'nt do that for my Grandma.I know he's aware of the sitiuation because his wife talked to me before service.(she didn't offer to pray for us either)Maybe I should've requested prayer but honestly the circumstances shouldv'e made it obvious that prayer was needed.In anycase my grandmas friend said she was going to see her and said something about pastor saying maying something about my grandma was asleep ,to my mind implying that since she was sedated there was no point in him going to see her.Again thats my reading of it I could be wrong.However he hasn't called to ask how she is or if we need assisstance with anything.He's to wrapped up in trying to buy a mens home and the new building God is supposedly going to give them.After everything If it was me they treating like this I wouldn't care ,but my Grandma did so msuch for that church alwayspaid her titjhe ,served wherever she could ,as always good to them and this is how they repay her.I am disgusted by this and don't want to go back.I also don't want a big cnfrontation about this .Maybe I should wrte a letter expressing myself and my dissappointment .I'd really appreciate your opions on this.To be honest this forum and some of the others I posted about My Grandma's condition on have been my biggest comforters and support throughout this whole ordeal.God Bless you al for that .Please forgive the length of this post but I needed to unburden my heart.Again God Bless you all(especially if you made this far into the post!)
 
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NoNameMcgee

Guest
#2
#2
maybe it is time to move on..

im not sure....


ive been seeking God out for myself through his word and prayer

but lately
even though i know i have no need for a church

i really desire true fellowship
and i have been looking for a good one.....


if i felt upset about something one of these churches im testing does

it probably wouldnt be the one i continue to stay at
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#3
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#3
Not many people will bother to read your wall of text. I didn't even try, my eyes are bad and this wall literally made them go blurry. :( Could you please use paragraphs next time?
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#4
#4
To leave or not is a question for God. Unless opinions means more than finding out what He wants from you.. If they lack what you have and we're placed there to display it, then leaving isn't a good idea.. Emotions are no compass,.. When I left a church I was attending I knew in my spirit that it was time.. I went thru many horrible situations and stuck it out because I knew if God placed me there He knew why and me leaving would be on His terms not mine... I'll pray for you.. Don't get confused or discouraged.. Be strong in the Lord
 
N

NoNameMcgee

Guest
#5
#5
Zi said:
To leave or not is a question for God. Unless opinions means more than finding out what He wants from you.. If they lack what you have and we're placed there to display it, then leaving isn't a good idea.. Emotions are no compass,.. When I left a church I was attending I knew in my spirit that it was time.. I went thru many horrible situations and stuck it out because I knew if God placed me there He knew why and me leaving would be on His terms not mine... I'll pray for you.. Don't get confused or discouraged.. Be strong in the Lord
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very wise

ya

i change my answer to this
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#6
Mar 13, 2014
41,301
16,296
113
69
Tennessee
#6
Seems to me that this pastor is insensitive to the needs of those he's ministering too or just too busy to take care of the most important things. Your grandma and yourself have been treated very callously in this church. Seriously, I would find a new church home. I have said a prayer for you and Grandma. God Bless You.
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#7
#7
Thanks! It's just the truth. We are fitted together to supply what each one needs.. We are called to serve and if it's serve time, leaving is disobedience. Doesn't stop salvation but does hinder many other aspects of this life
NoNameMcgee said:
very wise

ya

i change my answer to this
Click to expand...
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#8
Jul 3, 2015
55,809
25,985
113
#8
mario1001 said:
For almost fourteen years now my grandma and I have been attending this fellowship which is an inner city ministry that deals with drug addicts and the like.

My Grandma (who I've posted about n the prayer forum;she's in the hospital)served as an usherette and in the children's ministry, and it brought her joy to do that.

she used to tell me how good she felt serving at church. About six years ago she suffered a mild stroke.My dad told the church what happened they said they would pray for her and that they would come to see her.

Don't know for sure if they prayed (I didn't go to the service)but they never came either ,even though pastors wife called to get the address, they never came.

Flash forward to this week.

My Grandma is now hospitalized in and was basically in an induced coma for three days.

I told her friend in the church who serves with in the children's ministry, and ushering about her condition and asked her to ask the pastor if he could go see her and pray for her.

I understand he's a busy man and probably doesn't have time i get that. What hurts me is what happened when i went to church Sunday.

In time past when members of our congregation have had serious illnesses pastor would have the congregation join in prayer fir that person.

He didn't do that for my Grandma.

I know he's aware of the situation because his wife talked to me before service.

(she didn't offer to pray for us either)

Maybe I should've requested prayer but honestly the circumstances shouldv'e made it obvious that prayer was needed.

In any case my grandmas friend said she was going to see her and said something about pastor saying maybe something about my grandma was asleep, to my mind implying that since she was sedated there was no point in him going to see her.

Again that's my reading of it I could be wrong.

However he hasn't called to ask how she is or if we need assistance with anything.

He's to wrapped up in trying to buy a mens home and the new building God is supposedly going to give them.

After everything If it was me they treating like this I wouldn't care, but my Grandma did so much for that church always paid her tithe, served wherever she could, was always good to them and this is how they repay her.

I am disgusted by this and don't want to go back.

I also don't want a big confrontation about this.

Maybe I should write a letter expressing myself and my disappointment.

I'd really appreciate your onions on this.

To be honest this forum and some of the others I posted about My Grandma's condition on have been my biggest comforters and support throughout this whole ordeal.

God Bless you all for that.

Please forgive the length of this post but I needed to unburden my heart.

Again God Bless you all (especially if you made this far into the post!)
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Even if your grandmother is comatose, the pastor could visit the hospital to comfort the family. It seems he is making excuses not to minister to those in his care.
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#9
#9
Clearly the pastor is wrong but will you allow what he's doing or not doing to you and your Gma to be of greater significance than the work you're called to??? Not easy shoes to be in.. Whatever you do, God is still good and will love you.. If that's the test, you'll find yourself in one similar later..If you decide to leave.... I pray for your heart to not be heavy... That a standard be lifted so the enemy cannot flood you
 
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Meggido

Banned
#10
May 12, 2017
2,641
65
0
#10
A couple of things here.

First, I know several pastors that are not graced with the gift of mercy in Romans 12.8, nothing in the Word says a Pastor has to be either. The Lead Pastor is not the minister of everyone. Some Pastors simply hate hospitals and hospital visits, that is fine and we should not automatically throw rocks because they don't. If a Pastor knows they are not graced to do Hospital visits he will usually set up a care pastor team to do that.

Check with the church to see if they have a Pastoral Care team or Pastor, if they do work with that team or pastor. If there is no Care Pastor or Pastoral Care team, make an appointment to see the Lead Pastor. Voice your concerns in a responsible, spiritually mature way, in other words, be the spiritual grown up in the meeting. Tell him you will drive him there, place no time limits on the visit.

Second,
Hurt and offense caused by the church is the bait of Satan and if you take it, you will never find a church you like.

While you are hurt and offended on behalf of your grandma, there may be personality dynamics at play you full do not know about involving the Pastor and your Grandma. It might be, as is the case, many times. Your grandma and the pastor may have never liked each other, but were spiritually mature enough to work together for the sake of the Lord work getting done.

I am not giving the Pastor a defense but asking you to check out more than letting personal hurt and offset cause you do act out or do something that may be avoidable.

At first blush, there seems to be a simple communications misunderstanding and that is usually when Satan will strike to get you all hurt and offended over a perception, that may or may not be true.

Unless the Pastor is simply being a jerk and several are, this is no reason to leave the church.

Pray, fast a day, ask, seek and knock and it will be answered, found and opened to you by the Holy Spirit how to proceed.
 
M

Meggido

Banned
#11
May 12, 2017
2,641
65
0
#11
Zi said:
Clearly the pastor is wrong but will you allow what he's doing or not doing to you and your Gma to be of greater significance than the work you're called to??? Not easy shoes to be in.. Whatever you do, God is still good and will love you.. If that's the test, you'll find yourself in one similar later..If you decide to leave.... I pray for your heart to not be heavy... That a standard be lifted so the enemy cannot flood you
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clearly we have no idea if the Pastor is right or wrong.
 
M

Meggido

Banned
#12
May 12, 2017
2,641
65
0
#12
Magenta said:
Even if your grandmother is comatose, the pastor could visit the hospital to comfort the family. It seems he is making excuses not to minister to those in his care.
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I have a 2 Pastors that hate hospitals and are not graced with mercy in Romans 12.8, but strong on other things. This does not mean they are wrong and should be fired and they are not a good "pastor", it means we had to look for others that were gifted with mercy found Romans 12.8 and that were spiritually mature to handle the hospital ministries. We found them in both churches. These pastors do make at least on visit though and more if someone died or is in emergency life threatening condition.

The idea the Pastor doe sit all is not Biblical at all and far too many church lay people get all twisted and hurt and offended if a Pastor does not have strengths and are balanced in all areas THEY think the Pastor should be.

This is why Paul gave us 5 ministry gifts for the equipping and maturing of the body of Christ. The sad fact is, Pastors get out of ministry all the time, because they are not graced to be the one stop Pastor and the body knows no better because we should only have Pastor-Teacher and Evangelists today.

Most church only have volunteers to hand out bulletins, get you to your seat, teach your kids and hand out a water bottle and serve your fellowship funday food. Very few churches empower their people to be part of the ministry of the church.

If a Pastors doe snot want to do hospital visits he should find who is spiritually mature and graced to do them and then make a an effort to make a visit himself at least once.
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#13
#13
He's dodged them? He's in care of them and has spoken to her about the situation and done nothing to display his concern.. not doing that is a violation.. So I stand with my statement
Meggido said:
clearly we have no idea if the Pastor is right or wrong.
Click to expand...
 
M

Meggido

Banned
#14
May 12, 2017
2,641
65
0
#14
Zi said:
He's dodged them? He's in care of them and has spoken to her about the situation and done nothing to display his concern.. not doing that is a violation.. So I stand with my statement
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DO you go to this church? DO you know the Pastor personally?
 
Marymoobulldoze

Marymoobulldoze

Banned
#15
May 5, 2017
39
3
0
#15
I hate it when people assume things and don't communicate how they feel, especially to where they ignore you etc etc. My friend, communication is the key. And when you communicate, do it in a respectful way. I understand you may be upset, but all these negative feelings you have right now against your church, what if they truly didn't meant to hurt you? You just wasted all that energy in being negative to now ,you look foolish. We can choose to look at this is a positive way or a negative way. Communicate, tell them how you feel, and if they tell you ,wether good or bad. Then there's your answer. And after words, there actions will speak louder than there words. If the church really doesn't care, and it's hurting you that much, then find a new body in Christ. That church,if it is this way, is not setting a good example of Christ. But make sure no matter what situation you are in, never assume, communicate. Because you may hear or see something and then assume, because it really looks and sounds like what you believe, but usually what we assume ,is wrong. In this case,I truly hope it is wrong. I wish you and your family the best by the way :)
 
Z

Zi

Guest
#16
#16
Start a thread on it if it's so important. I'm not derailing just to appease the stick you have wedged somewhere
Meggido said:
DO you go to this church? DO you know the Pastor personally?
Click to expand...
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#18
Jul 3, 2015
55,809
25,985
113
#18
Marymoobulldoze said:
... And after words, there actions will speak louder than there words.
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Their actions already have spoken loud and clear. If the pastor is so squeamish he cannot bring himself to set foot in a hospital to visit those in need of his time and care, then he could send a proxy. NOTHING was done either time the OP's family was in need.
 
Rockrz

Rockrz

Banned
#19
Dec 3, 2016
1,674
25
0
#19
i really desire true fellowship
and i have been looking for a good one.....
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That's because the Holy Spirit is reminding you that God's Word says do not forsake the gathering of yourselves.

This desire is from the Lord.




my eyes are bad
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Ladybug, dude you should get on that healing thing and quit saying things that oppose what God says about you...




I have a 2 Pastors that hate hospitals and are not graced with mercy in Romans 12.8
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Sounds like an excuse... "I'm not graced with mercy" what the heck is the guy doing being a pastor then????

No, pastors need to yield to the Holy Spirit who empowers them to do things they might not want to do but the Lord needs them to do like... be a Shepard.

If they are that lazy to not take time to visit a long time member, then they should at least see to it that someone from the congregation goes and visits, preferably another pastor.

Making excuses for this is garbage! If they aren't people persons, then they aren't called to pastor cause that's being called in to the people business to represent God.



Grow up girl
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Quit making excuses for lazy people, boy!
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#20
#20
mario1001 said:
For almost fourteen years now my grandma and I have been attending this fellowship whch is an inner city ministry that deals with drug addicrs and the like.My Grandma (who I've posted about n the prayer forum;she's in the hospital)served as an usherette and in the children's ministy, and it brought her joy to do that.she used to tell me how good she felt serving at church.About six years ago she suffered a mild stroke.My dad tld the chruch what happended they said they would pray for her and that they would come to see her.Don't know for sure if they prayed (I didn't go to the service)but they never came either ,even though pastors wife called to get the address ,they never came.Flash foward to this week.My Grandma is now hospitalized in and was basically in an induced coma for three days.I told her friend n the church who serves with in the childern's ministry ,and ushering about her conditon and asked her to ask the pastor if he could go see her and pray for her.I understand he's a busy man and probably doesn't have time i get that .What hurts me is what happended when i wne t to church Sunday.In time past when memeners of our congregation have had serious illnesses pastor would have the congregation jon in prayer fr that person.He did'nt do that for my Grandma.I know he's aware of the sitiuation because his wife talked to me before service.(she didn't offer to pray for us either)Maybe I should've requested prayer but honestly the circumstances shouldv'e made it obvious that prayer was needed.In anycase my grandmas friend said she was going to see her and said something about pastor saying maying something about my grandma was asleep ,to my mind implying that since she was sedated there was no point in him going to see her.Again thats my reading of it I could be wrong.However he hasn't called to ask how she is or if we need assisstance with anything.He's to wrapped up in trying to buy a mens home and the new building God is supposedly going to give them.After everything If it was me they treating like this I wouldn't care ,but my Grandma did so msuch for that church alwayspaid her titjhe ,served wherever she could ,as always good to them and this is how they repay her.I am disgusted by this and don't want to go back.I also don't want a big cnfrontation about this .Maybe I should wrte a letter expressing myself and my dissappointment .I'd really appreciate your opions on this.To be honest this forum and some of the others I posted about My Grandma's condition on have been my biggest comforters and support throughout this whole ordeal.God Bless you al for that .Please forgive the length of this post but I needed to unburden my heart.Again God Bless you all(especially if you made this far into the post!)
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Truthfully, since your grandma is sedated into a coma, going to see her isn't for her. It would be for you. (The only thing hubby remembers from his sedation was having hospital staff coming to his tropical island. lol)

You've been in that church for 15 years. How many times have you visited fellow members in the hospital in that time?

I have been hurt by a church that did the same thing to me, but my hurt was different. I did help with mercy ministries in that church for a few years, and when we needed mercy, there was none. Being in the mercy ministry with those people, I knew they had ministries within the same hospital system my husband was in, so I asked one of the guys I worked with to visit him after he was no longer sedated. (When he was going through all those changes that happen after finding out he was kept asleep for six weeks after having a heart attack, and he missed a whole bunch because of that.) If I had done nothing but go to that church, I wouldn't have expected help when needed, but I did help others when they needed it before that.

So, visiting your grandma at this time would be for your benefit. Have you been a benefit in that 15 years? If so, then talk to them about this. If not, why is this different from what you've done to others?

(BTW, wall of text is annoying, but I did read it, because you are where I was a year ago. This isn't FB, where if you add paragraphs, it automatically starts a new message... or is it? I honestly don't know how texting works.)
 
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