Lost...

[Lndnwll]

**I am just looking for some advice and possibly guidance because right now I really don't know what to do.**

Im not sure how I should begin or what I should say...I am honestly knew to the whole christian life...I've gone to different churches and have prayed in the past however, I was never committed to doing this on a day to day basis. In a sense, I blame my childhood because I've gone through so much as a child, and prayed so much during that time, I felt like God was never there to help me...I am trying to see things in another light right now as I am going through a really hard time with my childrens father.

I am currently pregnant...due any day, and I have a 2 year old son. Me and my son's father have been together for about 5 years and although we've spoken of marriage, we had so many hard times, that it was something that was never pushed. Recently, we had a really bad falling out (I was five months pregnant) and he broke up with me. Now in the past when he's moved out, I prayed and prayed, and he'd come back, and the situations just kept getting worse...This time he says that once he gets his self together he is moving out. He stayed in the house, and I kept praying that things would get better, and when I assumed that the situation did get better, I continued to pray and thanked God for helping me get through what ever it was that him and I were going through.

Recently, we had another falling out because he sent me a message still saying how he was leaving. When I tried to talk to him about it he went off and screamed at me for no reason...This is something that he has been doiing and has been getting worse for some time now. I no longer pray for my relationship to work, nor do I continue to pray to keep my family together. I just pray that God makes me a stronger person to have the strength to move on.

I know that I have not been the best person in my life...and I have sinned a lot...I have gotten saved also...and I try to do things the way I thought was best...again like I said, I am new to the whole christian thing and I am trying to find my way but it seems like I am not doing it right. For one...I know I should not have children out of wedlock, but it is something that has already happened and there isnt anything that I can do about it...But going forward what do I do? Do I give up on trying to keep my family together? Although we arent married, he is the father of both of my children...I don't know what to do any more.

 

[jimmydiggs]

First, I am glad you have asked for help. I am puzzled as to why this post has been up for 14 hours with no response.

Second, I am glad your faith is/has been relatively strong. I wish my faith was anywhere near as strong as yours seems to have been at times. My faith is extremely weak if not borderline existant.

I don't live the "christian life" either, I live in a secular home.

I would like to suggest to you a sermon by Zac Poonen. "Good Tests Before he Promotes", I do not know what you will draw from it, but I gained a lot.

YouTube - God Tests Before He Promotes by Zac Poonen

Hopefully my posting on the topic, will attract the attention of someone who could actually help. As you may notice I am only a 17 year old boy. I have no experience in this, and can not offer much assistance. I can however say, the kids are always a priority.


EDIT: This is another sermon from Zac Poonen, that I would like to suggest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCu6bAy_jP8&playnext_from=QL

I'm not sure if it will load the quicklist for you as it did me.

 

[LilDreamer]

First I have to say that I understand what a hard situation you must me in atm.

I am far from perfect but maybe if i share some of my experience with you it will help.

I have been married for about 13 yrs now. However about 4 yrs ago I left my husband due to things that were going on i had just had our fourth child. I was bitter, and hurt very much by his actions. I had been going to church at the time but I had given up all hope of ever getting our marriage to work i was resigned to raise our four children on my own because it was better for them. I had left in May, He didn't call until October. I had began to build up my faith going to the local church. I began to pray . I didn't pray for God to fix my marriage but to make me strong enough to trust HIM, to guide my life and do what was best for me.
Slowly ever so slowly I began to trust God more and more in my life. I found that as my trust grew so did a reconciliation with my husband came about. it was a long process. We had a lot to work through but when we started going to church together and trusting in God to take care of our lives. My relationship with my husband grew and we finally got back together.

I'm not saying that things always work out that way that is just my story. What helped me most through that time was Romans 5:1-5.
I will pray that god gives you the guidance and love you need and the understanding and strength to continue on the journey you are currently on. You may contact me through messages or here. I do not have all the answers but i will listen. I do understand a bit of what you are going through.

May God bless you and keep you in the shadow of His wings.

 

[angelos]

Just keep your eyes on Christ, Repent of your sins, Give yourself fully to Jesus our Lord and God and he will guide you to where you need to be. Dear sister I will pray for you

 

[mercyswolf]

I can say that I too have been there at one point. It's not easy to keep your focus the cross with all the extra stuff in life but keep your focus on Him and He will get you through it. I encourage you to get into His word and be passionate about it. Just be wholly committed to Him and stand firm in your faith. Pray daily hold a conversation with Him the way you would with one of us. Remember He's always there and willing to listen when no one else will. Remember the saying about the foot prints in the sand. When there was only one set of foot prints it was then that He carried us through what ever time in our life that we were going through that was difficult for us. When things are bad don't give up. He's always there. Continue to pray for your relationship and for your family. Remember that His will be done though not ours and everything happens for a reason though we may never know exactly what.

 

[redbirdaye]

Ok... I'm not sure what the details of this situation are, obviously. If your boyfriend wants to work things out, it is possible through much prayer and possibly some counseling that it can be worked out. I would advise seeing a christian counselor or a strong non-judgmental christian at your church that is fit to give advice such as your pastor.

Now... if this guy doesn't want to fix it, God can't change that. He can, but it goes against his own covenant. We have the freedom of choice. He cannot make him want to work things out in his life or with you. Maybe you don't want to hear it, but trust me, I am going through almost the exact same thing except I have been the one trying to leave the situation for my son.

The best way you can pray is that God has his way in your situation. Submit your boyfriend to the Lord and continue to pray for him. I don't know if he is saved or not. It may not seem like it now, but if you allow God to have his way in your situation, you will end up VERY happy whether you are with your kids' father or not. Trust me. I've prayed for so long for God to change my situation and I told God what I wanted to happen, but I had to come to a point where he just has to have his will done in my life. I found that maybe if I had prayed and listen to God about my relationship when it started, I wouldn't even be in the mess I'm in. I totally get that you want to preserve a relationship with him because obviously you love him and you want to stay together for your kids as well, but depending on the situation, sometimes it is best to part ways. You don't want to put your children in danger or for them to witness any terrible falling outs the two of you have. Take a lot of time to pray about it, search the word, and also take the time to listen. Seek God for the answer because he is the only one who knows all of the situation and what is in your hearts.

 

[Lndnwll]

Thank you, every one for your responses... Jimmydiggs thank you. I will definitely look that up once I get home. I wish my faith was as strong as it seemed...but trust me it isnt...Lildreamer..I am glad that things worked out in your favor...I can only hope the same happens for me...But everything isnt for everyone...This seems to be one of the things that I really need to just let go...No matter how hard it may seem.

Redbirdaye, you are absolutely right about parting ways...and some times that has to be done...I just wish it did not have to be done at this present moment...It's so hard to walk away from something when I am currently pregnant...I can only blame myself for that I know...But its still hard either way...He isnt really into the whole Christian life...as a matter of fact he doesnt claim to be anything...oddly though, he know's the bible and we speak on it from time to time...I do pray for him...and I pray that God makes him a better man for his children whether we work out our differences or not...I just really wish things could have been different. I feel like he just gave up on me and turned his back on me...I am not sure that I know how to accept that...
Mercywolf...I cannot honestly say that I have been praying every day from day one...There was a time, when i was younger that I would say my prayers before going to bed every night...and when I got older I would thank God for another day of life...even recently, I've tried to thank him whether my day was good or bad because I know that it could be worst...however lately, I've been really struggling because I have been through sooo much in my life...not just as an adult but also as a child...teen...you name it...and through out all of those times, at some point in my life I prayed for things to change...and although they may have changed, I always seem to be faced with another challenge in my life...and now I just feel drained...and lost...and having faith in this being that I cannot see, feel, or even hear has become harder every day. I do want to have faith...and I dont want to give up on HIM (God)...and I know there should not be any buts after this...I am just soo tired...For once...I am lost and I don't know what to do...I wish I had other people to lean on when I needed to...But I only have me and my son...it's just hard...

 

[nisha_philips]

wel dr i'd crtnlly pry 4 u n al i ant 2 say jst continu ur prayers
evry1 s a sinner dats y jesus came here in midst f us n styl here
remember der s a tym to sow a tym to reap...
in his tym he makes all things beautiful....

 

[Stronghold]

Hi,

By the things you said a couple of things came to mind.
1 The man you are talking aout is the father of your child
2 the man you are talking about keeps saying that he is going to leave you

I think it is a very difficult situation. For what I know about family...we can't keep our family together. God is the one who keeps it together if he decides that. I struggled on that one to, still do, because of my dad that died. And I believe that God will do the right thing and that He heard your prayer, cause He always listens. I suggest to continue prayer for your family because I think that is very important. It makes you tell your troubles to God and makes you humble in it while God can work His plan for them.

About sin: we all sin. We all made mistakes. For God it doesn't matter if you killed someone or just were a thief. It is both a mistake, a sin, and it doesn't make one less than the other. The passed is passed and God wants us to look to the future

For about the man...I think that if someone doesn't want to fight for the relationship, that you can't force soneone to stay with you. You prayed for it, you tried to talk with him about it and it all doesn't work out other then that he says he is going to leave. I don't know which choice to make, because there is also your son involved. All I can say is to keep it in your prayer and open your heart so that Gods will will be clear.

About your past: sometimes we don't understand why God let things happen the way it happenend. Also in my life there happenend alot, but you know, when everything only went good in life we could never help an other with the same issues. when you experienced several things you just KNOW how someone can feel because you have been there. Beside that, by letting things happen in life, God makes us stronger then we were
Even if you don't feel it that way right now. Trust me, my life had bad things too, but I am glad I experienced it all because I am stronger now and my relationship with God...I know what I have with God now and that I can depend on Him
So keep your head up and trust God even if it is hard sometimes

 

[marsena]

Hi

Concentrate on God, yourself and your children right know. Have you ever taught that God is doing a work in you my dear. He's taking you from one level to the next, you need to let the situation go and let him take over. The reason why I say this to you is because I was in the same situation, I had one child with one on the way and I let him go. I wanted the family, the house and every thing else that comes with it, but God had other plans for my life and he does for you too.

We are no longer together but you know what I have peace and I have God. God knows what your going through, just continue to pray, fast and turn your eyes on him and he will direct your path. You have make mistake and you know what we have make mistake. Just repent of your sins and continue on in Jesus name and don't blame your self for any thing ever.

God Bless my sister

Don't worry it will get easy I promise and my God bless you

 

[Lndnwll]

Marsena, how were you able to let go with a child on the way? Weren't you scared of doing it alone? Did you have family support during this time to make it easier for you to let go?? How were you able to move on with out being afriad of what the outcome would be?

 

[Kadath]

Your situation is ubiquitous throughout America, and while i don't know (or care) what god thinks about your choices, I can say that there are a lot of resources for someone like yourself, Federal, State and charity. And there are plenty of fish in the sea, if you are personable, there is someone for you. However, in retrospect, don't you wish you used a rubber? Perhaps something to consider for next time. And there will be a next time.

 

[Lndnwll]

Thanks Kadath...

 

[freylbm]

We have been in Revival for the past week and before that I was painting on the house; but, now that I have read your comments, I must say that parts of your dilemma sound very much like my life. I was wondering, when you talk about your childhood, are you speaking of an abusive home? If your father was abusive (as mine was), I know from years of making bad judgements concerning men that your past relationship with your Dad can be a determining factor in the man you choose to be with in life. And more often than not, if you came from abuse, you will choose someone who does not treat you with the respect that you deserve as a Child of God. It took me over 40 years to realize this even though a therapist told me this twenty years ago when I was not walking with God. I did not listen, but they were right. HOWEVER, you can make a positive out of a negative with the help of Jesus. I am glad you have been saved and yes, you are definitely correct in the fact that what you have done in the past cannot be un-done. Going forward, all you have to do is simply trust in Jesus - I know this sounds tritely simple, but like being an adict, recovery (or trying to find all the answers within yourself) will not happen. But if you trust in Jesus to help you get through, one hour at a time; one day at a time, you will make it just fine. As my paster says, "when things are going wrong, and they will on a daily basis, it makes anything better just to know that Jesus is there with you. If you find out you have cancer, isn't it better to have Jesus with you? If your loved one dies, isn't it better to have Jesus with you?...". You CANNOT be afraid of being alone, because if you are saved, you are NOT alone - ever. When you feel alone, turn around and you will find Him standing there, ready to catch you if you stumble. Simply pray and while praying, release your fears; he will take them off your shoulders. I am not spouting off about something I don't know anything about. I practically raised three daughters alone although I was married to their father at the time they were born. I won't be easy, but you can do it too!

As far as your past goes, you have to let it go and look to the future. I learned just a short while ago (and this had an effect on my past 40 years) that it is not God who "lets bad things happen to us", but rather, it is the free will that God has given us and the fact that Satan plays on that free will to encourage us to make the wrong choices. Also, sometimes God sends trails and tribulations our way to strengthen us for times to come (like your situation now). You are stronger than you think you are if you will stay in constant touch with God and ask for his help in guiding your every decision.

I pray for you and know what you are going through and what you will go through in the future will not be easy, but you can get through it triumphly!

 

[broken]

If you aren't doing so, get the advice and counseling of humans in real life. Online interactions are not the best place to get the kind of help you need. If you aren't doing so get involved with a small group or women's group at your church. You may also seriously consider seeing your pastor for counseling concerning your issues from youth. These things take time to and hard work to heal, time won't do it alone. If your pastor cannot counsel you, he/she will surely know who to send you to. Keep in mind that getting saved is not the end of the journey, it is the beginning.

If your man won't go into counseling with you, go by yourself. You have to start somewhere and right now, you really need real-life people helping you.

 

[Lndnwll]

If you aren't doing so, get the advice and counseling of humans in real life. Online interactions are not the best place to get the kind of help you need. If you aren't doing so get involved with a small group or women's group at your church. You may also seriously consider seeing your pastor for counseling concerning your issues from youth. These things take time to and hard work to heal, time won't do it alone. If your pastor cannot counsel you, he/she will surely know who to send you to. Keep in mind that getting saved is not the end of the journey, it is the beginning.

If your man won't go into counseling with you, go by yourself. You have to start somewhere and right now, you really need real-life people helping you.

I have actually sought outside help but have recently stopped going because I felt that it was not helping...I am not looking for anyone to solve my problems online...Just wanted to vent and get the point of views from others...

I have not spoken to a pastor about my situation because I do not have a church where I live...

 

[broken]

Thing is, I don't think you can solve your problems by yourself. Its like trying to be your own medical doctor yet not having the schooling to do so. You do need the help of a body of believers, that's what sisters in Christ are for. In my case, brothers. The best thing for my own healing (a very ugly and black past) has been the accountability and honesty among Christian men who risk holding each other up. You'll have a much greater chance at success if you reach out to people in the real world. Also, Christian Counseling takes time. If you were going to a secular counselor you made a good choice to stop. You should however find christian counseling to help. Church isn't a place, it is a community.