Seeing other women while raising my Daughter

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Camelot

Member
#1
Jun 15, 2016
71
10
8
#1
My little one is four. Her mom and I recently went through a very rough ending to our marriage which I don't want to discuss anymore but just want to put it behind me.
I am still very involved in my daughter's life and wouldn't have it any other way. She is used to seeing me with her mom and no other woman.
(Side note) I know when my dad was cheating on my mom he flirted alot in front of us and it made my sister have early on negative feelings towards my father, still to this day and I don't want to create that image for my own.)
Now I'm not cheating but my kid is way too young to understand so I am trying to figure out how to have my female friends without making my daughter feel I'm pushing her to the side. She is very territorial and she wants to know who I'm talking to every time I'm on the phone lol and I'm not gonna lie to my own kid so I just say a friend, but her smart, intelligent little self reads through it, squinting her eyes replying "Daaaadddyyyy!!!!!"
However I try to give her my full attention when she's with me because she won't allow me to do anything without her lol understandably she's a daddy's girl.
So I'm just trying to find a balance. Any tips, from anyone who can share their experiences.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Yeah. Your daughter is your priority. She needs some sense of safety. She needs to feel connected to you now more than ever. She comes before any female "friends". The end.
 
Marymoobulldoze

Marymoobulldoze

Banned
#3
May 5, 2017
39
3
0
#3
I understand as parents we have needs, but being a parent ,we make sacrifices, not just our feelings, but even with relationships. Your daughter is grieving, even though you may not see it or how much. And if your attention is on woman.Later in life, without you relizing it, she will get that attention, but from other" boys" in life. Why? Because instead of building that foundation she needed as a child.aka security, you where too busy trying to build your with another woman. our children should always come first, even when it does hurt us, and for our needs ,as adults, go to God. And in time he will lead our partners, in our life. I know family,mommy and daddy , is important. But Cherrish this time with your little lady, and enjoy it before having to also share half of that time with her,with another woman.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#4
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#4
I'd suggest to let your women friends know when you'll be with your Daughter and you won't be available to chat, text, whatever. After you get to know one woman really well and you think your ready for her to meet your Daughter then talk to your child about it first. If it was me, and I know it's not, I'd wait at least a year two after a divorce before introducing a serious boyfriend to my children. I'd have to know that person really, really well before that happened.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#5
#5
Camelot said:
My little one is four. Her mom and I recently went through a very rough ending to our marriage which I don't want to discuss anymore but just want to put it behind me.
I am still very involved in my daughter's life and wouldn't have it any other way. She is used to seeing me with her mom and no other woman.
(Side note) I know when my dad was cheating on my mom he flirted alot in front of us and it made my sister have early on negative feelings towards my father, still to this day and I don't want to create that image for my own.)
Now I'm not cheating but my kid is way too young to understand so I am trying to figure out how to have my female friends without making my daughter feel I'm pushing her to the side. She is very territorial and she wants to know who I'm talking to every time I'm on the phone lol and I'm not gonna lie to my own kid so I just say a friend, but her smart, intelligent little self reads through it, squinting her eyes replying "Daaaadddyyyy!!!!!"
However I try to give her my full attention when she's with me because she won't allow me to do anything without her lol understandably she's a daddy's girl.
So I'm just trying to find a balance. Any tips, from anyone who can share their experiences.
Click to expand...
When Dad brought home a woman, that meant he was serious about her. I'm glad, because I never had to pretend every woman he brought home was important to him.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
We have one user on here who divorced (his fault, not hers) with two Teen daughters. One of her daughter's told her mother she hoped she wouldn't remarry, or even date, until they went off to school. And that's what she did.
A little different situation than yours. You may not need to wait that long, but it gets a point across. Kids first. Your daughter is hurting and afraid. Give her time to heal and adjust. And to know that, no matter what happened between you and her mother, it doesn't change anything for you and her.
 
Leftheri

Leftheri

Junior Member
#7
May 25, 2017
40
10
8
#7
My daughter was 4 when I got divorced. She was with me frovm Thursday after school until Sunday after church. I seldom went out on those days. We were supposed to have alternating weekends. I prefered being with my daughter and my ex preferred freedom to go out galavanting. Although I asked the Lord to guide me in finding a wife, it wasn't always so. But I never brought my personal business home. Nothing is more important than the child. Also, be aware that you're supposed to be in charge and maintain your position as parent. I know you think it's cute but a child should always know his or her place. Role reversal isn't cute with a child. Children are subordinate to their parents.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#8
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#8
Leftheri said:
My daughter was 4 when I got divorced. She was with me frovm Thursday after school until Sunday after church. I seldom went out on those days. We were supposed to have alternating weekends. I prefered being with my daughter and my ex preferred freedom to go out galavanting. Although I asked the Lord to guide me in finding a wife, it wasn't always so. But I never brought my personal business home. Nothing is more important than the child. Also, be aware that you're supposed to be in charge and maintain your position as parent. I know you think it's cute but a child should always know his or her place. Role reversal isn't cute with a child. Children are subordinate to their parents.
Click to expand...
My Dad died when I was 16, I am the youngest child in my family. My Mom went out on a couple of dates but she didn't remarry until I was 39, I think. We never discussed the whole remarriage dating thing, until she brought it up when I was an adult. She mentioned it would be nice to meet someone, but she wasn't going to settle for someone who didn't have the same faith in God as she did. I really admire her for that. My Mom is introverted and has thing's she likes to do on her own, but I know she would get lonely sometimes.

For me as a woman her setting that example of strength in not just dating any guy that came around and not settling because she was lonely sometimes, was great. It sounds like you did that for your Daughter too. You sound like a great Dad!
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#9
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#9
Your kid isn't as unknowing as you think she is. Children are smart, and she'll figure it out entirely eventually.. She already knows you're talking or texting with SOMEONE.. And she knows your entire attention ISN'T on HER when you're on the phone..

Camelot said:
My little one is four. Her mom and I recently went through a very rough ending to our marriage which I don't want to discuss anymore but just want to put it behind me.
I am still very involved in my daughter's life and wouldn't have it any other way. She is used to seeing me with her mom and no other woman.
(Side note) I know when my dad was cheating on my mom he flirted alot in front of us and it made my sister have early on negative feelings towards my father, still to this day and I don't want to create that image for my own.)
Now I'm not cheating but my kid is way too young to understand so I am trying to figure out how to have my female friends without making my daughter feel I'm pushing her to the side. She is very territorial and she wants to know who I'm talking to every time I'm on the phone lol and I'm not gonna lie to my own kid so I just say a friend, but her smart, intelligent little self reads through it, squinting her eyes replying "Daaaadddyyyy!!!!!"
However I try to give her my full attention when she's with me because she won't allow me to do anything without her lol understandably she's a daddy's girl.
So I'm just trying to find a balance. Any tips, from anyone who can share their experiences.
Click to expand...
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#10
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#10
How old is your daughter? Having just come to the end of a marriage is simply not an opportunity to find our what else is available. My advice is to focus on your daughter for some time to come. Don't speak bad about your ex-wife to her either. Perhaps it would be best for the time being to limit your talking to other woman and talk to your daughter instead. After my divorce (6 1/2 years) my daughter was 5. I remained single and celibate for 18 years. The kid had enough confusion and turmoil as it was and I certainly didn't need to add to it.
 
I

Infusion

Guest
#11
#11
Be careful because I was abused and everybody that I ever knew that grew up abused was not by their own parents but step parents or boyfriends/girlfriends. They try to tell their parents but their parents think that they are lying because they dont like the other person but really its that the parents are so naive or dont want to believe it.
 
AnnieH

AnnieH

Member
#12
Dec 20, 2014
84
3
8
#12
Everyone is giving you variations on the same thing. I won't add anything because I agree with them. :)
 
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