August, 2013
My daughter is going on day eight of a long hospitalization. I finally managed to take a hot shower tonight, however at one point I found myself wasting a great deal of hot water while staring blankly at a wall. It took me a while to realize what I was doing. I finally woke up out of my dazed stupor, but I really didn't want to leave the shower area. I just wanted to pretend like I was in a different world, ...and to step around that curtain would mean that I would be back in reality. I found myself just sitting on the floor behind the curtain feeling exactly like a helpless child with no control of my surroundings. I looked above my head, and there was a long red string hanging from the wall that said, "Pull For Help". I started talking to myself and sarcastically wishing that God had such a cord direct-linked to heaven. I didn't really think about this much until I pulled the curtain aside, got dressed, and with a heavy heart stepped back into Abbie's hospital room. Suddenly, it hit me that prayer is so much more powerful than that string. The string could only be pulled by one person, but around the world right now there are hundreds of people "pulling strings" for my sick little girl on her behalf. I don't understand why God is choosing to send me through trials at my weakest point. I don't know how I can face much more or continue to be strong, especially strong for my kids, but I do know that this week I have been blown away by the amazing amount of love, prayer and support we have received, and even though I don't feel the strength that I really wish was here at this moment, I can put my faith in knowing that whatever happens is in God's hands, and like a child I have no control over it. That in itself is where God wants me. He wants me broken and child-like before him so he is the only one that I have to look to when I pull that cord.
My daughter is going on day eight of a long hospitalization. I finally managed to take a hot shower tonight, however at one point I found myself wasting a great deal of hot water while staring blankly at a wall. It took me a while to realize what I was doing. I finally woke up out of my dazed stupor, but I really didn't want to leave the shower area. I just wanted to pretend like I was in a different world, ...and to step around that curtain would mean that I would be back in reality. I found myself just sitting on the floor behind the curtain feeling exactly like a helpless child with no control of my surroundings. I looked above my head, and there was a long red string hanging from the wall that said, "Pull For Help". I started talking to myself and sarcastically wishing that God had such a cord direct-linked to heaven. I didn't really think about this much until I pulled the curtain aside, got dressed, and with a heavy heart stepped back into Abbie's hospital room. Suddenly, it hit me that prayer is so much more powerful than that string. The string could only be pulled by one person, but around the world right now there are hundreds of people "pulling strings" for my sick little girl on her behalf. I don't understand why God is choosing to send me through trials at my weakest point. I don't know how I can face much more or continue to be strong, especially strong for my kids, but I do know that this week I have been blown away by the amazing amount of love, prayer and support we have received, and even though I don't feel the strength that I really wish was here at this moment, I can put my faith in knowing that whatever happens is in God's hands, and like a child I have no control over it. That in itself is where God wants me. He wants me broken and child-like before him so he is the only one that I have to look to when I pull that cord.
