Marital problems

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M

mc2kingdom

Guest
#1
#1
My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs and I think he may be a sociopath. A really tough situation happened in our lives recently and I needed his support and he completely turned his back on me. I have been faithful to him, loyal, honest and supportive. I have not given him the amount of physical attention he craved and I regret it bad, but it is no excuse to betray your spouse. He should have spoken to me. During this time, I started investigating him bc he turned against me and discovered he may have been unfaithful as well. We have a 10 yr old boy. He is a great father, but I think bc of his emotional issues from his childhood, a large part of him hates my guts. He has turned so cold, mean, hateful and two faced. I don't even know who I married anymore to be honest. I do not trust him at all anymore. Because of his guilt, and he knows that I know he screwed me over, he thinks I am trying to get him in trouble. So he refuses to come clean and I told him either come clean or I want a divorce bc I can't handle his lies and emotional abuse anymore. I feel used and abused. I want to save our marriage but I feel like it is only possible to build on a clean and honest slate. Any Christian advice please. I have no one to speak to at all.
Thank you
mc2kingdom
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
He doesn't sound like a sociopath.
Hard to say much if there are childhood emotional issues, without knowing more specifics.
Actually this reminds me very much of a friends spouse. Oddly similar. But he was no sociopath, but it did turn out he had a mental disorder.
Something tells me there's a lot more to this story than you're telling, as well. That makes it difficult to give advice.
Really if someone closes themselves off from you, and allows nothing to change, there isn't a whole lot you can do. You can talk about counseling, but he sounds too suspicious of you tontry that. But it can't hurt to ask. Then you can give more than you're giving here.
 
M

mc2kingdom

Guest
#3
#3
So what exactly is a sociopath then?
 
T

Tinuviel

Guest
#4
#4
mc2kingdom said:
My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs and I think he may be a sociopath. A really tough situation happened in our lives recently and I needed his support and he completely turned his back on me. I have been faithful to him, loyal, honest and supportive. I have not given him the amount of physical attention he craved and I regret it bad, but it is no excuse to betray your spouse. He should have spoken to me. During this time, I started investigating him bc he turned against me and discovered he may have been unfaithful as well. We have a 10 yr old boy. He is a great father, but I think bc of his emotional issues from his childhood, a large part of him hates my guts. He has turned so cold, mean, hateful and two faced. I don't even know who I married anymore to be honest. I do not trust him at all anymore. Because of his guilt, and he knows that I know he screwed me over, he thinks I am trying to get him in trouble. So he refuses to come clean and I told him either come clean or I want a divorce bc I can't handle his lies and emotional abuse anymore. I feel used and abused. I want to save our marriage but I feel like it is only possible to build on a clean and honest slate. Any Christian advice please. I have no one to speak to at all.
Thank you
mc2kingdom
Click to expand...
Sounds a lot like my best friends parents' marriage. If you are absolutely certain he was sexually unfaithful (you need facts, not just an idea or a possibility), the Bible does leave that condition for divorce. Or stick it out because divorce is not in God's plan. How is it affecting your spiritual walk? I know my friend's mum has gotten to the point where she lives a different life from her husband in the same house. A happy marriage? No. An ideal marriage? No. An ideal situation to raise kids in? No. But...we were not promised that life would be easy. Look forward to heaven, where there will be no more sin. (and one more thing, if he is physically abusive to you or your son, you need to protect yourself!)
 
Desertsrose

Desertsrose

Senior Member
#5
Oct 24, 2016
2,824
207
63
#5
Hi mc2,


Sorry you're having marriage issues. I've been through many issues myself. Sometimes we think the world's coming to an end when we disagree on issues, fight over silly things.......or even serious issues.......we even allow the enemy of our souls to blow the situation out of proportion. I'm just generalizing here, I don't know exactly what you're going through except what you've shared. I do feel your pain and I empathize with you.


Do you belong to a church. Have you considered getting help/counseling even if it's just for yourself if he won't go?


When we marry, we are marrying for better or for worse. I realize that none of us can imagine that our spouse will be unfaithful or treat us in the way you've described.

It really sounds to me like you both have communication problems. It sounds like you've both let one another down. It's time to apologize and ask for forgiveness. You could be the first one to humble yourself for the sake of your marriage and your child and ask you husband to forgive you for holding back on intimacy.


Yes, he should have spoken to you, but he didn't. Accept the fact that we're not perfect and we grow and mature in a marriage......we grow in trust, in faithfulness, in how to be loving and kind.....you know, all the fruit of the Spirit. We are all growing in grace and aren't perfect. We unfortunately let one another down, even if unintentionally or intentionally because we've been hurt.


Sometimes we lash out in that hurt. It's good to learn from this and pray for the Lord to help you through it and to change you to be more like Him, to renew your mind. It's the renewed mind that helps us to love and forgive others, just as we want to be treated in that same fashion.


You don't state how he messed you over, but it's time to forgive. He's your husband and your child's dad. You family is worth fighting for. The enemy is involved here and is trying to break up what God has brought together. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but we wrestle against principalities and powers, against spiritual wickedness in high places.


Please don't allow the enemy to win and break up two people who love each other and ruin a young child's life through divorce. Right now you're upset, but let some time pass and spend time with God in prayer and reading His word before you doing anything as drastic as divorce.


The Lord is an ever present help in time of trouble and those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up with wings as eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint........teach us Lord to wait upon you.


God bless you!
 
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Dan_473

Dan_473

Senior Member
#6
Mar 11, 2014
9,054
1,051
113
#6
mc2kingdom said:
My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs and I think he may be a sociopath. A really tough situation happened in our lives recently and I needed his support and he completely turned his back on me. I have been faithful to him, loyal, honest and supportive. I have not given him the amount of physical attention he craved and I regret it bad, but it is no excuse to betray your spouse. He should have spoken to me. During this time, I started investigating him bc he turned against me and discovered he may have been unfaithful as well. We have a 10 yr old boy. He is a great father, but I think bc of his emotional issues from his childhood, a large part of him hates my guts. He has turned so cold, mean, hateful and two faced. I don't even know who I married anymore to be honest. I do not trust him at all anymore. Because of his guilt, and he knows that I know he screwed me over, he thinks I am trying to get him in trouble. So he refuses to come clean and I told him either come clean or I want a divorce bc I can't handle his lies and emotional abuse anymore. I feel used and abused. I want to save our marriage but I feel like it is only possible to build on a clean and honest slate. Any Christian advice please. I have no one to speak to at all.
Thank you
mc2kingdom
Click to expand...
O Lord, please lead and guide my sister mc2kingdom

EXODUS 15:13 “You, in your loving kindness, have

led the people that you have redeemed. You have

guided them in your strength to your holy dwelling.
 
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Sac555

Junior Member
#7
Nov 30, 2016
16
0
0
#7
Dear OP,
I read below some of the comments...and agree with the fact that satan is definitely after the families! Especially those that are Christians. It's good that you see how it was wrong to withhold attention from your husband too. It is biblical that we are not to do that. I suppose that God knows the harm in emotions and even physically that can ruin marriages. I believe in counseling. When my husband and I went through some stuff it help us a lot. We didn't really see the results right away, but as some weeks passes we were able to see how the suggestions, etc helped us to understand each other, how important communication is, etc.
Focus on the Family has a great counseling line that could point you in the right direction. Counseling Services and Referrals | Focus on the Family Their phone line is 1-855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time).
Also your church may have suggestions...or a friend's church that you have a lot of respect for too. Stay together! Don't let Satan win this battle. God will help you...rely on Him, He will direct your way! (Prov. 3:5-6)
 
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mc2kingdom

Guest
#8
#8
We are looking for a counselor. We may have found one, but deep down I don't trust anyone bc of alot of things that have happened and Satan has turned everyone against me, and no one sees it. The people who have turned into my enemies are complete strangers and family members and have been blinded from the truth due to whatever Jesus is doing right now. It has been a nightmare and I am thankful I am still alive at the moment. I know if I do die I will be in heaven, where I am welcomed with open arms by the only one that I know for sure loves me, Jesus. Thank you for your encouragement and support. I appreciate it. I will keep fighting the good fight.
 
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Sac555

Junior Member
#9
Nov 30, 2016
16
0
0
#9
Glad to hear you're fighting! Prayers for a great counselor to help too!
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#10
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,151
113
#10
mc2kingdom said:
So what exactly is a sociopath then?
Click to expand...
An extremely rare abnormality. Only a few people have actually been diagnosed with it. Different physicians have developed different criteria for diagnosis, but generally a sociopath has a complete lack of empathy.

Most people that are generally called a sociopath, really suffer with borderline personality. Iy skewers the numbers a lot.
 
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tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#11
Mar 13, 2014
41,323
16,307
113
69
Tennessee
#11
mc2kingdom said:
My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs and I think he may be a sociopath. A really tough situation happened in our lives recently and I needed his support and he completely turned his back on me. I have been faithful to him, loyal, honest and supportive. I have not given him the amount of physical attention he craved and I regret it bad, but it is no excuse to betray your spouse. He should have spoken to me. During this time, I started investigating him bc he turned against me and discovered he may have been unfaithful as well. We have a 10 yr old boy. He is a great father, but I think bc of his emotional issues from his childhood, a large part of him hates my guts. He has turned so cold, mean, hateful and two faced. I don't even know who I married anymore to be honest. I do not trust him at all anymore. Because of his guilt, and he knows that I know he screwed me over, he thinks I am trying to get him in trouble. So he refuses to come clean and I told him either come clean or I want a divorce bc I can't handle his lies and emotional abuse anymore. I feel used and abused. I want to save our marriage but I feel like it is only possible to build on a clean and honest slate. Any Christian advice please. I have no one to speak to at all.
Thank you
mc2kingdom
Click to expand...
There is never an excuse to betray the trust of a spouse and destroy the sanctity of marriage. Regardless of whether or not he comes clean I would file for divorce and you would have biblical grounds for doing so.
 
Dan_473

Dan_473

Senior Member
#12
Mar 11, 2014
9,054
1,051
113
#12
mc2kingdom said:
We are looking for a counselor. We may have found one, but deep down I don't trust anyone bc of alot of things that have happened and Satan has turned everyone against me, and no one sees it. The people who have turned into my enemies are complete strangers and family members and have been blinded from the truth due to whatever Jesus is doing right now. It has been a nightmare and I am thankful I am still alive at the moment. I know if I do die I will be in heaven, where I am welcomed with open arms by the only one that I know for sure loves me, Jesus. Thank you for your encouragement and support. I appreciate it. I will keep fighting the good fight.
Click to expand...
I know the feeling! that
Satan has turned everyone against me.

but...

it turns out Satan doesn't have that power.
 
S

Snflwrgrl

Junior Member
#13
Jun 1, 2017
12
0
0
#13
I'm sorry you are feeling so alone in all of this. :'( After my husband left me and my two young sons, I started uncovering a mountain of lies. It was devastating! I no longer knew what to believe. My whole life felt like a lie. :( I saw my pastor and a Christian counselor. Have you considered seeing either of these? They were able to give me good, sound Biblical advice and the support I so desperately needed. :) Sometimes it just helps to talk too. Everyone in my life had an opinion and they were quick to share it. Be careful to search the scriptures for yourself to make sure well-meaning friends are giving you Christian advice. I commend you for asking specifically for that. <3 Another thing that really helped me during this time was a book that is very special to me, even now. It's called, "Come Away My Beloved." It's very comforting, just like God is talking directly to you. It was easy to read and helped me get through some nights when I found it impossible to sleep. I highly recommend it. Pray and read your Bible often too. God will give you the strength to get through this. He did me and he will do the same for you. Since you are concerned that your husband has a personality disorder, have you considered asking him to see a doctor with you? Have the two of you discussed marital counseling? It's not easy but trust can be rebuilt. I'm so glad you reached out! You are not alone my friend. I will be praying for you. Giant hug!
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#14
Jul 18, 2017
24,519
12,961
113
#14
mc2kingdom said:
Any Christian advice please. I have no one to speak to at all.
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Since you are asking for Christian advice, it appears that you yourself are a born-again believer. And from what you have described, your husband is not. The best thing to do would be for both of you to meet with your pastor(s) or elders, and preferably with more than one present, so that at the mouth of two of three witnesses every word is established.

At this meeting you should honestly and frankly unburden yourself, but also acknowledge your own failings, and express your desire to make this marriage work. But your spiritual leaders should deal with your husband's issues as a spiritual matter (without beating around the bush), and talk to him about his relationship with Christ and how it can affect your marriage.

If you are unequally yoked, this would be the opportunity to change the situation, otherwise it may never be resolved. Naturally, this meeting should be in strict confidence and that should be made clear by you from the outset. I trust you have not been talking about this to other people, since most people cannot keep their mouths shut or betray their confidences.
 
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savedtoast

Guest
#15
#15
mc2kingdom said:
My husband and I have been together for 11 yrs and I think he may be a sociopath. A really tough situation happened in our lives recently and I needed his support and he completely turned his back on me. I have been faithful to him, loyal, honest and supportive. I have not given him the amount of physical attention he craved and I regret it bad, but it is no excuse to betray your spouse. He should have spoken to me. During this time, I started investigating him bc he turned against me and discovered he may have been unfaithful as well. We have a 10 yr old boy. He is a great father, but I think bc of his emotional issues from his childhood, a large part of him hates my guts. He has turned so cold, mean, hateful and two faced. I don't even know who I married anymore to be honest. I do not trust him at all anymore. Because of his guilt, and he knows that I know he screwed me over, he thinks I am trying to get him in trouble. So he refuses to come clean and I told him either come clean or I want a divorce bc I can't handle his lies and emotional abuse anymore. I feel used and abused. I want to save our marriage but I feel like it is only possible to build on a clean and honest slate. Any Christian advice please. I have no one to speak to at all.
Thank you
mc2kingdom
Click to expand...
When you get stuck on a negative, it can feed off you like a leach.

Fast from negative Television and media for a week and come back and tell me how you feel then.
 
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