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Thread: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

  1. #21
    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    Yes. .
    Perhaps because monogamy is so extremely important to most people that once that bond has been broken, it is near impossible to repair.


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  2. #22
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magenta View Post
    Perhaps because monogamy is so extremely important to most people that once that bond has been broken, it is near impossible to repair.
    But it doesn't have to be impossible.
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    Senior Member Magenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    But it doesn't have to be impossible.
    I didn't say it was impossible But God allows for divorce under that circumstance because He knows how vitally important monogamy is. Hey, there is a good argument against polygamy


    Embrace the Grace and Rejoice in His Everlasting Mercy and Love

  4. #24
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magenta View Post
    I didn't say it was impossible But God allows for divorce under that circumstance because He knows how vitally important monogamy is. Hey, there is a good argument against polygamy
    I'm down with polygamy if I get to have several young, attractive, and mute women.
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  5. #25
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    I'm down with polygamy if I get to have several young, attractive, and mute women.
    I'm accepting applications for women to be my wife.
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  6. #26
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    I'm not sure that having a valid divorce in accordance with God's word, grants any authority for a second marriage.
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    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by RBW8 View Post
    Where is it? How long should you fight for your marriage? How long before you're just a clinger who can't accept the marriage is over?

    It's been a month. I feel great about the direction my life is going. The changes I've made and am still making. I love my new church and the true fellowship that it offers. I'm keeping busy but I'm not ready to give up on my marriage.

    I haven't spoken to her too much. I try my best to give her space. I told her that IF she did really want a divorce that we have to take care of things for that to happen but she won't address it. Am I wrong to see hope in that? Sometimes I feel like I'm clinging to a chance I don't have. I pray and pray and I feel like God wants me to fight. Is that God or my own desires? I ask for signs but feel like I'm looking too hard.

    As I said in the other thread, I've been attending this church for a month and they seem to be a great fit for me. They are coincidentally having their annual plunge night (baptism) on weds. I'm ecstatic about that. I just know Its something I'll always remember and I would love for her to be there.

    As I also mentioned in the other thread; I went in last weds for baptism class and accidentally ended up in the next step program. I feel like my accident was God's purpose. I'm starting to meet good people (which I really need in my construction world). Couples that would be good for us to be friends with. But I'm there alone. She would absolutely love this church and lifestyle if I only got the chance to show her.

    So since I rambled, how long? How long do I hold on to this marriage? I don't want to give up. I don't want to be "that clingy ex that won't let go" either. Advice please.
    Practically speaking, "she won't address it," is where you are. No divorce papers served. No talking yet. Would I hope? Of course I would. I'm the eternal optimist, so I'm hoping right along with you.

    Might I make one bold suggestion? (Don't know why I asked, since I'm going to anyway. lol)

    Pick up a card at drug store or Hallmark store. I think they even have an "I miss you" section in card choices. Find one with very few words on it. (Nothing flowery. Nothing sappy. Nothing romantic. Nothing funny.) And, inside include something like "I'm sorry and I'm here when you are ready to talk."

    That's it. No updates. No long-winded whatevers. (And we're both long-winded, so not a put down.) Just one simple sentence. And then mail it to her.

    That let's her know you want this resolved. You are still interested, but you're letting her make the decision on when.
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    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by RBW8 View Post
    Yeah that's what I meant. God have given me peace. As a converted catholic I've never experienced a relationship with Jesus. Before it was just reciting prayers to him. That's my peace. That I can talk to him about anything.

    The people I'm meeting are not my source of peace. It's just refreshing to meet people who are equally yoked. I've addressed the anger. Read about it, started a management course. Ultimately nothing has helped me like me surrendering to God.

    I've seen a difference at work already as far as dealing with stress and other people attitudes.
    Heads up on the anger and patience thingies from someone who doesn't have either down pat yet. Neither one is a fix-it-and-forget-it thing. It gets better and better, but it doesn't simply go away, or come. And worse yet, the way God teaches us patience is by dunking us into frustration after frustration to teach us who our life jacket is. The very thing that causes anger in us is the thing God needs to use to teach us patience.

    Dagnabit!
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    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by OneFaith View Post
    The line is marital unfaithfulness. If your spouse did not cheat on you, you stay married no matter what.
    Not really. That's assuming the other partner will stay in the marriage too.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Sound advice. Thanks. I'm gonna give it a few days before I say anything to her. I want to focus on my baptism and not make it about her at all. Even though I do hope she'll be there.
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    That's no joke. I haven't gotten "comsumed" by anger or anything like that but I have caught myself going into road rage. I have obtained the ability to pull myself out of it as quick as it starts and pray. I think as long as I remember that I can maintain it. I guess it's like an addiction. It may not ever be gone but you can control it.
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    I am too in the same boat. My husband left me about 3 weeks ago. After being married for almost 3 years, out of the blue told me he does not love me anymore. I have health issues and he could not cope with me and them. Heartbreaking. I trying to hold on to hope that my marriage will be restored but then, had people tell me its over so get over myself. I pray for you too.
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    I hate that for you. It's especially sad because it's not your fault. Mine is my fault. I'll pray for you as well. Sorry you're going through all of that.
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by OneFaith View Post
    Jesus says it does.
    Actually,
    a. There has been no unfaithfulness in this case.
    b. No he didn't. He said because the hardness of man's heart, it is okay to divorce for that. He is the softener of the heart, so it is not a "says it does" at all.

    Merely that you keep your heart hard on such things.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Senior Member OneFaith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy379 View Post
    He never required a divorce for adultry.
    God didn't leave when we are unfaithful, he sent Jesus.
    Oh, I thought you meant you can leave a marriage for other reasons other than adultery. No, if your spouse cheats on you, you don't have to get a divorce. I was just saying you can't leave the marriage for any other reason.

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    Senior Member shrimp's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    You two need to discuss what to do next. it's a tough discussion but it is necessary. you need a plan if reconciliation is what is decided.
    Maybe agree to date for a while and see where it takes you. talk about your concerns and listen to hers. see what happens.


    Whump!!!

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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Well I got served my divorce papers last night. And a temporary restraining order because "I would not accept the divorce". At this point I don't really know what to do.

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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    be strong in the Lord and the power of his might.Read Philipians 4:4-13 never give up your war is not against your husband but satan,to the pulling down of strongholds.God can do anything.I was in the courtroom,im a pastor with two people hating each other ,the judge stated i can give a minute for one last thought about this,for there is light in this tunnel they thought ,hearts were changed and there both serving God wholeheartedly ,adultry was part of the situation 2.They forgave each other,they r strong soul winners now busy 4 God with an amazing testamony,God can turn ashes to gold and weeping to joy what seems hard and impossible to us,is a piece of cake to him.GBU Jesh.

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    Senior Member Nehemiah6's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Quote Originally Posted by RBW8 View Post
    I haven't spoken to her too much. I try my best to give her space.
    While I have no idea of what has transpired in your marriage, Christians may divorce for only one reason -- adultery. If that has not occurred and there are other issues to be resolved, then the longer you wait around, the worse things will get. The wise thing to do (as the husband) is to take the initiative and show some leadership. Arrange a meeting (on neutral ground) where everything is brought out into the open and each one honestly admits their own faults. Then there can be only one outcome for Christians -- repentance, reconciliation, and restoration. Uusally both are at fault, so both must make an effort to stop repeating their previous mistakes or attitudes.

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    Senior Member EarnestQ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

    Would she be willing to go with you to a counselor? Getting the divorce papers sounds pretty final, and it may be, but God still works miracles.

    If she is a true Christian then I think she is out of place filing for divorce when you are willing to change yourself to be a better husband. But she doesn't care what I think, and there may be nothing you can do at the moment.

    I was going to invite you to send her flowers until I read you got the divorce papers. Now, I don't know what to suggest.

    All I can really do is pray for you and her.
    The best way to help others understand and experience God's love better is to understand and experience it better yourself.

    Understanding and experiencing God's love better everyday is the most important task for anyone who considers him/herself to be a Christian.


    Love without truth is deception. Truth without love is arrogance. God's love and God's truth balanced is God's wisdom.

    The more one promotes himself and/or his ideas, the less he cares about eternal life for others.

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