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Thread: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

  1. #21
    Senior Member Joidevivre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    [QUOTE=Ugly;3238513][QUOTE=Joidevivre;3238166]we are so quick to give what seems the most logical thing to do. And sometimes after praying, God asks the most illogical thing, such as "wait" or "show mercy". I strongly advice you to not listen to us, but to pray and pray and then to follow the thing that is strongest in your heart. The Lord might have you take an action or not. But only follow His guidance.

    Since your advice speaks contrary to what the bible teaches, perhaps yours is not the best to take, either.
    Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things.
    Follow the Holy Spirit? Yes. Follow our hearts? Scripture has spoken on that idea.
    I think i mentioned that much prayer had to come first. Then God puts his directions in your heart/spirit. At least that is what I have learned -but not before much praying. His direction to me has always been more in the inner parts of me than in my mind. So, I do not lean into my own understanding.

    The bible might give permission to divorce and separate for certain situations, but I also know many marriages (including mine) that went on to show how God can redeem and restore because they were not ended.

    And I also know of marriages that did end and it was the right thing to do.
    blue_ladybug likes this.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    Quote Originally Posted by Ugly View Post
    All i stated was that God does not force or make people change, but that a person needs to be willing and open to allow God to change them.
    For you to get that out of what i said means either A) you did not read it all or B) you are purposefully setting out to twist my words. Neither would be a surprise.
    Oh, I'm getting it all right. You're teaching the same thing most others are teaching -- modernism over what God teaches.

    It's all up to her. Don't worry about God at all, because he can't do anything without the okay of two willing people. The problem is I'm tired of that lie of a gospel. It's not gospel. It's humanism. This is why I said, early on, if she wants to divorce him, listen to advice on this board. You gave it. So did everyone else but Joi and I.

    No, seriously. I'm tired of the Lucys on this board forever providing psychological therapy without knowledge of any kind -- knowledge of the situation or how to do therapy or that therapy isn't God based most the time anyway -- instead of going the obvious way. To the real gospel. God doesn't force people to make changes? Poppycock! That's just about all he does.


    ^ The advice given on this board most the time with "Amens" to accommodate it.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  3. #23
    Senior Member Depleted's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    [QUOTE=Ugly;3238513][QUOTE=Joidevivre;3238166]we are so quick to give what seems the most logical thing to do. And sometimes after praying, God asks the most illogical thing, such as "wait" or "show mercy". I strongly advice you to not listen to us, but to pray and pray and then to follow the thing that is strongest in your heart. The Lord might have you take an action or not. But only follow His guidance.

    Since your advice speaks contrary to what the bible teaches, perhaps yours is not the best to take, either.
    Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things.
    Follow the Holy Spirit? Yes. Follow our hearts? Scripture has spoken on that idea.
    On boy! Now Lucy with more ego problems. Really? But the Bible teaches everyone has to be willing?
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

  4. #24
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    My heart goes out to you because I know what you're going through and it's an absolute nightmare...to put it mildly. My ex-husband cheated on me all 15 years of our marriage and I knew about it very early on. That began a viscous cycle of cheating, apologizing, cheating, apologizing, etc. etc. I could write a book about our toxic marriage and the deep effects it has in every area of your life. It took me 15 years and 2 children later to realize that this man would never repent...our sons and I were nothing but a trophy family to him. There was finally a straw that broke the camel's back that propelled me to finally seek divorce...the absolute last possible solution. Now I am on a path of healing from these hurts. It's messy but necessary and God is faithful and good.

    You definitely need to place some distance between the two of you right now. Living under the same roof will just result in turmoil and conflict and that could be dangerous physically since adultery evokes some very strong emotions and responses in people. While you are apart seek a trusted Christian counselor. You can find resources at church or they can point you in the right direction. Keep an open line of communication with him in case he begins to have a change of heart. Invite him into the counseling office; even if he won't come at least make sure he knows the door is always open. Pray, seek wise guidance from others who have experience with this (support group) and ask God to show you how to proceed. Take care of yourself. Praying for God's will and His glory to be seen in this most difficult situation.
    Magenta likes this.

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    Senior Member trofimus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    "To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.
    But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife."


    1Cor 7

    I am not reading anything about "kicking him out of house" and other "godly advices" I found here in the thread.

    What I will tell you will not be nice. You were together 7 years before you married him. This was the time you should test him and to get to know him properly.

    Now, its late. You must live the life you have chosen. Either try to solve the situation or separate (but stay faithful).
    Last edited by trofimus; August 16th, 2017 at 05:30 PM.
    Let the brotherly love stay * Láska bratrská ať zůstává

  6. #26
    Senior Member trofimus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."
    1 Cor 7:15

    Its practically on him now.
    Let the brotherly love stay * Láska bratrská ať zůstává

  7. #27
    Senior Member PennEd's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    Quote Originally Posted by anony View Post
    I have been married for 2 years to my husband whom i dated for 7 years prior to getting married. He struggled with a porn addiction with led to more marital unfatihful acts. He now has become the prodigal spouse who just parties and i cant trust him to remain faithful anymore. I dont want to divorce him because i believe God can restore. what do i do in the mean time? should i show tough love? ive packed up his bags as he hasnt been home in a week.
    I am so terribly sorry for your pain. I don't have any advice to tell you about your marriage, only that if you are God's daughter He loves you and doesn't want you to be in pain.

    Holy Father, I lift up this young lady. I ask that You put the right decision on her heart and give her husband NO rest til he acknowledges his sin to You, and realizes that he is hurting the precious woman You have given him, and seek her forgiveness as well. In Jesus sweet Name I pray.

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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    Quote Originally Posted by Joidevivre View Post
    we are so quick to give what seems the most logical thing to do. And sometimes after praying, God asks the most illogical thing, such as "wait" or "show mercy". I strongly advice you to not listen to us, but to pray and pray and then to follow the thing that is strongest in your heart. The Lord might have you take an action or not. But only follow His guidance.

    You will recognize God's directives because there will be a peace deep in your spirit that it is the right thing to do. And, remember, whatever God asks you to do, He always gives you the grace to do it.

    I would not have been married over 50 years with some wonderful changes if there had not been unconditional love and forgiveness and even endurance put in one of our hearts.
    my wife some 25 years ago did what you said, she spoke directly to God, and he answered her directly, put the divorce papers away, 33 years sept 7th

    to the above person that said God couldn't change a man, well i am living proof that is nonsense

  9. #29
    Senior Member Nehemiah6's Avatar
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    Quote Originally Posted by anony View Post
    I have been married for 2 years to my husband whom i dated for 7 years prior to getting married. He struggled with a porn addiction with led to more marital unfatihful acts. He now has become the prodigal spouse who just parties and i cant trust him to remain faithful anymore. I dont want to divorce him because i believe God can restore. what do i do in the mean time? should i show tough love? ive packed up his bags as he hasnt been home in a week.
    Why should you go? If you've packed up his bags, then send him packing. It is precisely because you have not been decisive that he has continued with his shenanigans. So don't blame him. Blame yourself. On the other hand, if you don't want to divorce him, then be prepared to put up with this nonsense -- without murmur or complaint -- since that has been your choice.

  10. #30
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    Hi,
    I am very sorry for how things are going for you. This must be very painful. My wife of over 35 years and I have gone through some very difficult times and by the grace of God we are still together. This is something I am extremely appreciative to God for. For without Him I don’t think this would be. I don’t like to think about what life would be like now for us and especially our children if we had divorced.
    One thing we can be sure of though is that we serve a Savior who knows our pain – He has suffered worse emotional and physical pain than we will ever have to endure. He also feels it and feels pain for every soul that falls into sin including your husbands. Something else we know is that all souls are precious to Him. Including your husbands. He also sees to it that we will not have to endure anything beyond what we can handle.
    My suggestion is to study the Bible for yourself and see what God has to say on divorce, relationships and on all of these things. Seek wise council from strong Christians (If the person you are talking to does not council you with God’s word find someone else.). As you study you will find that divorce is a major thing in God’s eyes. He hates, no I believe God detests divorce. It has destroyed families and scarred many people, especially children.

    Some verses that should be helpful for you are:
    Ephesians 5:33 (very powerful in strengthening a marriage relationship)


    Matthew 5:31-32 NKJV 31 "Furthermore it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32 "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

    Matthew 19:3-9 NKJV 3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" 4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' 5 "and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? 6 "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate." 7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" 8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
    Just a note from Harold S. Martin’s commentary on the exception clause Mt 19:9): “The real issue in the exception phrase, however, is the location of the phrase in the sentence. If Jesus had said “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, except for sexual immorality, commits adultery”—then the exception would apply both to divorce and to remarriage. But as it is the exception phrase comes after the verb “divorces” and modifies the clause “whoever divorces his wife.” It is vicious from the grammatical structure of the sentence, that Jesus placed the phrase in such a way that He wanted to declare that divorce is permissible in the case of sexual immorality, but remarriage is not permissible. The exception phrase modifies (and applies) only to the verb “divorces”—not to the word “marries another.””


    Mark 10:2-12 NKJV 2 The Pharisees came and asked Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" testing Him. 3 And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" 4 They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her." 5 And Jesus answered and said to them, "Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 6 "But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.' 7 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 'and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." 10 In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. 11 So He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 "And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

    Luke 16:18 NKJV 18 "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.

    Romans 7:2-3 NKJV 2 For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man.

    1 Corinthians 7:10-12 NKJV 10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.

    Revelation 2:20-22 NKJV 20 "Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. 21 "And I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, and she did not repent. 22 "Indeed I will cast her into a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of their deeds.”
    Here are some other parts of scripture that apply and would be very valuable for you to study:

    I am sure there are more verses than these that would be helpful for you so please do as the Bereans and search the scriptures to see if these things are so. Keep in mind as well that to get the whole picture as God intends it to be it is important to study all that God’s Word has to say on a subject. Different pieces that make up the whole picture are spread throughout the whole Bible depending on what God was addressing at the time often in different locations.

    A book that is very good on marital relationships that may help is called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggeriches.

    And above all don’t forget the power of prayer. Speaking directly to God. He wants to hear from you, so as we are told in His word: pray without ceasing.

    Always remember God is with you and loves you more than any of us can imagine. If you are faithful to God’s word, good will come out of this somehow for you.
    Bethohio1 likes this.

  11. #31
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    Default Re: Should I stay or should I go? Godly counsel please

    I will begin by asking question, when you were dating what kind of person did you find in him or you were just carried away by emotions of having a man whom you want to marry?.
    Secondly what is your sex relationship with him, have ever discussed about your sex needs?.
    The reason I asked these questions is that most couples don't understand the what it takes to keep marriages working, example there are people who got into sex with wrong orientation that creates damage to their sex lives if you don't understand this you label the person a porn addict.
    These are some of the things we need to find out before going into marriage so as to minimize some of the troubles in marriage. What he needs from you now is prayer and understanding and not divorce. It's unfortunate that people now uses divorce to escape some of their duties in marriage. our Lord Jesus never allowed the Jews who brought an adulterous woman to him to be stoned, he counselled her to stop and repent. if you are sure that the fault is not from you then pray and counsel him after all his your body.

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