Wise advice from older godly women/men?

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melly4jesus

melly4jesus

Junior Member
#1
Aug 2, 2017
27
37
13
#1
Hi my name is Melanie, heres whats going on, The bible says to be obedient in all things right? well what if my none christian mother tells me to do ungodly things.. like tells me I can't hangout with a friend simply because he is of a different race.. to me this is not right and not godly at all. Should I still obey her? I mean the bible does say to be obedient in ALL things. if i disobey her than i'm not respecting her authority as my mother and that could lead to more issues, right? By the way please understand that my mother is ill, and not a christian..

I'm also wondering, sometimes my friends ask me to hangout and my mom is fine about it but at the last minute she changes her mind. (this has happened several times) it has really hurt me and hurt my friends who were hopeful to hangout but then I have to tell them no, sorry my mom said no.. maybe this sounds silly to you but its a bummer when you make plans with friends and then have your mom say no at the last minute and have to cancel on your friends.

thanks for any advice you have in dealing with this! I've only been christian for about 4 years, I still have a lot to learn.

God bless you very much brothers and sisters in christ :)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
Honey, you're 21, an adult who can do what you want. There's no such thing as "a different race" of human. Black, white, red, yellow, we are ALL of the human race. It doesn't matter what color your friends are, or if you hang out with them. As long as they aren't a bad influence on you, I don't see what your mom's problem is. Tell her that you love and respect her, but that YOU get to make your own decisions now as to who your friends can be. Ill or not, non-Christian or not, she has no say in who you're friends with..
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Are you living at home? While it's true you are an adult, if you are living at home it may make things difficult for you to go against her. You have to decide for yourself if the battle, and potential consequences, is worth it.
If you're living apart from her, then do what you want.

Keep in mind her requests are not causing you to sin. Her sinful attitude is causing her to affect what you do. But if you don't go out with a friend of the "wrong" color, due to her, you are not sinning.
If she were pushing you to sin, then my answer would be different. We are to respect parents and authority, even our own government and leaders and laws, only until they direct us into disobedience against God.

If this behavior in your mom is newer ask yourself why she's changed.

And it doesn't sound silly to want to stick to your plans with your friends. It makes perfect sense. I would feel the way you do if I were in your place.
 
PrynceNY

PrynceNY

Banned
#4
Aug 16, 2016
2,184
62
0
#4
Pray for your mother. You are correct, having any ill feelings towards another person because of their race is not of God. God said to love everyone that includes every race / nationality of mankind. Hopefully your mother gets right with God concerning that before it's too late. While you are to respect your mother the scriptures says to love God above everyone else. His word surpasses everything earthly parents may say.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#5
#5
melly4jesus said:
Hi my name is Melanie, heres whats going on, The bible says to be obedient in all things right? well what if my none christian mother tells me to do ungodly things.. like tells me I can't hangout with a friend simply because he is of a different race.. to me this is not right and not godly at all. Should I still obey her? I mean the bible does say to be obedient in ALL things. if i disobey her than i'm not respecting her authority as my mother and that could lead to more issues, right? By the way please understand that my mother is ill, and not a christian..

I'm also wondering, sometimes my friends ask me to hangout and my mom is fine about it but at the last minute she changes her mind. (this has happened several times) it has really hurt me and hurt my friends who were hopeful to hangout but then I have to tell them no, sorry my mom said no.. maybe this sounds silly to you but its a bummer when you make plans with friends and then have your mom say no at the last minute and have to cancel on your friends.

thanks for any advice you have in dealing with this! I've only been christian for about 4 years, I still have a lot to learn.

God bless you very much brothers and sisters in christ :)
Click to expand...
I still need to love and honor my Dad. That never goes away.

But it did change as I grew up. Once I was 18, it changed a little because I was an adult and should be able to make most of my decisions on my own. Not all of them though, because I still lived under his roof. College changed it some more, but only because I was only living under his roof for three months a year and various weekends during the college years.

And, don't get me wrong. I hated some of his decisions. (I was 21, drove down to Philly for a date. I don't think he would have had a problem with me coming home at 2 AM, which is when I tried to get home, because after the movie -- Rocky -- my date had me drive around the city to see all the locations for the movie. BUT, I got lost on the way home, and didn't get home until 5 AM. So Dad took my car from me and sold it. It was a 1967 Mustang, and I kept telling him it was a classic, but he wouldn't listen to me, until the student buying the car for $250 kept saying, "Really? Only $250? Are you sure?" lol) But they were still his decisions, and I had to honor and respect him.

After college, I moved out on my own. At that point in time, he could no longer tell me who my friends could be. I was a full-fledged adult.

Funny thing though -- he couldn't tell me, but my boss could. I was working for a drug and alcohol rehab center, and ran into an old stoner friend of mine at Youth Services. He worked for Youth Services, so I'm thinking he went through rehab again, (when I knew him, he had already gone to rehab, and it didn't work out for him, so we got stoned together), but I couldn't ask, because the rule for the center was not to talk with old friends I used to get stoned with. Last time I saw him, so no idea how Russ is doing today.

Yeah, you have to go with what your mom says, until you don't. But you never get passed the age when you don't have to honor and love her no matter who she is. No matter who she is, because she is, and always will be, Mom! Then again, you're 21 so your close to changing who the authority is in your life. (And you're about to find out there is always an authority over you. lol)
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#6
#6
blue_ladybug said:
Honey, you're 21, an adult who can do what you want. There's no such thing as "a different race" of human. Black, white, red, yellow, we are ALL of the human race. It doesn't matter what color your friends are, or if you hang out with them. As long as they aren't a bad influence on you, I don't see what your mom's problem is. Tell her that you love and respect her, but that YOU get to make your own decisions now as to who your friends can be. Ill or not, non-Christian or not, she has no say in who you're friends with..
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I don't know what her mom's problem is either, but she is her mom, and you aren't. As it stands now, her mother has authority over her... unless she doesn't live at home.
 
Nehemiah6

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
#8
Jul 18, 2017
24,426
12,911
113
#8
melly4jesus said:
thanks for any advice you have in dealing with this! I've only been christian for about 4 years, I still have a lot to learn.
Click to expand...
If you are a minor, then you should obey your parents as commanded in Scripture. Even if you are not a minor, you should honor your parents by taking their advice seriously. There was nothing "ungodly" about your mother's advice, and for all you know she may be seeing things in your friends which you have chosen to ignore, and hence discouraging you from "hanging out" with them. Just put yourself in her shoes and think of how you would want to protect your children.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#9
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#9
I know I'm not her mom. :rolleyes: But she is 21, so unless she wants to be mama's puppet all her life..it's time to cut the apron strings and be an adult who can make her own decisions.. Yes, she should honor her mom, but that doesn't always mean doing what mom wants her to do.. Mom can't make her decisions for her all her life..

Depleted said:
I don't know what her mom's problem is either, but she is her mom, and you aren't. As it stands now, her mother has authority over her... unless she doesn't live at home.
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Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#10
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#10
Are you from a different culture than this person? Sometimes culture is the biggger issue behind all kinds of prejudice. My grandmother tried to stop my father from marrying my mom, as teenagers, because my mom was from a different part of Europe! Even though she was lily white! My mom's grandfather told his son, my grandfather, he could not marry my grandmother, a French girl he met as a Canadian soldier in WWI! They never spoke again, a very heavy price to pay!

I detest racism, but do look at culture. And, in the end, you need to stand against this kind of prejudice, or it will dominate your entire life. God created one man and one woman, we are all descendants of them. Regardless of which descendants of Noah we are, we have common ancestry. I always wonder how a Christian could think otherwise.

PS My father played pro football, we always had people from different ethnic backgrounds in our home. We raised our children that way! Some of our closest friends are people from other countries and cultures.
 
88

88

Senior Member
#11
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
#11
melly4jesus said:
Hi my name is Melanie, heres whats going on, The bible says to be obedient in all things right? well what if my none christian mother tells me to do ungodly things.. like tells me I can't hangout with a friend simply because he is of a different race.. to me this is not right and not godly at all. Should I still obey her? I mean the bible does say to be obedient in ALL things. if i disobey her than i'm not respecting her authority as my mother and that could lead to more issues, right? By the way please understand that my mother is ill, and not a christian..

I'm also wondering, sometimes my friends ask me to hangout and my mom is fine about it but at the last minute she changes her mind. (this has happened several times) it has really hurt me and hurt my friends who were hopeful to hangout but then I have to tell them no, sorry my mom said no.. maybe this sounds silly to you but its a bummer when you make plans with friends and then have your mom say no at the last minute and have to cancel on your friends.

thanks for any advice you have in dealing with this! I've only been christian for about 4 years, I still have a lot to learn.

God bless you very much brothers and sisters in christ :)
Click to expand...
***your are already 21 and if you let your mom dictate how you run your life in this significant manner I believe it is wrong***tell your mom you honor her, but this decision should not be decided by her, but based on what you believe and what God believes...
 
OneFaith

OneFaith

Senior Member
#12
Sep 5, 2016
2,270
369
83
#12
melly4jesus said:
Hi my name is Melanie, heres whats going on, The bible says to be obedient in all things right? well what if my none christian mother tells me to do ungodly things.. like tells me I can't hangout with a friend simply because he is of a different race.. to me this is not right and not godly at all. Should I still obey her? I mean the bible does say to be obedient in ALL things. if i disobey her than i'm not respecting her authority as my mother and that could lead to more issues, right? By the way please understand that my mother is ill, and not a christian..

I'm also wondering, sometimes my friends ask me to hangout and my mom is fine about it but at the last minute she changes her mind. (this has happened several times) it has really hurt me and hurt my friends who were hopeful to hangout but then I have to tell them no, sorry my mom said no.. maybe this sounds silly to you but its a bummer when you make plans with friends and then have your mom say no at the last minute and have to cancel on your friends.

thanks for any advice you have in dealing with this! I've only been christian for about 4 years, I still have a lot to learn.

God bless you very much brothers and sisters in christ :)
Click to expand...
He means obey God in all things. And God tells adults to obey the laws of the land in which they live, and for children to obey their parents in the Lord- IF they don't go against God's laws. When you have to chose, chose to obey God first. For example, the laws of our land may say abortion is ok, but God says do not murder- you obey God first. If your parent tells you to go steal, and God says not to steal- you obey God first.

In the Old Testament things were done physically under Moses instead of spiritually under Christ. Therefore, those physically in the bloodline to Christ were God's people, and they were to shun everyone else. But that has been done away with when Jesus introduced "Whosoever will."

Now anyone can choose to be God's people, and no form of racism is practiced by God's people who are now under Christ instead of Moses. Therefore, racist discrimination is against the teachings of Christ. There would have to be something wrong with the content of their character. It's a balance of being kind to all people, and bad company corrupts good morals.

"Here there are no Jew or Gentile, no slave or freeman, no male or female, no rich or poor, but Christ is in all who are here (here in the church- christians)
 
Dreamstate

Dreamstate

Banned
#13
Aug 27, 2017
521
9
0
#13
Do what you are happy in your heart to do as a Christian. Give your obedience to who you are happy to give your obedience to.

2 Corinthians 9:7

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
 
Y

Yoseph

Member
#14
Apr 22, 2017
56
5
8
#14
Mom's nearlly all have your best interest at heart..Parents should never say yes ,this is the right one, but they can approve as an overview but all parents are at liberty to disapprove.
Don't take them lightly sinner or not.
SCRIPTURE says plainly you may marry whomsoever you will only in the
Lord,example: only a christian period!
Any countrary counsel IS unscriptual.
Light has no fellowship with darkness
I'm talking about saved walking in light
and unsaved walking in darkness.Choose light please! Under her roof is where God has you then obey Jesus was subject till 30 years old and still at the wedding of cana.
Use this time to grow in knowledge ,virtue,and relationship with your savior and shepherd.Fellowship after church with christians ,help your mom,you have a lot to learn and a lot to loose.Get to know your heavenly husband and watch marriage relationships in church.Above all ask God for wisdom and stay in prayer for other christian brothers and sisters.Shalom (all peace)
In Jesus.Given my best for your best.
Yoseph
 
trofimus

trofimus

Senior Member
#15
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
113
#15
blue_ladybug said:
There's no such thing as "a different race" of human. Black, white, red, yellow, we are ALL of the human race.
Click to expand...
Interesting statements. So how would you call the differences? Breeds like in dogs/cats?
 
trofimus

trofimus

Senior Member
#16
Aug 17, 2015
10,684
794
113
#16
melly4jesus said:
Hi my name is Melanie, heres whats going on, The bible says to be obedient in all things right? well what if my none christian mother tells me to do ungodly things.. like tells me I can't hangout with a friend simply because he is of a different race.. to me this is not right and not godly at all. Should I still obey her? I mean the bible does say to be obedient in ALL things. if i disobey her than i'm not respecting her authority as my mother and that could lead to more issues, right? By the way please understand that my mother is ill, and not a christian..

I'm also wondering, sometimes my friends ask me to hangout and my mom is fine about it but at the last minute she changes her mind. (this has happened several times) it has really hurt me and hurt my friends who were hopeful to hangout but then I have to tell them no, sorry my mom said no.. maybe this sounds silly to you but its a bummer when you make plans with friends and then have your mom say no at the last minute and have to cancel on your friends.

thanks for any advice you have in dealing with this! I've only been christian for about 4 years, I still have a lot to learn.

God bless you very much brothers and sisters in christ :)
Click to expand...
According to me, you should move to your own appartment/flat etc and make yourself independent.

While you are dependent on your mother, you should prefer her before your friends, IMHO.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#17
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#17
Honoring your parents does not necessarily mean doing whatever they say. A parent can be wrong, and you can respect (honor) them without following wrong advice. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right" (Ephesians 6:1). Your mother being a non-Christian is not in the Lord, so I don't think your obligated to blindly follow her orders.. jmo
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#18
Jul 3, 2015
55,876
26,037
113
#18
trofimus said:
Interesting statements. So how would you call the differences? Breeds like in dogs/cats?
Click to expand...
Ethnicity? Cats and dogs are different species :)

Races are assumed to be distinguished by skin color,
facial type, etc. However, the scientific basis of racial
distinctions is very weak. Scientific studies show that
racial genetic differences are weak except in skin color.
http://www.diffen.com/difference/Ethnicity_vs_Race
 
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