Am I crazy??

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cc84

Guest
#1
Hello! I am a new member. I need opinions from other non-biased individuals (like family or friends). My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have one toddler together. My husband has struggled with alcohol addiction and likes to hang out at bars until the wee hours of the following morning. Recently, I came home in the afternoon to find the back door of our house unlocked, music blaring, 2 empty cocktail glasses with olives in the bottom, and several empty liquor bottles outside by the pool. Perhaps the most alarming of everything was when I found a woman's string bikini hanging from my shower, still dripping, and my husband's shorts outside by the pool area, with his keys still in the pocket. The woman's purse and makeup were sitting on the couch. Nobody was home when I walked in. I called my husband to ask whose bikini was hanging from the shower, and he said he didn't know. When I asked again whose it was, he got mad, said "really?" and hung up on me. He didn't come home that night.

The following day, he explained that he had some employees over, but he didn't realize that the girl had hung her swimsuit up in the bathroom to dry. That's why he said he didn't know whose swimsuit it was. I had sent him a photo of the swimsuit, which he claims he didn't get until after he hung up on me.

I am losing sleep over this and it is just eating away at me constantly. I can't help but ask myself why only 2 cocktail glasses if there were multiple people over? And what kind of woman wears a string bikini to go swimming with her boss when his wife isn't home? What would the married man's motives be who would swim with a woman in a string bikini when his wife is not home? And why are his shorts outside with his keys? This was the middle of the afternoon on a weekday--why aren't they all working? The house was left not secured, as the back door was unlocked. I later did find his swim trunks in another bathroom, also wet. The whole thing was just very bizarre.

So, my gut feeling is that he was partying with some girl and I surprised them. He doesn't know my work schedule and didn't expect me to be home in the middle of the afternoon. They left in a hurry. That's really what it looks like. So, I'm interested to see what you all think. Women and wives, what would you think and how would you have reacted? My husband claims I am a crazy jealous and insecure wife--would you agree? Men and husbands, do you agree with him? What would you think his motives are, and do you buy the story he came up with? Please let me know what you think because the whole thing makes me feel sick.
 

notuptome

Senior Member
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#2
Not crazy unless you continue to deny the obvious.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 

stonesoffire

Poetic Member
Nov 24, 2013
10,665
1,829
113
#3
Honey girl, I feel very sorry for you. You want to believe him, but you know you can't.

Now, you have a choice.
 
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heartofdavid

Guest
#4
Heartbreaking.

Only one avenue to victory.

Hide yourself in the shadow of his wings. In the face of this demon activity,find your oasis. You are in a storm. The wind is supernaturally strong. But you WILL STAND facing the wind. His mighty hand on your back holding you against the wind.
 
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heartofdavid

Guest
#5
Then,when the storm is over,you will help others in this same awfulness.

To the warrior a battle is different. Much,much different.

Use this time to enter a new dimension.

Emotion is the catalyst for failure. Emotion is not bad,but when the storm comes,emotion is your avenue for defeat.

You can't suppress emotion (effectively,for long),you need to replace it with a "Christ mind"

That is through worship and saturating your mind with his word.

Take the helicopter ride. Look down on your situation. Go before Jesus and say"what is really going on?".

Last days shaking. Everything that can be shaken,will be shaken.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#6
Let's see.. Husband's shorts off.. Girl's bikini, off and in the shower. 2 empty martini glasses, alcohol bottles all over the place. Denials galore, he hangs up on you.. Hangs out all night partying with God knows who. He was home alone with some woman. He is guilty as heck..


These are all red flags, don't ignore them. Get him some help, and try to get counseling for both of you. I'm sorry, but he sounds like a real player who enjoys living dangerously..
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#7
This right here.. It would be crazy of you to keep denying that something untoward is going on..


Not crazy unless you continue to deny the obvious.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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cc84

Guest
#8
Thank you everyone. This is not the first "fishy" event that has occurred. It's just the one that is most recent. We have been in counseling since Easter. Our lease ends this month and I do have an apartment I plan to move into...without him. The counselor told me it is highly inappropriate for a married man to swim with a woman in a string bikini without his wife present. But it is still eating at me. Don't have an appetite, can't sleep. Recently started on antidepressants and sleep aids because of this. I just wanted some opinions from the Christian community about what I deal with, the stories I am told, the evidence I find. I am so burnt out with this behavior. Of course now he's laying on the charm. Such an emotional roller coaster. And then there's the guilt of me having my son raised in a broken home. I came from a broken home and vowed as a child not to do that to my children but I also can't have my son grow up to think this is normal.
 
S

Shoutnaija

Guest
#9
It's really painful, especially from a man you call your own. At this junction, telling you all will be well won't work. You need to consistently pray for your husband and try to read the word of God as often as you can. Introduce him to reading open heaven devotional by Pastor E A Adeboye, it has really worked for somw broken home; am sure yours won't be an exception!

Take care. I will put you in our family prayers today.
God bless you.
 

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#10
He wants his cake, and to eat it too. He has the fun of partying with women and friends. And he has the security of the wife and kid at home. IMO, he's playing you for a fool, thinking if he lays on the charm, that you'll believe anything he says.. Don't fall for it. If her bikini was wet and in the shower, and his shorts were off, it's probable that they had sex. :/ What I don't get is why she left her bikini there.. Throw it out.. lol


Thank you everyone. This is not the first "fishy" event that has occurred. It's just the one that is most recent. We have been in counseling since Easter. Our lease ends this month and I do have an apartment I plan to move into...without him. The counselor told me it is highly inappropriate for a married man to swim with a woman in a string bikini without his wife present. But it is still eating at me. Don't have an appetite, can't sleep. Recently started on antidepressants and sleep aids because of this. I just wanted some opinions from the Christian community about what I deal with, the stories I am told, the evidence I find. I am so burnt out with this behavior. Of course now he's laying on the charm. Such an emotional roller coaster. And then there's the guilt of me having my son raised in a broken home. I came from a broken home and vowed as a child not to do that to my children but I also can't have my son grow up to think this is normal.
 
C

cc84

Guest
#11
Honestly...I threw it in the tree out front lol
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#12
Alcoholic + inviting a woman over alone = a recipe for disaster
And that he immediately became so defensive when questioned implies he had planned to react that way in an attempt to squash the accusation, but it's not a natural first reaction for most. It's more commonly how liars want to hide their actions. Poor liars.

I advise you to move out when able. Sometimes this is a slap in the face to wake some people up. Not always, but sometimes. Hopefully it will work for him.
Just remember to be prepared for the possibility of different reactions from him. He may react in anger, he may enjoy his new freedom and party more, he may sincerely regret his actions or just pretend to. No matter what he does do Not be in a rush to go back. If he apologizes and promises to change, don't immediately believe it. Require him to prove himself through AA and counseling and accountability, for months, before even considering going back.

Things like this are never easy. People always go into marriage planning on never getting divorced, but people change. There are no guarantees. Hopefully this can all worm out for you in the end.
 
R

RamahDesjardin

Guest
#13
Get thee to a family member's house where you can live for a while, tell your hubby it's counseling or else, and hit those knees in prayer. My sister stayed together with a serial cheater despite mountains of evidence. He ended up in prison for statutory rape, and she had to divorce him when she was too old to start over. Your hubby is young. Intervention now may work to snap him out of it. For his own good, you need to demand that he gets counsel. If not, move on.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#14
Adultery is grounds for divorce in the Bible. Is he even a Christian? You know, most men who commit adultery are a bit more subtle about it. You know, hide it from the wife, go to a motel, don't do it in the marriage bed.

Please do not sleep with him again. You have no idea what sexually transmitted diseases he has now! Sleep in the couch, or pack your bags and go somewhere else! He is unfaithful, unrepentant and mean! I'm thinking personality disorder or psychopath. This is serious, you need to leave for good, especially since this is not the first incidence.

Adultery is an absolute deal breaker, in my opinion!
 
Dec 15, 2016
104
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#15
Get a private detective then you can at least find the truth
 

Huckleberry

Senior Member
Aug 25, 2013
1,698
96
48
#16
I can't help but ask myself why only 2 cocktail glasses if there were multiple people over? And what kind of woman wears a string bikini to go swimming with her boss when his wife isn't home? What would the married man's motives be who would swim with a woman in a string bikini when his wife is not home? And why are his shorts outside with his keys? This was the middle of the afternoon on a weekday--why aren't they all working?

.......Women and wives, what would you think and how would you have reacted? My husband claims I am a crazy jealous and insecure wife--would you agree? Men and husbands, do you agree with him? What would you think his motives are, and do you buy the story he came up with?
You're asking all the wrong questions.
It's obvious what's going on here.
The only question that matters is what you will do about it.
Boot him, leave him, or tolerate a lying unfaithful husband?
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,302
16,296
113
69
Tennessee
#17
It is obvious that your husband of 3 years is cheating on you. Cut your losses by filing for divorce. Either kick him out of the house or you will have to leave. Your not the only one on this site dealing with infidelity, there are many others that have a story to tell too. You not crazy jealous, the problem is your husband with his cheating heart. Sorry that you're going through this. I hope you find comfort, support and understanding on this site. Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.
 

tourist

Senior Member
Mar 13, 2014
41,302
16,296
113
69
Tennessee
#19
Get thee to a family member's house where you can live for a while, tell your hubby it's counseling or else, and hit those knees in prayer. My sister stayed together with a serial cheater despite mountains of evidence. He ended up in prison for statutory rape, and she had to divorce him when she was too old to start over. Your hubby is young. Intervention now may work to snap him out of it. For his own good, you need to demand that he gets counsel. If not, move on.
Forget about the hubby. She needs to protect her own self interests.
 

Zmouth

Senior Member
Nov 21, 2012
3,391
134
63
#20
You're asking all the wrong questions.
It's obvious what's going on here.
The only question that matters is what you will do about it.
Boot him, leave him, or tolerate a lying unfaithful husband?
Unfaithful? How is the husband being unfaithful if a spouse continues to have physical relations, or rather honor the marriage bed, with him after the Spirit of Truth has revealed unto her of his ungodly behavior? [See: 1 Thess 5:22] Seems more a case of error by consent.

.
 
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